Ch. 11
Acceptance
His friends were thrilled with his promotion as were most of the SeeD and students who occupied the garden. He was congratulated wherever he went. The only person who wasn't ecstatic about Squall becoming headmaster was Squall. He had no time for anything. He often found himself wondering how Cid was able to manage it all.
Time moved on as did life in the garden. It was odd seeing Seifer and Quistis together, but it was an image that Squall eventually got more used to. He sometimes wondered what Emma was up to, but the thought was never allowed to linger with how busy he was.
Life was pretty normal for Squall, until the anniversary rolled around.
Not a day passed when Squall didn't think about Rinoa. His heart was still with her and not even a year of absence had changed that.
A ceremony was being held for Rinoa in the quad, but Squall wanted nothing to do with it. Without saying a word to anyone Squall left the garden.
He was walking along the beach of Balamb. He was completely alone except if you considered his lonely thoughts and aching heart. His mind was wondering when he saw the silhouettes of three figures coming towards him from the distance. Squinting his eyes Squall caught who the three people were. They were no other then Seifer, Quistis and Zell.
When they finally approached them Squall asked in a started voice.
"What are you guys doing here?"
"When we saw you weren't at the memorial service we thought you be here and I guess I was right." Zell answered.
Seifer smacks Zell up side the head. "You thought he be in the training center you dipshit."
Quistis glares at the two men then asks Squall sincerely. "Are you alright?"
"Been better," he told her.
The three of them looked at each other. Carefully Quistis began to speak. "You've been working extremely hard since your promotion Squall. Maybe.maybe you should take a break?"
Squall looked at her in disbelief. "Why would I do that? Do you guys think I've been doing a bad job?
"Not in the least Squall were just worried. You've been acting a bit.a bit distant." Quistis said trying hard not to corner him.
"I've been busy. I have hardly anytime to be anything, but distant."
"For the most part that's true, but there's something else."
What Quistis was trying to say elegantly Seifer said bluntly.
"We think you still haven't gotten over Rinoa."
There it was, his friends thought he was living in the past. Maybe in his heart he was, but on the outside.
"You guys have no idea what it's like!" He snapped. "What it's like to live everyday without her."
"Squall your right we truly have no idea, but I know for a fact that Rinoa wouldn't want to see you like this. On the outside your fine you're running the garden great, but it's what's going on with you in the inside that worries us. Don't think we can't see it because we can. For awhile during the whole Timber liberation we thought you were fine, but now.that hurt looks back. We don't want you to do anything drastic just maybe get away for a week or two. Maybe visit Ellone and your fa.and Laguna. I'm only saying this because were worried, were only worried about you."
Quistis speech was tentative, but Squall saw she only spoke out of concern and maybe she was right. Squall looks up at his three friends.
"You three will take care of everything while I'm gone right?"
They all smiled. Zell starts punching while answering in a reassuring voice.
"You know it's in good hands man."
Squall gave him a hesitant smile then looked over to the other two who were throwing him encouraging smiles.
When everything was said and done it was decided that Squall was going to Esthar.
When Squall arrived in Esthar he fell in the awe that always took him over whenever he visited the city.
He remembered the last time he came to Esthar. Here just walking the streets was when one of the most memorable moments in Squall's life occurred.
* * *
Rinoa had talked him into going to see Laguna. Squall never understood why she pressured him to talk to his father, he never made her talk to her own. In the end for some reason Squall always gave in. Only this time Squall had interior motives for giving into her.
Rinoa was taking in the marvels that was Esthar. Nothing against Esthar, but to Squall the true marvel was right in front of him.
She turned to him and gave her heart wrenching smile. "I'll race you to the palace?" She challenged.
Squall smirks. "What do I get if I win?"
"A kiss," Rinoa answered her voice teasing him.
"I don't know I think I want a little bit more."
"Hmm.I guess I can think of something." Rinoa told him seductively.
Squall grins. "On my mark one.two.three."
The two of them were off. Rinoa was quick, but truly no match for Squall. Halfway there Squall slows his pace to Rinoa's where he 'incidentally' knocks his body into hers. Falling to the ground Squall landed in Rinoa.
