Disclaimer: as I said in the previous chapter none of the characters are mine etc……..and that's all this really has to say, non?
Chapter 2: Of the dangers of eating mushrooms .
Meanwhile, while the rest of the Fellowship (and various elves, dwarfs, hobbits, men and a dead Balrog) were sound and……relatively safe in Rivendell (providing they stayed out of the sanitorium which had never quite recovered from the 'dangerous abrasive mould' experiment) Boromir was having second thoughts about trusting tall black-cloaked strangers who seemed to have constant sniffles.
After finally reaching the conclusion that perhaps this rather convenient dark passageway didn't lead to Gondor after all, he had sought a way to escape from it, emerging bang in the middle of a large ring of tiny white mushrooms "Hmm.." he muttered, pulling out his sword in what he hoped was a threatening gesture and edging slowly towards the nearest mushroom, "well…..I don't think Elrond's been anywhere near it……. It might be safe to eat………if it doesn't attack me that is…." As you have probably guessed by now, the passage that Boromir had been travelling in had had a rather low roof, but then again after Elrond's abrasive mould no-one could really blame him for being a bit more cautious than is usually required when choosing lunch. Rubbing his head (unfortunately while he was still holding the sword) Boromir sat down in the middle of the circle and proceeded to think up a plan of how to determine whether or not these mushrooms were safe to eat, as by now he was very hungry. Pulling a huge steak garnished with herbs out of his rucksack, he carefully took aim and threw it at the nearest mushroom. The steak fell over the edge of the cliff, and the mushroom remained, as innocently as ever in the ground. "Ha ha!" cried Boromir, leaping up to pick it, "I love a good mushroom dinner almost as much as I love a nice steak!"
As he proceeded to chomp through the rest of the circle, Boromir slowly realised that it seemed to be getting very warm for the top of Caradhras (whether he knew it was Caradhras or not, it ceratinly wasn't that hard to realise that his beard was frozen to his collar) and he finally took the initiative to look up. Surrounding (what had been….) the mushroom circle were at least 500 little white snow-creatures, staring in awe at the now unconcious man in the middle of their holy temple.
"He entered the temple! And the holy mushrooms have disappeared!"
"I have never seen such a creature before! So huge…..so powerful!"
"I am very old. Many years ago creatures such as this came to the mountain, and when they climbed the very rocks tumbled from the peaks!"
"Rocks?…….Tumbling…rocks…..?" Boromir said sleepily as the creatures edged closer, "that wasn't me, honest! I was just….visiting, with my friends. So much….um…..erm……fresh air up here don't you think? It was…..SARUMAN! Ha! Yes! He's the one you wan't, it wasn't me destroying your lovely…..er…..home," he finished, giggling weakly in what he hoped was a shocked and apologetic, yet 'so happy to be here again darling' way. The little creatures stared in astonishment for a few seconds and then one of them piped up, "he said the name mummy! He said the name of thmmff!" being quickly silenced as Boromir made agonised expressions and finally resorted to throwing chunks of lembas at him. Unfortunately the child seemed to like the lembas very much, and soon he was swamped by at least 300 of the snow-creatures charging into his rucksack in an attempt to extract the rest. Boromir himself was left shivering in a light tunic and socks as the remaining creatures decided that maybe he was hiding more of the marvellous substance somewhere underneath that very large cloak of his….
"Boy, talk about DHE," snapped Boromir vehemently, as his cape was finally returned, "if you lot EVER do that again I'll……" Just then one of the smaller creatures gave a sob and cowered into its mothers fur. Boromir raised his sword again, then looked again, then raised it again, then looked, then dropped the sword and was on the point of saying "then I'll become……most displeased with you all" when the sword landed on the edge of a large branch and catapulted it up into his face. Well at least it freed his beard.
It wasn't long before the beings were back to their usual frisky selves, but were silenced (violently) as the old one spoke again. "He spoke the name of Sarra-mon! Our most holy of Gods!"
And that was how Boromir ended up tied to a pillar on top of Caradhras as a 'guardian against 'big wind' and 'squawk squawk birds' - at least that was what it sounded like anyway. And to top it all off it turned out that although they had indeed never been part of Elrond's 'let's modernise the world!' experiments, the mushrooms were very very poisonous and Boromir was now an interesting shade of purple coldness and green blobs.
And to hear of his heroic rescue you'll have to wait 'til chapter 3. Sorry this isn't so good guys, I got a bit stuck for ideas L. Anyway, allow me to recommend my best friend Canis Vimes (who was so kind to recommend me *grin *). Very good story she has J