Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion.

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

Chapter One: Five Guesses Who's Fault It Is.

Bright and early the next morning . . .

"Doh-rey-mee-far-sol-lay-*ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH*!!"

Sandrock blinked as Deathscythe practiced his scales, "Arrrgh?! That's not the next audio-modulation . . ."

"Yeah, it is!" The God Of Death enthused, "It comes just before the OZ soldiers go BOOM!!"

Heavyarms shuddered slightly as he tried not to laugh at the bad joke. The others just groaned as the Sandrock shook his head, "That's teeeerrrrrrible!!!"

Wufei looked up from his bowl of cereal, and dropped his spoon with a loud milky splash. He stared at the middle of the table with a half dazed, half stunned expression. His eyes widened.

Duo paused in his eating and stared at Wufei, "What?"

The black haired pilot didn't answer, didn't even look like he had heard Duo's question. Quatre opened his eyes, and cradled his tea, "Wufei?"

Wufei blinked but remained silent. Heero paused in his typing to look over the rim of his laptop. The blue-eyed boy shook his head, and returned to his typing. Trowa, amazed by the complete silence – almost, not counting Heero's typing, which happened so regularly, that it had become like white noise – glanced over his paper, and looked around. Quatre was frowning ever so adorab- he caught himself and corrected, Quatre was frowning ever so slightly, Duo's spoon was piled high with cornflakes and ice-cold milk dripping slowly, as the usual talkative pilot stared at Wufei's face, which was still caught in a strange expression.

"Hm," Trowa muttered, "It looks like Wufei's having a religious experience . . ." He threw a hand up and cried, "He's a Believer, Lord!!"

It was at this point Wufei woke up.

The pilot began slowly, just blinking quickly, as if in shock. Then he slowly looked up.

"How . . . in . . . the . . . HELL DO YOU STEAL *FIVE* GUNDAM MOBILE SUITS WITHOUT ANYONE SEEING YOU?!"

Approximately 3am, a few days ago . . .

Doktor S snickered as Professor G swam through a load of wrappers to get to Deathscythe's cockpit.

"I swear . . . That kid!" Professor G growled as he pushed another sackful of rubbish out of the small space. "How is it possible from such a small boy to gather so much crap?!"

Doktor S shrugged, and sat back . . . only to yelp and jump up as his tush came in contact with a small dagger. He frowned and removed the small weapon. He was just lowering himself down again when a thought occurred to him, and he swiftly checked for more weapons. Instructor H sighed happily as he calmly went through the operational start-up of Sandrock. "Naturally, Sandrock is almost in the same condition as I gave it to Quatre all those years ago . . ."

"Almost?" Doctor J's face came crackling onto the monitor. The man chuckled, "What's changed?"

H's eyes slipped up to a small stash of pictures partially hidden, "Let's just say I think he's developing a little crush on one of the others . . ." His pointed moustache flicked a little as he pulled out one particularly questionable picture of Trowa, fast asleep.

Master O chuckled deeply, "aside from the incense burning and the various dartboards of hate . . ." The Master chuckled again, as he caught sight of a particularly perforated picture, "G? I think you should tell Duo to let off on Wufei for a little while. . ."

"Why should Duo yield?" G bristled, "Why can't Wufei lighten up?"

O narrowed his eyes, "Wufei is a perfectly good soldier . . . Duo the Cookie Monster God of Death should learn to be---"

"Gentlemen . . . there will be enough time at dawn for your handbags . . ." J interrupted, he looked around and flicked some switches, "Now . . . Let us make out way out."

The cockpits sealed as the Gundams went on a level of stealth only the scientists had known about.

Tip-Toe-Mode.

The Present.

"INJUSTICE!!!"

Duo cringed as Wufei stormed into the room, hollering at the top of his voice. He gazed down on himself, as another pair of his favourite black trousers was a victim of tea-assault. Wufei carried on regardless, and walked into the kitchen. "INJUSTICE!!" He bellowed.

Duo waited a second and looked expectantly at the door, Quatre came out, patting himself down rather hastily. He looked up and murmured quickly, "This is tea, not ---"

Duo held up an understanding hand, "I know . . . I'm a victim too." He shook his head as the two went up the stairs, "You know, I really don't think he's doing it because he thinks it's an injustice anymore . . . I think he's doing it because he knows he'll get this reaction . . ."

"INJUSTICE!!"

Trowa jumped visibly, his tea jostling eagerly out of his mug. As the scalding hot liquid cooled rapidly on his lap, Trowa turned and glared at Wufei, "Must you do that?"

Wufei nodded and walked up to Heero, who –very carefully and very quickly – put his cup down, and swallowed the gulp of tea he was drinking. The Chinese boy seemed to study Heero for a long moment before turning away. Heero sighed a breathe of relief and picked up his tea again.

"INJUSTICE!!!" Wufei roared as it hit him again how ridiculous that their Gundams had been stolen. He raised his finger and shook it hard, "IN-JUS-TICE!!"

