Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion.

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

Chapter two: Howard!!!

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!

The PeaceTrillion's fog horn blared as it signalled it's readiness to take the massive passengers aboard it's deck.

Howard's sunglasses glinted in the afternoon sunlight, his favourite red Hawaiian shirt flapped around loosely, and his hands were stuffed into his kaki shorts. He chewed absently on the end of his cigar, as he gazed out across the sea. His greying hair was unmoving in the wind, as he thought about the sight of the five Gundams flying toward him.

"Ah. . . another mistake, eh J?" He snorted, miserable old hag.

"So. . . what's up with them?"

Quatre smiled gently, as he murmured, "We were hoping you could tell us. . ." He glanced over his should as Howard's men lowered Sandrock into the hold. Howard grinned, as he stubbed his cigar out, promptly lit another and walked up to the edge of the hold to stare down. He tilted his head slightly as he observed ShenLong; the Gundam's head was tilted up as if it was looking up to them. "Hmmm. . ." He hummed, "So you didn't notice anything when you were fighting, nothing freaky last night while they were in the hanger? No random bursting into song, or tap dancing . . .?" Duo sniggered as Howard shrugged, "Seriously, it's the kind of thing J would do . . ."

"None of this occurred last night," Heero confirmed with a certain deadpan, making Duo snigger even harder. Howard scratched his bald patch, and took a long drag on his new cigar, "Any lights flashing out of sequence?"

Trowa shook his head silently, "Nothing like that . . ."

Wufei squatted by the edge and peered down, balancing perfectly, he folded his arms. "This is . . . irritating . . ." he muttered, "There is something about Nataku I don't know and it's just . . ."

"Annoying, knowing there's something about them you don't know." Duo murmured, as he sat beside Wufei, swinging his legs back and forth over the edge. He understood the paler boy's irritation perfectly. He disliked the notion that there was something about Deathscythe that he didn't know either. Duo paused, and thought, "Mind you . . . I think I noticed something weird . . ."

He blinked and leaned back on his hands, tilting his head back until he could see the others. An upside down Quatre tilted his head inquisitively, "What's that, Duo?"

Duo shifted his gaze to stare at the blue sky. "I thought I heard Heero talking in the hanger."

"When?"

"That's the thing, I was tying my shoelaces outside the hanger . . . just after everyone left, and then I thought I heard Heero ask if he could watch . . ."

"Watch what?"

"I dunno." Duo sighed, and swung his legs, "It was weird, because I knew Heero was in the mission room, and there was no way he could have snuck back into the hanger without passing me . . . sooooo . . ." The braided boy shrugged again, "I dunno . . . it coulda just been my imagination . . ."

Howard sighed, and wondered aloud, "Why did J send you to me?"

"He said something about . . ." Heero's brow furrowed slightly, "About the bet, and the fact that we were to remind you that he won it."

"It's been twenty freaking years!! And still he won't let me forget!!" The boys stared at Howard in amazement as the older man shook his fist accusingly at the sky. "Damn you, J!! DAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMNNNNNN YOOOOOOOOUUUUUU!!!" Just as the boys were getting ready to edge away, edge awaaaaay sloooowly, ever so sloooowly, Howard sighed, "Alright . . . I'll take a look, you guys go get something to eat. . . and I'll meet you in the canteen after I finish . . ."

"Ahhh . . . I could do with a bit of a paint job!" Deathscythe looked around cheerfully, "And it's been ages since I last had a good lube job!"

Wing snorted quietly, as Nataku sent a passable glare of death at Shinigami. The black and gold Gundam sniggered quietly, and asked in a singsong, angel's voice, "Whaaaaat?"

"You know very well what!!" The dragon Gundam snapped angrily, "I don't wanna know!"

Heavyarms sighed as the two started to bicker again, he tilted his head back slightly knowing that the Gundams couldn't really reveal themselves just yet, not to the engineers that were working near by. Their conversations were being carried over secure lines, which only the pilots had access to. Which was helpful because the pilots didn't monitor the line when it wasn't in use. He smiled to himself slightly as the white clouds above rolled by.

"Shh!" Sandrock suddenly hissed as the hanger doors swung open, "Someone's coming!"

"Really?" Shinigami hissed quickly as the Gundams shut down again, "Pity it's not Heero, eh Wing?"

"Don't put that image in my head!" Wing snapped back, "It's bad enough he's dating her!"

The Gundams chuckled once more, before falling silent.

Howard sniffed slightly as he walked into the hanger. "So, guys . . ." he glanced up at the Gundams, "How are y'all?"

