"Back to Normal"
A few stories above the kitchen, Spongebob continued to wander down the long, dark hallway. Step by step, he tip-toed down the hall as his eyes strained to see what was up ahead. A torch on the wall in front of him revealed that he was at a dead end.
"Aw, tarter sauce," whined Spongebob. "Where could Patrick be? And how can I find him if I'm lost?"
Elsewhere in the castle, Patrick was still wandering the halls. "So…you walk down two doors on the right which is really left. But then, if that's left then that would be right, or would that be left? No, right! Oh, okay, okay…"
Spongebob was just about to turn around and head back, when he heard some voices shouting. They were very faint and sounded more like wailing than anything else.
Spongebob gulped. "G-ghosts?" he whimpered. He glanced over his shoulder, but no one was there.
Suddenly, he saw an alcove on the side of the wall. Spongebob walked up to it and discovered that it was an old dumbwaiter. The voices were coming from down below. Spongebob could now identify the voices.
"Squidward? Mr. Krabs?" Spongebob shouted down the dumbwaiter.
The shouting continued. "What can I do?" asked Spongebob to himself. "They could be in trouble!" Spongebob paced back and forth until he said, "By golly, if I was Mermaid-man, I'd go and save them! Well, I'm not Mermaid-man, but I've got to save them anyway!"
So, Spongebob climbed into the dumbwaiter. The good news was that he was just able to fit inside it. The bad news was that the ancient rope holding the dumbwaiter broke from the sudden weight, causing Spongebob to fall down the shaft, like a broken elevator.
"AAAAAAAAUUUGH!!!!"
The dumbwaiter soon crashed into the bottom of the shaft and Spongebob fell out onto the floor. Dust had been kicked up and Spongebob coughed. He shook himself off for a moment and discovered that he was in the kitchen! There stood Philip the tarpon and Olga the hagfish, staring at him with shocked expressions, and behind them was a square pit with smoke coming out of it. Squidward and Mr. Krabs' shouts were coming from the pit!
Spongebob gasped. "You can't do that to my friends!" he shouted.
"Quick, get him!" yelled Olga. Philip quickly grabbed a meat cleaver and raced towards Spongebob. Spongebob ran to a drawer and quickly drew out a butter knife. The two knives clanked against each other for a few times before Spongebob's knife flew out of his hand.
"Wait! Uh, can't we talk this over?" he yelped as he started backing up against a window. Philip and Olga, both with cleavers, started advancing towards Spongebob with evil expressions.
"Well, of course," said Olga. "After we finish serving up your friends, we're thinking of serving up some piping hot SPONGECAKE!!! A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!"
Spongebob shrieked loudly as Philip and Olga raised their knives.
Just then, an explosion of glass erupted above Spongebob's head. Something had just crashed through the window behind him! A white figure kicked its feet into Philip and Olga's stomachs. The two villains stumbled backwards across the room and crashed into an open cabinet. The figure, who had swung from a cable into the room, landed flat on its back, but was quickly on its feet. As the figure ran over to close the cabinet and trap the bad guys, Spongebob saw a very familiar furry tail on the rescuer.
"Sandy! It's you!" said Spongebob.
"Hey, Spongebob!" said Sandy Cheeks as she locked the cabinet shut.
"Sandy, what are you doing here?" asked Spongebob.
Before she could answer, Squidward and Mr. Krabs' voices could be heard from inside the pit. "Spongebob!! Get us out of here!"
"I'll explain in a minute," said Sandy in her white outfit and glass helmet. "Right now, we've gotta help our friends."
Spongebob grabbed a rope from nearby and lowered Sandy into the pit to save Squidward and Mr. Krabs.
Half an hour later, the four sea critters were back in the kitchen. Mr. Krabs looked a little redder than usual, and both he and Squidward had ash marks on their clothes and faces. Nevertheless, they thanked Spongebob and Sandy for saving their lives.
"No thanks needed, Mr. Krabs," said Spongebob.
"Oh, but I insist," said Mr. Krabs. "After all," he reached into his pocket and took out the hundred dollar bill. "Greenie owes you her life."
"Oh. Thank you, Mr. Krabs," said Spongebob. Then, Spongebob turned to Sandy. "How did you know I was here?"
Sandy quickly explained how she had arrived at the house. "I went into town, and I heard everybody talking about how Spongebob became a millionaire. I learned about you being a descendant of the Bleuenlond family, but then, several hours ago, I saw a news report that proved that this has all been a mistake!"
"What do you mean?" asked Spongebob.
"You aren't the real thirteenth baron of Bleuenlond, Spongebob. The news report showed the REAL baron being interviewed. He was saying that he was going to be arriving at this house in a couple of hours."
"So, I'm not really a zillionaire?" asked Spongebob.
"No, Spongebob," replied Sandy, who put her paw on his shoulder. "As I said, this has all been a terrible mistake."
Before Spongebob acted too disappointed, Sandy continued. "So, anyway, I ran over here faster than a sidewinder on a sand dune. I leaped over the fence and found out the front door was locked, so I tried a window. I saw those two critters coming at you with knives, Spongebob, so I lassoed a beam sticking out of the building and swung my way through the window. That's how I got inside."
