Well. What an odd chapter this turned out to be. I didn't intend it to be
like this you know. I mean it. I didn't have a plan on what I was going to
do, and look what my twisted mind came up with…
Laura, Sam DID enjoy it really. He was only flirting with Orli (and given the chance, who wouldn't?) so stop whining and threatening to kill my loverly jubberly Elrondo with a big stick (hehe… sorry)…
Right, to explain why they are using rocks and leaves as currency;
This is from the Welcome to Caradhras chapter…
"The elves at the counter accepted anything that might be money in any known or unknown culture. The fellowship in total spent several handfuls of rocks, leaves, Pippin's scarf, parts of Legolas' hair and Boromir's fascinating collection of birds feet."
And I came up with this because I couldn't figure out what all the free (and not so free) races of Middle-Earth might collectively assume is money. I could have used gold, but since when did the fellowship carry gold around? And mithril's in pretty short supply at the moment.
So there ya go…
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
About an hour later, the rest of the fellowship found their way to the lounge. After persuading Boromir that flares and platforms would seriously hinder his ability to walk through the wilds of Middle Earth, he had reluctantly agreed to put his old clothes back on, though all they did was remind him where Aragorn's hands had been before Billy had saved them. Billy was adamantly refusing to talk to Aragorn or Boromir, and kept close to Dominic, who in turn kept close to Elijah and Orlando. Sean and Legolas were being very secretive and would talk to each other in whispers. All the hobbits decided something must have happened whilst they were sleeping/playing chess/watching the Last Alliance of Pawns and Kings, and they were going to find out what.
"Hey Orli." Sam smiled up at the Thing, who was having one of his rare few- steps-away-from-Elijah moments.
"Hi Sam… So where were you last night?" Sam blushed, and tried to remember what Merry and Pippin had told him about being confident, and flirting.
"Not where I wanted to be." He replied, stepping a little closer to Orlando and gazing up at him. Orlando flushed slightly, and Sam smiled to himself. Maybe there was hope for him yet… "So, anything interesting happen last night?" Orlando bit his lip, and blushed a little more.
"Um, not really." Sam let his hand rest on Orlando's arm
"Orli." His voice suddenly went quieter and a little lower. "You can tell me…"
Aragorn had decided that enough was enough, and had called a little council in the lounge of the ski resort. Pulling his coat a little tighter around him, he stood waiting as the others settled themselves down to listen.
"Everyone…" He called out, and they all looked at him. Several of them giggled. "We have fallen foul of this Authors power, and have let it distract us long enough…"
"Let it?" Billy scowled at the ranger. "I didn't *let* you handcuff me to the…"
"Anyway…" Aragorn interrupted him, seeing everyone except Billy, Dominic and Boromir suddenly look very interested. "We have to move on!" He stood a little straighter and all but Boromir saw the irony in this and giggled. Boromir looked confused. "We are all that stand between the Author and Middle Earth!" The room fell silent, but the fellowship all began talking at once.
"Silence!" Aragorn's shout silenced them all, and they turned to look at him again. "From now on, no more! No more distractions, no more leaping off into the forests, no more secret trysts in lakes, no more nights spent in several beds with several people…" At this point he stared at Dominic, who blushed and tried to sink into his seat. "And, no… more… slash!" Silence reigned for a moment.
"Um, do we count?" Aragorn glared at Elijah till he put his hand back down and looked to Orlando for moral support.
"We set off in an hour. Be ready." He growled at them, then stomped off to the bar. The fellowship sat in stunned silence.
"Well that's an eye-opener and no mistake." Sam murmured, and the others turned to look at him. "What? It was!"
They set off two hours later, with Aragorn in an even fouler mood than usual. The others purposefully stayed away from him, particularly the hobbits, as they had caused the delay in the first place. Pippin was determined not to lose his beloved scarf (family heirloom) and had come up with a cunning plan to retrieve it from the elves at the gift shop. Merry, Sam and Frodo hadn't been so eager, however, as it had involved them dressing up as can-can girls to distract the elves long enough for Pippin to sneak in the back. Well, Merry and Sam were upset, Frodo took quite quickly to the dance routine, and was rather reluctant to leave his entranced audience.
