Understanding
Chapter 14 – The Last Supper
'You may all count everyone in this room as both a friend and an ally.' Albus continued. 'However, there is one person who has not yet been introduced as such.' I saw him wink slightly in Harry's direction, before putting his two index fingers in his mouth and whistling loudly. At his call a large black dog trot in, coming to a stop at Harry's side. A few people were exclaiming in surprise, one or two even laughing.
'Alas, friends, I have not finally cracked as some of you may be thinking. As most of you have no doubt heard whispers of, this dog is none other than a very alive, very innocent Sirius Black.' With that, Sirius transformed and took a seat, to many gasps of shock, although not really displeased shock, to my relief. 'For those of you who have any reservations, Sirius is indeed innocent, although without evidence, he cannot be cleared of the crimes of one Peter Pettigrew.' Everyone seemed to accept this, people around Sirius were offering him their hands. 'Now that this has been cleared up, we will eat, I think.' He smiled all round and then clapped his hands together once, at which point dozens of plates full of food appeared on the table, and everyone began to talk and eat.
I piled roast beef, Yorkshire puddings, roast potatoes, and dozens of different vegetables on to my plate, along with some delicious looking gravy and began to tuck in. The unwashed socks smell from the dungeons had certainly put me off my food, although I hadn't actually noticed until now. Although the food was lovely, it seemed to finally be sinking in just what I was about to do tomorrow. Before I had been concentrating on finishing the potion, ignoring everything that would come afterwards, but now that the potion was done and dusted, the next task on my list suddenly seemed very real. It wasn't that I was scared, because believe me, I would much rather it was me taking the potion than Severus. I was more struck on the enormity of my 'mission', and just what would happen if it all went wrong. Many people around the table seemed almost excited about the battle ahead, laughing and chatting around the table. I looked across at my best friends in the world, Harry and Ron, and realised that I didn't even know if they knew that it would be me taking the potion. Everything had changed so much in the three weeks since we had left Hogwarts.
Ron was laughing and joking with his elder brothers, while Harry was sitting between Sirius and Ginny. Harry and Ginny were both sitting in silence, staring into the distance. I noticed that they seemed to be sitting a little bit closer together than was normal, their heads were only a few inches apart. Then I saw the dreamy at the same time as worried looks mirrored on their faces, and I wondered with surprise why I had never noticed this before. Probably because I had spent most of the last year in the library, studying for NEWTs. I caught Harry's eye, then nodded in Ginny's direction, grinning. Harry grinned back and nodded. Then he did the same, nodding in Severus' direction, and grinning widely. I could feel my cheeks burn up, as I cleared my throat loudly and went back to my food. I heard Harry's laugh from my side of the table. I hadn't realised this thing I seemed to have developed for our former Potions master was quite so obvious. But then again, Albus seemed to know somehow, as he kept winking at me every time I caught his eye, and I wouldn't put it past him to broadcast it in the Daily Prophet, which I hadn't read in ages.
I stole a glance at Severus, who was eating his meal and carefully avoiding people's glances just as I was trying to do. A loud conversation was going on about the final battle against Grindelwald in 1945, between the selected few who had been around to witness it. I tried to listen in but my attention kept sliding to the man next to me instead of the talking, so I kept missing the punch lines of all the jokes and had to laugh along with them, not having a clue what I was laughing at.
When I had finished my meal the conversation was still going on and I still hadn't managed to catch a single punch line. I found myself wanting to escape, even though I felt that I should be at least trying to be sociable. But, being a muggle-born and being friends with Harry Potter throughout my Hogwarts days, I hadn't really known a time in the wizarding world totally without war of some kind. Everything I had known in this world would change tomorrow, one way or another. I supposed Harry must be thinking in a similar way, he hadn't known a time of peace in this world either, and so much rested on him, more than that which rested on me.
'Erm, I've got some things to do, so if I could excuse myself?' I said at a convenient lull in the conversation.
'Yes of course, Hermione. Sleep well.' Albus said, winking at me, again. I stood up quickly and rushed out of the room into the Entrance Hall.
'Hermione!' I heard someone shout. I turned around.
'What?'
'I need to talk to you.' Harry said, walking towards me. 'Dumbl…Albus told me what you're going to do. I wanted to wish you luck.'
'Thanks.'
'Are you okay, Hermione? Only you seemed a bit, well, quiet at dinner.' He said, seeming to try and prompt some sort of confession from me.
'I'm fine, Harry. Why do you ask?'
'Well, I've talked to Albus quite a lot recently, and I've spent most of the last two days with Sirius, and both of them seem to think there's something going on with, um…..'
'With who? Come on Harry, spit it out.' I said impatiently.
'With Snape, Hermione. With you and Snape. But if I'm way off beam, I'll just shut up.'
