Title: Life… Is A…?
A/N: Okay… I'm getting mad…. I have so many other fics to finish, but I am too lazy to write them… this is just a mad angst fic… that came into my mind. OOC warning!!!! Ruakwa and Mitsui are REALLY OOC here… uh… NO!! this is a NON-yaoi ficcy!!! Mitsui talks to Rukawa about viewing life… couldn't get a good title…. Gomen!!! This may not be a good fic… but pls read it to the end-ne? onegai??? Arigato…
A/N II: well… hehe, I reuploaded this, changing a few mistakes that I made… however, that didn't exactly make it very much nicer, only grammatically a little better.
'Ch…' Rukawa walked into the basketball court, only to be greeted by the bursting laughter of a certain redhead.
'Ore wa tensai! Nyahahaha! Gori! Did you see my common shot?? Now, at long last, the tensai can do the SLAM DUNK!! Nyhahahaha!!!' *Boink* a burning red bump began to rise from the redhead.
'ITAI! Gori!'
'Once isn't a success… and who the hell is Gori?! Baka!' Akagi shouted back.
'Maa, maa, Akagi,' Kogure said, smiling.
'Do'aho.'
'Ahhh! Kitsune!!'
'Rukawa-kun…'
'Ahh… Ha… Haruko-san…' Sakuragi muttered, his voice going softer at the sight of the heart-shaped-eyed Haruko.
'Do'aho…' Rukawa walked off to the changing room, where Miyagi and Mitsui were coincidentally emerging from.
* * * * * * * *
'Okay! Dismiss!!!' Akagi's loud voice jerked Rukawa out of his concentration. He accidentally let the ball slip out of his hands. It hit the ring, and bounced back to him. Deftly, he caught it, at the same time, he flicked his gaze to the clock at the far side of the wall. It read six thirty.
Already?! Damn! Well… I'm going to stay here a while…
Almost everyone was leaving in a hurry… and Rukawa wondered why, though he didn't give it much of a thought. He was too "into" his basketball shots to bother. After some time, there were only like five to six people left. He picked up the nearest ball. He could hear Sakuragi pleading with Ayako-sempai to let him off basics for one day… faintly. There were not in "his" world… at least, not now. He shot a three-pointer. It went in, perfectly.
'… but a Tensai does NOT need basics!! And anyway, Gori has gone for tuition… no one would know!!'
*Whap*
'…' Rukawa picked the ball up, not very amused.
'Anou… Rukawa-kun,' Rukawa turned, nearly knocking the air out of a nervous-looking Kogure.
'Nani?' he asked softly. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw the few remaining people in the gym - Mitsui, Miyagi and Haruko - turning their attention towards them.
Do'aho… mind your own business…
'It's okay if you don't want to answer… but I was wondering… is there a reason for your being… err… cold?' Kogure asked in a rush. Now, even Ayako and Sakuragi stopped their bickering to listen. Something deep down in Rukawa rustled, as if trying to free itself from the binds that Rukawa had placed on it.
There was a breathless silence… then, Rukawa lifted the ball above his head, and performed a jump shot. Kogure turned, fully intending to walk away. But after one step, he stopped. He felt… knew Rukawa would answer him… intuition told him that.
Rukawa picked his towel up, and muttered a soft sentence.
'You give them everything you've got… and hurt is the gift in return… always.'
Rukawa walked out of the gym.
'Rukawa-kun…' Haruko muttered. Sakuragi stared at the retreating back of Rukawa, then at Haruko. Apparently, he was not touched… and his jealousy for Rukawa didn't lessen at all. Miyagi, however was looking thoughtful. It was true… all you get back is hurt… ten heartbreaks had taught him that… and yet, he felt… Rukawa was wrong… in a way, he was wrong. His eyes traveled to Ayako, and he nodded his head, assuring himself.
Rukawa was wrong.
Kogure, ran his hand through his hair, paused, then entered the changing room. Mitsui, on the other hand, just left the gym.
* * * * * * * *
'Is there a reason for your being cold?' Rukawa quickened the pace of his bike, pushing all his thoughts to the back of his mind. Cycling faster had always managed to chase his hurt away. The strong blowing wind always managed to blow his sorrow away… however… not this time…
No one… no one in his entire life had ever asked him that… and he had been happy to let it lie that way… that question only made him question himself…
'Anou… Rukawa-kun… is there a reason for your being cold?' It rang in his ears, not allowing him peace.
Damn! Rukawa left turned, his headphones blasting rock music into his ears. He reached his favorite place… a garden… a peaceful garden… Rukawa would always come here when he wasn't sure of himself. He knew… he was putting on an act… Being cold? He was not like that… no one could be like that, but…
'Is there a reason for your being cold?'
'Hurt is a gift in return… always…' He sighed softly. What was the point of being close? One would have to leave one day… One would die, leaving the other to wallow in self-pity, hurt and loneliness. One would always leave, the other would always cry… what was the damn point?!
