"The Curse"
The limo soon pulled up to a long driveway that led to a huge stone mansion. It had spires on it, which made it look like a castle. There were seaweed gardens and fountains all over the enormous front lawn.
"Castle von Bleuenlond," said Philip on the speakerphone.
"Wow," gasped Spongebob, who smushed his face up against the car window. "My very own chapeau."
"That's 'chateau'," corrected Philip as he drove through the front gate.
(If you're wondering where Prof. Kelpton is, he had to be dropped off at his business before the car arrived at the mansion.)
It took Spongebob and Gary all day just to check out the rooms on the first floor. Eventually, it was dinnertime, and Spongebob found himself at the end of a long fancy table in the mansion's dining room. Gary, in the meantime, slept in Spongebob's bedroom.
"Mmm-mmh!" said Spongebob in his seat. He rubbed his hands together. "I'm so hungry, I could eat a whole seahorse!"
Philip stood next to Spongebob. "If you like," he remarked. "I could put it on the menu for tomorrow night."
Spongebob laughed that annoying laugh of his. "Good one, Philip," he said as he hit Philip in the arm lightly.
"Please, sir. This coat is very expensive."
"Sorry."
Philip sighed. "I wonder what is keeping our chef. Oh, Olga!" he shouted towards the kitchen doors.
Suddenly, Spongebob heard a clock chime the hour. Spongebob looked at a nearby grandfather clock on the wall. It was 8:00 at night now. Spongebob didn't realize how late it was! Spongebob then turned his attention turn towards the two kitchen doors. There seemed to be a commotion of dishes clattering and silverware clattering.
Finally, a fat, female hagfish appeared pushing a cart with a covered dish on it. When she arrived at Spongebob's end of the table, she lifted the domed dish and placed it on the table in front of Spongebob.
"Tonight," said Olga in a foreign accent. "We have prepared a von Bleuenlond family favorite!" She lifted the cover off of the dish to reveal a brown sea slug with an apple in its mouth.
Spongebob leaned in and sniffed at it. Suddenly, to Spongebob's surprise, the slug's eyes opened up and it roared at Spongebob!
"AAAAAUGH!!!" shrieked Spongebob as the slug began to attack him.
Fortunately, Spongebob was able to contain the beast under the dish cover by sitting on it. The dish cover shook and rocked under Spongebob's square pants.
"I, uh, guess I'm not as hungry as I thought," said Spongebob shakily as Philip and Olga just stood there looking at him.
"Oh, I'm so sorry," said Olga. "Um, all the other Barons liked their meat…rare."
She grinned a hideous grin as thunder and lighting briefly accented her features.
"Well, don't you have anything else to eat?" asked Spongebob as he sat back in his seat. "Like maybe a Kraby Pattie, medium well?" The slug's eyes peeked out from under the dish cover, but Spongebob saw him, and he slammed the cover shut as he continued. "How about some cookies? Or cake? Or, um, a blueberry pie with whipped cream?"
Philip and Olga eventually got the point. "Ah, now I understand!" exclaimed Philip. "You wish to have dessert!" Olga quickly ran to the kitchen.
"Hey, now you're talking! Oooh, being rich is great!" said Spongebob to himself. "I can eat dessert whenever I want!"
Olga returned with a much smaller covered dish. With one arm, she pushed the slug dish off the table with a crash and brought the dessert dish in front of Spongebob. When Olga released the cover, Spongebob was more than a little surprised by what he saw. It was a small chocolate sculpture of Spongebob! It was standing on its feet and bore a remarkable resemblance to the sponge himself.
Slowly, Spongebob grabbed his fork and knife, but then Olga said, "Oh, but allow me, Baron," and she lifted a steak knife high in the air, just as another bolt of lightning illuminated the room. As the thunder struck, Olga swung the knife at lightning speed and cut the chocolate head clean off its body! The square head landed right in front of Spongebob, who slowly lifted it up to his face. His eyes expanded as he gulped.
"I'm, uh, heh-heh, not sure if I want this either," he said shakily.
"Of course you don't, sir," said Philip. He struck a match on the table. "Desserts are commonly served flambéed. Bon appetite." Philip threw the match into the dish with the decapitated dessert on it. The dish immediately erupted into flames! Spongebob screamed as he fell back in his chair. He caught sight of a fire extinguisher in the corner of the room and ran to it. He used it to extinguish the fire.
"Terribly sorry, sir," said Philip, who rushed over to the now-shaking Spongebob with Olga at his side. "I didn't know it would flame up like that. Would you like us to fix you something else?"
"Nah," said Spongebob shakily. He forced a smile on his face. "I kinda lost my appetite."
Later, Spongebob relaxed in his very own Olympic-sized bathtub. There were masses of bubbles all over the place. Spongebob lounged in his paddle-boat while wearing a sea captain outfit and hat.
"Ahhh," said Spongebob. "If only my friends could see me now." He paused for a moment. Then an idea hit him. "Hey! Why don't I call them?" He reached for a telephone in his boat and dialed a number.
