To Armageddon Girl, and all other reviewers who own a flying china pig that
hangs above their bed, I am truly sorry, and will change my disclaimer
immediately to…. Hm, lemme see now….
Aha! I own them all, and the garden gnomes are proceeding with their devilish plan to take over the world using vicious worm armies…
*************************************************************
Frodo stared balefully out over the balcony at the waterfalls, and sighed heavily.
"Another adventure." He muttered, resting his chin on his folded arms. "I don't think I can handle another adventure, Sam." Sam looked up from where he was packing things into two bags.
"Don't you worry Mr. Frodo. I'll be right behind you. And at least we don't have that ri..." Frodo's eye twitched. "Round metal object to worry about." He picked up his old dented frying pan, and smiled fondly at the rough engraving of 'Frying Pan of Death', under which was his name and address, in case he lost it.
"If its not magical round metal objects of power, its Authors..." Frodo moaned, watching as Sam gave his Frying Pan of Death an experimental swing at an imaginary orc.
"Don't worry." Sam said again. "We'll soon sort this Author out." He looked up at his best friend and smiled reassuringly. "I won't leave you Mr. Frodo." Frodo smiled for the first time that day.
"Oh Sam."
The smile soon faded however, when what could only be described as an 'orgasmic' scream was heard on the sudden dramatic breeze (am I overworking this?). Sam looked up, grabbing his frying pan.
"That sounds like you Mr. Frodo!" He stated, Frodo leapt off his seat.
"Come on Sam! Someone could be in trouble!" The two hobbits raced from the balcony towards where they thought the sound had come from. After running down, then up several lots of stairs, they finally came to another balcony, hidden in the shade of the cliff. Sam, wielding his Frying Pan of Death, ran in first, followed not so closely by the unarmed Frodo. They both stopped dead in their tracks at the site that met them.
Orlando and Elijah were both shirtless, and were leaning against the aforementioned supporting pillar, pressed up close and kissing passionately. Frodo's mouth dropped open, and Sam blushed and looked away. The two Things seemed to not realise they were there, as Orlando's hands were gradually making their way down to the top of Elijah's jeans.
"Um..." They froze when they heard Sam cough slightly. Slowly, they turned to look at the two hobbits, Frodo's mouth still hanging open and Sam still wielding his frying pan.
"Ah..." Elijah said, as Orlando quickly moved his hands away from Elijah's torso.
"Um..." He agreed, and Elijah scooted off Orlando's lap.
"Gosh, that Authors getting more powerful!" Frodo suddenly stated, and Orlando and Elijah looked at each other. "Forcing you to..." Frodo's eyes suddenly darkened. "We have to stop this thing at once!"
"Um, yeah, the... Author, did this." Elijah said, hesitantly, then bit his lip, worriedly. Orlando nodded slowly.
"Obviously..." He agreed, watching as Frodo turned on his heel and paced out. Sam looked at the two Things, then at his frying pan, then at the way Frodo had gone.
"Wait for me Mr. Frodo!" He called out, suddenly racing after his friend. Orlando and Elijah looked at each other, then smiled nervously. Orlando held out his hand and grinned. Elijah took it, letting himself be pulled back into his lovers embrace.
Sean listened, a far away look in his eyes as Pippin chattered on next to him.
"Then there's Frodo of course, he's my second cousin, twice removed, on his mothers side, but he's..."
"Pippin." Sean smiled gratefully at his saviour. Merry grinned back. "I think Sean's heard enough about our family tree." Pippin looked confused.
"But there's Frodo's fathers side to..."
"No!" Sean snapped. "I mean, er, no, that's okay, really..."
"Are you sure?" Pippin asked, swinging his legs off the chair that was a little too big for him.
"Um, yeah, quite sure. I read the appendix anyway." Sean sighed and looked round the room.
"Appendix?" Merry asked, as Pippin shrugged.
"Yeah, at the end of the book."
"Which book?" Pippin asked, as Merry sat down next to him.
"The book that.... The one I'm in right now, actually." Sean looked puzzled. "I mean...The one about you... About Frodo and the... The War of the Rings one." Pippin looked curious.
"There's a book about us?" Merry grinned.
"And we're in it?" Sean nodded.
"Yeah, you were in the War of the Rings, weren't you?" The two hobbits grinned proudly.
"Of course we were, we're knights." Pippin nodded, sitting up straighter in the slightly too tall chair. "And good ones at that."