'Oh God, Harry, it's all just so…I don't know what to do.' I said, scraping my hair back from my face. 'Are you angry with me?'
'No! Why would I be angry with you?'
'You hate him, you and Ron always hated him.'
'I don't hate him.' Harry said calmly. 'He's on our side, and I trust him. Maybe I don't quite like him. But if there's one thing all this has taught me, it's that everyone on our side has got to stick together, no matter what. If we can't even get on with people on our side, how can we have a hope of uniting to defeat the other side? You're not stupid, Hermione, and if you can see that something is there, it must be there. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that whatever makes you happy, just go for it. You're one of my best friends and I just want to see you happy.'
'Oh, thank you Harry.' I said as I pulled him into a hug. 'And congratulations on you and Ginny, by the way. When did that happen?'
'Officially, on the Hogwarts Express. But it's been going on for a lot longer, if only inside our heads. In times like this, you can't keep these things to yourself. Something could happen in an instant, to make you regret not telling people how you feel for the rest of your life. At least, if something happens to me tomorrow, she knows how I feel.'
'She's a very lucky girl.' I smiled.
'Thanks. Goodnight, Hermione. And good luck.'
'Goodnight.' I turned and walked back to the dungeons. Harry was right. Now was not the time to keep things to yourself. On one hand, I didn't know if this thing with Severus was just because of all the heightened emotions running around at this time. On the other hand, what if it was much, much more, and something happened to him tomorrow and I would regret not telling him how I felt for the rest of my life. But I still didn't know how I felt. I was using my head too much! What my body wanted was to just throw caution into the wind and leap into bed with him, but my head, as always, wanted to hold back until it was sure it wouldn't be hurt. I had reached the door in the wall and had just taken my wand out to open it when a voice shocked me out of my skin.
'Hermione.' Severus' voice came from right by my ear.
'Oh God, Severus you scared the life out of me!'
'Sorry. I wasn't trying to creep up on you. You were in another world.'
'Yeah, well, I was just, er, thinking.'
'Right. Are you going to go in, or stand out here all day?'
'Oh yes.' I said, recovering myself and finally opening the door. I walked in, more confused than ever about what to do. I flung myself face down on the leather sofa in frustration, wishing someone would just tell me what to do rather than have to suffer this mental battle.
'Hermione?' Severus whispered just by my ear. The sound made me shiver from head to toe, which I'm sure he sensed. 'Are you okay?'
'Yes, I'm fine.' I said automatically.
'No, you're not. Are you worried about tomorrow?'
'No. Oh, Severus, I can't do this.' I said, turning over and finding my face inches from his.
'You can't do what?' He whispered, not making any effort to move away.
'This. I'm so confused. You know what I'm talking about.'
'Yes, but you said you wanted to wait, until after…..'
'I know I said that.' I jumped in impatiently. 'But now I'm not so sure.' He moved his face away from mine then, and went to get a glass of water. I sat up, my head in my hands. Silence echoed around the dungeon rooms while he drank from his glass.
'It has been all I can do, these last few days, to keep my hands off you.' He said, his deep voice breaking the silence. 'You said you wanted to wait until this was over, before we make a mistake. I could see your point. I've done enough things on impulse in my life, and had to live with the consequences, to know that this is one thing I do not want to fuck up. And now, you say you've changed your mind. Why?' He didn't seem angry, but his black eyes were boring into mine from where he now stood outside the door to what I assumed was his bedroom.
'What if you wanted something so much, more than you ever wanted anything in your whole life. You may have only one chance to get it. How much would you regret it if you didn't take the chance?'
What are you saying, Hermione?'
'I'm saying that maybe this is our chance. I want this so much, how can it be wrong?'
'Hermione, on my part, you've changed my life. You've brought out a part of me that I thought was lost forever. I could never regret this. But you're twenty years my junior. You've got your whole life ahead of you. I'll understand if you don't want to waste it on me.'
His eyes looked so heart-breakingly sad that at that very moment all doubts flew out of my mind. If I asked myself for reasons why not to, my mind would draw a merciful blank. I made the decision to ignore my head, for once in my life and follow my heart. And my heart was telling me, go for it, just walk over there and kiss him. So I did. I felt nothing but the sweetest relief as our lips met, moulding together as though that was the purpose they were made for. I didn't know exactly what Severus was thinking, but I had a pretty good idea as his whole body was trembling and I could feel him, hard against my stomach. I moaned softly as he began kissing my neck.
'Hermione, are you sure you want this?' He whispered.
'Oh, God, Severus, I've never been more sure about anything in my life.' I replied, as he reached behind him and fumbled for the door handle. As he caught it we fell through the door, kissing with a passion I'd never experienced before. We fell back onto the luxurious black silk of his bed as I slowly undid the buttons of his shirt and pulled it from his shoulders. He slid my dress up and over my head while kissing my shoulders softly. I began to unbuckle his belt. I'd thought of nothing but this for the past two days, and I wasn't prepared to wait for much longer. He caught my lips in his for a long, luscious kiss as he unhooked my bra.