Mr. Krabs was sitting by his bed rocking a baby cradle with his hundred dollar bill in it. Suddenly, his phone rang, so he picked it up. "Hello?" he asked.
"Hi, Mr. Krabs! It's Spongebob of Bleuenlond speaking!" he said.
"Oh, hello, Spongebob. How's the rich life?" he asked curiously.
Spongebob yawned. "Well, there's really not much to say. It's fun, but it can get really boring at times, I suppose. What are you doing?"
"Oh, I'm just about to read a bedtime story to Greenie," he answered.
"Who?"
"The hundred dollar bill you gave me, boy! I've named it Greenie. I even have her name etched onto a copper plaque and…"
"Well, that's great and all, Mr. Krabs, but I'm afraid I must be going now. Say 'Hi' to Plankton for me!" Spongebob abruptly hung up. He thought for a moment and then dialed another number.
The phone next to Squidward's bed woke him up. "Hello?" he asked groggily.
"Hello," said Spongebob in his English accent again. "Squidward? Baron von Bleuenlond here!"
"Whadya want Spongebob?" asked Squidward with an annoyed tone in his voice.
"I was just wondering if you would be able to come to my mansion tomorrow evening and have dinner with me on my fine porcelain dinner table. Hmmm?"
"Forget it," snapped Squidward.
"We're having peasant under glass."
"That's 'pheasant'," corrected Squidward.
As Squidward began saying why he didn't want to go to Spongebob's mansion, a purple hump swam along the water's surface and began circling Spongebob's boat. "Jaws"-like music was heard as the hump sank below the surface. The hump was actually the top half of a giant clam, which now picked up speed and headed straight for the boat!
"…and I am sick and tired of working all alone at the Krusty Krab. Do you know how much extra work I have to do? It's killing me!" yelled Squidward. "And furthermore…"
"AAAAAUGH!!!" screamed Spongebob on the other end of the phone.
"Spongebob, what's wrong now?" grumbled Squidward.
"Um, uh, the bath water got a little hot," said Spongebob quickly. "Uh, see ya." Spongebob hung up, and with good reason. He was now in the mouth of the giant clam, pushing against the gigantic jaws that were closing in on him.
"Philip! PHILIP!!!" shouted Spongebob, as he broke free from the clam and landed in his paddle-boat. Instantly, Spongebob sat in the boat, put his feet on the pedals, and paddled with all his might. He made a beeline for the exit, but the clam suddenly appeared in front of him, blocking his exit.
"Um, have a nice rubber ducky?" asked Spongebob, who squeaked a rubber ducky and tossed it at the clam. He then began backpedaling as fast as he could. The clam chased after him. Spongebob made a U-turn backwards and headed back the way he came. Then, to Spongebob's horror, the clam leaped out of the water and headed straight for Spongebob!
Luckily for Spongebob, the back of the boat rammed the side of the tub, which sent Spongebob flying out of it. The clam landed on the boat, destroying it.
"Philip!" shouted Spongebob, who appeared at the door carrying Spongebob's new pajamas. Spongebob ran over to him and grabbed onto his ankles. "There was…a…a…giant claaaam!" Spongebob pointed to his tub.
"Impossible, sir," said Philip as he changed Spongebob into his new wardrobe. "No giant clams have ever been spotted in this part of the castle…well, not since the second baron." Philip observed Spongebob's sailor outfit. It was all torn and tattered. "Tch tch tch tch tch."
"Whatcha mean, 'tch tch tch tch tch'???" asked Spongebob frantically.
"Um," said Philip. "I supposed no one has ever told you about the…von Bleuenlond family curse?" He grinned.
One bolt of lightning and thunder later, Spongebob and Philip were walking down a dark hallway. Philip carried the only light, a simple oil lamp. Along the walls were portraits of all the twelve barons before Spongebob.
"You see, Spongebob, each of your ancestors passed on under very…peculiar circumstances. Oh dear."
"Whatcha mean, 'Oh dear'?" asked Spongebob, who noticed that Philip was looking at one of the portraits.
"Oh, I was just remembering the fourth baron."
"What happened to him?" asked Spongebob.
"The electric eel soup didn't agree with him. A very 'shocking' end if I do say so myself."
"And then there was the sixth baron," said Philip as he continued on. "He was taking his evening stroll one night, but when he slipped on a pad of butter, he fell and…"
A crash of thunder interrupted him. Spongebob shrieked and covered his head. When he saw that nothing was attacking him, Spongebob straightened himself up and said, "Aww, that's all just flotsam and jetsam. There's no such thing as curses. Now where's the kitchen? I'm hungry."
"This way, sir," answered Philip.
Soon, Philip and Spongebob were walking down a dark stairway.
"What your step, sir," warned Philip.
Two seconds later, a huge "swinging blade" swung past Spongebob, barely missing him from behind.
"Aaaaah! What was that?" asked Spongebob, who whirled around.
"What was what, sir?" asked Philip.
The blade swung past Spongebob again, this time in the opposite direction.
"Aaaaah! I was almost sliced!" He hugged himself as he stood on one foot.
"Strange you should mention that, sir," said Philip. "The fifth baron actually became deceased on that very step."