"What's the big idea?" Rinoa asked him irate yet amused.
Squall without her noticing pulls a small ring box from his pocket.
"You know I love you more then anything imaginable right Rinoa?"
She gives him a queer look. "Is everything alright Squall?"
Squall gives her one of his rare brilliant smiles. "It's never been better that's why." He stops talking and pulled out the box holding it in front of Rinoa. Opening it an elegant wedding band shimmered brightly. Squall took a deep breathe before saying. "Rinoa Heartilly will you marry me?"
Rinoa laid there breathless she looks up into Squall's eyes. With a single tear dropping down her cheek she answers. "Squall.I.I.I can't believe.yes Squall.my god yes."
After that brief moment when life seemed to last forever Squall felt his heart cry with such a joy that he never thought possible. He stood up then pulling Rinoa up from the ground. She jumped into his arms Squall held on tightly and twirled her around.
He thought from that point on nothing could go wrong. That with just Rinoa on his side he was immune to all evils. It was naïve of him to think that way, but unfortunately for Squall he had to find that out the hard way.
* * *
Squall clutched his heart. How come the happiest memories always turn out to be the most painful? Slowly he walked to the palace.
At the entrance of the presidential palace was Ellone waiting. She ran to him embracing him in a great big hug Squall in return patted her politely on the back. When Ellone broke herself from the hug she still held him by the shoulders.
"It's good to see you Squall. I'm thrilled that you finally decided to come and visit."
"Well it has been a long time." Was the only thing Squall could come up with to say.
Ellone gently grabs onto Squall's hand. "Come on Squall I'll show you the room Uncle Laguna has given you."
Ellone led him through the palace. They went down a couple corridors before she stopped at the door that they had arrived at.
"This is it," She said opening the door at the same time.
The room was plain; it had white walls with nothing on them. The bed was simple with only a down comforter. The only unique thing in the room, if you could call it that, was the small wooden desk in the corner.
"I told Uncle Laguna that the room would suite you."
Smile smiled at his one time Sis. "Well tell Laguna thank you for me."
"You can tell him yourself tonight at dinner. He's busy right now, but I guess that gives us all afternoon."
So for the whole afternoon Ellone and Squall explored the city. Squall forgot how much he missed Ellone's company and guidance. Being with her always gave his mind a much needed rest. In a way she was still the same Sis that Squall loved dearly back at the orphanage.
They had just left the book shop when Ellone finally mentioned Rinoa; Squall could tell it had been on her mind the whole day.
"So how are you holding up Squall?" She asked gently. "I mean it's been a year since." She didn't finish her sentence nobody ever did when it came to talking about Rinoa.
"It feels like it was just yesterday." Squall told her. Ellone being the only person that he felt he could really open up to.
She winces. "Has.hasn't any of the pain gone away?"
Squall looks at her. "It did for awhile during the whole Timber liberation. I think then my mind was busy with so many other things, but once it was all over.it came back."
Ellone looks at him sadly. They didn't say anything else. Together they silently walked back to Squall's room where they stood outside the door.
"I don't know what I can say to make the pain go away Squall. I wish it was like back at the orphanage when all I had to do was kiss it and all was well."
"I never asked you to fix it." Squall said more sharply then he intended to.
"I know that, but I also know that there's one person who could help if you just gave him half a chance."
Squall looked at her skeptically. "I'm not going to talk to Laguna Ellone, at least not about that. We'll talk about political matters, I'll listen to stories about back when he was a Galbadian soldier and then I'll thank him for his hospitality and finally I'll leave and not talk to him for another three months."
"But Squall he's your fa"-
"I'll see you at dinner." Squall said before she could finish that sentence. He turned to his room and shut the door.
Dinner that night was predictably awkward. Laguna kept telling battle stories and ran off on political topics such as the few strangling rebels giving President Caraway a hard time.
While Ellone kept throwing him glances Squall kept cursing Quistis for giving him the idea of coming here in the first place.
Towards the end of dinner Ellone excused herself leaving Squall and Laguna there alone. The latter tried to make conversation.
