Lying on my bed at my place, I realized I'd probably be in a holding cell the way this had all turned out. I went thought the last few weeks in my mind, realizing they were the worst in my life.

I could still hear Noble's words echoing in the back of my head to me, after Faith got shot, about him finding me. I guess someone else found him first but hell, I didn't do shit to him. I hadn't even seen him before that night.

If losing my best friend isn't hard enough, I have Cruz most likely plotting me for murder. That stab in the back, ached like a bitch. I couldn't believe how I had once believed Cruz was oh-so-innocent. I should have listened to Faith from the start that Cruz was no good. But what do I do? What the hell do I do? I go screw everything up. Nothing good could come from Cruz, except maybe a few good nights.

Thoughts raged though my mind that night about ending it all. Who would miss me? The only one I had at this point was my ma. I don't know If I could do that to her, but, I can't live like this. God, I missed Faith. Occasionally I'd wake up in salty tears and deep sweats of fear and anxiety, knowing she had been in my last dream.

Damn, I wanted to end it so much. Just to take my gun and bang. I just wanted to let all my problems and fears dissolve into my empty place. I had nothing left to give to this world. I had gone from an ultimate high, to the deep down low. I could still see Cruz, working diligently in her office, trying to plan some evidence for my arrest. I couldn't believe I actually cared for that woman, I swore she cared for me as well. She's just another screwed up thing to this world. The next day was going to be hell, and I knew it. I didn't want to go though it. I didn't have a choice but to, unless, unless I ended it. I wondered what they would think of my dieing. Would they even care? Ha, damn well they wouldn't care. Oh no, Boscorelli is dead folks, what a tragedy, boo hoo.

Those days' events leading to Faiths death were what hit me most. I could remember it like it was yesterday, every word that was exchanged between me and Cruz, every breath we took. I could still hear the perfect conversation between me and Noble at the bar, and the unclear song singing in the background when Cruz arrived to my sudden surprise. I could still make out Faith's facial expression as she told me she didn't want to deal with this, or when the three of us stood in Noble's hotel room and how I saw the fear in Cruz's eyes for the first time. I couldn't take it! It was too much! Everything was happening too fast. I wasn't going to become part of a statistic to another 'low life,' which Cruz gets to put away. I won't!

Sitting up in bed, I cradled my head in my hands, running though my hair, my mind racing, and my heart beating with an adrenaline rush. The phone rang on my night stand; I didn't answer it as I stood up and opened my desk drawer, revealing a 9mm pistol. Looking at her, almost as a stranger I sat down, staring at it in the palms of my hands. Tossing it on to the bed, I scribbled down a note slowly placing it on the edge of the night stand. Staring at the ground, I held the gun.

You're not going to chicken out Bosco.

Is this what your life has come to?

There's no going back you know.

My thoughts raced, my breathing quickened. My heart felt as If it was going to rip though my chest.

'Bosco, make sure you want to do this.' I knew that voice that was Faith, Faith's voice, my best friend's voice in my head.

"I do, I do." I muttered, rubbing my head. I was going crazy, that was it and I knew it well enough.

After a minute a heard song start to play in the background, probably the next door down. As the music started I felt like cringing as I made out a few of the words.

You're just too good to be true;

Can't take my eyes off of you.

You'd be like Heaven to touch;

I wanna hold you so much.

At long last love has arrived,

I thank God I'm alive.

You're just too good to be true;

Can't take my eyes off of you.

I closed my eyes, the whole conversation Cruz and I had shared soaring back into my mind. I pushed it away as tears of betrayal and pain filled my eyes.

Pardon the way that I stare:

There's nothing else to compare.

The sight of you leaves me weak;

There are no words left to speak.

But if you feel like I feel,

Please let me know that it's real,

You're just too good to be true;

Can't take my eyes off of you.

A few tears scared my cheeks as I calmed down my breathing. I was a shaking volcano at this point edging on the end of the bed, the gun to my right. I looked at it, picked it up slowly. I observed it slowly, my hand running along the smooth barrel and on to its nose. It amazed me on how simple, death, could be, one bullet to the crook of your ear. That's one thing Hobart had taught him, Instant death, a pinch, which was all, after you last sweet breath of the world. I ran my hand along my lips listening to the chorus.

I love you, baby!

And if it's quite alright,

I need you, baby,

To warm a lonely night.

I love you, baby;

Trust in me when I say.

Oh, pretty baby,

Don't bring me down, I pray.

Oh, pretty baby,

Now that I found you, stay.

And let me love you, baby,

Let me love you.

The song continued to play hauntingly, bringing back more and more details about that night and Cruz. He remembered when he had first met her; he thought she was nothing more then a fine piece of shit. But the truth was, she was more, more then he could imagine, whether he wanted to believe it or not. She had meant something, so special, so pure that his heart would never forget. I'd never forget the feeling I use to get when I was with her. Then it all seemed to fade away. He had blown it by telling Faith about the case. He had blown it the minute he went to her doorstep and asked for help. Maritza was right; his name was secured, so deeply, that he would have been nearly famous after they caught Beuford. He would have gotten all the credit, and given Maritza the one thing she truly wanted. But no, he had blown it, more then once. Was that why Cruz was taken such drastic revenge? He would never imagine her suspecting him for murder. What kind of a person did she think he was a criminal? One thing he did know was that Noble was dead, he was a suspect, and he wanted to end it all. He wanted to see Faith, he wanted to be relaxed in peace, and he wanted Maritza to be sorry for what pain she had caused him.

