Chapter Five: "Hero"
Peter Benton, M.D
I don't have much time for pointless celebrations like Valentines Day, nothing different
seems to happen. It all seems a little commercial. Why take one day to prove you love
someone? You should do that the whole year round, or that's how I was brought up. Now
I have even less reason to want it celebrated.
County General ER, 14/2/02 9:55am
I had just come on and had met the rig in the bay. A case of bad timing, but it was good to
be in at the deep end. Elizabeth had been paged, and she entered the room looking furious.
I was actually a little intimidated by her barked question. Her brows were knitted together
and she had that look about her that said don't mess with me. I began to answer her
question but didn't get very far before I was knocked from my feet. Winded but unhurt, I
immeadiately tried to get up and get back to the patient, but I didn't get very far before I
was thrown to the floor again, by another invisible blow, this time far stronger. I suppose I
was lucky I wasn't injured. I lay still for a second, afraid of another blast, and when it
didn't come I began to lever myself upright again. I struggled to my feet in the wreckage
of trauma 2. I looked around in disbelief for a second. The patient was dead. Had been
before whatever happened. I remembered was being thrown to the floor, and the heat, that
blistering heat searing my skin, but couldn't form a complete or logical picture. Looking
around, seeing the darkness lit only by flickering flames, I was stunned. Rubble, concrete,
plaster, timber lay strewn at my feet. This wasn't real. This was a scene from an action
film. For a second I froze, fearing I was the only one alive in the silence, before recovering
himself. Who else had been in the trauma room? Who was under all this? I remembered
Elizabeth. I scanned around, seeing a shadowy form near the door. Her red hair was white
with dust and covered a strained expression.
"Elizabeth. Are you alright?"
I called across to her, forcing my shocked limbs into action. I moved to crouch her side.
She was slouched semi-upright under the sink. She smiled at me weakly.
"Never felt better..."
I held her shoulders as she gasped for air. Her muscles tensed and spasmed beneath my
grip.
"Can't...breathe..."
She finished, before closing her eyes and resting her head on my shoulder. I shook her
gently. Don't dare pass out, not when I can't help you.
"Elizabeth. Lizzie. Are you trapped? Can you move?"
My voice was becoming more and more urgent. For the first time real fear and panic
began to rise within me. I realised there was more riding on her survival, and on mine,
than just our own lives. Important as they were, we had to get out for our children. Ella
needed her and Rees needed me, and that spurred my anxiety to greater heights. Her red
curls shook almost impercitibly. I had to get out, while I still could. And if she could
move, I was taking her with me.
"We have to get out of here,"
"I can't...can't..."
It wasn't in Elizabeths nature to give up, but it sounded like she already had. Forgetting
the basics of my medical training and running completely on instinct, I cleared the loose
rubble from her legs and scooped her up. She coughed abruptly at being disturbed, then
passed out. I ran out into the main admit area, searching desperately for a way out. Only
one of the windows looked vaguely manageable. I dashed up to it, smashed it open as best
I could with the available rubble and climbed through, still cradling my unconscious
colleague. Once back in the open air, I gulped as much clean air as I could into my
poisoned lungs, trying to clear my throat and my head. Instantly, functioning became much
more lucid again. I laid her down on the asphalt, checked her breathing and merely sat
down beside her, my limbs unable to carry me one step further. What I'd just done hit him
all in a rush. I hadn't been thinking about it. The enormity of the situation came rushing up
to meet me, and I felt uncharacteristically faint. Our workplace had been blown to bits. I
was out. I'd saved lives. Sure, it was only what I was trained to do, but it was a different
situation. Soon after, the spiralling lights and low wail of the rigs drawing in disturbed me.
I'd never been happier to see them in my life. Help was here.
County General Ambulance Bay, 10:30am
"Any idea how many were in there?"
I shrugged. The fire chief looked at me disapprovingly. I didn't. Ashamed as I was, I
hadn't been paying close attention. I'd been so focussed on the patient, and then on
Elizabeth. It made me feel very stupid.
"No...This isn't making our job any easier, Dr Benton,"
"That whole things unstable, chief, it could go at any moment,"
A third man joined the group, the bearer of bad news. The older man paused thoughtfully.
"Do you think anyone's alive?"
I heard myself addressed again. I shrugged hopelessly, I didn't know. I really wished I did
but I didn't. I hoped they were, but watching the fire rage away, it seemed less and less
likely.
"I don't know,"
"Can we support it in any way?"
The chief asked the other man, ignoring my distraction.
"Cranes on it's way. I'm not sending men in till it gets here,"
"So anyone who is alive is left to die?"
