Kaoru finished changing into her own clothing, dropping Kenshin's gi into the dirt. Pity it's not been raining. I'd like to drop this in the mud. Her own clothing didn't fit very well without being able to bind her breasts properly. She couldn't tie her gi closed like this either.
Kaoru scowled. He could have offered to help me dress properly, but no, he had to make sure no one came by and saw me. As if that matters anymore. At least Kenshin had been thoughtful enough to have Sanosuke get her some clothing along with the police. Unfortunately, he'd seemed much more worried about the fact that she shouldn't be walking home dressed in his gi than anything else.
It couldn't be helped though. She gave it one last glance before stalking back towards Kenshin and Sanosuke, feeling a small triumph as Kenshin's eyes flashed with annoyance.
"Kaoru-dono has forgotten something. Come," he said quietly. "We will get my gi, and then we will go home." Kenshin took Kaoru's hand and motioned for Sanosuke to follow.
And now he takes my hand? Why does guilt have to make him think he should show affection in front of others? She shook her head as she followed along. No, that's not it. He's making sure I don't run back there. It's all a show, to make it seem like he cares about me when in fact he cares more about the lives of those bastards...
Kenshin picked up his gi, putting it on as though it hadn't just been sitting in the dirt. On him, it looked as though it had just been washed. He just looked calm and sedate, continuing to hold her hand in an odd sort of death-grip. All about making sure I don't kill them. Damn him.
They continued walking in silence, Kaoru in between the two men, fuming at Kenshin. How could he just walk like this, pretending nothing had happened? People were staring at her along the streets. Well of course they are. I'm dirty and bruised and bloody, and my hair is matted, and I'm wearing a gi that won't close properly... I probably look like some barbarian Kenshin and Sanosuke just captured.
She moved closer to Kenshin to hide herself. At least no one will recognize me. Kenshin kept his head high, not looking at her, but glancing at people every now and then. Whenever he looked at them, they were quick to look away from the trio.
After an interminable walk, they finally arrived at the dojo. "'Twould be a help if you'd close the door please, Sano." Kenshin kept her hand in his, then sat her down on the edge of the veranda. He took a comb out of his sleeve and began pulling at Kaoru's hair.
Kaoru didn't bother to argue. Sanosuke came and sat down beside her. "Did you get anything to eat while you were gone, missy?"
Of course it's Sanosuke that would think to ask how I feel. Kenshin, how can you worry about my hair? "No. But I'm not really hungry." Sanosuke nodded. He looked really uncomfortable. "Maybe you should..." Do something else? That's a pretty lousy thing to say, isn't it.
Kenshin seemed to be having trouble with a particularly bad section of hair, and pulled at it. "I am sorry if I hurt you, Kaoru-dono."
"Yeah." Why the hell can't he be thinking about me? "Maybe you should ask Megumi to come here. Kenshin probably didn't do as good a job on setting my arm as a real doctor would do."
Sanosuke looked at Kenshin, then nodded. "Sure, I guess." He stood up. "Well, I'll be back with the lady doctor in a bit then."
Kaoru nodded, coinciding with another tug from the comb. "Ow! Be more careful, Kenshin."
"I will try, Kaoru-dono." Sanosuke left, and Kenshin kept pulling the comb through her hair.
It started to become a repetitive pattern between them. Kenshin would try to pull the comb through. Kaoru would complain as he pulled too hard. Kenshin would apologize. Pull, complain, apologize.
He wasn't saying anything to her. Even here, all alone, he's ignoring me. After what I went through for something that had to do with him, he ignores me. What the hell is wrong with him? Couldn't he at least thank me for what I've done for him? Why is he just ignoring me like this?
At the next tug, Kaoru decided to break the pattern. "Aren't you going to talk to me?" she demanded.
"What would you like to talk about, Kaoru-dono?" His hands did not falter, and he continued combing.
"I don't know, the weather? What do you think?" Kaoru's good hand involuntarily balled up.
"Ah. Well, it is a very nice day today." He continued combing. "The sun is shining, and the temperature is nice."
She stared at the sky in disbelief. How could he talk about the weather and comb her hair? He acted as though nothing happened. As though she were simply having trouble with her hair.
He pulled again.
"Kenshin, I told you to be more careful! I'm already not feeling well, you know."
Kenshin sighed. "'Twill take patience to get the matting out of your hair, Kaoru-dono. Please be patient. This lowly one is doing the best that he can to cause you no further pain."
"The hell you are! You must be having fun with this, making me hurt even more. Does it make you happier than killing those men would have?"
"Kaoru-dono! That is not fair." He paused. "I swore an oath. You know that. There is no pleasure in your pains." He continued his combing efforts. "Please be patient, and your hair will be unknotted. Once your hair has fewer knots, 'twill be possible to properly wash it."