With that messy business behind them, Aragorn was looking forward to a good, hard (trench thoughts trench thoughts) trek across Middle Earth (phew…). Past Caradhras (the elves had dug out some large winter boots for him to wear, an attractive shade of turquoise with fake fur lining) and then on to…
"Oh for Valar's sake."
Before them, stood the great Walls of Moria.
"How did we get here?" Merry looked over to Pippin, who shrugged.
"I dunno. Where's Caradhras gone?" Merry shrugged back. Aragorn and Legolas were stood looking up at where the huge doors should be. The others lazed around the edge of the lake that had mysteriously appeared in the place of Caradhras Ski Resort, and that Aragorn was warily avoiding.
Mellon." Aragorn commanded the doors in his best kingly voice. Nothing happened. "I said, Mellon!"
"Grapefruit!" Boromir piped up. Legolas and Aragorn ignored him.
"I though you couldn't open the doors till nightfall, you know, 'ithildine, mirrors only starlight and moonlight'?"
"Yes, alright Legolas." The ranger sighed and sat down on a nearby rock.
Billy and Dominic were throwing stones in the lake. Boromir grabbed Billy's arm, as he was about to throw.
"Do not disturb the water." He muttered darkly, but Billy kicked him.
"Hands off buddy."
"Stop stealing my lines, you… you pervy hobbit fancier!" Aragorn objected loudly, as Boromir rubbed his painful kneecap.
"Why? I *always* wanted that line, s'not fair you should get it, Jus' cos you're King o' Gondor…" Boromir trailed off into muttering to himself, and slumped at the bottom of the tree. Which yelped. Boromir jumped away from it, turning to see an eye peering at him. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Boromir raced behind Orlando and Elijah, who quickly pulled their hands away from each other before Aragorn could see. They all turned to look at the Man cowering behind the two Things, who were blushing slightly and avoided each other's gaze.
"Boromir?" Legolas stepped forward, a concerned look on his face (awwwww).
"The… the tree…. It looked at me!" Boromir glared accusingly at the tree in question.
"I did not."
"Aaaaaaaaaaah!" The fellowship exclaimed in shock and quickly backed away from the tree.
"He… hello?" Legolas, having a thing for trees, stepped forward.
"Ah, an elf. Hello." The tree replied, quite cheerfully.
"Are… are you an Ent?" The tree looked quite taken aback.
"An Ent? Me, an Ent?" The fellowship looked at each other. "Of course Im not an Ent. Just your average tree, really." Boromir moved out from behind Orlando and Elijah. "Imagine! Me, an Ent!" The tree seemed rather amused by the idea.
"Then, if you aren't an Ent, what are you?" Aragorn asked, suddenly deciding that being upstaged by a tree was not a particularly good thing to happen to a King.
"Well, I'm just a tree, mate."
"Then, how can you talk?"
"I don't know. I just started talking… couple days ago, and suddenly, I had a mouth. And eyes. Been watching everyone go in and out, and in and out…" Billy began to have rather nice thoughts about Dominic. "A short fellow, a dwarf I think, told me what to say whenever someone came by… now, what was it…" The tree appeared to be thinking.
"Er, 'everyone'?" Legolas asked, becoming a little bolder and stepping up beside the tree.
"What was it… Oh. Yes, everyone. Hundreds of them. Everyday."
"Hundreds of what?"
"Elves. Dwarves. Men. Had a couple of orcs the other day. Got chucked out for vandalism. Graffiti all over the cave troll. The poor dear. He still hasn't got over it." The fellowship gave each other worried looks.
"Um, would you mind…er, why are they coming here?" Boromir was more than a little confused.
"Why, this is Moria! Of course they're coming here!" Sean had decided enough was enough.
"But why are they coming to Moria? What's so good about a big mine full of dead dwarves?! And orcs!" The tree frowned at him.
"Here, that's not right. Talking about Moria like that. Honestly. What are these men coming to?" The tree rolled its eyes. "And fancy. Them not knowing about Moria." Sean turned to the others for help.
"Would you mind telling us? We don't get out much, and Im sure you know a lot more than we do." Elijah had gone in for flattery, and was gazing at the tree with those big blue oh-so-expressive eyes. The tree blushed.
