Chapter 14
For the Best
Often after that first visit did Squall go back to Timber. He go up there for a couple of days every week. He looked forward to seeing Emma; her smile was the highlight of his week.
His friends were starting to get suspicious of his disappearances. Squall never told them when he was going to leave. He would just leave a note on his desk and hope that they find it the next morning.
One morning after he had just returned from one of his visits Quistis and the others had cornered him in his office. She began asking persistent questions about his absentness.
"So where do you keep going Squall? You're always leaving, never giving anybody any notice. Tell us Squall, what or who has captured your attention so effectively?"
Zell let's out a chortle. "I think our Squall has met a girl." Zell's teasing was brought to an abrupt halt when he caught sight of the deadly glare that Squall was giving him.
"Honestly Squall," Seifer spoke up. "What's going on?"
Squall stands up furious. "Whatever I'm doing is none of your business! Just leave me the hell alone!"
As he stormed out of his office he felt everyone's eyes watching him, but he didn't care he just wanted to get away.
Squall arrived in Timber later that night. He reached Emma's and gently knocked on the door. The door creaked open and a surprised Emma entered the doorway.
"My.god.Squall what are you doing here?"
"I.I needed to get away, I hope you don't mind. If I'm at all a burden I'll go stay at a hotel."
"Don't be silly Squall come on in."
She ushers him into the house shutting the door behind him.
"Can I get you anything to drink or eat?"
"No.no that's alright."
He was distressed it was plain enough for anyone to see, but he knew Emma didn't see it; she felt it. She felt it the same way that Squall could feel it in her.
Squall was sitting on one of the kitchen table chairs. Emma pulled up a chair next to his, and in angelic movement wiped one of his loose bangs away from his eyes.
"Squall, what's wrong? I know you probably don't want to tell me, but I want you to know that I'm here if you want anyone to listen."
Squall looked at her and into her brilliant emerald eyes. Nothing but sincere caring shined through.
At that moment he felt his heart ache. There were so many reasons for his broken down heart, but when he looked in front of him and looked at Emma he could feel his heart start to mend.
"Will you just sit here with me?" His request was so honest and simple, but it was something within those words that held the greater importance. He couldn't explain it, he just knew it.
"Squall if that's what you want then of course."
So they just sat there with no words exchanged, no words were ever needed.
With them just sitting there in silence Squall got to thinking. Here he was with this beautiful, intelligent, amazing woman sitting right next to him. She made his heart beat fast, she made him smile, he missed her when he wasn't with her and when he was with her everything was just somehow magically better. She made him feel again.
Despite all those wonderful things she made him feel one thing that was tearing Squall apart-guilt.
You only get one love of your life. You only get one person that your suppose to spent the rest of your life with. He lost his.
Rinoa was his love, his soul mate, his best friend; she was his reason for everything. Everyday, even when he was with Emma, he thought of her. Everyday he ached for her and everyday he felt the bitter pain of the life they missed out on together.
It wasn't fair for him to find someone else. How could there be anyone else? How could he possible love another woman?
He looked down at Emma who was now sleeping peacefully against his shoulder. Watching her sleep Squall realized it wasn't fair to either of the two women.
Slowly he got up from his chair, being ever so careful not to wake Emma. He gentle lifted her up from her own chair and carried her to the closest bed. Tucking her into the covers he stopped for a moment just to look at her. So many feelings were running inside of him. He took a deep sigh, it was better this way.
Digging through her kitchen Squall came up with a piece of paper and a pen. Quickly scribbling something down on the paper Squall left the note on her table. With one last look at Emma's sleeping figure Squall left.
Waiting for Emma was a note which read.
Emma, I'm sorry. Your one of the most amazing people I've ever met. I mean that with every fiber in my body, that's why I have to leave. You don't deserve someone as messed up as me. You deserve so much better. Please understand that it's better this way. Always, Squall
Upon returning back to Balamb Quistis, Seifer and Zell immediately approached him. Quistis was the first to apologize.