I raged suddenly, watching the hospital closely for any signs of movement, incensed that
these men appeared to be willing to play God with my colleagues lives.
"Would you rather more people died?"
The chief addressed the younger man. I stared at the wrecked building and fought to
remember who was inside. I heard the fire rage, seeing the flames flicker and move. It was
spreading. People were dying in there. Burning to death. It was a horrid image.
"My colleagues are dying. If you won't go back in, I will,"
It was pure desperation. Absolute hopelessness drove me to it. I moved towards the
building but found my way angrily barred. I fumed pointlessly, realising with a jolt Cleo
was in there. God, be alive, I prayed. Be alive. I couldn't help. All I could do was stand
and hope and it just didn't seem enough.
County General Ambulance Bay, 12:15
"You should get checked out, Dr Benton,"
I wasn't aware of how long I'd been standing there, staring hopelessly. Fire hoses were
aimed, jetting water at the fire, but fighting an increasingly losing battle. My dreams
collapsing in front of me. The fire chief stood by me again.
"I'm alright,"
I dismissed thoughtlessly. I wasn't hurt. I wasn't ill. I was alive. Could this prove to be the
worst curse of them all? Especially if they all died. Chen was alive, but barely. I'd never
been more relieved to see anyone in my life. Even her lifeless form on the asphalt gave me
vague hope maybe they weren't all dead. Maybe Cleo was alive.
"Cranes about 5 minutes away. Then we'll be able to send more men in,"
I nodded aimlessly.
"There are people alive in there."
I said suddenly. I sensed an intense and curious gaze on me.
"How d'ya know now?"
"Because they don't give up that easily,"
I said plaintively. All this was very out of character, I wasn't used to feeling completely
helpless the way I did now. I helped people. That was my job. A job I shared with the man
standing next to me, who looked puzzled at this sudden show of emotion. With that, the
crane inched into the bay. I turned and looked and immeadiately cursed it. It had taken too
long already.
County General Ambulance Bay, 16:29
All of a sudden, I was hit by a double blow which knocked me into next week. First, they
pulled my girlfriend from the wreckage. From my vantage point, a safe distance away, I
could see her body was a mess, crushed and deformed by falling masonry. I almost
screamed out loud, the pain felt that real. She'd left me. She was dead. Then came my
protege. I was still protective of that young man, right till the end. And this was the end.
The only outward sign of death was the shrapnel scarring his neck. I reeled away, finding
it difficult to cope with the scale of this. Shock seared through my limbs, leaving them
numb and useless. My heart broke over and over and I couldn't control my feelings. I felt
absolutely lost for virtually the first time ever.
"Are there any more in there?"
I asked. I didn't really want to know. The firefighter shrugged.
"We don't know. Could take days to find them,"
I nodded slowly.
"Where'd they take the survivors?"
Apart from him, Chen, Lizzie and Abby had been pulled from the wreckage so far.
"Northwestern I think,"
I acknowledged the mans help and began walking to my car. I couldn't help the dead but I
could still help the living. I feared the worst for the rest. The roads were surprisingly clear,
I didn't care about tickets or fines, speeding through the streets towards some hope in the
darkness. Somehow, the little things in life didn't seem to matter that much in the face of
tragedy.
Northwestern Emergency Room, 14/2/02 16:52
"Hi,"
She looked up at him from the bed, looking very small, very frail. Her red hair was in stark
contrast to a pale face. I sat by her bed, afraid to say anything to upset her, knowing
eventually she'd ask.
"How are you?"
She smiled up at me weakly. It wasn't the radiant, feisty Elizabeth Corday I was used to
seeing and it frightened me.
"Been better,"
"They keeping you in?"
The nod was barely there.
"Just for safety's sake,"
She'd been hit in the chest. They had to keep an eye on that, in case there were further
complications from the blow. I laid my hand on hers supportively, looking straight into her
tired eyes.
"Elizabeth, there's something I have to tell you,"
She cast her eyes aside and tightened her fingers round mine.
"I know what you're about to say. Mark didn't make it did he?"
"He hasn't been found yet,"
Tears stung the corners of my eyes as I saw her begin to cry soundlessly. Through her
tears, she gathered enough strength to ask the same question on every survivors mind.
"He's not the only one is he?"
I shook my head sadly. Her hand trembled in mine.
"Tell me, please, I want to know,"
I lowered my head, knowing I'd be haunted by todays events for the rest of my life unable
to rid myself of the visions I'd seen at the site. The pictures of those who had died would
never leave me and I wished my last memory of them wasn't as cruel and twisted as it
was.