"So how is being headmaster treating you?"
"Well enough." Squall replied shortly.
"That's good. Ellone says everyone else is doing well."
"Yep."
Laguna was bad at this. Squall now regrettable knew where he got it from.
"I'm not going to beat around the bush Squall. I know you're not doing well. I know you haven't gotten over Rinoa's death. God I know its hard getting over a love one's death, but sometimes you just have to face it. You can't hide behind the wars around you. Believe me I found that out the hard way."
Squall glares menacingly at the man in front of him. "Thanks 'father' my problem is not miraculously solved," he said cynically.
"Squall don't do this to yourself! For god sakes do you think this is what Rinoa would have wanted? I didn't get the chance to know her anywhere near as much as I wanted to, but I do know for a fact she would have wanted you to move on. She would want you to prosper. She having wanted you to jump from the ground showing the world the great man you have become. The man that she loved and the man that your father is dead proud of."
Squall looked straight into his father's eyes. Only concern and love was showing.
"I know it's hard as hell," Laguna continued. "And I can't promise that the pain will ever completely go away, but I can tell you that you're not alone. You don't always have to put on a face. It might work towards some, but not towards the one's that really care about you."
Squall gets up from the table and starts walking away when Laguna grabs his shoulder.
"You don't ever forget her Squall. Their memories are always etched in our hearts, but what determines someone's true love is what they do when all the cards are folded and you make the life that she would want you to have."
Squall again looks in his father's eyes, this time they were breaking down.
"You keep saying she 'would,' I don't want any would's. I want her here in front of me telling me what she 'does' want." Squall cried falling against his father.
Laguna holds his son as Squall cried. "I miss her so much."
Laguna patted Squall's back. "I know son. I know."
The two men stayed in that dining room the whole night talking the night away. The pain for Squall of losing Rinoa didn't go away, it didn't even lighten, but he did come to a realization. He might have many father figures such as Cid Kramer and President Caraway, but nothing beats the real thing. Squall was grateful to realize this while he still had time to experience it.
Acceptance
His friends were thrilled with his promotion as were most of the SeeD and students who occupied the garden. He was congratulated wherever he went. The only person who wasn't ecstatic about Squall becoming headmaster was Squall. He had no time for anything. He often found himself wondering how Cid was able to manage it all.
Time moved on as did life in the garden. It was odd seeing Seifer and Quistis together, but it was an image that Squall eventually got more used to. He sometimes wondered what Emma was up to, but the thought was never allowed to linger with how busy he was.
Life was pretty normal for Squall, until the anniversary rolled around.
Not a day passed when Squall didn't think about Rinoa. His heart was still with her and not even a year of absence had changed that.
A ceremony was being held for Rinoa in the quad, but Squall wanted nothing to do with it. Without saying a word to anyone Squall left the garden.
He was walking along the beach of Balamb. He was completely alone except if you considered his lonely thoughts and aching heart. His mind was wondering when he saw the silhouettes of three figures coming towards him from the distance. Squinting his eyes Squall caught who the three people were. They were no other then Seifer, Quistis and Zell.
When they finally approached them Squall asked in a started voice.
"What are you guys doing here?"
"When we saw you weren't at the memorial service we thought you be here and I guess I was right." Zell answered.
Seifer smacks Zell up side the head. "You thought he be in the training center you dipshit."
Quistis glares at the two men then asks Squall sincerely. "Are you alright?"
"Been better," he told her.
The three of them looked at each other. Carefully Quistis began to speak. "You've been working extremely hard since your promotion Squall. Maybe.maybe you should take a break?"
Squall looked at her in disbelief. "Why would I do that? Do you guys think I've been doing a bad job?
"Not in the least Squall were just worried. You've been acting a bit.a bit distant." Quistis said trying hard not to corner him.
"I've been busy. I have hardly anytime to be anything, but distant."
"For the most part that's true, but there's something else."
What Quistis was trying to say elegantly Seifer said bluntly.
"We think you still haven't gotten over Rinoa."