"We had no right to pry into your business like that Squall. Were all terribly sorry."
Seifer followed Quistis' apology. "Yeah you're a big boy and can handle your own problems. Just remember were here if you ever need any help."
"I hate to say it, but Seifer's right," Zell chimed in his voice dead serious. "Were here for you man. Through thick and thin. Nothing will ever change that."
Squall pats Zell's shoulder. "Thanks guys I appreciate it, but this is one of those things that I have to figure out for myself."
Leaving them confused and concerned Squall walked away, and went to his dorm room.
A few days went by since Squall left Emma. He had plenty of time to dwell on his decision, which never helped. What was done was done, Squall just wished he could feel that way, but deep inside Squall knew something was missing. He could just feel it.
One day Squall was busying himself in the training center. His thoughts being swept away and replace by the swift graceful movements of his gunblade.
Squall was ready to call it a day, his sweat was dripping off from his body and his strikes with his gunblade were getting weaker. He had only taken a couple steps towards the exit when he heard a monstrous roar running full speed in his direction. Squall pointed his gunblade in the direction of his opponent ready for the attack.
The monster was only a few meters away when Squall heard a faint voice from behind him.
"Do you need any help?"
Squall didn't need to turn around to know who that voice belonged to; it would be installed in his memory forever. Without turning to face her Squall asked.
"Emma what are you doing here?"
She didn't have time to answer for a vicious tyrannosaur was now upon them. With Emma's help the two slashed away at the prehistoric beast showing no mercy as they released strike after strike.
In no time the T-rex fell to the ground creating a massive boom that echoed throughout the training center. Emma stared as the breathless animal, but Squall's attention was else where. He repeated the question that he had asked before.
"Emma what are you doing here?"
Emma looks up from the dinosaur her eyes meeting his own.
"You left me. You left me just like everyman before you has. I thought you be the one guy that might have stayed around. You're the one person I thought the most of in the entire world.then one morning I find a note."
"Emma, this isn't something I planned. I never wanted to get so involved with you, but I couldn't help it. You do something to me that leaves me breathless."
"Then why did you leave?" You could see the pain that she was so desperately trying to hide. It tore Squall apart.
"Because I couldn't be everything you need. I would never be able to give you my all."
Her voice was nothing more then a mumble as she says to him. "Because of Rinoa."
"I don't deserve to be given a second chance at love Emma."
Emma stayed quiet her eyes not quite able to reach his own. He couldn't blame her; Squall could barely look in the mirror anymore. He was about to walk away when from her silence Emma spoke.
"I don't want to replace Rinoa, I never did. I know she's going to be part of you forever. I just wanted to be part of you too. Have a word to trust, a heart to share, and a love that's unconditional. Whenever I look at you Squall my heart starts to churn and it's washed in this warm feeling that I could only describe as love. When you're next to me I feel like I don't have to hide from the world. I feel so much its incredible. I do anything for you Squall."
"I don't deserve something like that." Squall whispered. "I don't deserve someone like you."
"Why Squall? If Rinoa was here do you think she would say that? God I wish I could bring her back. Make your eyes light up in that way that they rarely do, but I can't no one can. Why.why can't we be together?"
"Dammit Emma!" Squall yelled getting frustrated. "I can't, I told you I can't! Why do you need more then that!?"
Emma stared at him tears were filling her eyes, but still she stared.
"Because I believe in you. I expect more from you because that's who you are Squall Leonhart. Someone to depend on, someone more amazing then you'll ever give yourself credit for. I see it in your eyes it never wavers."
Squall steps closer to Emma so their faces were less then an inch away and their eyes were level. "Maybe you should take a better look." He snarls and before she could reply he walked away.
Squall had a yearning impulse to run back to her, but he pushed it away. This was for the best. He kept repeating that to himself trying to believe that it was true.it wasn't.