Spongebob gasped and grabbed onto Philip's shoulders. Spongebob made sure to step on the same steps that Philip stepped on as they continued their way downward.
Finally, they arrived at a door. Philip opened it. "The kitchen," he announced.
Spongebob peeked inside and was greeted with a big, fancy kitchen. On a counter, stood a big plate stacked high with kelp cupcakes.
"Mmmm! Cupcakes!" said Spongebob. He ran over to the plate and started gobbling them up.
"Oh my," said Philip.
Spongebob, his cheeks filled with cupcakes, looked at Philip. "Whadya mean, "Oh my'?" asked Spongebob with his mouth full.
"The ninth baron popped off," said Philip. "By choking on a cupcake."
"Mmmrmph!" gurgled Spongebob. A hand flew to his mouth as he ran to the sink and spat out the cupcakes. Spongebob coughed for a minute before saying, "I'm not much of a fan of devil's food anyway."
"Shall you be requesting anything else, sir?" asked Philip.
"No thanks, my good man," said Spongebob, as he opened up the fridge. "I'll just be taking a quick trip through the ice box."
"Have a safe…journey, sir," said Philip, as he slowly closed the door behind him.
"Mmmmm," said Spongebob as he brought out a ham on a plate. "Now this is what I call…"
SLAM! A guillotine blade fell down the doorway of the fridge.
"…A KILLER SNACK!" shouted Spongebob. He ran along the floor, but a trap door opened up in front of him! He walked back slowly, just barely missing a flying skewer! He turned and ran, but the stove door opened up mysteriously and flames shot out of it! Spongebob leaped up into a bunch of hanging pots on the ceiling. Toast shot out of a toaster. Silverware flew out of a drawer. Soon, the entire room was filled with flying objects! Spongebob tried his best to dodge everything, but things sort of stuck into his porous body anyway.
Suddenly, Spongebob caught sight of three large meat cleavers heading right at him! He screamed and bolted out the door, leaving the ham hovering in midair. The cleavers stabbed into the ham and pinned it against the wall.
Spongebob ran up the stairs. He could've sworn he saw several spears fly past him as he ran. He didn't stop until he arrived at his room. He began throwing everything up against the door, except for Gary and the bed.
"Meow?" asked Gary, who was now awake.
"NOT NOW, GARY! MY LIFE IS IN DANGER!!!" screamed Spongebob. He quickly dove under the bed, bringing the phone with him. Spongebob began dialing as he kept gasping for air.
Squidward woke up. It was his phone again. He groaned. Why couldn't Spongebob wait until morning? Reluctantly, he picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"Squidward?" asked Spongebob. His voice was a parched, weak whisper.
"Who is this?" asked Squidward.
"It's me. Spongebob."
"Oh, you mean the faaaaabulous Baron of Bluefish-land or wherever it is you're from?"
"Yeahyeahyeah, listen, Squidward, you have to help me."
"Help you?!!" blurted Squidward. "You leave me to work at the Krusty Krab by myself and you expect me to help you???"
"Listen, Squidward, I'm sorry about all that. Really, I am, but I'm in big trouble right now. I'm…gulp…CURSED!" (Thunder and lightning.)
Squidward yawned. "Tell me something I don't know."
"No, Squidward, really! I was in the tub, see, and…" Squidward heard some scuffling sounds in the background. "And…Squidward…it's…it's…oh no, it's the curse!!!! AAAAAAUGH!!! It's trying to get me!!! Look, Squidward, you have to come and get me out of here, please! Bring somebody with you. Bring Mr. Krabs, bring Patrick, bring anybody! You have to help me! Oh no…no! Help!!!!"
Then Spongebob hung up.
"H-Hello?" asked Squidward. He began tapping on the phone. "Spongebob, were you just there? Hello?"
Thunder and lighting struck outside the house as Spongebob watched his door in horror. Something was trying to force its way in! Two metal claws could already be seen prying the door open!
Spongebob sprang up onto his bed and tore off one of the bedposts as a weapon. Unfortunately, the bedposts supported the overhead canopy, which collapsed onto Spongebob. Gary, who had been under the bed, came out and saw Spongebob screaming, "HELP!!!" under the sheet. Gary began shaking when the door finally opened and revealed……
Philip and Olga. Philip was carrying a candle while Olga carried a crowbar. Both were in their pajamas.
"You screamed, sir?" asked Philip.
Spongebob struggled to get out from under the sheet. "Oof. Urg. What does it take to…umph…get a little service around here." Eventually, his face poked out of the sheet. "Where were you??!!" shouted Spongebob as he fell off the bed with a 'THUD'.
"In the kitchen..." began Olga, but when she saw the crowbar in her hands, she tossed it aside and began again. "Downstairs, um, setting traps. We have a problem with…" Philip abruptly nudged Olga in the shoulder. "Uh, rats."
"Is there anything we'd like to do for you?" asked Philip.
"Yeah," said Spongebob. He wore the bed sheet around his head like a hood. "Make up the guest rooms and break out the extra table settings. We're having company." Spongebob turned to Gary and whispered, "I hope."