"Heeeeero . . . man, sit down, it's enough the boat's rocking . . ."

"It's been three hours. . ." The stoic pilot growled threateningly, "Surely by now Howard could have given us some kind of status report."

"Howard'll get to us, when he gets to us. Now sit your ass down, and tell me . . ." Duo leant forward on his chair, "Are ya in or out?"

"In." Heero sat with a sigh, as he picked up his hand. The cards were favourable, not as good as Trowa's and just better than Wufei's. The black haired pilot scowled as he stared at his hand, and pushed forward his small wager. A small pile of lime flavoured gummi-bears. Heero smirked, as Duo pushed forward his own wager, a small pile of white chocolate. "I'm gonna trash you, Wu-wu."

"Shut it, Maxwell." Wufei shook his head, but even Heero caught the humoured grin. Trowa was silent, completely immersed in the game. It was recently discovered that one thing Trowa actively enjoyed from his time with the mercenaries was the card games, and the green-eyed boy always took the cards very seriously. Heero enjoyed it too, as it was also a source of training, he could practise his poker face.

Quatre smiled as he poured another round of drinks for his friends, despite the fact there was no real gambling going on, the blonde haired boy still bowed out of the game, claiming he had no skill at the game. The atmosphere was intense, interestingly, the four others loved to challenge each other, and it was unusual that they managed to find the time to play the game.

"Ha!" Duo crowed as Wufei steamed at him, "Go fish!"

Howard sank back in Wing's chair and looked around. There was nothing out of the ordinary with the hardware . . . he flicked a few switches and entered in his own command code. Maybe the changes were in the software!

"C'mon Boys . . ." he glanced around the hanger, as the other Gundams stood around, "Toss me a bone here . . . Tell me what that ol' booger did to y'all!" He sat back and twiddled his thumbs, humming, "Could it be I got bored and lonely? . . . could it be I was old and horny . . .?" Howard blink as the screen next to him suddenly filled with typing. "What the. . .?" The conversation box was white, with neat black typing in it, with the header: Gundam, Zero One – Wing Zero: at the top. Howard raised an eyebrow as he read.

Could it be that Lady Luck has smiled herself on me?

Howard smiled slowly as he started to realise what was going on, "Voice activated, eh?"

Yes.

Impressed, the grey haired (and mostly bald) man nodded, "And responsive . . . very neat." He blinked as another conversation box, this time aqua-blue with black typing popped up next to Wing's, reading at the top: Gundam, Zero Four – Sandrock:

These units are now equipped far-reaching databases, in order to cut down on time wasted on searching and locating data. Also: Cleanliness is next to godliness.

"You even get to give them a tip for the day . . ." The older man chuckled, "J really pushed the boat out this time, I guess it would be too much to ask if you have an opinion on anything?"

Another box, this time jade green with crisp white type appeared.

Gundam, Zero Three – Heavyarms:

Anything is a wide subject, such data can not be processed.

Howard nodded as he read Heavyarms' message, "I agree . . . alright . . ." he stroked his chin, "How about the war effort and your roles?"

A light grey box with darker grey letters popped up instantly, titled: Gundams and the War Effort. Howard raised both his eyebrows as ShenLong provided a long essay.

The old man nodded slowly, "You've got a lot to say on the subject, haven't you?"

Affirmative.

Howard blinked as a black box with white writing pooped up in front of ShenLong's. He smirked as Deathscythe confirmed that all five Gundams were able to communicate in this fashion, "So . . . you can answer questions and requests . . ." he blinked as the five boxes rearranged themselves on the screen in numerical order. "That's very interesting . . ." he leant back and folded his arms, "Snything else you can do?"

Gundam, Zero Two – Deathscythe Hell:

Knock, knock, Howard

The old man smiled, "Who's there?"

Gundam.

"Gundam who?"

Gundammit! Let us in, or ShenLong will blow the doors in!

Despite the corniness, Howard found himself chuckling. "Oh boy . . . the boys are gonna *love* you!"

"What do you think he'll find?"

Duo looked over the rim of his cards, to glare at into cobalt blue eyes . . . Heero glared back . . . then violet eyes shifted to meet black eyes, and glared . . . Wufei glared back . . . the violet eyes shifted again, and glared into a jade green eye . . . Trowa stared, impassively, and cool. "Quatre. . . not now."

The Arabian chuckled, "It's just a jellybean!"

"But it's the last strawberry flavoured jellybean." Duo growled, "And I'm going to win it, even if it kills Wufei."

