Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!
I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. Also advance apologies for my author's notes, you have to understand I had just finished watching three hours straight of Cardcaptor Sakura. Disturbingly cute anime is my vice, I can't help it . . . you show me anything by CLAMP, I show you how a REAL anime-addict looks.
Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!
//Thinking//
"Speaking"
*Stress/Emphasis*
~*~
**Gundammit!!**
By Doctor Megalomania
Chapter 6: Cyber-spatial, Gundam-Special.
"My Gundam is antisocial."
The four other pilots stared at him . . . and Heero felt faintly embarrassed by his admission. But it was true, Wing Zero was indeed very antisocial. He didn't talk, he didn't laugh, and he didn't like Relena in the slightest. The Gundam answered in terse, clipped answers, and appeared to dislike the fact that he had to communicate in any fashion. Not even talking about the mission made the Gundam respond with anything but a rather disgruntled 'Hn.'
Heero didn't know why, but it . . . it irritated him.
"BWHA HA HA HA HA!!!" Trowa threw his head back, and cracked up. Wufei tried valiantly to contain them, but soon succumbed to his sniggers. Quatre smiled indulgently, before chuckling quietly, and Duo . . . Heero glared at the boy as he sank to the floor and rolled about clutching at his sides. Soon, after the four pilots' mirth had subsided . . . and Heero pulled his gun on Duo for repeatedly asking him to say it again . . .
"So?"
The blue-eyed Japanese pilot stared at Duo, as the violet eyes of his partner blinked slowly. Duo shrugged, "So, he's just like you . . . we learnt to put up with you, you can learn to put up with him . . . it's real easy, the thing you gotta remember is to imagine him without any underwear on, and then it becomes as easy as one, two, three . . ." Duo smiled even though Heero was glaring daggers at him.
Quatre hummed and sipped his tea, "I wonder why? He didn't seem anti-social when I spoke to him . . ."
"I already told ya!" Duo punched Quatre softly on the arm, "Each Gundam is like the pilot, right? So . . . Wing is an anti-social git just like our boy Heero!"
Heero frowned, "Okay . . . so he knew he was anti-social, but it was quite another to know that his Gundam was being anti-social only to him . . ."
Later that night . . .
"Heero . . . man, I said quit it already . . ."
Duo moaned sleepily from under his quilt, "Look . . . so you and Wing don't get on . . . me and you didn't get on for ages . . . it's just gonna take a while okay?"
Heero paused in his typing to growl, "But Quatre said—"
"Yeah, well no one can resist the Quatre-brand smile . . . it's dazzling whiteness, and that sense of 'You'll break my heart, if you're not nice to me' is fairly damn hard to not to respond to, you'd hav'ta be a rock, or thin air not to melt at the very sight of his wide blue eyes . . ." Duo rolled over, "anyway . . . get some sleep man . . . and quit with the freaking typing . . ."
Heero shook his head, Duo just didn't understand . . . Heero was curious, really curious as to what he would have been like if the war hadn't tainted him. And his Gundam was denying him the chance to see this! He sighed again, and continued his hacking. If it was true that the Gundams were the pilots as they were meant to be, it was a little disheartening to realize that he was doomed to be an anti-social git anyway. Heero frowned and pushed the weak feelings aside, and buried himself in his work.
Only when the hour was pushing toward early morning, and Duo's healthy snores reverberated around the room, did Heero come to the end of his hacking session. He was just about to shut his connection down when a box popped up.
Hello.
He frowned, and typed, "Who is this?"
Knock, knock.
Heero glanced over his shoulder at Duo; the braided pilot was fond of these, and spent many an hour reeling off increasingly bad jokes. "Who's there?"
No one, Septem.
Heero blinked, //What the . . .?//, he shrugged and typed, "No one, Septem who?"
No one 'Cept 'em Gundams!! HA HA HA!!
Heero found himself smiling slightly, "Deathscythe?"
Maaaaaaaaybeeee. Are you heeeeroo?
"Yes."
Knock, knock
Heero pinched the bridge of his nose, "Who's there?"
Heero.
He smirked, "Heero who?"
Oh, my professor! You've got amnesia!! HA AHA HA!!
"Ha, ha, ha." Heero wrote, he sighed and glanced at Duo, before typing, "Why are you talking to me?"
I'm not. ¬.¬;;
Heero frowned at the strange use of punctuation marks, "What's that?"
It's a face . . . ¬¬ ~ eyes. The dot's the mouth, and the ';' is a sweat drop . . . #Pzzzzzpt!#
"And that was?"