"Peter?"
She questioned my silence. Composure regained, I spoke quietly.
"They've found three others so far."
"Who?"
I paused notably.
"Cleo, Carter and Kovac,"
Elizabeths eyes closed as she stifled a cry. Seeing her distress, my broken heart finally
shattered, exploding in my chest as I truly realised the scale of this news, the true meaning
of what I was saying.
"Weaver, Romano, Malucci, Haleh and Lily are still missing. Abby, Jerry, Yosh and Chen
got out alive,"
There was some good news, but the grief still hit like a train, as I well knew.
"I'm sorry, Peter,"
"Yeah, me too,"
She rested her head back against the pillow, and cried herself to sleep. I watched her,
holding her hand tight in my own for reassurance. What else could I do but be there for
her? We all needed someone.
Northwestern Ambulance Bay, 17:25
I left Elizabeth about a half hour later, once I was sure she was asleep again. I couldn't
bear it anymore, the claustrophobia of all the grief in one room was too much for me. I
walked slowly through the department, trying to ignore how like County it seemed. I
supposed that would happen for a long time wouldn't it? I'd probably see aspects of today
in everything I did from now on. I exited through the double doors into the street and sank
to the sidewalk. The stares from strangers were curious, even accusing at times, but I
ignored them. I was shattered. My whole life had fallen apart today in a way I never
expected. I knew I should try to find out what was going on back at County, but somehow
didn't think I could cope with anymore bad news. As I sat there, gathering my thoughts,
another rig pulled up. Northwestern's doctors ran out to greet it, the way we would have
had this been County. It wasn't though. I stood to get a better view, hoping it was another
survivor. I was right, but then I wished I wasn't. How many burns victims had I dealt with
in my years as a doctor? Yet somehow, when it's someone you know on the gurney, it's a
completely different deal. I followed them into the ER and watched through the trauma
room doors. I had been through these procedures so often, I knew them by heart, knew
what they were saying although I couldn't hear it. I also knew how bad this was. He must
have been under that rubble 3 or 4 hours at least. The outlook, I could tell instinctively,
was decidedly grim. I may never have liked the younger resident but I wouldn't wish a
death like this on my worst enemy. For now, he was alive. And somehow, that little sliver
of hope was something definite to hold onto.
Peter Benton, M.D
I don't have much time for pointless celebrations like Valentines Day, nothing different
seems to happen. It all seems a little commercial. Why take one day to prove you love
someone? You should do that the whole year round, or that's how I was brought up. Now
I have even less reason to want it celebrated.
County General ER, 14/2/02 9:55am
I had just come on and had met the rig in the bay. A case of bad timing, but it was good to
be in at the deep end. Elizabeth had been paged, and she entered the room looking furious.
I was actually a little intimidated by her barked question. Her brows were knitted together
and she had that look about her that said don't mess with me. I began to answer her
question but didn't get very far before I was knocked from my feet. Winded but unhurt, I
immeadiately tried to get up and get back to the patient, but I didn't get very far before I
was thrown to the floor again, by another invisible blow, this time far stronger. I suppose I
was lucky I wasn't injured. I lay still for a second, afraid of another blast, and when it
didn't come I began to lever myself upright again. I struggled to my feet in the wreckage
of trauma 2. I looked around in disbelief for a second. The patient was dead. Had been
before whatever happened. I remembered was being thrown to the floor, and the heat, that
blistering heat searing my skin, but couldn't form a complete or logical picture. Looking
around, seeing the darkness lit only by flickering flames, I was stunned. Rubble, concrete,
plaster, timber lay strewn at my feet. This wasn't real. This was a scene from an action
film. For a second I froze, fearing I was the only one alive in the silence, before recovering
himself. Who else had been in the trauma room? Who was under all this? I remembered
Elizabeth. I scanned around, seeing a shadowy form near the door. Her red hair was white
with dust and covered a strained expression.
"Elizabeth. Are you alright?"
I called across to her, forcing my shocked limbs into action. I moved to crouch her side.
She was slouched semi-upright under the sink. She smiled at me weakly.
"Never felt better..."
I held her shoulders as she gasped for air. Her muscles tensed and spasmed beneath my
grip.
"Can't...breathe..."
She finished, before closing her eyes and resting her head on my shoulder. I shook her
gently. Don't dare pass out, not when I can't help you.
"Elizabeth. Lizzie. Are you trapped? Can you move?"