"Well, that one." Sean slumped back in his seat. Pippin and Merry glanced at each other.
"Wanna play a game?" Merry asked suddenly. Sean looked up.
"Hm?"
"A game, or do a practical joke or something?"
"Please?" Pippin added, as Sean looked unsure.
"Okay, okay. What kind of practical joke?"
"I had no idea Elrond had all this stuff in his bathroom!" Sean exclaimed, looking round the huge room in surprise. And huge it was, almost as big as the balcony on which the Council had taken place. Shelves lined one wall, upon which were hundreds of cosmetics. A bathtub and jacuzzi took up one corner, whilst a built-in sauna stood just next to the door. Merry grinned knowingly.
"I know. Come on!" He and Pippin quickly ran to the shelves, and started searching among them frantically. "Warn us if someone's coming." Merry hissed to Sean as an afterthought. Sean nodded, and looked warily out of the door. With a short cry of triumph, Pippin handed the glass bottle he had been searching for to Merry, who quickly pulled the cork out and drained its contents out the window. Pulling something from his pocket, Merry proceeded to quickly fill the glass bottle with a new substance. Sean frowned.
"What's that?" He whispered loudly, and Merry shushed him with a finger to his lips.
"Just something to give old Elrond a shock. He needs to liven up." He hissed, then pushed the cork back into the bottle and gave it to Pippin to replace back on the shelf. That done, the hobbits giggled and started towards the door. Sean peered round the doorframe, and froze.
"Quick, hide!" He yelped and the two hobbits and the man ran into the sauna, barely closing the door in time, as Elrond wandered into his bathroom
.
The three pranksters held their breath, as they heard Elrond do whatever it was he did in his bathroom. Then suddenly, they heard running water. Pippin started shaking his head violently.
"Oh please not a bath.... pleeeeeeeease..." Sean heard him mutter under his breath, then listened intently to what was going on outside the sauna. Elrond muttering something, then a long drawn-out sigh. He was indeed having a bath.
Legolas leant back against Aragorn's chest and wondered why he didn't feel awkward. Actually, it felt quite nice. He sighed, and Aragorn tightened his arms around the elf's waist. They were sitting on a bridge, watching the waterfalls. Legolas felt himself smile as Aragorn planted a gentle kiss on his neck.
"Do you think the Author is making us do this?" He asked gently, and he heard Aragorn sigh against his hair.
"I don't know." He replied, closing his eyes and resting his chin on Legolas' shoulder. "It could be. But as long as the Author is in power, there isn't a lot we can do about it, is there?" Legolas frowned.
"So, you think we should just let it control us?"
"Of course not." Aragorn snapped, tightening his grip a little more. "Its just... we leave in the morning, this is our last night in Rivendell... The Authors power is not as strong in here."
"Then it will be a lot worse when we leave." Legolas finished for him, closing his eyes and let himself relax against Aragorn's body. "I don't think we'll be able to hold the power at bay for long." Aragorn nodded, and they were silent for a while. "Aragorn..."
"Hm?"
"Maybe you should talk to Arwen." Legolas felt the ranger tense against him. "You are kinda... well, you're married Aragorn, I think she should know about this..."
"I think she knows, and with the way she's been fluttering her eyelashes at that.... Thing!" Aragorn snapped, and abruptly stood up. Legolas yelped as he fell back. "You're right. I should talk to her." He stalked off, leaving Legolas staring after him.
Sean peeled his shirt off, groaning in the intense heat. Pippin and Merry weren't much better.
"Honestly Pippin." Merry growled, undoing the buttons on his shirt. "Only you could manage to lock us in and turn the sauna on." Pippin would have blushed, if he wasn't already bright red from the heat.
"Sorry, it was an accident..." He panted, wiping the sweat from his forehead.
"How come Elrond has all this stuff anyway?" Sean asked, deciding to change the subject quickly. The hobbits shrugged.
"We don't know. I think he uses his Ring to power it." Merry said, running his hands through his now wet hair. "You know, the jacuzzi and stuff. The fridge is best..." He smiled to himself. "Oh I could use an ice-cream right now." Sean decided to let it go, thinking caused him to heat up too much.
"How long can someone be in the bath?" He exclaimed suddenly, forgetting all about being quiet. Suddenly the door opened, and the two hobbits and man inside found themselves facing an irate towel-wearing Elrond.
"For as long as three idiots can hide in his sauna." He growled, then moved out of the way to let them out. They grabbed their clothes and fell out of the sauna, gasping for breath. "And whose idea was it to replace my bubble- bath with milk powder?"