Heero winced slightly as he gulped down his tea, and found it to be a little hotter than usual. He sighed and looked at Wufei, "Anything else you wish to add to the argument?"

"It's an injustice!" Wufei grumbled, "Nataku should not have been interfered with."

"Congratulations . . ." Heero growled, "You've proved beyond a shadow of a doubt it's an injustice!"

Trowa sighed and shook his head, Wufei was going to be on a bender for a few more days or at least until something else struck his Justice-o-dar. He sighed and turned the page of his book. It was an interesting book, one that Quatre had suggested. It wasn't Trowa's normal read, but that wasn't why he was reading it. The tall boy sighed and tried to concentrate on the page in front of him, and not on the nice little daydream that was presenting itself to him . . .

A few weeks ago . . .

The starlight barely provided enough light to see the other, but the Zero G was calming enough for the two pilots.

The smaller blonde boy pressed the book into his hands, "Please take it . . . I think you'd enjoy it too!"

Trowa looked at him, head tilted slightly, "But why?"

"Because . . . You said that you liked to read, and that you didn't have many chances to peruse this hobby!" Quatre smiled, "Besides I finished it a long time ago, it seems unfair that it gathers dust in Sandrock . . ."

Trowa gazed at the cover, some fanciful tale about aliens, and abductions and good reasons why people who were abducted should never come back. The only reason he was so much as looking at it – he looked up, and watched Quatre floating back to his own bed – was because Quatre had suggested it. A rare smile had graced his lips. In the confines of his own mind, he was willing to admit perhaps his feelings for the other pilot has strayed a little further than 'He is my friend, I will protect him.'. In the confines of his own bed, Trowa's body was even more accepting of the fact.

"But . . ." He blinked slowly, as he watched Quatre's head sink lower into the pillow. But Trowa was less optimistic that Quatre returned the feeling. He put the book carefully on the bedside table, it was the same old story: Boy meets Other Boy, Other Boy surrenders to Boy, Boy surrenders back, Other Boy and Boy played violin and flute together, Other Boy and Boy climb in to respective Gundams and don't see each other months, and then Other Boy sent on looper by Zero system and blows up colony, and Boy, Boy mumbles something incoherent but profound, before passing out and losing memory, meanwhile Other Boy feels guilty, and Boy walks around random colony with no memory, until Overprotective Sister comes along, Other Boy re-finds Boy only for Overprotective Sister to interfere, Boy has psychotic episodes about Other Boy, and decides to follow Other Boy wherever he goes even though it means certain death, Boy recovers memory and finds love with Other Boy.

Trowa sighed, the same old story indeed.

Present again.

"And that's the theory explaining the banana shaped universe . . ."

All looked up as Duo and Quatre walked back into the room, Duo grinned as he continued to quote some more Monty Python. "Ahhhh . . ." He hummed, "Let's not go to Camelot . . . it is a silly place."

Heero rolled his eyes, and glared at Duo, "It's 'On second thoughts, let's not go to Camelot, for it is a silly place . . .' Duo."

The braided pilot chuckled, "I love it when you say it . . . coming from you it's just classic!"

Heero's sighed and returned his attention back to his laptop. He blinked as a little G.I.F animation of Wing suddenly popped up in the corner of the screen, and was glomped by a G.I.F animation of Deathscythe, a little heart exploded above them and was followed by: 'Someone loves you. You've got mail!'. Heero sighed, "Duo . . . What have I told you about my laptop?"

"That it's top of the range?"

Heero opened his mouth and lifted a finger but paused, " . . . That too . . ." He muttered, "But mostly the thing I told you that was accompanied by a death threat."

"Gee Heeeeero!" Duo put his hands on his hips and frowned playfully, "You could at least narrow it down a bit!!" As Heero rose slowly from his seat, duo chuckled, "No, I got it . . . Not to touch the laptop on pain of death?"

"Bingo . . ." Heero growled and motioned his laptop, "And what's this?"

". . . A laptop."

Trowa's shoulders shook a little, as he tried not to laugh out loud. Wufei wisely found the wall suddenly very interesting, and Quatre sighed and put a restraining hand on Heero's shoulder. "What's it mean?"

"It means we're going to hold auditions for a new god of death."

"Heero . . ." Quatre gently pulled his friend's gun out of his grasp, "I meant the icon."

"Sniff . . . I only regret that I am not there to see it for myself, but unfortunately us scientists have places to go, Gundam pilots to avoid!"

Dr. J grinned from the screen, the recorded image only a few days old but still untraceable. Heero's nostrils flared at this fact.

"Anyway, we thought your Gundams need some improvements, but unfortunately we think we might have made a mistake . . . What kind of mistake? I hear you say, well, let's just say it was dark, we weren't exactly on the right side of sobriety, and heck . . . We can't stop science, chaos theory teaches, no, demands that this mistake was unavoidable . . ."