"I don't care about my damned hair."
"This lowly one cares about Kaoru-dono, and that includes caring for her hair."
Cares about me? He wants me to look the same so that when people see me, they won't know about what happened. He wants to pretend that it didn't happen. "Stop combing my hair."
"Kaoru-dono..." She heard him sigh. And he stopped. The comb was placed on the wooden floor with an audible click. "You must be tired. This can wait until after you've rested."
"I'm not tired. I just don't want you combing my hair." Does he honestly think he can just make me look pretty and pretend it didn't happen? That I won't still want my revenge? Does he think I'll stop being angry with him if he can make me look like I did before?
"'Tis too difficult for you to comb your own hair, Kaoru-dono." He put the comb back in her hair and pulled.
I'm not going to let him make me look like before... I'm going to make sure he remembers it every time he sees me. And then he won't be able to just bury it all in his damned mind. "No!" Kaoru stood. The comb, still embedded in her hair, came with her.
"Kaoru-dono, please sit down."
"No! I'm not going to just do whatever you say. I'm not some puppet, you know."
"Kaoru-dono, if your hair is not combed, 'twill only worsen its condition."
"You only care about my damned hair!"
Kenshin shook his head. "This lowly one does not understand why Kaoru-dono is so angry about this."
Kaoru ground her teeth. He doesn't understand? Fine, I'll let him understand that I'm not going to let anyone control me in any way. And I am not going to forget what's happened to me, and I am not going to forget that Battousai didn't come and kill them all, and I am not going to forget that he wouldn't even let me kill them. She walked into the kitchen.
"Kaoru-dono!" She grabbed a knife and ran away from him, putting the dinner table between them. Certainly he could catch her easily if he wanted to, so the fact that he hadn't was telling. Oh, he'd like me to just disappear, wouldn't he? I bet he's hoping I'll plunge the knife into my neck. Well it's too late for that, I'm already dishonored, aren't I?
"You want my hair, Kenshin? Fine, you can have it." She put the knife to her scalp and cut the hair off while he stared at her.
"Have you gone mad, Kaoru-dono? Stop that." He began walking around the table, and Kaoru walked too, still pulling the knife, cutting the lengths from her head.
"Here, have my hair." She threw it towards him, and he leaped over the table, catching the knife in his hand and pulling it away, his face finally showing some emotion. Anger. Well, at least he's feeling something of what I'm feeling.
"Why in the world would you do something like this?" He threw the knife down then ran his hands through the short hairs she had left. He shook his head. "Nevermind, I... We'll find you a wig."
"Can't you stop worrying about my hair?"
"Kaoru-dono, you can't walk outside like this."
"Why, would it embarrass you? Make you feel guilty? Fuck you, Kenshin, how dare you think only of what I look like!"
"Kaoru-dono has perhaps forgotten the imperial edict about the length of women's hair?" he asked through clenched teeth. "This lowly one has not. This lowly one would like to remind Kaoru-dono that he already feels guilt about what happened to you. Kaoru-dono was attacked for my sake, and this lowly one-"
"And now it's all about you! As though my feelings don't count, as though it affects you more than me? What is wrong with you?"
Kenshin stared at her for a moment as though he were confused. Then, he took a deep breath and went back to his normal expressionless face. "Kaoru-dono is hurt. 'Tis understood that Kaoru-dono is having a difficult time. Please allow this lowly one to help you." He took her left hand gently in both his own, rubbing the top of it with his thumbs, and staring into her eyes with a forgiving look.
He thinks I'm the one who needs forgiveness? From him?
"Hey, missy, Kenshin, we're here..."
Kenshin's eyes snapped to the door. "And you've brought extra company. What brings you here, Saitou?"
Author's Notes
1. In April, 1872, there was an actual law against women wearing short hair! I guess Tsubame might have had some trouble, hm... They said it again in November of the same year, passing a law on civil conduct in Tokyo that seems to have put women with short hair in the same class as people going naked and public peeing!
lebleuphenix: Yeah, pretty much... I mean, I know I would want them dead... As for Kenshin's PoV... I haven't ruled that out, but I'm not entirely sure where I'd go with that.
Jin: What I'm thinking is that Kaoru is a bit out of her mind right now, but she'll emerge even stronger in her own beliefs... I always end up writing the ending scene and the beginning scenes first. It's all the stuff in between that makes me have difficulty. :( sigh
Kard of Dark: glad you liked it :) Your review (being the third) made me continue... I hope it's okay...
Shiomei: Yeah, I like darkfic a lot... And I do want K angry with K... I'm a K&K fan...
Please everyone, continue to support me with reviews! And if anyone has ideas for plot (or could help me with my own), or could be a beta-er for me (I just can't give this to my sister to beta), send me a note (ktatters.at.zerobyzero.ca)