Aha! I own them all, and the garden gnomes are proceeding with their devilish plan to take over the world using vicious worm armies…
*************************************************************
Frodo stared balefully out over the balcony at the waterfalls, and sighed heavily.
"Another adventure." He muttered, resting his chin on his folded arms. "I don't think I can handle another adventure, Sam." Sam looked up from where he was packing things into two bags.
"Don't you worry Mr. Frodo. I'll be right behind you. And at least we don't have that ri..." Frodo's eye twitched. "Round metal object to worry about." He picked up his old dented frying pan, and smiled fondly at the rough engraving of 'Frying Pan of Death', under which was his name and address, in case he lost it.
"If its not magical round metal objects of power, its Authors..." Frodo moaned, watching as Sam gave his Frying Pan of Death an experimental swing at an imaginary orc.
"Don't worry." Sam said again. "We'll soon sort this Author out." He looked up at his best friend and smiled reassuringly. "I won't leave you Mr. Frodo." Frodo smiled for the first time that day.
"Oh Sam."
The smile soon faded however, when what could only be described as an 'orgasmic' scream was heard on the sudden dramatic breeze (am I overworking this?). Sam looked up, grabbing his frying pan.
"That sounds like you Mr. Frodo!" He stated, Frodo leapt off his seat.
"Come on Sam! Someone could be in trouble!" The two hobbits raced from the balcony towards where they thought the sound had come from. After running down, then up several lots of stairs, they finally came to another balcony, hidden in the shade of the cliff. Sam, wielding his Frying Pan of Death, ran in first, followed not so closely by the unarmed Frodo. They both stopped dead in their tracks at the site that met them.
Orlando and Elijah were both shirtless, and were leaning against the aforementioned supporting pillar, pressed up close and kissing passionately. Frodo's mouth dropped open, and Sam blushed and looked away. The two Things seemed to not realise they were there, as Orlando's hands were gradually making their way down to the top of Elijah's jeans.
"Um..." They froze when they heard Sam cough slightly. Slowly, they turned to look at the two hobbits, Frodo's mouth still hanging open and Sam still wielding his frying pan.
"Ah..." Elijah said, as Orlando quickly moved his hands away from Elijah's torso.
"Um..." He agreed, and Elijah scooted off Orlando's lap.
"Gosh, that Authors getting more powerful!" Frodo suddenly stated, and Orlando and Elijah looked at each other. "Forcing you to..." Frodo's eyes suddenly darkened. "We have to stop this thing at once!"
"Um, yeah, the... Author, did this." Elijah said, hesitantly, then bit his lip, worriedly. Orlando nodded slowly.
"Obviously..." He agreed, watching as Frodo turned on his heel and paced out. Sam looked at the two Things, then at his frying pan, then at the way Frodo had gone.
"Wait for me Mr. Frodo!" He called out, suddenly racing after his friend. Orlando and Elijah looked at each other, then smiled nervously. Orlando held out his hand and grinned. Elijah took it, letting himself be pulled back into his lovers embrace.
Sean listened, a far away look in his eyes as Pippin chattered on next to him.
"Then there's Frodo of course, he's my second cousin, twice removed, on his mothers side, but he's..."
"Pippin." Sean smiled gratefully at his saviour. Merry grinned back. "I think Sean's heard enough about our family tree." Pippin looked confused.
"But there's Frodo's fathers side to..."
"No!" Sean snapped. "I mean, er, no, that's okay, really..."
"Are you sure?" Pippin asked, swinging his legs off the chair that was a little too big for him.
"Um, yeah, quite sure. I read the appendix anyway." Sean sighed and looked round the room.
"Appendix?" Merry asked, as Pippin shrugged.
"Yeah, at the end of the book."
"Which book?" Pippin asked, as Merry sat down next to him.
"The book that.... The one I'm in right now, actually." Sean looked puzzled. "I mean...The one about you... About Frodo and the... The War of the Rings one." Pippin looked curious.
"There's a book about us?" Merry grinned.
"And we're in it?" Sean nodded.
"Yeah, you were in the War of the Rings, weren't you?" The two hobbits grinned proudly.
"Of course we were, we're knights." Pippin nodded, sitting up straighter in the slightly too tall chair. "And good ones at that."
"Well, that one." Sean slumped back in his seat. Pippin and Merry glanced at each other.