"Wow," said Spongebob.
Mr. Krabs dusted himself off. "Well, I think I'm gonna have a little talk with those two butlers."
"Yeah, let's bust those goons," said Squidward.
The four of them opened the cabinet doors and gasped. The cabinet had a back door that opened up into a hallway on the other side!
"They escaped!" shouted Spongebob.
"But you won't!" yelled a voice from behind.
Everyone spun around and saw Philip and Olga running towards them with rolling pins and shouting "Charge!"
Spongebob, Sandy, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs quickly fled the room, screaming. They ran through the cabinet, down the hallway, and ended up in the large room at the front of the house…with Philip and Olga right behind them. The four friends saw the front doors and burst through them. They ran down the driveway as Philip suddenly grabbed Olga and said, "Turn on the gate!"
Olga nodded and ran over to an electrical switch. Using both hands, she flipped it down to the 'on' position.
At that point, Spongebob was the first one to reach the front gate, which was closed. When Spongebob tried to open it, a ZAP sound was heard, and Spongebob was electrocuted (bones visible, etc.)
He stumbled backwards into his friends. He was black all over and smoking too.
"We're trapped!" shouted Squidward.
"What now?" asked Mr. Krabs.
"Quick! Into the bushes!" shouted Sandy, and everyone dove into the bushes. If you recall, the front yard is made up of acres of bush mazes and shrubs. So, as Philip and Olga went to search for their victims, everyone else stayed in their hiding place.
"Maybe," said Spongebob, "Maybe if we stay here, real quiet, they'll go away. Maybe they'll go back inside. Maybe…"
"MEOW," said a voice from behind.
Everybody screamed and whirled around, but it was only Gary.
"Gary!" said Spongebob as he scooped him up in his arms. "How did you get out here?"
"Meow," replied Gary.
"C'mon," said Sandy. "I think they heard us. We need to keep going." So everyone ran deeper into the maze of bushes until they stopped and rested.
"I don't understand," muttered Spongebob. "Why are they doing this to us?"
"Squidward and I heard them," said Mr. Krabs.
"Yeah," replied Squidward quickly. "Those two fish want to get rid of you so that they can have total possession of the castle! Their relatives have also killed all of your relatives too, Spongebob!...I mean, not YOUR relatives, but the Gluey-lond family relatives."
"In other words," interrupted Mr. Krabs. "They only want the castle, and they'll get rid of anyone else who owns it."
"But they can HAVE the castle," remarked Spongebob. "I just want to get out of here alive!"
Everyone thought for a moment. Then Sandy said, "I've got an idea!"
"Yes?" Spongebob's eyes got all shiny again.
"The only way to get you out of here alive is…"
"YES???"
"…to kill you!"
Spongebob's face fell…literally. "Bad plan," he grumbled.
"No, really, wait until you hear it," reassured Sandy. "Trust me on this one."
"Yeah," said Squidward with a smile. "I've been waiting for this for a loooong time."
A while later, Philip and Olga were looking for everyone at the far side of the yard, when suddenly, a shattering of glass could be heard, along with Spongebob's voice who screamed, "OH NO!!! I'M A GONER!!!"
"That sounded like it was coming from the house!" announced Olga. She and Philip quickly made a dash for the front of the house. When they got there they were shocked by what they saw.
In front of the front steps lay Spongebob. He was lying face down in the dirt with shards of glass lying all around him. He wasn't moving.
"Oh my goodness!" shouted Philip. He looked up at the house's façade. He could see a broken window many stories above him.
"He fell out the window!" exclaimed Olga.
Unknown to Philip or Olga, a large club was lying just inside the window. That was what had smashed the window.
"Well, doesn't that just beat all," muttered Philip.
"I know," said Olga. "I mean, the least we could have done was push him."
Philip caught some movement out of the corner of his eye. He grabbed Olga's shoulder and pointed.
Coming towards the two fish were three creatures…a crab, a squid, and a squirrel. The crab was wearing a glasses and a thick moustache. The squid was wearing fake sideburns and a beard. The squirrel was wearing a big, thick scarf. All three of them wore black top hats and tuxedos. The squirrel was also carrying a wheelbarrow. (Of course, it's Sandy, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs in really bad disguises, but they are apparently fooling Philip and Olga.)
"Hey, who are you?" asked Philip.
Mr. Krabs spoke up in a fake accent. "We're 'Crobs, Squidley, and Cheeks'. We're county undertakers."
As the three "undertakers" inspected Spongebob, Philip pulled Olga aside. "Undertakers? You called undertakers?"
"I thought you called them," answered Olga.
"Oh, who cares?" argued Philip. "We needed them anyway."
They turned back to see the inspection continue.
"Is he..?" asked Olga.
"I'm afraid so," said Squidward in a deep voice. "Does he have any relatives?"
"Oh, uh, no, no," said Olga. She and Philip shook their heads with smiles on their faces. "He's all yours."