Professor G leant over and pushed his fellow doctor out of the way, as he continued.

"So as you can see you can't really blame us . . . it's not like we could have controlled this at a—"

"Get out my way, you old coot!" J pressed down on the mushroom hair, as he pushed G down to the floor, to stare intently at screen, "anyway, as I was saying . . ." He glared downward as his fellow scientist made some rude comments, while struggling to get up again, "Before I was soooooooo rudely interrupted. . . the mistake we have made was actually fairly unexpected, even though you still can't blame us for making it, it's just a little more than we anticipated. . . what kind of more? I hear you say, well, let's just say---"

"You're repeating yourself, like the moron that you are! You old moron!!" The huge nostrils of doom flashed, as G tried to shake his assailant off his head, "Let me explain since obviously I am the only one who can clearly, and without repeating myself . . . you old bogey!"

"Bogey?!"

Master O shook his head, as the two began to scrap off screen, and leant forward. A soft smile graced his lips as he spoke, "Perhaps, it maybe noted that our mistake, made in the most innocent, and unknowing of errors, has caused a fluctuation within the life force of the Gundams themselves. Much meditation will be needed, to discover the true extent of no doubt far reaching consequences of our deeds; we must endeavour to discover what exactly has occurred within the depth of each Gundam---"

Master O yelped, as he was suddenly pushed out of the way, with the combined efforts of J and G, the two pressed their faces close vying for positions in the camera. "Basically, we suggest you take the Gundams to Howard, and let him give them the once over . . . we were basically aiming to make the Gundam more responsive to the pilot . . . to achieve this, we reprogrammed the Gundam . . . giving them almost a personality, programmed to be almost exactly like the pilot, but without our training . . . why would a Gundam need training anyway? I mean, basically, the Gundams are programmed to be just like you." They smirked irritatingly; "I mean . . . it's such a good idea, why didn't we think of it earlier? Excellent idea, the Gundam would anticipate the pilot, and thus speed up reaction times!"

The pilots exchanged a slightly worried look, the last 'excellent idea' the scientists had had was the Zero system . . . and they all knew how that had turned out. Duo clasped his cross in one hand, and passed his hand over his eyes, "Saints preserve marmalade. The morons are at it again!"

The scientists grinned, as G shook his fist at the screen, "Duo Shinigami Maxwell, stop making such stupid curses up, and we aren't morons!"

The big nosed scientist sat back grumpily, as J took over again, sparing just one look at his fellow scientist; "At least my pilot is well trained!" He grinned patronisingly, "Aren't you Heero? Heh, heh, anyway, back to the mistake, it seemed like a really good idea, at the time . . ."

"And what time would *that* be?" Duo muttered darkly, as he gazed at his own scientist.

G promptly sat forward, and smirked, "Oh, the time just between the 10th vodka, the 20th tequila, and the fourth barrel of rum . . ." Duo threw his hands in the air despairingly, as the other scientists chuckled. J nodded, "Yes, well . . . in any case, Howard knows you are coming so I would go see him, and . . ." J leant forward, clicking his scary looking claw, an evil glint in his eye, uh, his weird goggles, "Remind him I won the bet."

And with that, the screen went blank.

The screen went blank.

The five Gundams glanced at each other, silently, assessing what they were going to do. It was a few moments before it sank in as to where they would be heading in the morning . . .

"HOWARD!!!!"

  -----------------------------------------

Time for those bothersome Doctor Megalomania's Mission Logs – Sorry Duo!!

DrM: [Grins] Yay!! This got more reviews than I ever thought it would!! Thank you, thank you so much!!!

Wing: [irritated] How could you?! You've only encouraged her to write even more of this!!

Deathscythe: [Playing on Gundam-size Gameboy] isn't that a good thing?

Nataku: [meditating] Ommmm . . . not really . . . Ommmm . . . It's just more injustice that we will have to . . . Ommmm . . . put up with . . .

DrM: Hey! You guys are mean!! So very mean!!

Sandrock: [bored] Your point being?

DrM: [ignoring SR] And all the nice, nice people out there want to read about you . . . I'm providing a service!!

Heavyarms: [raises Gundamianum Eyebrow] Sure . . . that's what you call it, right?

DrM: [growls] Watch you're trap Ammo-boy . . . I haven't quite forgiven your pilot for blowing up my favourite Gundam!

Heavyarms: Oh, just bring it . . . [raises hands and beckons DrM onward] Just bring it, little girl!!

Wing: [nursing headache] Please don't review . . . you'll only encourage more of this madness . . .

DrM: [growling, and shakes fist at Wing] I heard that, you meanie!! Ya supposed to encourage the readers to review!!

Deathscythe: [to wing] like this 'kay? [turns sweetly to readers, putting on giant chibi-gundam eyes] Pwease review, don't make us all sad and lonely, PWEASE!!!!

Wing: I think I'll pass.