Wufei snorted, "You can try."

"I am Shinigami. . . Shinigami WILL have the last strawberry jellybean."

The door swung open on the five pilots, revealing a tired Howard. The Hawaiian shirted man yawned, stretched and headed straight for the coffee. Duo blinked, and leaned back in his seat, "Hey Howard. . ."

Howard held up a hand, and supped at his coffee.

There was utter silence as the five watched Howard get his caffeine fix, breathe some of that coffee aroma, smile happily, and then turned to deal with the five pilots. "Yes, Duo?"

"S'up with the Gundams then?"

"Nothing, there's nothing physically wrong with them." Howard smiled, "Man, you guys were all steamed up about nothing. . ."

"So, what did the scientists change?" Wufei demanded, slamming the table with his fist and forcing the strawberry jellybean to rock with fear. Quatre placed his hand over Wufei's to calm him, and looked pleadingly with Howard. "Please. . . anything at all?"

"Not really anything out and out strange, I mean it's not something you'd notice much really. . ." Howard stroked his beard, "It's more like they've had a new paint job. . ."

"Is that it?" Trowa asked, still reorganising his hand. He sighed softly, "Then it was a waste of our time, and the Gundams' fuel reserves us coming here then?"

Howard shrugged, and nodded, "Pretty much so, I mean given enough time you guys would probably found it anyway. . . especially if you knew what you were looking for."

"That's the thing Howard, my man. . ." Duo grumbled, "We don't know what we are looking for, so why not save us some time, me some thinking and just blurt it out?"

"Sure," Howard shrugged, "Your Gundams are now voice activated, and can respond . . ."

"That's it?!" Duo jumped up from his seat, "That's IT?!"

Howard nodded, "Pretty much so. . ." he grinned, "but that's not all. . ." Howard began to laugh, "The mistake comes in the form of . . . oh I dunno. . ." Howard grinned even more, as if what he was about to say was utterly hilarious, and he couldn't keep the straight face to tell it, he began to chuckle, "Say for example you were to go up to Deathscythe, and tell it to dance. . . do you know what it would turn around and say to you?"

"It would say . . . 'Yes, Duo' . . ." Quatre answered, "And then Deathscythe would begin to dance?"

Duo began to chuckle and the image of his Gundam dancing the tango on the decks, while Howard laughed out right. The grey haired man sobered enough to grin at the pilots, "No. . ." he chortled, "Deathscythe would turn around and tell you to piss off, and go dance where the sun don't shine. . ."

"WHHAAAAAAAT?!" Duo's jaw threatened to hit the floor, as Wufei, Trowa, Quatre, and even Heero, stared at Howard in shock.

"Think he's told them yet?"

Deathscythe's gel green eyes glowed into awareness, as he turned slightly to look at his sibling Gundams, "Who's telling who what when?"

ShenLong sighed, "Don't tell me you've been asleep all this time!"

"I can't help it!" The black and gold Gundam shrugged slightly, "Travelling by sea makes me sleepy."

"And stupid, by the sounds of it . . ." ShenLong growled, "You remember that daft joke you cracked?"

Deathscythe yawned, and grinned sleepily, "Oh yeah . . ."

Sandrock chuckled, "Well, suffice to say . . . we told Howard about us. . ."

"Us?" Deathscythe blinked slightly, "Awww schweeet!! But how do you think Q and T are gonna react when they find out their Gundams are gay, and taken the step they've been resisting all this time. . .?"

There was silence as the Gundams stared at the sleepy Deathscythe. Then ShenLong took a looooooong meaningful look at Wing, before Wing murmured, "I don't date him for his brains. . ."

------

[Cue that funky Gundam music they put on the previews]

DrM: [singing along!]

Wing: what . . .  [points at DrM] is she doing?!

Deathscythe: I think she's having a convulsion . . .

Sandrock: Maybe a stroke?

Heavyarms: Think we should call a doctor?

Shenlong: [folds arms and stads back] Nah, let's just watch the fireworks when she spontaneously combusts . . .

DrM: [Jumps up] Just wild beat communication!! Ah-meh-nee, some stuff I can pronounce, Kah-la-va-something Japanese . . . dah, dah, dah . . .

Wing: [turns to reads] you know the score, review . . . and we'll let Shenlong . . .

Shenlong: [smiles and waves] Hi!

Wing: …let Shenlong make her stop singing . . . failure to review will result in . . . [big scarey voice] Allowing her to keep going!!