Everyone grabbed a hold of Spongebob as they carried him to the wheelbarrow.
"It's such a shame that the last of his kind has finally kicked the bucket," said Philip.
"Must've been all that fun cooking," said Sandy.
Finally, they lowered Spongebob into the wheelbarrow. Mr. Krabs took out a black napkin from his tux and placed it over Spongebob's face. As they carted Spongebob away, Philip and Olga started dancing around and celebrating, now that the castle was theirs.
Spongebob stopped playing possum when they starting coming to the front gate. He sighed. "Well, I guess my fifteen minutes of fame are over. I guess I'll have to go back to being me again."
"I sincerely hope so," said a voice in front of them.
The wheelbarrow stopped as the group stared at a large pufferfish standing before them. It was Professor Kelpton! Behind him, stood several police cars. Officers began exiting their vehicles and heading onto the property.
"Hey, glad you could make it!" said Spongebob.
"Well, I was lucky to get here in time," said Kelpton. "When I saw the news report that the real baron was to be arriving here shortly, I knew I had committed a grave error. I give you, fellow sponge, my sincerest apologies."
"Well, apologies accepted," said Spongebob, who got up out of the wheelbarrow and gave the pufferfish a pat on the back.
"AAAAAA!!" shouted Spongebob, who forgot that pufferfish have spines.
"Sorry, sir," said Kelpton.
"Uh, officers!" shouted Squidward. "Do you suppose you could arrest those two?" he asked as he pointed to Philip and Olga, who were still dancing.
"For what charge?" asked Kelpton.
"Attempted murder," answered Sandy.
"And bad cooking," added Spongebob.
As the villains were handcuffed and taken away, another car arrived. A very expensive car. A crowd of camerafish and reporters rushed up to the car as the real thirteen baron of Bleuenlond exited the vehicle. Spongebob was shocked to see how much he looked like him! The Baron was a slightly darker shade of yellow and he had a goatee. He also wore a royal cape and matching outfit. He entered his new house without even glancing at Spongebob and his friends.
"Well, I can see why they would've gotten you confused, Spongebob," said Sandy.
"Yeah," Spongebob yawned. "What with all this running around and all, I'm exhausted." Spongebob reached down and grabbed Gary. "C'mon, everyone. Let's go home."
"Um, not so fast," said Kelpton. "We've gotten a report from inside that there are some damages in several rooms."
"Damages?" asked Spongebob.
"Yes. The honeymoon suite has arrows stuck everywhere, the hallways have been trampled, and the kitchen is a total wreck!" At that moment, a police officer whispered in his ear. "But I've just been told that the Baron will take care of those expenses."
Sighs of relief were emitted from Spongebob and his friends. As they turned to leave, Kelpton stopped them again. "Egad! What have you done to that bush?"
Apparently, the wheelbarrow had been standing behind the bush until it had been used for Sandy's plan. When it was retrieved, Sandy, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs had accidentally broken the bush's trunk and now the bush was lying uprooted on the ground.
"There's a hefty fine for destroying organic private property," said Kelpton.
Spongebob gulped. "H-How much?"
"Oh, about this much." Quick as a flash, Kelpton grabbed the hundred dollar bill out of Mr. Krabs' claw.
"Hey! No!" he exclaimed.
"There. NOW you all can go home."
So, Spongebob and his friends got a ride home in a cop car, as Mr. Krabs left weeping for his lost money.
The next day, Spongebob came out of his house and saw that his sea urchin garden was sprouting. Squidward, slightly annoyed that Spongebob still was his next-door neighbor, walked over and saw the spiky garden actually growing.
"Isn't it great, Squidward? They're growing!" said Spongebob. A ray of light beamed down on him. "You see, no amount of money could possibly replace the fact that I, Spongebob Squarepants, have created life from utter nothingness."
"The garden came with a money-back guarantee," uttered Squidward. "If it didn't grow, you'd get your money back."
"Yeah, kinda ironic, ain't it?" said Spongebob.
Suddenly, a loud 'HONK!!!' sound caused Squidward to jump into the air. It was Sandy, who had come over to show Spongebob an old, antique car horn. Squidward had the misfortune of landing in Spongebob's sea urchin garden, and he began hopping from foot to foot and going "ooch, ouch, aaugh!"
"Hey," giggled Sandy to Squidward. "What kind of a dance is that?" She laughed as Squidward hobbled back to his house to soak his injured feet.
"Hey, Sandy. Cool horn," said Spongebob.
"Yeah, I kind of wanted to give you something that reminded you of your rich misfortune, but this was all I could come up with." Sandy gave the horn to Spongebob.
"I like it! Thanks a bunch, Sandy." Spongebob was just about to walk back to his house, when he suddenly stopped and thought about something.
"What's wrong?" asked Sandy.
"I dunno," said Spongebob. "But I've got the funniest feeling that we've forgotten something."
Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Patrick's voice could still be heard in the halls.
"Lean to the left. Lean to the right. Sit down, stand up, head to the right. No, wait, no wait, I got it this time…"
(Cue end credits)