"Well, I suppose I do know a little more than… oh…" Orlando glared at the tree, as it got a little flustered. Elijah smiled at him.
"Jealous of a tree, love?" Orlando just scowled at him.
"Oh, now I remember!" The tree exclaimed, and they all looked at it. The tree drew itself up, and said in a loud voice. "Welcome to the Walls of Moria! In a Few Moments Time, Prepare to Witness the Terrifying Rides and Fantastic Family Fun of… Moria Land!" Aragorn wondered how the tree had learnt to talk with capitals, as it could be useful for a kin such as himself.
"Morialand?" Dominic stared in open mouthed shock (imagine it Laura… are you imagining it? Laura? Laura?! Oh she's fainted again)
"No! Moria Land!" The tree corrected him, and then held out a branch. "12 adults? That'll be…" The tree did some quick mental calculation, (cos everyone knows trees are wizards at maths). "17 rocks, 24 leaves, 2 locks of elf hair…" Legolas whimpered and backed away slightly. "And an apple." Merry looked down at the apple he was suddenly holding. Aragorn searched the pockets of his coat, and realised they were just a little short.
"12 adults? No, no, its 8 adults and 4 children." He smiled at the tree in an attempt at being innocent.
"Children?" The tree peered at the hobbits. "Well, in that case, you could have two family tickets and 4 adults?"
"Um, family?" Aragorn inspected his 'money' again.
"Two adults, two kids. Or of course you could go for group discount."
"How much will that come to?"
"30 rocks and 20 leaves. Oh, and an apple." Aragorn thought about this, until Legolas nudged him and whispered "Group."
"Er, right. Group discount then please." He put the pile of rocks and leaves into the trees out-stretched branch, then snagged Merry's apple and placed it with the rest. The tree smiled at them, and the pile of rocks, leaves and an apple disappeared somewhere. It placed a small booklet in Aragorn's hands.
"Enjoy you Time at Moria Land!" It said cheerfully, and as if by magic, the great stone doors opened before them. Waving at the tree, the fellowship headed inside.
"Well, that was an eye-ope…" Sam was cut off as several members of the fellowship hit him.
Laura, Sam DID enjoy it really. He was only flirting with Orli (and given the chance, who wouldn't?) so stop whining and threatening to kill my loverly jubberly Elrondo with a big stick (hehe… sorry)…
Right, to explain why they are using rocks and leaves as currency;
This is from the Welcome to Caradhras chapter…
"The elves at the counter accepted anything that might be money in any known or unknown culture. The fellowship in total spent several handfuls of rocks, leaves, Pippin's scarf, parts of Legolas' hair and Boromir's fascinating collection of birds feet."
And I came up with this because I couldn't figure out what all the free (and not so free) races of Middle-Earth might collectively assume is money. I could have used gold, but since when did the fellowship carry gold around? And mithril's in pretty short supply at the moment.
So there ya go…
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
About an hour later, the rest of the fellowship found their way to the lounge. After persuading Boromir that flares and platforms would seriously hinder his ability to walk through the wilds of Middle Earth, he had reluctantly agreed to put his old clothes back on, though all they did was remind him where Aragorn's hands had been before Billy had saved them. Billy was adamantly refusing to talk to Aragorn or Boromir, and kept close to Dominic, who in turn kept close to Elijah and Orlando. Sean and Legolas were being very secretive and would talk to each other in whispers. All the hobbits decided something must have happened whilst they were sleeping/playing chess/watching the Last Alliance of Pawns and Kings, and they were going to find out what.
"Hey Orli." Sam smiled up at the Thing, who was having one of his rare few- steps-away-from-Elijah moments.
"Hi Sam… So where were you last night?" Sam blushed, and tried to remember what Merry and Pippin had told him about being confident, and flirting.
"Not where I wanted to be." He replied, stepping a little closer to Orlando and gazing up at him. Orlando flushed slightly, and Sam smiled to himself. Maybe there was hope for him yet… "So, anything interesting happen last night?" Orlando bit his lip, and blushed a little more.
