When I awoke the house was still much quieter than it usually was. Darry
was cooking frozen food, which was what we usually had now. Two-Bit was
silently watching Mickey Mouse. I know knew why he ran away to his cartoon.
It was a way to escape his problems, just like drinking was another way. It
made him forget about the world around him. The pain and suffering of
everyone. The way life isn't fair. For once I envied Two-Bit because he had
something I didn't have. He had some place to run away. All he had to do
was watch mickey mouse and he could get lost in his own little world. Just
like Ponyboy gets lost in his watching the sunset, and Bryan with books.
I headed over to the Dingo. It was almost empty, something very uncommon. Everyone was home, the roads weren't busy either. Except an occasional car passing, the road was empty. The dark sky was clear exposing a full moon, and a sky full of stars. Bryan once told me that those were people looking down on us. I laughed at him then, but I know better now.
I looked around noticing Brennan sitting there with a drink in one hand and a watch in the other. I silently laugh to myself. He never really did like anyone who was late. I headed over to him running my fingers through my hair again. He grew since I last saw him. His dark eyes looked much more mellow. They looked like they've matured.
"Hey," I said sitting down looking at him through blood-shot eyes.
"What's wrong?" Brennan asked with concern in his voice as he looked me over. I shrugged him off sitting back down.
"Bryan," I said. Funny how one word was all that was needed to get his undivided attention. "Brennan I can't do this anymore. It's too hard," I broke down letting the tears finally come out. After years of holding them all in, after letting everything hide within me, they finally come pouring out. "he's going to die Brennan. He's going to die and I don't have any way to help him. Please help him?" I asked through sobs. My eyes unclear as I looked through them meeting Brennan's now alarmed brown ones. My voice broke as I told him. I could no longer take care of myself and more importantly Bryan on my own. I needed help doing it. Not just anyone's help though. I needed my brother's.
"Dally what are you talking about? Just calm down please," Brennan said taking me in his arms. I stiffen at first. I never really let anyone comfort me like I was a kid again. I never really let anyone comfort me period. But this time I need it. I'm sick of refusing for things I needed. This hug, I need this hug. I felt safe here, under Brennan's arms. I felt like a ten year old again.
I remember crying in his arms once, when dad hit me. I just laid there crying, just like I was crying now. And I remember him being there, letting me soak his shirt. Letting me be who I was, letting me be his little brother. Now it was there again. Through silent, unspoken terms, I forgave him, and I know he knows. The years of searching for him is finally over, and now I'm in his strong arms letting me feel safe for a brief second.
"Bryan's dying Brennan. There's something wrong with his brain or something complicated. Something bad happened, that's all I know, but god damned it he's dying," I said trying to calm down, but then bawling even harder when I couldn't control it. Brennan rubbed my back gently only holding me tighter, closer, making me feel better protected.
"Start from the beginning. Just tell me everything Cowboy, it'll be alright," Brennan said using his pet name for me. I haven't heard that since I was five, since he had left. Hearing it made me feel more safe, but I know that I was procrastinating. I was ignoring the fact it won't be alright, because I was listening to him sweet talk me. I was listening to him trying to protect me. I know that it wouldn't be alright. Life is too complicated for it to be alright. But I still want to believe him. I still want to believe that all he said was right. I still want to believe that everything was alright, but I know it isn't. It's not alright when my brother is dying and I wasn't there right next to him. It wasn't alright when I was still ignoring Brennan's pleas for the story.
"Bryan and I were walking to Buck Merril's house last year. It was dark, and it was prom night for the highschoolers, meaning drunken socs. We had just finished crossing the street and we turn around seeing a speeding car. I tried to grab the kid, but it was too late. He had already grabbed the girl out of harm's way pushing the girl right before the car hit. That car must have been going a hundred miles per hour because Bryan literally went flying into the air. The cops were surprise he was still alive. He was in a coma though. For five months he was in a coma, people said he would already be dead. Everyone was hoping for a miracle. Then, one day, we all find out that this brain surgeon was visiting his relatives over in the rich side of town. It turned out that it was Cherry Valance's, Pony's friend, uncle. Through special circumstances, he operated on Bryan. Bryan woke up a few weeks after. It was already a miracle he survived, because it was the first time the operation had ever been done. And for once I had made the right decision saying yes. We all thought the worst was over, but really it was still coming. Bryan barely remembered anything starting over from scratch. He couldn't store a lot of information in his brain, his schoolworks suffered. But damn that kid could be so stubborn. I told him I wanted to pull him out of school, so he could better recover, and damn that kid got so mad at me he wouldn't speak for a week. Then one day he came home, a grin of triumpth on his face shoving a perfect S.A.T. test in my face waving it around like it was J. Lo's autograph. Well I thought everything was going fine, and so did everyone else in town. Their star athlete was back, his grades were stable, his humor, everything we missed about Bryan was back.
One day he was in school, he had a seizure. He shook uncontroably. The school called the paramedics. That was all the talk in the city. I was in the cooler at the time so I didn't know. When I got out though, people came rushing to me angry at why I did something. When I found out Bryan was in the hospital I rushed over there hot wiring a old broken down car. When I got there, I found out that he's dying. I left the hospital running, wanting to run from it all. Wanting to forget, but before I did the doctor said there would be a procedure that could work. I don't have the money for it. Now I'm asking you now for Bryan's sake, and mine, can you please help me pay for this procedure?" I asked Brennan. This was the moment of truth. This was going to decide it all. His answer would determine Bryan's faith, and I'm not ready, but I know I'm going to have to share my brotherly responsibilities with Brennan from here on out.