A raspberry! #pzzzzpt!#
"You are childish."
And you are mean. . . do you hear me complaining? ¬.¬
Heero snorted, "Let's start again, why are you typing to me, then?"
I can't?
"I don't mean you can't, I just wonder why?"
Because everyone else is asleep. Even Heero.
"Me?" Heero blinked, "But you're typing to me!"
Not you Human Heero! Gundam Heero . . . Wing!
"Oh . . ." Heero frowned, "He doesn't like me, does he?"
Not he doesn't like you.
The cursor blinked, and Heero waited for the Gundam to continue.
He doesn't like someone else.
"You can't tell me?"
The cursor blinked, before the Gundam responded. Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Relena.
"Relena who?"
Relena Peacecrap.
And with that, the Gundam signed off, leaving Heero staring blankly at the screen. His Gundam had a problem with Relena?!
Very early . . . the same day . . .
"Why do you have something against Relena Peacecraft?"
Wing remained silent as Heero repeated the same question for the sixth time, in half an hour. "Answer me, Wing."
"Hn." The soft snort, the only answer he had been receiving was beginning to get on his nerves.
"Do not 'hn.' me. Answer me! What is your problem with her?"
"Why is this so important to you?" Wing spoke quietly, "It will not affect my performance, not your . . . relationship with her . . ."
"Is that it?" Heero caught the hesitation easily, "The fact that I have a relationship with her?"
"Does it matter?"
Heero frowned, "Stop answering with questions. It is unproductive."
"Hn." Heero passed his hand over his eyes and sighed again as Wing hummed quietly. Both Gundam and pilot simply sat in silence, as they waited for the other to break the hush first. . .
"Unproductive morons."
"What's that, Shini?"
"I said they are being unproductive morons, Sandy . . . look at 'em!" A metallic tut sounded over the cyberspace of the Gundams' private line. "If one wasn't 16.3 metres tall, and weighed 7.1 tons, and the other was approximately five foot three, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between them. Unproductive and stubborn." Deathscythe sighed again, "Wing is being stubborn . . ."
"And Heero is refusing to see the truth . . ." Nataku growled, "There is injustice . . ."
Heavyarms mentally rolled his eyes, "Please . . . one is as bad as the other . . . they will get nowhere at this rate . . ."
"Truly." Agreed Sandrock, "Although I must admit our pilots are being just as unproductive and stubborn . . . Quatre fears the same things as Trowa . . ."
"Hmmm . . . why are some humans just so un-accepting of their feelings . . .?" Shinigami wondered aloud, he sighed. "Some humans."
"Perhaps . . . we can but help, advise and nudge them towards their truth."
There was silence before Shinigami spoke again, "That was unexpectedly gentle, sweet and kind of you, Nataku . . . you feeling okay?"
". . . You try feeling okay when Relena Peacecraft is crawling around your cockpit . . ."
Wufei closed his eyes and growled to himself as Relena rambled on. Nataku was silent, and he had a sneaking suspicion his Gundam had zoned out of the conversation, which Relena seemed to be holding quite by herself.
"--So you see, I was wondering if there was anything that you or possibly ShenLong could do about Heero's poor Gundam, I mean you should have heard it, it practically threatened me, I think you should go have a talk with it, make it all nice and calm like you are –"
Wufei cracked an eye open as he heard a faint derisive snort from his Gundam.
"-- And at least teach it some niceties, as I know you and the rest of the Gundam pilots are capable, except for that Maxwell . . . he's so rude, he must be the rudest person I've ever met . . . I'm so glad he doesn't have any kind of guard duties over me . . . I would go quite insane with his constant chatter, he brings up the most coarsest of subjects to talk about, did he have no upbringing at all?"
Wufei closed his eye again, and winced. How glad was he that Duo was not here to hear that statement! He heard another huff from Nataku.
"You'd think that he'd always been on the street, which I know he was, poor soul . . . that's probably why he's so . . . well, not to speak ill of the less fortunate but . . . he's not exactly as intelligent as we are, he didn't have any of the privileges that comes with money . . ."
"Excuse me, Miss Relena?"
Relena paused in her speech long enough to look up, "Yes, ShenLong?"
There was a pause before Nataku answered, and Wufei could almost imagine the massive Gundam wincing at the use of the wrong name. "Wufei and I must discuss some matters of . . . a sensitive, security issue . . . it would be most prudent of you to leave at this moment . . ."
"Oh . . ." Relena sighed, "Can't it wait? What I have to say is much more important."