I need you, baby!

Well won't you come stay

Oh. pretty baby.

Now that I found you, stay.

And let me love you, baby.

Let me love you.

And that was what he did at the last line of the song that had become so engraved in his mind. He ended it simply, with a grin on his face.

A few minutes later, gun shots were reported in his apartment complex. The cops arrived along with a few Anti-Crime officers, Maritza Cruz was among one of them. Kicking the door down, the cops busted into Bosco's apartment.

"Boscorelli!" Cruz yelled her gun in hand at her side as it appeared to be empty. 'Oh so he wants to play some games and hide?' Walking though his place, a few others behind her she checked the kitchen, no sign of Maurice. A small glass of water sat on the counter, untouched. She headed to the bedroom banging on the closed door. "Bosco, open the hell up!" She shouted angrily. Looking to the guys around her she nodded and kicked down the door. The sight in front of her made her heart stop, her breath quicken, and her gun to fall on the ground.

That's how she remained as an officer walked over, checking for Bosco's pulse as he lied stone cold on the bed. He looked up shaking his head. 'No shit, the bastard blew his fucking brains out you ass!' She caught herself thinking angrily. A few tears welled in the corner of her eyes as she walked a few feet closer to his body, sitting on the edge of the bed, she stared down at him, no words spoken from her mouth. The back of her hand stroked his face gently; almost as if she would touch him to hard he would break into pieces. She broke into hysterical tears.

For Those Who Cared:

I guess if you're reading this, it means I did it. I ended it all, ended all the pain, all the worries, and all the sorrow. I'm dearly sorry to those I have hurt in my life, I'm sure there are many. This is truly for the best. It's been racing though my mind for as long as I could remember. It was my biggest fear, pain and death but now I guess I've conquered it. As you read this understand, I'm in a better place then this living hell people like to call New York. I hope in one way or another, I've impacted your life in a positive way, and I'll be watching you, forever.

Ma, you're the only one who's been there for me, for the longest time I can remember. I love you dearly and I hope you know that. Take care of yourself would ya? I'm sorry I won't be able to take care of you, but Ill be your guardian angel now. Remember that.

Faith, I know you're not here, on earth but I'm sure I'm with you now, looking down at the world. Man, we had a lot of great times! Nine years of being partners got us far didn't it? I could still see the first day on the job, I could still remember thinking, 'Why the hell did they put me with a girl?!' I chuckle thinking about that. I'm so sorry for everything I did to you, and how I screwed you up in so many of my messes. Death was the ultimate price, and god, I'm so sorry you had to pay for my mistake.

Mikey, what can I say about a brother who I hardly got a chance to know. I know I love you, you were a good person. No, you ARE a good person. Drugs just happened to get in the way of that. Please, take care of mom for me; she's going to need you at this time.

Dad, man, you were never there for me, always letting me down, and it a way, I still loved you. Don't ask me how, or why, I just did.

My fellow 5-5 Officers, you guys were great to me, took me in like a family when I really needed you. You know who you are. Make the world a better place, I tried, and failed. It's up to you now.

And finally, to the one and only Maritza Cruz. You were my only true love of my life I guess. No-one really got close to me like you did. You cared, you gave me a meaning, and in a way, I'm sorry I betrayed that trust we had. I know what you did with that murder Cruz, I can't believe you think I did it though. That's okay; I still love you for some reason or another. You taught me a lot about life, about who I truly am. You're such a lonely and sad person Ritza, but deep down, you're a good one, someone who's been hiding for so long from the world. With my death, I hope you realize this and live the best and fullest life you could.

            Love Forever,

                                    Maurice Boscorelli    2003

If I die tomorrow

Would this song live on forever?

And here is my...

Unopened letter to a world

that never shall reply

If I die tomorrow

Would this song live on forever?

And here is my…

Unopened letter to a world

that never shall reply, never shall reply

From this second story window

I can hear the church bells calling out my name

This table is set for one

Even angels would be homesick in this forsaken town

I'm writing notes on parchment

I'm strong in my existence

Dressed in white

This candle radiates throughout the night

It's never burning out, Never burning out

From this second story window

I can hear the children down on Main Street

They're singing their songs tonight

In the shadows, I will listen to their every movement

Mr. Higginson, Am I not good enough for the world

Am I destined only to die?

The same way that I lived

It's like closure

From high up on this mountain

I can almost see your lonely windowsill

That will carry you off tonight

There's a ghost in your old bedroom

And a candle burning bright

If I die tomorrow

Would this song live on forever?

-The End

Thanks to all who left me such positive reviews, sorry if this depressed you but it had to be done. The two songs are credited to Frankie Valli wrote, 'Your Just Too Good To Be True,' and the Ataris for 'Unopened Letter To The World'

~*Nicole*~