I headed over to the Dingo. It was almost empty, something very uncommon. Everyone was home, the roads weren't busy either. Except an occasional car passing, the road was empty. The dark sky was clear exposing a full moon, and a sky full of stars. Bryan once told me that those were people looking down on us. I laughed at him then, but I know better now.
I looked around noticing Brennan sitting there with a drink in one hand and a watch in the other. I silently laugh to myself. He never really did like anyone who was late. I headed over to him running my fingers through my hair again. He grew since I last saw him. His dark eyes looked much more mellow. They looked like they've matured.
"Hey," I said sitting down looking at him through blood-shot eyes.
"What's wrong?" Brennan asked with concern in his voice as he looked me over. I shrugged him off sitting back down.
"Bryan," I said. Funny how one word was all that was needed to get his undivided attention. "Brennan I can't do this anymore. It's too hard," I broke down letting the tears finally come out. After years of holding them all in, after letting everything hide within me, they finally come pouring out. "he's going to die Brennan. He's going to die and I don't have any way to help him. Please help him?" I asked through sobs. My eyes unclear as I looked through them meeting Brennan's now alarmed brown ones. My voice broke as I told him. I could no longer take care of myself and more importantly Bryan on my own. I needed help doing it. Not just anyone's help though. I needed my brother's.
"Dally what are you talking about? Just calm down please," Brennan said taking me in his arms. I stiffen at first. I never really let anyone comfort me like I was a kid again. I never really let anyone comfort me period. But this time I need it. I'm sick of refusing for things I needed. This hug, I need this hug. I felt safe here, under Brennan's arms. I felt like a ten year old again.
I remember crying in his arms once, when dad hit me. I just laid there crying, just like I was crying now. And I remember him being there, letting me soak his shirt. Letting me be who I was, letting me be his little brother. Now it was there again. Through silent, unspoken terms, I forgave him, and I know he knows. The years of searching for him is finally over, and now I'm in his strong arms letting me feel safe for a brief second.
"Bryan's dying Brennan. There's something wrong with his brain or something complicated. Something bad happened, that's all I know, but god damned it he's dying," I said trying to calm down, but then bawling even harder when I couldn't control it. Brennan rubbed my back gently only holding me tighter, closer, making me feel better protected.
"Start from the beginning. Just tell me everything Cowboy, it'll be alright," Brennan said using his pet name for me. I haven't heard that since I was five, since he had left. Hearing it made me feel more safe, but I know that I was procrastinating. I was ignoring the fact it won't be alright, because I was listening to him sweet talk me. I was listening to him trying to protect me. I know that it wouldn't be alright. Life is too complicated for it to be alright. But I still want to believe him. I still want to believe that all he said was right. I still want to believe that everything was alright, but I know it isn't. It's not alright when my brother is dying and I wasn't there right next to him. It wasn't alright when I was still ignoring Brennan's pleas for the story.
"Bryan and I were walking to Buck Merril's house last year. It was dark, and it was prom night for the highschoolers, meaning drunken socs. We had just finished crossing the street and we turn around seeing a speeding car. I tried to grab the kid, but it was too late. He had already grabbed the girl out of harm's way pushing the girl right before the car hit. That car must have been going a hundred miles per hour because Bryan literally went flying into the air. The cops were surprise he was still alive. He was in a coma though. For five months he was in a coma, people said he would already be dead. Everyone was hoping for a miracle. Then, one day, we all find out that this brain surgeon was visiting his relatives over in the rich side of town. It turned out that it was Cherry Valance's, Pony's friend, uncle. Through special circumstances, he operated on Bryan. Bryan woke up a few weeks after. It was already a miracle he survived, because it was the first time the operation had ever been done. And for once I had made the right decision saying yes. We all thought the worst was over, but really it was still coming. Bryan barely remembered anything starting over from scratch. He couldn't store a lot of information in his brain, his schoolworks suffered. But damn that kid could be so stubborn. I told him I wanted to pull him out of school, so he could better recover, and damn that kid got so mad at me he wouldn't speak for a week. Then one day he came home, a grin of triumpth on his face shoving a perfect S.A.T. test in my face waving it around like it was J. Lo's autograph. Well I thought everything was going fine, and so did everyone else in town. Their star athlete was back, his grades were stable, his humor, everything we missed about Bryan was back.
One day he was in school, he had a seizure. He shook uncontroably. The school called the paramedics. That was all the talk in the city. I was in the cooler at the time so I didn't know. When I got out though, people came rushing to me angry at why I did something. When I found out Bryan was in the hospital I rushed over there hot wiring a old broken down car. When I got there, I found out that he's dying. I left the hospital running, wanting to run from it all. Wanting to forget, but before I did the doctor said there would be a procedure that could work. I don't have the money for it. Now I'm asking you now for Bryan's sake, and mine, can you please help me pay for this procedure?" I asked Brennan. This was the moment of truth. This was going to decide it all. His answer would determine Bryan's faith, and I'm not ready, but I know I'm going to have to share my brotherly responsibilities with Brennan from here on out.