"Wanna play a game?" Merry asked suddenly. Sean looked up.
"Hm?"
"A game, or do a practical joke or something?"
"Please?" Pippin added, as Sean looked unsure.
"Okay, okay. What kind of practical joke?"
"I had no idea Elrond had all this stuff in his bathroom!" Sean exclaimed, looking round the huge room in surprise. And huge it was, almost as big as the balcony on which the Council had taken place. Shelves lined one wall, upon which were hundreds of cosmetics. A bathtub and jacuzzi took up one corner, whilst a built-in sauna stood just next to the door. Merry grinned knowingly.
"I know. Come on!" He and Pippin quickly ran to the shelves, and started searching among them frantically. "Warn us if someone's coming." Merry hissed to Sean as an afterthought. Sean nodded, and looked warily out of the door. With a short cry of triumph, Pippin handed the glass bottle he had been searching for to Merry, who quickly pulled the cork out and drained its contents out the window. Pulling something from his pocket, Merry proceeded to quickly fill the glass bottle with a new substance. Sean frowned.
"What's that?" He whispered loudly, and Merry shushed him with a finger to his lips.
"Just something to give old Elrond a shock. He needs to liven up." He hissed, then pushed the cork back into the bottle and gave it to Pippin to replace back on the shelf. That done, the hobbits giggled and started towards the door. Sean peered round the doorframe, and froze.
"Quick, hide!" He yelped and the two hobbits and the man ran into the sauna, barely closing the door in time, as Elrond wandered into his bathroom
.
The three pranksters held their breath, as they heard Elrond do whatever it was he did in his bathroom. Then suddenly, they heard running water. Pippin started shaking his head violently.
"Oh please not a bath.... pleeeeeeeease..." Sean heard him mutter under his breath, then listened intently to what was going on outside the sauna. Elrond muttering something, then a long drawn-out sigh. He was indeed having a bath.
Legolas leant back against Aragorn's chest and wondered why he didn't feel awkward. Actually, it felt quite nice. He sighed, and Aragorn tightened his arms around the elf's waist. They were sitting on a bridge, watching the waterfalls. Legolas felt himself smile as Aragorn planted a gentle kiss on his neck.
"Do you think the Author is making us do this?" He asked gently, and he heard Aragorn sigh against his hair.
"I don't know." He replied, closing his eyes and resting his chin on Legolas' shoulder. "It could be. But as long as the Author is in power, there isn't a lot we can do about it, is there?" Legolas frowned.
"So, you think we should just let it control us?"
"Of course not." Aragorn snapped, tightening his grip a little more. "Its just... we leave in the morning, this is our last night in Rivendell... The Authors power is not as strong in here."
"Then it will be a lot worse when we leave." Legolas finished for him, closing his eyes and let himself relax against Aragorn's body. "I don't think we'll be able to hold the power at bay for long." Aragorn nodded, and they were silent for a while. "Aragorn..."
"Hm?"
"Maybe you should talk to Arwen." Legolas felt the ranger tense against him. "You are kinda... well, you're married Aragorn, I think she should know about this..."
"I think she knows, and with the way she's been fluttering her eyelashes at that.... Thing!" Aragorn snapped, and abruptly stood up. Legolas yelped as he fell back. "You're right. I should talk to her." He stalked off, leaving Legolas staring after him.
Sean peeled his shirt off, groaning in the intense heat. Pippin and Merry weren't much better.
"Honestly Pippin." Merry growled, undoing the buttons on his shirt. "Only you could manage to lock us in and turn the sauna on." Pippin would have blushed, if he wasn't already bright red from the heat.
"Sorry, it was an accident..." He panted, wiping the sweat from his forehead.
"How come Elrond has all this stuff anyway?" Sean asked, deciding to change the subject quickly. The hobbits shrugged.
"We don't know. I think he uses his Ring to power it." Merry said, running his hands through his now wet hair. "You know, the jacuzzi and stuff. The fridge is best..." He smiled to himself. "Oh I could use an ice-cream right now." Sean decided to let it go, thinking caused him to heat up too much.
"How long can someone be in the bath?" He exclaimed suddenly, forgetting all about being quiet. Suddenly the door opened, and the two hobbits and man inside found themselves facing an irate towel-wearing Elrond.
"For as long as three idiots can hide in his sauna." He growled, then moved out of the way to let them out. They grabbed their clothes and fell out of the sauna, gasping for breath. "And whose idea was it to replace my bubble- bath with milk powder?"