'Rukawa?' Rukawa opened his eyes, and was shocked to see Mitsui looking down on him, a small grin decorating his lips.
'You're shocked… I loved this place too… still do, in fact. I saw you coming here a few years ago, and wanted to beat the crap out of you… I didn't want to share… but there was something my mom told me a long time ago… one of the only things I ever remember of her. "Let fate take its course," and so I didn't…' Mitsui sat down beside Rukawa, knowing that his presence wasn't really welcomed, but pushing on anyway. Rukawa said nothing… he didn't feel very comfortable… he had wanted to be alone after all… but for some inexplicable reason, he just could not ask Mitsui to go away… fear was on the edge of entering him… and he knew it… though he didn't know why.
There was a silence for a few seconds, then Mitsui suddenly asked…
'You're cold only because you don't want to be hurt?'
'…'
'Is it not better to experience hurt and happiness, then to not experience both at all? Sure, everything will come to an end one day… no one's to deny that… relationships, are fragile things, and they won't last forever, but they will last for some time, and for that span of time… do you not think that happiness will be there. Do you think basketball won't abandon you? You'll grow old… you might break a leg… anything at all!'
'But it won't hurt half as much.' Rukawa said immediately. It was almost as if he had been debating this with himself for a long time…. And Mitsui didn't doubt that that might had happened before.
'That's because you don't enjoy it half as much!' Mitsui put his hand up when he saw Rukawa about to interfere.
'No, listen… basketball can't relate back to you. You can't laugh with it… you can't joke, talk…. If one of your acquaintances passed away, do you think that you would not be sad? Well, maybe if one of your fans did, it wouldn't make much of a difference to you… but what if… say Sakuragi did… can you tell me you won't be hurt? He has touched your life even though unconsciously. That's how it works. Cutting yourself off from the world is not a solution… it's a choice, which would eventually lead back to the same thing… in a lighter manner, maybe, but the same thing still. The only difference is that you won't be able to laugh like the rest… you miss out on the fun. You'll always be burdened.' Mitsui got up.
'Your life is like a box. You can only look out, not daring to step out because of fear that you might not survive. You're too comfortable, but you don't know that you're missing out on a lot… and I'm sure, even as you look out, you feel an empty feeling in you, a scared feeling… not for yourself, but for the people that you look at. The people you don't know. You wonder how they live their life… at home you wonder how they actually survive with those characteristic… you wonder how scary their life is… not knowing that it rocks. You're just too scared to change, too crushed by fear to try to step out. A box, Rukawa. A box.'
'One can't experience everything. Life is just once.' Rukawa said softly.
'Yeah, once… but not one-way. It's never a one-way thing. It may be if you look at it in the wrong perspective… it just goes on, there's no turning back… but there are paths all over. Step into one and it would lead you to others. Scary, true. Unsafe, well, kinda. Painful… sometimes. Boring, never. You can buckle yourself into that box that goes only on the main-rail, the shortest way to the end, stay safe and secure, and miss out on plenty.' Mitsui turned to leave.
'It's your life, your box. Either you poke holes and get yourself out… or at least with the holes, some people might be able to step in and accompany you… or you could close the holes, not let anyone in… and most of all, not letting yourself out. It's your choice. There are no solutions to life.'
'It does not take away the fear,' Rukawa said after some thought.
'Yeah, but it adds some colour.' Mitsui walked away, leaving Rukawa to struggle in his thoughts… struggle to stay afloat.
'Life is a box…' it sounded so familiar… then all at once, it struck Rukawa, hard. He ran to one of the prettiest trees there was. The one that had managed to catch his eyes the first time he had ever entered this garden years ago. In the fading light, he managed to read a verse carved on its bark.
Life is filled with choices. Choose to live it in the box, or choose to step out of it. Choose to let it be cooped up in the box, or choose to let it fly, and select its own destiny.
Let fate take its course… ne?
Hisashi.
* * * * * * * *
'Rukawa!!' as usual, he stepped into the school with fan-shouts to greet him. However, today, it was a little different. Today, he managed to spot a bluish-haired boy. From a far he watched, as the boy grinned and slap his friend on the back.
So happy… he's flying…
Suddenly, Mitsui caught his eye, and a small smile flitted over Rukawa's lips. A bitter smile.
Yeah… we get to choose our life…
From all around him, the cries and screams of his name faded into nothingness in his ears. Mitsui grinned at him, a sympathetic grin, as if reading his mind.
…and I choose…
From afar… or maybe it was only in his own head, he heard Sakuragi's bursting laughter…
…a …
…Miyagi's assurance that they would get another point…
…a …
…Akagi's commanding voice…
…a …a …
…Mitsui saying that he was the true ace of the team…
…a …
…Ayako's paper fan "whapping" around… and lastly, his own trademark remark… "do'aho".
…a …
…box.
A/N: I know this is practically one of my worse fics!!! Thanks for reading so far though… and do tell me what you all think… honestly!!! I know this isn't such a good fic…. Heh, heh… thanks for your support minna-san…