Sensation washes
over me
I can't describe it
Pain I felt so long ago
I don't remember
Tear a hole so I can see
My devastation
Feelings from so long ago
I don't remember
Holding on, to let them know
What's given to me, given to me
To hide behind
The mask this time
And try to believe
Blind your eyes to what you see
You can't embrace it
Leave it well enough alone
And don't remember
Cut your pride and watch it bleed
You can't deny it
Pain you know you can't ignore
I don't remember
Holding on, to let them know
What's given to me, given to me
To hide behind
The mask this time
And try to believe
Blind your eyes to what you see
You can't embrace it
Leave it well enough alone
And don't remember
Cut your pride and watch it bleed
You can't deny it
Pain you know you can't ignore
I don't remember
If I can
Remember
To know this will
Conquer me
If I can
Just walk alone
And try to escape
Into me.
"Remember"-Disturbed
Cammy sat frigid in the small, wooden chair at Guile's kitchen table. She knew she belonged here, it was a constant and familiar static in her mind, but she didn't yet feel totally comfortable. Things were still odd to her. Guile laughed whole-heartedly at the small jokes his daughter, Melissa was reciting as they ate. The way you could see his laugh lines scrunch at the sides of his eyes when he smiled was joyous. His happiness made part of her happy. That's another reason that she knew she was involved with this family. They generally loved her. She could tell in the way they were comfortable around her. She wished so much that she could do the same, repay their kindness with her returned love. But she still couldn't remember everything. Of course as each day passed she learned more and more about herself. But her mind was still hiding things from her. She still couldn't remember her parents. That was locked away. Guile always got so grim when she begged him to tell her what happened. She knew it was bad. Maybe that knowledge was what was keeping her from remembering. Knowing a memory is going to be painful tends to keep a person, even without amnesia, from remembering. She had remembered almost everything about Ken. She could clearly see herself kissing him, him holding her, and the feeling of utter confidence he evoked in her. There were still a few holes, most revolved around why she held him so close to her. Could that be connected to my parents?
"Earth to Cammy."
Cammy shook her head, Guile's wife, Jane's voice snapped her out of her daze.
"Huh? Oh sorry, just thinking."
Cammy must have spoken in a more morbid tone than she meant to because Guile frowned at her before speaking.
"You remember something?"
"No. Just thinking about stuff."
"What kind of stuff?"
"Nothing much."
"Alright. If you do come tell me so we can piece it together like we did before."
"I know I know."
Cammy smiled. Melissa slapped her arm playfully.
"Don't worry, Daddy does that to me too. Except it usually is when he loses his car keys."
The whole table laughed together as Guile stood and picked Melissa's small body up.
"It's time for you to go to bed. You have school tomorrow."
"Aw Dad! I never get to stay up."
"And why should that change now?"
Guile flipped her over his shoulder and Melissa spoke.
"Goodnight Momma, Cammy."
Jane and Cammy both said their goodnights to Melissa. She was so little and innocent. Cammy wished she had the innocence of an eight year old. She knew she had done something terrible. Guile constantly had to keep reporters and others away from her. He told them she was still recovering. Technically she was. Though her leg was much better, she was recovering mentally. She needed rest is all. Cammy stood and began helping Jane clean up the kitchen. Jane was humming softly to her self as she put dishes into the dishwasher. Cammy pulled all the dishes off the table and then started to clear the counter. The newspaper was still on the counter, though folded as best as it could be into its original shape. The first page had a headline in huge bold lettering. "SELLERS' ASSINATION CREATES LAG IN CAMPIGN AGAINST TERROISIM." Sellers? Robert Sellers. That's it.
"I'm supposed to kill him."
Jane turned and looked at Cammy with wide eyes. Cammy looked at the headline again.
"I did kill him. Mission complete."
Jane spoke carefully.
"Cammy? Honey, are you okay?"
Before she could respond she collapsed on the floor as Sellers' death scene played out in her mind. After the horrid memory was over Cammy saw Guile's face close to her own. He was holding her while she shook and speaking frantically.
"Cammy? Listen to me. Calm down. Talk to me."
"I'm here."
"What did you remember?"
"I killed somebody."
Guile looked at the newspaper that now laid on the floor torn apart, Cammy guessed she did it.
"Did you see this?"
"Yeah."
Cammy burst into tears.
"Dammit, Jane I told you not to leave shit like this lying around. And look what happened. The doctor said this could happen if a memory was triggered by something else than her own mind."
"I'm trying William. I've totally adjusted my life around this. I'm trying dammit!"
Jane angrily darted from the room. It wasn't Jane's fault what happened. Guile pulled Cammy closer to him.
"It's okay. I'm sorry this happened. It wasn't really you that killed that person."
"But I saw me do it. I could feel myself smiling as I did it. It was so clear."
"Cammy listen to me. That was not you. Someone else forced you to do it."
"But not to enjoy it."
Guile paused as Cammy buried her face in his shoulder. Guile stroked her hair until she suddenly gasped. Cammy raised her face and looked directly at Guile but was somehow looking past him.
"Dad."
She reached up and touched his face. She pulled her fingers along the soft lines running from his nose to the corners of his mouth. Cammy's face was in awe as she pulled herself from Guiles arms and stood. She shook her head before speaking.
"Guile I remember him. How he used to always stroke my hair when I was upset. It always made me feel better. And how he always managed to know when I was up to something."
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she spoke, but she still smiled.
"He was captured on a mission. When he finally came back he was different, and he…he killed Mum. Oh Mum. He hurt you and me, no he didn't. The other person did. But he never got better. Only for a moment. He told me that having courage is not being without fear. It's still going on in the presence of fear. Then…he was killed and, I can't remember anything after that."
Guile stood now and grabbed Cammy by the shoulders.
"I wanted to tell you but they told me not to. None of this is your fault. Remember that."
In a voice stifled by an oncoming burst of emotion Cammy replied.
"It still hurts."
She fell into Guile's arms repeating the words mum and dad over and over again between sobs. Guile was trying not to cry, but this is the first time he was able to really comfort her and God it felt good. I will help her Charlie I swear that much to you. She'll be okay, I'll make damn sure of that.