There it was, his friends thought he was living in the past. Maybe in his heart he was, but on the outside.
"You guys have no idea what it's like!" He snapped. "What it's like to live everyday without her."
"Squall your right we truly have no idea, but I know for a fact that Rinoa wouldn't want to see you like this. On the outside your fine you're running the garden great, but it's what's going on with you in the inside that worries us. Don't think we can't see it because we can. For awhile during the whole Timber liberation we thought you were fine, but now.that hurt looks back. We don't want you to do anything drastic just maybe get away for a week or two. Maybe visit Ellone and your fa.and Laguna. I'm only saying this because were worried, were only worried about you."
Quistis speech was tentative, but Squall saw she only spoke out of concern and maybe she was right. Squall looks up at his three friends.
"You three will take care of everything while I'm gone right?"
They all smiled. Zell starts punching while answering in a reassuring voice.
"You know it's in good hands man."
Squall gave him a hesitant smile then looked over to the other two who were throwing him encouraging smiles.
When everything was said and done it was decided that Squall was going to Esthar.
When Squall arrived in Esthar he fell in the awe that always took him over whenever he visited the city.
He remembered the last time he came to Esthar. Here just walking the streets was when one of the most memorable moments in Squall's life occurred.
* * *
Rinoa had talked him into going to see Laguna. Squall never understood why she pressured him to talk to his father, he never made her talk to her own. In the end for some reason Squall always gave in. Only this time Squall had interior motives for giving into her.
Rinoa was taking in the marvels that was Esthar. Nothing against Esthar, but to Squall the true marvel was right in front of him.
She turned to him and gave her heart wrenching smile. "I'll race you to the palace?" She challenged.
Squall smirks. "What do I get if I win?"
"A kiss," Rinoa answered her voice teasing him.
"I don't know I think I want a little bit more."
"Hmm.I guess I can think of something." Rinoa told him seductively.
Squall grins. "On my mark one.two.three."
The two of them were off. Rinoa was quick, but truly no match for Squall. Halfway there Squall slows his pace to Rinoa's where he 'incidentally' knocks his body into hers. Falling to the ground Squall landed in Rinoa.
"What's the big idea?" Rinoa asked him irate yet amused.
Squall without her noticing pulls a small ring box from his pocket.
"You know I love you more then anything imaginable right Rinoa?"
She gives him a queer look. "Is everything alright Squall?"
Squall gives her one of his rare brilliant smiles. "It's never been better that's why." He stops talking and pulled out the box holding it in front of Rinoa. Opening it an elegant wedding band shimmered brightly. Squall took a deep breathe before saying. "Rinoa Heartilly will you marry me?"
Rinoa laid there breathless she looks up into Squall's eyes. With a single tear dropping down her cheek she answers. "Squall.I.I.I can't believe.yes Squall.my god yes."
After that brief moment when life seemed to last forever Squall felt his heart cry with such a joy that he never thought possible. He stood up then pulling Rinoa up from the ground. She jumped into his arms Squall held on tightly and twirled her around.
He thought from that point on nothing could go wrong. That with just Rinoa on his side he was immune to all evils. It was naïve of him to think that way, but unfortunately for Squall he had to find that out the hard way.
* * *
Squall clutched his heart. How come the happiest memories always turn out to be the most painful? Slowly he walked to the palace.
At the entrance of the presidential palace was Ellone waiting. She ran to him embracing him in a great big hug Squall in return patted her politely on the back. When Ellone broke herself from the hug she still held him by the shoulders.
"It's good to see you Squall. I'm thrilled that you finally decided to come and visit."
"Well it has been a long time." Was the only thing Squall could come up with to say.
Ellone gently grabs onto Squall's hand. "Come on Squall I'll show you the room Uncle Laguna has given you."
Ellone led him through the palace. They went down a couple corridors before she stopped at the door that they had arrived at.
"This is it," She said opening the door at the same time.
The room was plain; it had white walls with nothing on them. The bed was simple with only a down comforter. The only unique thing in the room, if you could call it that, was the small wooden desk in the corner.
"I told Uncle Laguna that the room would suite you."
