Yes, Elrond in a dress… I like that image… he has really nice legs! He
really does! Yes he does Laura! Don't interrupt my manic (street preachers)
typing! If you haven't seen Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, you should!
It's a very good fillum! Tis! You shall see Hugo Weaving in the dress that
is described in this story! WITH FISHNET TIGHTS!
Do you all know what Orville is? If not, then it's a giant green bird that wears a nappy, has a very high-pitched voice and it absolutely terrified my cousin and me when we were little toddlers… and still does actually…. it released a song... 'I wish I could fly, right up to the sky, but I can't…' cos we would shoot it if it did…
Wangry is a phrase I 'ave nicked, I 'ave. From Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps... funny show…
AND CHIP BUTTIES ARE ACTUALLY VERY NICE! HINDEED!
WEVE SEEN THE PREVIEW AGAIN! WOOHOO!
Oh, and MarigoldG, thankyou for noting the NOT GRAPHIC AT ALL, LAURA!, line about 'give me a chance and you will… honestly, she complains, then wont let me take it out, wonder why? She keeps chanting Dominic next to me, its quite disturbing… and where was Billy's head? And which one am I talking aboot?
Oh, and I HAVE INSPIRATION! I AM NOT USED TO THIS!
Thanks to MarigoldG from Laura… (the hand of gondor, ie the author formerly known as easy access culture slut) she is very happy with your reviews of her story. We danced!
This is like the 5th time I've changed this tonight!
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Aragorn was upset. He had left Gondor on the condition that he would go on a decent quest, or orc-hunt, and spend a little time with his best buddy Legolas. He knew he shouldn't have bothered when Arwen insisted on coming as far as Rivendell to see 'dear Daddy', and had delayed him for three days by packing dresses, hair clips and several bags of 'women's things'. It hadn't exactly filled him with confidence as, on his arrival, both Elrond and Glorfindel had cornered him for the 'you better treat her right or we will remove a certain part of your anatomy with Sam's garden shears' talk. After satiating Elrond's manic over-protective streak, he had run into Legolas braiding his hair. That in itself wasn't that bad. The fact that it was in bunches with bright pink ribbons just added to his long list of 'moments to forget'.
And now he was finally on this quest to destroy a powerful Author, and he wished he had never bothered. Give him Uruk-hai, give him huge fire breathing Balrogs, hell, give him annoying wizards who speak in riddles and steal the best horses, but the first glimpse of a slash-happy Author, and he would happily curl up in bed and read a good book.
Legolas was still brushing his hair, braiding it quickly (but fortunately for Aragorn's sanity, not in bunches). All the hobbits, Boromir and Sean kept giving him heated stares, which he ignored and chatted quietly to Elijah and Orlando, the only ones who seemed unaffected by the elf's complete lack of modesty.
"Everyone." Aragorn stood up and clapped his hands to get everyone's attention. "We seem to have forgotten what we're on this mission… quest… thing… for in the first place!" He frowned as several members of the Fellowship giggled. "We set off in an hour! Be ready or we leave you behind!" He shook his head and started to get his stuff together.
"Someone's in a mood." Legolas muttered, wandering over to gather his bow, quiver and daggers. Sean sidled up to him.
"Hi Legolas." He grinned. The elf gave him a funny look (so Sean gave it back, with 10% interest).
"Hi Sean." He said back, fastening his quiver onto his back.
"Want some help with that?" Sean offered, smiling at Legolas.
"No its okay. Really." Legolas clipped his daggers on. "I've been doing this for 3000 years, I think I've got the hang of it." Sean nodded, and there was an uncomfortable silence.
"I, er… I have to just… go over there." He grinned nervously and sidled off.
The hobbits packed their stuff reluctantly. They didn't want to go to Mordor. To be honest, Merry and Pippin had quite enjoyed their little romp in the woods, and Sam was eyeing Orlando up as they packed. Frodo was happy watching the others make fools of themselves, and Aragorn and Legolas was much more entertaining than watching the ringwraiths wander round his house, though Sam had claimed they weren't there. Frodo had concluded that Sam was either selectively blind, or had been affected by that evil round metal object of power. Don't know what effect that might have on a poor hobbit gardener like Samwise.
Orlando and Elijah didn't bother packing. Mainly because the only thing they had brought was their clothes (which were in danger of getting lost in the surrounding foliage whenever they came across an isolated clearing). Billy and Dominic had finally gotten out of the water, and kept flashing each other… er, heated stares. Kept flashing each other heated stares. Obviously.