"Um, not really." Sam let his hand rest on Orlando's arm
"Orli." His voice suddenly went quieter and a little lower. "You can tell me…"
Aragorn had decided that enough was enough, and had called a little council in the lounge of the ski resort. Pulling his coat a little tighter around him, he stood waiting as the others settled themselves down to listen.
"Everyone…" He called out, and they all looked at him. Several of them giggled. "We have fallen foul of this Authors power, and have let it distract us long enough…"
"Let it?" Billy scowled at the ranger. "I didn't *let* you handcuff me to the…"
"Anyway…" Aragorn interrupted him, seeing everyone except Billy, Dominic and Boromir suddenly look very interested. "We have to move on!" He stood a little straighter and all but Boromir saw the irony in this and giggled. Boromir looked confused. "We are all that stand between the Author and Middle Earth!" The room fell silent, but the fellowship all began talking at once.
"Silence!" Aragorn's shout silenced them all, and they turned to look at him again. "From now on, no more! No more distractions, no more leaping off into the forests, no more secret trysts in lakes, no more nights spent in several beds with several people…" At this point he stared at Dominic, who blushed and tried to sink into his seat. "And, no… more… slash!" Silence reigned for a moment.
"Um, do we count?" Aragorn glared at Elijah till he put his hand back down and looked to Orlando for moral support.
"We set off in an hour. Be ready." He growled at them, then stomped off to the bar. The fellowship sat in stunned silence.
"Well that's an eye-opener and no mistake." Sam murmured, and the others turned to look at him. "What? It was!"
They set off two hours later, with Aragorn in an even fouler mood than usual. The others purposefully stayed away from him, particularly the hobbits, as they had caused the delay in the first place. Pippin was determined not to lose his beloved scarf (family heirloom) and had come up with a cunning plan to retrieve it from the elves at the gift shop. Merry, Sam and Frodo hadn't been so eager, however, as it had involved them dressing up as can-can girls to distract the elves long enough for Pippin to sneak in the back. Well, Merry and Sam were upset, Frodo took quite quickly to the dance routine, and was rather reluctant to leave his entranced audience.
With that messy business behind them, Aragorn was looking forward to a good, hard (trench thoughts trench thoughts) trek across Middle Earth (phew…). Past Caradhras (the elves had dug out some large winter boots for him to wear, an attractive shade of turquoise with fake fur lining) and then on to…
"Oh for Valar's sake."
Before them, stood the great Walls of Moria.
"How did we get here?" Merry looked over to Pippin, who shrugged.
"I dunno. Where's Caradhras gone?" Merry shrugged back. Aragorn and Legolas were stood looking up at where the huge doors should be. The others lazed around the edge of the lake that had mysteriously appeared in the place of Caradhras Ski Resort, and that Aragorn was warily avoiding.
Mellon." Aragorn commanded the doors in his best kingly voice. Nothing happened. "I said, Mellon!"
"Grapefruit!" Boromir piped up. Legolas and Aragorn ignored him.
"I though you couldn't open the doors till nightfall, you know, 'ithildine, mirrors only starlight and moonlight'?"
"Yes, alright Legolas." The ranger sighed and sat down on a nearby rock.
Billy and Dominic were throwing stones in the lake. Boromir grabbed Billy's arm, as he was about to throw.
"Do not disturb the water." He muttered darkly, but Billy kicked him.
"Hands off buddy."
"Stop stealing my lines, you… you pervy hobbit fancier!" Aragorn objected loudly, as Boromir rubbed his painful kneecap.
"Why? I *always* wanted that line, s'not fair you should get it, Jus' cos you're King o' Gondor…" Boromir trailed off into muttering to himself, and slumped at the bottom of the tree. Which yelped. Boromir jumped away from it, turning to see an eye peering at him. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Boromir raced behind Orlando and Elijah, who quickly pulled their hands away from each other before Aragorn could see. They all turned to look at the Man cowering behind the two Things, who were blushing slightly and avoided each other's gaze.
"Boromir?" Legolas stepped forward, a concerned look on his face (awwwww).
"The… the tree…. It looked at me!" Boromir glared accusingly at the tree in question.
"I did not."
"Aaaaaaaaaaah!" The fellowship exclaimed in shock and quickly backed away from the tree.