Smile smiled at his one time Sis. "Well tell Laguna thank you for me."
"You can tell him yourself tonight at dinner. He's busy right now, but I guess that gives us all afternoon."
So for the whole afternoon Ellone and Squall explored the city. Squall forgot how much he missed Ellone's company and guidance. Being with her always gave his mind a much needed rest. In a way she was still the same Sis that Squall loved dearly back at the orphanage.
They had just left the book shop when Ellone finally mentioned Rinoa; Squall could tell it had been on her mind the whole day.
"So how are you holding up Squall?" She asked gently. "I mean it's been a year since." She didn't finish her sentence nobody ever did when it came to talking about Rinoa.
"It feels like it was just yesterday." Squall told her. Ellone being the only person that he felt he could really open up to.
She winces. "Has.hasn't any of the pain gone away?"
Squall looks at her. "It did for awhile during the whole Timber liberation. I think then my mind was busy with so many other things, but once it was all over.it came back."
Ellone looks at him sadly. They didn't say anything else. Together they silently walked back to Squall's room where they stood outside the door.
"I don't know what I can say to make the pain go away Squall. I wish it was like back at the orphanage when all I had to do was kiss it and all was well."
"I never asked you to fix it." Squall said more sharply then he intended to.
"I know that, but I also know that there's one person who could help if you just gave him half a chance."
Squall looked at her skeptically. "I'm not going to talk to Laguna Ellone, at least not about that. We'll talk about political matters, I'll listen to stories about back when he was a Galbadian soldier and then I'll thank him for his hospitality and finally I'll leave and not talk to him for another three months."
"But Squall he's your fa"-
"I'll see you at dinner." Squall said before she could finish that sentence. He turned to his room and shut the door.
Dinner that night was predictably awkward. Laguna kept telling battle stories and ran off on political topics such as the few strangling rebels giving President Caraway a hard time.
While Ellone kept throwing him glances Squall kept cursing Quistis for giving him the idea of coming here in the first place.
Towards the end of dinner Ellone excused herself leaving Squall and Laguna there alone. The latter tried to make conversation.
"So how is being headmaster treating you?"
"Well enough." Squall replied shortly.
"That's good. Ellone says everyone else is doing well."
"Yep."
Laguna was bad at this. Squall now regrettable knew where he got it from.
"I'm not going to beat around the bush Squall. I know you're not doing well. I know you haven't gotten over Rinoa's death. God I know its hard getting over a love one's death, but sometimes you just have to face it. You can't hide behind the wars around you. Believe me I found that out the hard way."
Squall glares menacingly at the man in front of him. "Thanks 'father' my problem is not miraculously solved," he said cynically.
"Squall don't do this to yourself! For god sakes do you think this is what Rinoa would have wanted? I didn't get the chance to know her anywhere near as much as I wanted to, but I do know for a fact she would have wanted you to move on. She would want you to prosper. She having wanted you to jump from the ground showing the world the great man you have become. The man that she loved and the man that your father is dead proud of."
Squall looked straight into his father's eyes. Only concern and love was showing.
"I know it's hard as hell," Laguna continued. "And I can't promise that the pain will ever completely go away, but I can tell you that you're not alone. You don't always have to put on a face. It might work towards some, but not towards the one's that really care about you."
Squall gets up from the table and starts walking away when Laguna grabs his shoulder.
"You don't ever forget her Squall. Their memories are always etched in our hearts, but what determines someone's true love is what they do when all the cards are folded and you make the life that she would want you to have."
Squall again looks in his father's eyes, this time they were breaking down.
"You keep saying she 'would,' I don't want any would's. I want her here in front of me telling me what she 'does' want." Squall cried falling against his father.
Laguna holds his son as Squall cried. "I miss her so much."
Laguna patted Squall's back. "I know son. I know."
The two men stayed in that dining room the whole night talking the night away. The pain for Squall of losing Rinoa didn't go away, it didn't even lighten, but he did come to a realization. He might have many father figures such as Cid Kramer and President Caraway, but nothing beats the real thing. Squall was grateful to realize this while he still had time to experience it.