Aragorn was pleased. For the first time since that damned round metal object of power was found, the others were actually listening to him. He hadn't actually wanted to go on that quest, damn destiny interfering again. All he wanted was to wander the wilds and kill orcs and looks suspicious and harass hobbits in sleazy pubs. But no, he had to 'face his destiny', and actually have *baths* for Valar's sake! He's a *ranger*! He didn't do *baths*. However, Aragorn's surprisingly good mood was soon to be interrupted.
"Ah! Help me! Please, someone help me!" A figure in a green sparkly dress, with a corset top and silver lining, racing towards them from between the trees. It ran towards them, Merry and Pippin quickly stepped to the side, and the figure ran into Legolas, wrapping its arms round him.
"Lord Elrond?" Legolas looked at the petrified figure that was draped over him. Elrond shuddered.
"Please! Please help me! Hide me! Anything!" He whimpered, and clung harder to the surprised blonde elf. Legolas soothingly stroked his hair, and looked down at him, trying not to look down his corset.
"What do you mean? What's after you?"
"Orcs?" Sam asked hopefully, already gripping the handle of the Frying Pan of Death.
"Elly! Elly, where are you?" A female voice called out, and Elrond shrieked and ducked behind Legolas. Laura ran out from between the trees. "Elly? Ah, Elly, there you are!" She started towards Elrond, but Legolas had drawn his bow (realized now was not the time and put the pencils and paper away) and aimed an arrow at Laura.
"Back, foul demon!"
"She… She keeps calling me Elly and making fun of my eyebrows!" Elrond whimpered, and Aragorn patted his bare shoulder sympathetically. Laura sighed.
"I was just saying. They do frighten small children!" Suddenly, she shrieked and clapped her hand to her mouth. "Ah! Scary images! Michael Jackson… with Elrond's eyebrows… and Orville's body! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" The fellowship watched in shock as Laura (as she had scared herself) turned and ran towards the trees again. She suddenly screeched to a halt. Dominic was smiling at her, and he waved shyly. She fainted, woke up, pulled herself to her feet, waved back, smiled shyly and walked off.
"So, Elrond. Why the dress?" Elrond sheepishly stepped out from behind Legolas. "Fishnet tights? Honestly, Elrond, you have no style!" Aragorn rolled his eyes.
"Its not my fault!" Elrond protested.
Billy glared at Dominic, an angry look on his face (you know, pursed lips, narrowed eyes, very sexy…). Dominic noticed, and sighed.
"Billy, don't be jealous." Billy just folded his arms and turned his head away. "Don't get angry wangry!"
"Don't call me a wangry!"
Do you all know what Orville is? If not, then it's a giant green bird that wears a nappy, has a very high-pitched voice and it absolutely terrified my cousin and me when we were little toddlers… and still does actually…. it released a song... 'I wish I could fly, right up to the sky, but I can't…' cos we would shoot it if it did…
Wangry is a phrase I 'ave nicked, I 'ave. From Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps... funny show…
AND CHIP BUTTIES ARE ACTUALLY VERY NICE! HINDEED!
WEVE SEEN THE PREVIEW AGAIN! WOOHOO!
Oh, and MarigoldG, thankyou for noting the NOT GRAPHIC AT ALL, LAURA!, line about 'give me a chance and you will… honestly, she complains, then wont let me take it out, wonder why? She keeps chanting Dominic next to me, its quite disturbing… and where was Billy's head? And which one am I talking aboot?
Oh, and I HAVE INSPIRATION! I AM NOT USED TO THIS!
Thanks to MarigoldG from Laura… (the hand of gondor, ie the author formerly known as easy access culture slut) she is very happy with your reviews of her story. We danced!
This is like the 5th time I've changed this tonight!
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Aragorn was upset. He had left Gondor on the condition that he would go on a decent quest, or orc-hunt, and spend a little time with his best buddy Legolas. He knew he shouldn't have bothered when Arwen insisted on coming as far as Rivendell to see 'dear Daddy', and had delayed him for three days by packing dresses, hair clips and several bags of 'women's things'. It hadn't exactly filled him with confidence as, on his arrival, both Elrond and Glorfindel had cornered him for the 'you better treat her right or we will remove a certain part of your anatomy with Sam's garden shears' talk. After satiating Elrond's manic over-protective streak, he had run into Legolas braiding his hair. That in itself wasn't that bad. The fact that it was in bunches with bright pink ribbons just added to his long list of 'moments to forget'.
And now he was finally on this quest to destroy a powerful Author, and he wished he had never bothered. Give him Uruk-hai, give him huge fire breathing Balrogs, hell, give him annoying wizards who speak in riddles and steal the best horses, but the first glimpse of a slash-happy Author, and he would happily curl up in bed and read a good book.