"He… hello?" Legolas, having a thing for trees, stepped forward.
"Ah, an elf. Hello." The tree replied, quite cheerfully.
"Are… are you an Ent?" The tree looked quite taken aback.
"An Ent? Me, an Ent?" The fellowship looked at each other. "Of course Im not an Ent. Just your average tree, really." Boromir moved out from behind Orlando and Elijah. "Imagine! Me, an Ent!" The tree seemed rather amused by the idea.
"Then, if you aren't an Ent, what are you?" Aragorn asked, suddenly deciding that being upstaged by a tree was not a particularly good thing to happen to a King.
"Well, I'm just a tree, mate."
"Then, how can you talk?"
"I don't know. I just started talking… couple days ago, and suddenly, I had a mouth. And eyes. Been watching everyone go in and out, and in and out…" Billy began to have rather nice thoughts about Dominic. "A short fellow, a dwarf I think, told me what to say whenever someone came by… now, what was it…" The tree appeared to be thinking.
"Er, 'everyone'?" Legolas asked, becoming a little bolder and stepping up beside the tree.
"What was it… Oh. Yes, everyone. Hundreds of them. Everyday."
"Hundreds of what?"
"Elves. Dwarves. Men. Had a couple of orcs the other day. Got chucked out for vandalism. Graffiti all over the cave troll. The poor dear. He still hasn't got over it." The fellowship gave each other worried looks.
"Um, would you mind…er, why are they coming here?" Boromir was more than a little confused.
"Why, this is Moria! Of course they're coming here!" Sean had decided enough was enough.
"But why are they coming to Moria? What's so good about a big mine full of dead dwarves?! And orcs!" The tree frowned at him.
"Here, that's not right. Talking about Moria like that. Honestly. What are these men coming to?" The tree rolled its eyes. "And fancy. Them not knowing about Moria." Sean turned to the others for help.
"Would you mind telling us? We don't get out much, and Im sure you know a lot more than we do." Elijah had gone in for flattery, and was gazing at the tree with those big blue oh-so-expressive eyes. The tree blushed.
"Well, I suppose I do know a little more than… oh…" Orlando glared at the tree, as it got a little flustered. Elijah smiled at him.
"Jealous of a tree, love?" Orlando just scowled at him.
"Oh, now I remember!" The tree exclaimed, and they all looked at it. The tree drew itself up, and said in a loud voice. "Welcome to the Walls of Moria! In a Few Moments Time, Prepare to Witness the Terrifying Rides and Fantastic Family Fun of… Moria Land!" Aragorn wondered how the tree had learnt to talk with capitals, as it could be useful for a kin such as himself.
"Morialand?" Dominic stared in open mouthed shock (imagine it Laura… are you imagining it? Laura? Laura?! Oh she's fainted again)
"No! Moria Land!" The tree corrected him, and then held out a branch. "12 adults? That'll be…" The tree did some quick mental calculation, (cos everyone knows trees are wizards at maths). "17 rocks, 24 leaves, 2 locks of elf hair…" Legolas whimpered and backed away slightly. "And an apple." Merry looked down at the apple he was suddenly holding. Aragorn searched the pockets of his coat, and realised they were just a little short.
"12 adults? No, no, its 8 adults and 4 children." He smiled at the tree in an attempt at being innocent.
"Children?" The tree peered at the hobbits. "Well, in that case, you could have two family tickets and 4 adults?"
"Um, family?" Aragorn inspected his 'money' again.
"Two adults, two kids. Or of course you could go for group discount."
"How much will that come to?"
"30 rocks and 20 leaves. Oh, and an apple." Aragorn thought about this, until Legolas nudged him and whispered "Group."
"Er, right. Group discount then please." He put the pile of rocks and leaves into the trees out-stretched branch, then snagged Merry's apple and placed it with the rest. The tree smiled at them, and the pile of rocks, leaves and an apple disappeared somewhere. It placed a small booklet in Aragorn's hands.
"Enjoy you Time at Moria Land!" It said cheerfully, and as if by magic, the great stone doors opened before them. Waving at the tree, the fellowship headed inside.
"Well, that was an eye-ope…" Sam was cut off as several members of the fellowship hit him.