For the Best
Often after that first visit did Squall go back to Timber. He go up there for a couple of days every week. He looked forward to seeing Emma; her smile was the highlight of his week.
His friends were starting to get suspicious of his disappearances. Squall never told them when he was going to leave. He would just leave a note on his desk and hope that they find it the next morning.
One morning after he had just returned from one of his visits Quistis and the others had cornered him in his office. She began asking persistent questions about his absentness.
"So where do you keep going Squall? You're always leaving, never giving anybody any notice. Tell us Squall, what or who has captured your attention so effectively?"
Zell let's out a chortle. "I think our Squall has met a girl." Zell's teasing was brought to an abrupt halt when he caught sight of the deadly glare that Squall was giving him.
"Honestly Squall," Seifer spoke up. "What's going on?"
Squall stands up furious. "Whatever I'm doing is none of your business! Just leave me the hell alone!"
As he stormed out of his office he felt everyone's eyes watching him, but he didn't care he just wanted to get away.
Squall arrived in Timber later that night. He reached Emma's and gently knocked on the door. The door creaked open and a surprised Emma entered the doorway.
"My.god.Squall what are you doing here?"
"I.I needed to get away, I hope you don't mind. If I'm at all a burden I'll go stay at a hotel."
"Don't be silly Squall come on in."
She ushers him into the house shutting the door behind him.
"Can I get you anything to drink or eat?"
"No.no that's alright."
He was distressed it was plain enough for anyone to see, but he knew Emma didn't see it; she felt it. She felt it the same way that Squall could feel it in her.
Squall was sitting on one of the kitchen table chairs. Emma pulled up a chair next to his, and in angelic movement wiped one of his loose bangs away from his eyes.
"Squall, what's wrong? I know you probably don't want to tell me, but I want you to know that I'm here if you want anyone to listen."
Squall looked at her and into her brilliant emerald eyes. Nothing but sincere caring shined through.
At that moment he felt his heart ache. There were so many reasons for his broken down heart, but when he looked in front of him and looked at Emma he could feel his heart start to mend.
"Will you just sit here with me?" His request was so honest and simple, but it was something within those words that held the greater importance. He couldn't explain it, he just knew it.
"Squall if that's what you want then of course."
So they just sat there with no words exchanged, no words were ever needed.
With them just sitting there in silence Squall got to thinking. Here he was with this beautiful, intelligent, amazing woman sitting right next to him. She made his heart beat fast, she made him smile, he missed her when he wasn't with her and when he was with her everything was just somehow magically better. She made him feel again.
Despite all those wonderful things she made him feel one thing that was tearing Squall apart-guilt.
You only get one love of your life. You only get one person that your suppose to spent the rest of your life with. He lost his.
Rinoa was his love, his soul mate, his best friend; she was his reason for everything. Everyday, even when he was with Emma, he thought of her. Everyday he ached for her and everyday he felt the bitter pain of the life they missed out on together.
It wasn't fair for him to find someone else. How could there be anyone else? How could he possible love another woman?
He looked down at Emma who was now sleeping peacefully against his shoulder. Watching her sleep Squall realized it wasn't fair to either of the two women.
Slowly he got up from his chair, being ever so careful not to wake Emma. He gentle lifted her up from her own chair and carried her to the closest bed. Tucking her into the covers he stopped for a moment just to look at her. So many feelings were running inside of him. He took a deep sigh, it was better this way.
Digging through her kitchen Squall came up with a piece of paper and a pen. Quickly scribbling something down on the paper Squall left the note on her table. With one last look at Emma's sleeping figure Squall left.
Waiting for Emma was a note which read.
Emma, I'm sorry. Your one of the most amazing people I've ever met. I mean that with every fiber in my body, that's why I have to leave. You don't deserve someone as messed up as me. You deserve so much better. Please understand that it's better this way. Always, Squall
Upon returning back to Balamb Quistis, Seifer and Zell immediately approached him. Quistis was the first to apologize.
