Disclaimer: I don't own them. Do I? If I own them, please tell me. I hope I don't own them, since if I do then I guess they're not in character.

Kaoru stood there, her body shaking in anger. He was so late! Coming now, when it would be impossible to go back and kill them, it was unfair.

Does it matter if he's late? The moments passed slowly between them, neither one daring to speak. "You're here. I guess that's what counts." Kaoru took a deep breath. She heard him behind her, not saying a word, just breathing in and out. "I can't stand being near the wanderer right now. I want to be with you, Battousai."

"Don't say that," he said quickly but quietly. "The legendary name is unnecessary and dangerous." He paused before letting out a small puff of air. "Did the wanderer hurt you?"

"No. He just makes me feel uncomfortable. Like he's judging me," she said quietly. He wants me to be who I was, doesn't want to see who I might be or who I might have to become. I'm not sure I can be the same Kamiya Kaoru he knew. "You wouldn't judge me, would you?" she asked hopefully. He put his arms around her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder. He sighed and shook his head. "I knew you would understand."

"No one said anything about understanding. I won't judge you, but I don't understand how you've let yourself be put on this path." His voice seemed very stiff as he spoke to her, stiff and pained.

"I thought you'd understand..." How could I expect him to understand? He's never... no, that's not fair to him. He's felt powerless before, and he used it to transform himself into a better person. What am I doing but bringing myself to be who he was then? He probably hates me for that.

"YouÉ you are a representation of what I want the world to be." Kenshin's voice still sounded so sad. Wistful, almost. "I love you because of that; I love you despite that. Kamiya Kasshin is about not killing your enemies. I don't understand losing your... your essence."

She took a shuddering breath. He had to understand! It wasn't fair for him to be judging her just as harshly as the wanderer. It had to be possible to make him see that the world would be better off without those men. "If you'd come and killed them, then-"

"Then you'd be worse off, having wished for and received their deaths." He shook his head. "No. I will not allow blood to stain your hands."

"You could have done it for me. Taking the blood on your own hands so that I wouldn't have to have any on my own." She looked at her hands. They were so very pale...

"It doesn't work that way. The blood always seeps into everything around it." Regret weighed heavily in his voice. His arms tightened around her. "Even if it did work that way, would you curse me with more deaths to carry? Do you hate me so?"

"I hate them, not you."

"And that is why we cannot kill them. I know it's hard."

Kaoru looked down at the ground. That isn't true. It can't be. Why should the Battousai speak as though he were tired of death? He was willing to kill for me when Jinei attacked me. He was willing to kill for Tomoe. "If it were Tomoe, would you have killed them?" He was silent and unmoving. It spoke volumes: He would have killed for her in an instant. He'd probably even kill for her memory. The silence hung over them both for many moments before Kaoru spoke again. "It's because you love her more than me."

"No." He spoke very softly, almost as though he were once again the lost near-child the other woman had married and turned into a man. "The woman she was would not have been compromised by it. Were I to do it for you, I would destroy your spirit."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means... I had already destroyed her spirit. I would just as soon not destroy the happiness of both my loves."

"Do I seem happy to you?" She spat the words out.

"You are not happy." His arms dropped away and she rubbed at the cold spots they left in their wake. "But you will be. Eventually."

She shook her head. I don't think I will be happy again. "What will I do, Kenshin? If I can't take up my sword without wishing them dead... should I stop practicing kendo?"

"Without a pure mind and heart, you cannot possibly hope to succeed in it. Without the philosophy behind it, your kendo style is simply a poor murdering technique. Is that the legacy your father left you?"

It was too cruel. Vicious words, thrown at her by a murderer without the ability to understand Kamiya Kasshin Ryu, meant to hurt. But they're true. No matter that they were spoken so harshly, so unkindly, they were true words that she could not deny. Especially since they came from a killer.

Kaoru felt a tear fall from her eye and raised her hand to brush it away. Her hand was caught by the Battousai, his eyes closed against her pain. He pulled her to himself, one hand on the back of her head, guiding her to rest on his shoulder.

"You've made me cry... Why did you do that?"

"Give me your tears, Kaoru-dono. Give me your sadness, and let me free you from it."

"You're so selfish. You want my tears, but you won't even look at me." His eyes stayed closed, but a smile came to his face.

"What difference would it make? I can see you even more clearly without my sight clouding my vision."

"Oh?" That was a strange thing to say. "And what do you see, with your eyes closed like that?"

"I see a woman who is afraid. I see a woman who is very unsure of herself. I see a woman who is more than strong enough to conquer all the troubles that life could send her, yet who can't believe she has that strength. How is it that you see me, Kaoru-dono?"

She sighed. "That's not exactly an easy question. I mean, there's you, and then there's him. But you're both sort of the same, aren't you?"

"How do you see him then?"

"He's strong. He's... honorable. A man of his words and convictions."

"I am not all those things?" She glared at him and sniffed. He was amused, was he?

"Geez, if you want to make this difficult for me..." He smiled, but said nothing. "Well you're like that too. Except that you... you aren't against killing for the principle of being against killing. You get angry, and sad. I don't think the other you really gets angry. He can do anything... well, I guess you can too, right?"

"I'm perfect, am I?" he sounded quite amused at that.

"He is. You never seemed so perfect."

He nodded and gently stroked her head. "You are a wonderful person, Kaoru-dono. But the best judge of character you are not. No person is perfect."

"You think so? Then what fault could he possibly have? He's kept his word and protected others for all these years. I couldn't even keep myself protected."

"He didn't adequately protect you, now did he? His word wasn't kept with you."

"But that wasn't his fault!"

"Ah. I think I finally understand," he said quietly. "It was yours."

"Who else's could it be? I'm the assistant master here. I'm not some girl who knows nothing of fighting. I'm not some child who should need protection. I'm Kamiya Kaoru, the teacher of Kamiya Kasshin! If it's anyone's fault, it's mine."

"'Twasn't your fault, Kaoru-dono." 'Twasn't? Kaoru's body went cold. "The fault lies entirely with the people who committed the crime." 'Twasn't? "Please believe me."

Kaoru pulled away. "I want to see your eyes... I want to see that you really believe what you're saying."

Kenshin's hands took hers, and he opened his fucking purple eyes.

Authors notes

Did I trick you all into thinking it was really Battousai? I hope so! Bet he sounded a bit OOC, and you were all about to write saying "But Battousai doesn't sound like that!" That was really fun to write, knowing the punchline!

Question: Should I go for short chapters that get posted really quickly (like it is now) or would everyone rather I make longer chapters and take a week to write them? No, I can't write longer chapters in a day or two... :)

Mireiyu: Glad you like it

Kard of Dark: Look I spelled it right this time! ...so sorry about that... don't know what I was thinking last time. As for the comment... heh heh heh...

lebleuphenix: well, I think subconsciously, yes she's been trying get Battousai out by attacking Kenshin. Consciously, no. As for who's going to win... well, it's not about who wins and loses, right? Kenshin wants her to feel better, he's really not trying to play any games.

I am sad, only 3 reviews... but then, it's like there's been barely anyone on ff.net for 2 days... I don't get it, by now my story should have been on page 3... is everyone else having the problem I was having for a few days?