'I'm sorry, Hermione. I just realised I didn't tell you how beautiful you look tonight.' He said huskily as he took my nipple in his mouth.
'Mmmmmm.' I replied.
'You looked wonderful in that dress. But you know what? You look even better without it.' He kissed his way down to my belly button, then came back up to catch my mouth in his. I moved across to suck on his earlobe as I hooked my fingers in his tight black boxers and pulled them down slowly. It was his turn to gasp as I gently ran my fingers along the length of his erection at the same time as I not so gently nibbled on his earlobe.
'Severus…..I want…..need you inside of me, now. Please.' I gasped as he slipped my underwear off tormentingly slowly.
'Patience is a virtue.' He replied as he positioned himself above me.
'I don't want to be fucking patient.' I whispered, hooking one leg around him to guide him closer. He kissed me one more time, his black eyes, glittering more than I had ever seen them glitter, staring almost awestruck into mine. I could feel myself nearly drowning in his eyes as we gazed at each other, between us the deepest understanding two people could ever achieve. Then he took me by surprise, as he entered me swiftly with one glide. This was surely the sweetest sensation I had ever felt, until that moment at least, as our bodies were finally joined. I gasped as he filled me completely, and we lay still, for as long as we could take it, as close to each other as a man and a woman can ever get.
After only seconds, I could take it no longer and my hips began to rock towards him. We were moving as one, my legs wrapped tightly around him as he withdrew then thrusted back into me with all the power and friction exactly where I needed it, over and over again, until it was almost too much to take, my cries of pleasure mingling with his moans as they escalated. Each time I was close to the edge, he would pull back to a more tender rhythm, until I could take it no longer. We gazed into one another's eyes as we reached ecstasy together. I called out his name as I felt my muscles contract around him in my release, and he smothered it with a searing kiss as his hot fluid surged into me. Nothing I had ever felt could compare to this moment of sheer euphoria. My mind was blissfully blank of anything but contentment as separated slowly.
He gathered me into his arms and pulled the silk sheet over us. Neither of us could do anything but stare delightedly into each other's eyes. Words had completely deserted me at that point. But, as actions speak louder anyway, I took his mouth in mine and kissed him, long a slow, to try and convey exactly how I was feeling. Then I buried my head against his chest, breathing his scent deeply as I drifted off into the most peaceful sleep of my life.
A/N
Oh God, was that really awful? I can't go back and read it or I'll chicken out and not post it. I need feedback, urgently, lovely reviewers, as I have no idea if this is okay or not. I mean, the last few paragraphs. I hope its okay. I had to keep looking up words in the computer thesaurus to make sure I wasn't using the same ones over and over again. Anyway, this is chapter 14, and it should go on till about 20 chapters, maybe 1 more or 1 less. I want to finish it before 21st June, which is only 6 weeks on Saturday!!
Woohoo!! I have 70 reviews! Thank you extremely much to Alexial, ChishionoTenshi, StarGazr, LadyBrannon, kittykat52788, DragonFireAngelVWP, hpz26, Ponine, moonglow11066 and sorceress for your lovely reviews. Keep up the good work.
DragonFireAngelVWP – That was the longest review EVER! It's nice to hear about your swimming. Thanks for saying I am the best author yet! I think I might have a bit of work to do before I am as good as JK Rowling though! Don't worry, I promise I won't kill Hermione! Lots of drama coming up, though. It's always a big surprise when I click on a review link thingy and one of your massively long reviews comes up! You must write about ten times more than all the other reviews I get! This chapter is also a bit longer, I think.
Ponine – I hope this answers the question a bit about how Severus feels! More coming up on that front either next chapter or the one after, depending on how I get on.
Moonglow11066 – I'll let you in on a big secret here, I didn't actually know what she was going to open the box of explosives with! I couldn't think of anything that had a good enough ring to it, so I ended the sentence there to keep you all guessing! It was going to be something along the lines of a lit match, but if you can think of an ending with a bit of pizzazz (god I can't believe I just used that word!) tell me coz I was thinking about it for hours and came up with nothing! Oh yeah, and when I'm finished with this story I'll send Severus to you by express delivery.
Thanks to everyone and keep reviewing! Coz I'm feeling very generous at the mo, I've created several fully functioning Severus clones in my spare time, and booked every one of my reviewers along with their dream Severus on a luxury cruise around the world with spending money included. Hope you all have a nice time, while I'm slaving over my computer. Oh, and the Severus clones do not like too much sunlight, and are allergic to watermelon. Bye!!!!!!!!