My voice was becoming more and more urgent. For the first time real fear and panic
began to rise within me. I realised there was more riding on her survival, and on mine,
than just our own lives. Important as they were, we had to get out for our children. Ella
needed her and Rees needed me, and that spurred my anxiety to greater heights. Her red
curls shook almost impercitibly. I had to get out, while I still could. And if she could
move, I was taking her with me.
"We have to get out of here,"
"I can't...can't..."
It wasn't in Elizabeths nature to give up, but it sounded like she already had. Forgetting
the basics of my medical training and running completely on instinct, I cleared the loose
rubble from her legs and scooped her up. She coughed abruptly at being disturbed, then
passed out. I ran out into the main admit area, searching desperately for a way out. Only
one of the windows looked vaguely manageable. I dashed up to it, smashed it open as best
I could with the available rubble and climbed through, still cradling my unconscious
colleague. Once back in the open air, I gulped as much clean air as I could into my
poisoned lungs, trying to clear my throat and my head. Instantly, functioning became much
more lucid again. I laid her down on the asphalt, checked her breathing and merely sat
down beside her, my limbs unable to carry me one step further. What I'd just done hit him
all in a rush. I hadn't been thinking about it. The enormity of the situation came rushing up
to meet me, and I felt uncharacteristically faint. Our workplace had been blown to bits. I
was out. I'd saved lives. Sure, it was only what I was trained to do, but it was a different
situation. Soon after, the spiralling lights and low wail of the rigs drawing in disturbed me.
I'd never been happier to see them in my life. Help was here.
County General Ambulance Bay, 10:30am
"Any idea how many were in there?"
I shrugged. The fire chief looked at me disapprovingly. I didn't. Ashamed as I was, I
hadn't been paying close attention. I'd been so focussed on the patient, and then on
Elizabeth. It made me feel very stupid.
"No...This isn't making our job any easier, Dr Benton,"
"That whole things unstable, chief, it could go at any moment,"
A third man joined the group, the bearer of bad news. The older man paused thoughtfully.
"Do you think anyone's alive?"
I heard myself addressed again. I shrugged hopelessly, I didn't know. I really wished I did
but I didn't. I hoped they were, but watching the fire rage away, it seemed less and less
likely.
"I don't know,"
"Can we support it in any way?"
The chief asked the other man, ignoring my distraction.
"Cranes on it's way. I'm not sending men in till it gets here,"
"So anyone who is alive is left to die?"
I raged suddenly, watching the hospital closely for any signs of movement, incensed that
these men appeared to be willing to play God with my colleagues lives.
"Would you rather more people died?"
The chief addressed the younger man. I stared at the wrecked building and fought to
remember who was inside. I heard the fire rage, seeing the flames flicker and move. It was
spreading. People were dying in there. Burning to death. It was a horrid image.
"My colleagues are dying. If you won't go back in, I will,"
It was pure desperation. Absolute hopelessness drove me to it. I moved towards the
building but found my way angrily barred. I fumed pointlessly, realising with a jolt Cleo
was in there. God, be alive, I prayed. Be alive. I couldn't help. All I could do was stand
and hope and it just didn't seem enough.
County General Ambulance Bay, 12:15
"You should get checked out, Dr Benton,"
I wasn't aware of how long I'd been standing there, staring hopelessly. Fire hoses were
aimed, jetting water at the fire, but fighting an increasingly losing battle. My dreams
collapsing in front of me. The fire chief stood by me again.
"I'm alright,"
I dismissed thoughtlessly. I wasn't hurt. I wasn't ill. I was alive. Could this prove to be the
worst curse of them all? Especially if they all died. Chen was alive, but barely. I'd never
been more relieved to see anyone in my life. Even her lifeless form on the asphalt gave me
vague hope maybe they weren't all dead. Maybe Cleo was alive.
"Cranes about 5 minutes away. Then we'll be able to send more men in,"
I nodded aimlessly.
"There are people alive in there."
I said suddenly. I sensed an intense and curious gaze on me.
"How d'ya know now?"
"Because they don't give up that easily,"
I said plaintively. All this was very out of character, I wasn't used to feeling completely
helpless the way I did now. I helped people. That was my job. A job I shared with the man
standing next to me, who looked puzzled at this sudden show of emotion. With that, the
crane inched into the bay. I turned and looked and immeadiately cursed it. It had taken too
long already.
County General Ambulance Bay, 16:29
All of a sudden, I was hit by a double blow which knocked me into next week. First, they
pulled my girlfriend from the wreckage. From my vantage point, a safe distance away, I
could see her body was a mess, crushed and deformed by falling masonry. I almost
screamed out loud, the pain felt that real. She'd left me. She was dead. Then came my
protege. I was still protective of that young man, right till the end. And this was the end.