Legolas was still brushing his hair, braiding it quickly (but fortunately for Aragorn's sanity, not in bunches). All the hobbits, Boromir and Sean kept giving him heated stares, which he ignored and chatted quietly to Elijah and Orlando, the only ones who seemed unaffected by the elf's complete lack of modesty.
"Everyone." Aragorn stood up and clapped his hands to get everyone's attention. "We seem to have forgotten what we're on this mission… quest… thing… for in the first place!" He frowned as several members of the Fellowship giggled. "We set off in an hour! Be ready or we leave you behind!" He shook his head and started to get his stuff together.
"Someone's in a mood." Legolas muttered, wandering over to gather his bow, quiver and daggers. Sean sidled up to him.
"Hi Legolas." He grinned. The elf gave him a funny look (so Sean gave it back, with 10% interest).
"Hi Sean." He said back, fastening his quiver onto his back.
"Want some help with that?" Sean offered, smiling at Legolas.
"No its okay. Really." Legolas clipped his daggers on. "I've been doing this for 3000 years, I think I've got the hang of it." Sean nodded, and there was an uncomfortable silence.
"I, er… I have to just… go over there." He grinned nervously and sidled off.
The hobbits packed their stuff reluctantly. They didn't want to go to Mordor. To be honest, Merry and Pippin had quite enjoyed their little romp in the woods, and Sam was eyeing Orlando up as they packed. Frodo was happy watching the others make fools of themselves, and Aragorn and Legolas was much more entertaining than watching the ringwraiths wander round his house, though Sam had claimed they weren't there. Frodo had concluded that Sam was either selectively blind, or had been affected by that evil round metal object of power. Don't know what effect that might have on a poor hobbit gardener like Samwise.
Orlando and Elijah didn't bother packing. Mainly because the only thing they had brought was their clothes (which were in danger of getting lost in the surrounding foliage whenever they came across an isolated clearing). Billy and Dominic had finally gotten out of the water, and kept flashing each other… er, heated stares. Kept flashing each other heated stares. Obviously.
Aragorn was pleased. For the first time since that damned round metal object of power was found, the others were actually listening to him. He hadn't actually wanted to go on that quest, damn destiny interfering again. All he wanted was to wander the wilds and kill orcs and looks suspicious and harass hobbits in sleazy pubs. But no, he had to 'face his destiny', and actually have *baths* for Valar's sake! He's a *ranger*! He didn't do *baths*. However, Aragorn's surprisingly good mood was soon to be interrupted.
"Ah! Help me! Please, someone help me!" A figure in a green sparkly dress, with a corset top and silver lining, racing towards them from between the trees. It ran towards them, Merry and Pippin quickly stepped to the side, and the figure ran into Legolas, wrapping its arms round him.
"Lord Elrond?" Legolas looked at the petrified figure that was draped over him. Elrond shuddered.
"Please! Please help me! Hide me! Anything!" He whimpered, and clung harder to the surprised blonde elf. Legolas soothingly stroked his hair, and looked down at him, trying not to look down his corset.
"What do you mean? What's after you?"
"Orcs?" Sam asked hopefully, already gripping the handle of the Frying Pan of Death.
"Elly! Elly, where are you?" A female voice called out, and Elrond shrieked and ducked behind Legolas. Laura ran out from between the trees. "Elly? Ah, Elly, there you are!" She started towards Elrond, but Legolas had drawn his bow (realized now was not the time and put the pencils and paper away) and aimed an arrow at Laura.
"Back, foul demon!"
"She… She keeps calling me Elly and making fun of my eyebrows!" Elrond whimpered, and Aragorn patted his bare shoulder sympathetically. Laura sighed.
"I was just saying. They do frighten small children!" Suddenly, she shrieked and clapped her hand to her mouth. "Ah! Scary images! Michael Jackson… with Elrond's eyebrows… and Orville's body! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" The fellowship watched in shock as Laura (as she had scared herself) turned and ran towards the trees again. She suddenly screeched to a halt. Dominic was smiling at her, and he waved shyly. She fainted, woke up, pulled herself to her feet, waved back, smiled shyly and walked off.
"So, Elrond. Why the dress?" Elrond sheepishly stepped out from behind Legolas. "Fishnet tights? Honestly, Elrond, you have no style!" Aragorn rolled his eyes.
"Its not my fault!" Elrond protested.
Billy glared at Dominic, an angry look on his face (you know, pursed lips, narrowed eyes, very sexy…). Dominic noticed, and sighed.
"Billy, don't be jealous." Billy just folded his arms and turned his head away. "Don't get angry wangry!"
"Don't call me a wangry!"