"Um . . . well, you see . . . we were going to talk about . . ." Nataku sighed loudly, "Well, I didn't want to tell you but . . . I'm about to blow up . . . see, and well . . . Wufei's the only one who can deactivate the sequence, and unfortunately it doesn't work when there's someone else there, because then I'll see that as a security breach and . . ." Wufei smirked slightly, as his Gundam trailed off, "Erm . . . yeah, it's like that so . . . the door hissed open, if you could kindly . . ."
"Oh . . ." Relena had paled visibly, "Are you being serious?"
"Ten . . . nine . . ." ShenLong's voice was calm, and cool. "Eight . . ." Relena paled even more, and placed her hand on Wufei's shoulder. She stared at him, worry creasing her features; "One day Wufei . . . we'll live in a world where you don't have to take such risks . . ."
Wufei turned to her, with the straightest face he could muster, and nodded solemnly. "I know."
"Six . . . Five . . . four . . ." As soon as she had exited, Nataku sealed the door up tight. "Phew . . . sorry, but I just couldn't take her anymore . . ."
"That's alright my friend . . ." Wufei chuckled, a quiet barking sound, "But I don't approve of lying . . . if there's one thing I share with Maxwell it is a sense of honesty."
Nataku laughed, the same quiet barking noise as Wufei, "I wasn't lying . . . I am going to blow up . . ." Wufei's eyebrows shot up, before Nataku continued, ". . . this pilot air bag, I just had installed."
The massive cream coloured airbag exploded from drive panel, and filled the compartment, muffling Wufei's surprised laughter.
Internal text message: Incoming . . .
Zero Five: Caution . . . have gotten rid of the Peacecraft Onna . . . Possible threat to sanity heading to other pilots . . .
Zero Three: Son of a Romafellor! You complete Ozzie! #
Zero Five: She was talking, damnit! I hate it when she does that! ¬¬;;
Zero Four: and you think we enjoy it?! O.o;;
Zero Five: I think she might head your way . . . she's on a 'we rich folk, you poor folk' diatribe.
Zero Two: Booooring!!! _ _;
Zero Three: Oh, big Whoop. She had a loving childhood! _#
Zero Four: Oh Allah! Why? WHY?!! WHHHHH--- oh, crap here she is!!
Internal Text Message: Zero Four has terminated Connection.
Zero Two: Whoa . . . that always sounds so scary . . .
----------------------------
And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!
DrM: Yo!! [waves happily at Wild] Hello!
Wild: [pushes DrM forward with a shove] Get to it . . . and now get started on the next chapter!
DrM: [watery eyes] Datte . . . I have another Gundam Fic a really long, and serious one, with magic, and the boys, and yaoi and stuff all planned out, and half written . . . and I have a great idea for a Cardcaptor Sakura fic, with my Boy, Hei-ying!!
Hei-ying: [dusts self off] real problem with leaving the dead dead, haven't you? [reads over other Gundam fic] holy . . . whoa . . . long fic alert . . .
DrM: [stamps] CRUEL!! You're so cruel!!
Wing: what have you been watching all day?
DrM: [magic girl-like soft focus shot] Cardcaptor Sakura. . . my 8 DVD box set just arrived . . . [clutches cheeks happily, and blushes cutely] Yukito-san, Touya-san, Yue-san . . . Hayaannn! [high pitched girlish giggle]
Wing: [eye twitch] meaning you'll lay off Gundam Wing for a while?
DrM: [shakes head, still in girlish mode] just means I'm going to lean toward Trowa and Quatre fics more . . . and that duo's hair is gonna get a lot more attention . . . Hayaannn!!
Yue: [back from his break, drops suitcase] Dear Sweet Mother of Clow Tap-dancing Reed On a Pogo Stick . . . [looks around] what in the hell . . . [spots DrM] YOU CHEATING LITTLE HUSSY!! YOU TOLD ME IF YOU EVER LEFT CCS YOU'D STOP WRITING COMPLETELY!!
DrM: [wincing] well . . . that's just the thing . . . because I did stop writing for a really long time, but now I have the entire series of Cardcaptor Sakura at my finger tips . . . erm well . . . yeah, let's just say I'm rekindling the flame . . . [flashes 'victory' sign] DrM is a TWO-timing, cheating little hussy . . . [grabs fave ccs characters] Hayaannn!! [grabs favourite Gundam characters] HAYAAAANNNNNNNN!!!
Doctor Icchan from Angelic Layer: [pops out of nowhere] Readers . . . you will review or . . . [whips out octopus from pocket] face punishment of a live octopus down you pants!!