The only outward sign of death was the shrapnel scarring his neck. I reeled away, finding
it difficult to cope with the scale of this. Shock seared through my limbs, leaving them
numb and useless. My heart broke over and over and I couldn't control my feelings. I felt
absolutely lost for virtually the first time ever.
"Are there any more in there?"
I asked. I didn't really want to know. The firefighter shrugged.
"We don't know. Could take days to find them,"
I nodded slowly.
"Where'd they take the survivors?"
Apart from him, Chen, Lizzie and Abby had been pulled from the wreckage so far.
"Northwestern I think,"
I acknowledged the mans help and began walking to my car. I couldn't help the dead but I
could still help the living. I feared the worst for the rest. The roads were surprisingly clear,
I didn't care about tickets or fines, speeding through the streets towards some hope in the
darkness. Somehow, the little things in life didn't seem to matter that much in the face of
tragedy.
Northwestern Emergency Room, 14/2/02 16:52
"Hi,"
She looked up at him from the bed, looking very small, very frail. Her red hair was in stark
contrast to a pale face. I sat by her bed, afraid to say anything to upset her, knowing
eventually she'd ask.
"How are you?"
She smiled up at me weakly. It wasn't the radiant, feisty Elizabeth Corday I was used to
seeing and it frightened me.
"Been better,"
"They keeping you in?"
The nod was barely there.
"Just for safety's sake,"
She'd been hit in the chest. They had to keep an eye on that, in case there were further
complications from the blow. I laid my hand on hers supportively, looking straight into her
tired eyes.
"Elizabeth, there's something I have to tell you,"
She cast her eyes aside and tightened her fingers round mine.
"I know what you're about to say. Mark didn't make it did he?"
"He hasn't been found yet,"
Tears stung the corners of my eyes as I saw her begin to cry soundlessly. Through her
tears, she gathered enough strength to ask the same question on every survivors mind.
"He's not the only one is he?"
I shook my head sadly. Her hand trembled in mine.
"Tell me, please, I want to know,"
I lowered my head, knowing I'd be haunted by todays events for the rest of my life unable
to rid myself of the visions I'd seen at the site. The pictures of those who had died would
never leave me and I wished my last memory of them wasn't as cruel and twisted as it
was.
"Peter?"
She questioned my silence. Composure regained, I spoke quietly.
"They've found three others so far."
"Who?"
I paused notably.
"Cleo, Carter and Kovac,"
Elizabeths eyes closed as she stifled a cry. Seeing her distress, my broken heart finally
shattered, exploding in my chest as I truly realised the scale of this news, the true meaning
of what I was saying.
"Weaver, Romano, Malucci, Haleh and Lily are still missing. Abby, Jerry, Yosh and Chen
got out alive,"
There was some good news, but the grief still hit like a train, as I well knew.
"I'm sorry, Peter,"
"Yeah, me too,"
She rested her head back against the pillow, and cried herself to sleep. I watched her,
holding her hand tight in my own for reassurance. What else could I do but be there for
her? We all needed someone.
Northwestern Ambulance Bay, 17:25
I left Elizabeth about a half hour later, once I was sure she was asleep again. I couldn't
bear it anymore, the claustrophobia of all the grief in one room was too much for me. I
walked slowly through the department, trying to ignore how like County it seemed. I
supposed that would happen for a long time wouldn't it? I'd probably see aspects of today
in everything I did from now on. I exited through the double doors into the street and sank
to the sidewalk. The stares from strangers were curious, even accusing at times, but I
ignored them. I was shattered. My whole life had fallen apart today in a way I never
expected. I knew I should try to find out what was going on back at County, but somehow
didn't think I could cope with anymore bad news. As I sat there, gathering my thoughts,
another rig pulled up. Northwestern's doctors ran out to greet it, the way we would have
had this been County. It wasn't though. I stood to get a better view, hoping it was another
survivor. I was right, but then I wished I wasn't. How many burns victims had I dealt with
in my years as a doctor? Yet somehow, when it's someone you know on the gurney, it's a
completely different deal. I followed them into the ER and watched through the trauma
room doors. I had been through these procedures so often, I knew them by heart, knew
what they were saying although I couldn't hear it. I also knew how bad this was. He must
have been under that rubble 3 or 4 hours at least. The outlook, I could tell instinctively,
was decidedly grim. I may never have liked the younger resident but I wouldn't wish a
death like this on my worst enemy. For now, he was alive. And somehow, that little sliver
of hope was something definite to hold onto.