"We had no right to pry into your business like that Squall. Were all terribly sorry."
Seifer followed Quistis' apology. "Yeah you're a big boy and can handle your own problems. Just remember were here if you ever need any help."
"I hate to say it, but Seifer's right," Zell chimed in his voice dead serious. "Were here for you man. Through thick and thin. Nothing will ever change that."
Squall pats Zell's shoulder. "Thanks guys I appreciate it, but this is one of those things that I have to figure out for myself."
Leaving them confused and concerned Squall walked away, and went to his dorm room.
A few days went by since Squall left Emma. He had plenty of time to dwell on his decision, which never helped. What was done was done, Squall just wished he could feel that way, but deep inside Squall knew something was missing. He could just feel it.
One day Squall was busying himself in the training center. His thoughts being swept away and replace by the swift graceful movements of his gunblade.
Squall was ready to call it a day, his sweat was dripping off from his body and his strikes with his gunblade were getting weaker. He had only taken a couple steps towards the exit when he heard a monstrous roar running full speed in his direction. Squall pointed his gunblade in the direction of his opponent ready for the attack.
The monster was only a few meters away when Squall heard a faint voice from behind him.
"Do you need any help?"
Squall didn't need to turn around to know who that voice belonged to; it would be installed in his memory forever. Without turning to face her Squall asked.
"Emma what are you doing here?"
She didn't have time to answer for a vicious tyrannosaur was now upon them. With Emma's help the two slashed away at the prehistoric beast showing no mercy as they released strike after strike.
In no time the T-rex fell to the ground creating a massive boom that echoed throughout the training center. Emma stared as the breathless animal, but Squall's attention was else where. He repeated the question that he had asked before.
"Emma what are you doing here?"
Emma looks up from the dinosaur her eyes meeting his own.
"You left me. You left me just like everyman before you has. I thought you be the one guy that might have stayed around. You're the one person I thought the most of in the entire world.then one morning I find a note."
"Emma, this isn't something I planned. I never wanted to get so involved with you, but I couldn't help it. You do something to me that leaves me breathless."
"Then why did you leave?" You could see the pain that she was so desperately trying to hide. It tore Squall apart.
"Because I couldn't be everything you need. I would never be able to give you my all."
Her voice was nothing more then a mumble as she says to him. "Because of Rinoa."
"I don't deserve to be given a second chance at love Emma."
Emma stayed quiet her eyes not quite able to reach his own. He couldn't blame her; Squall could barely look in the mirror anymore. He was about to walk away when from her silence Emma spoke.
"I don't want to replace Rinoa, I never did. I know she's going to be part of you forever. I just wanted to be part of you too. Have a word to trust, a heart to share, and a love that's unconditional. Whenever I look at you Squall my heart starts to churn and it's washed in this warm feeling that I could only describe as love. When you're next to me I feel like I don't have to hide from the world. I feel so much its incredible. I do anything for you Squall."
"I don't deserve something like that." Squall whispered. "I don't deserve someone like you."
"Why Squall? If Rinoa was here do you think she would say that? God I wish I could bring her back. Make your eyes light up in that way that they rarely do, but I can't no one can. Why.why can't we be together?"
"Dammit Emma!" Squall yelled getting frustrated. "I can't, I told you I can't! Why do you need more then that!?"
Emma stared at him tears were filling her eyes, but still she stared.
"Because I believe in you. I expect more from you because that's who you are Squall Leonhart. Someone to depend on, someone more amazing then you'll ever give yourself credit for. I see it in your eyes it never wavers."
Squall steps closer to Emma so their faces were less then an inch away and their eyes were level. "Maybe you should take a better look." He snarls and before she could reply he walked away.
Squall had a yearning impulse to run back to her, but he pushed it away. This was for the best. He kept repeating that to himself trying to believe that it was true.it wasn't.