Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. Hm, warnings . . . let's see . . . some potty mouth, naughty thoughts, more potty mouth, and erm . . . oh, yeah, love, love, love between boys, boys, boys!! I am not forcing you to sit there and read, but that doesn't mean you can't try it . . . it's like eating ready salted Pringles with Nutella chocklate spread, ya just don't know how much you'll love it, unless you try!! Also, thanks go out to www.dumbbumpers.com for some of the insults here . . . what can I say . . . I love that site!

Oh, and timeline . . . uh, yeah, WHAT timeline?!

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

[DrM shuffles some papers, and raises hand to adjust glasses]

DrM: [smiles happily] Hello! Betcha wonderin' what the hell I'm doing, eh? Well . . . aside from the fact I'm going back to Uni, in about two days, I thought I'd better update before I go and say 'thank you' for all the reviews! Wow!! *80* last count!! I'm so happy, anyway, aside from that . . . there appears to be some confusion with the Wing-Heero-Duo-Relena thing . . . in the first chapter, a Duo apparently told a Heero that he was Heero's Baka alone . . . while this is certainly true . . . it doesn't necessarily mean that Duo MAXWELL to Heero YUY this . . . [wink] I don't want to give too much away, but the conversation that first took place in the prologue was between the GUNDAMS . . . NOT the pilots . . .

Wing: [rolls eyes] you're crap at this . . . basically she means, that Heero and Duo aren't dating but their Gundams are . . . okay? [shakes head, and glares at DrM] what makes sense to you NEVER makes sense to anyone else!! [hits DrM] try to remember that!

DrM: [rubbing head] itai . . . [sighs] You're so mean Wing . . . anyway . . . [points below] ON TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!

Chapter 7: . . . And *DAMN*!! You are SO ugly!!

Steel capped boots landed heavily onto the deck.

Sunlight glinted off the rickety looking ship, the five scientists got out, and stretched. Doctor J turned and grinned irritatingly at Howard as the Hawaiian shirted man came up to them. "Well . . . Howard, you look like shite . . . is that the style now?"

Howard glared. He scowled, and growled. "Welcome aboard . . . *J* . . ."

Doctor J sneered. He smirked, and made faces. "Well, thank you . . . *Howard*. . ."

Professor G rolled his eyes and stepped between the two. "If you're quite finished."

"It'll never be finished . . ." Howard hissed at J, "Not until he admits I'm right . . ."

Doctor J snorted, "I'll admit I was wrong, when you pay up."

"Never! Not until you admit I was right!" Howard shook a fist at J.

J shook his clamp-hand-thing at Howard, "Ha! I can wait . . . question is how long until you break, old man?!"

"Old man?!" Howard blustered, "Looked in a mirror recently, J?!"

"Are you calling me ugly?!"

"Let's just say that if my dog was had a face as ugly as yours . . ." Howard folded his arms and spat, "I would shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards . . ."

Duo snickered quietly as they watched the two old men bicker, the pilots, Relena, Howard, and Pargen were gathered on deck. The Gundams were stowed below, with only Deathscythe ignoring the order to stay out of sight. With a pilot who was an expert in stealth, and with all the latest technology that allowed him to stay hidden from OZ radar, the black and gold Gundam wasn't exactly hiding very well, the tips of his head, and gold spikes were poking out of the hanger door as the Gundam eavesdropped on the conversation.

The last few days had been a little rough, as the Scientists had apparently had an even 'better' idea, and wanted to implement it as soon as possible on the Gundams. The Gundams weren't sure they wanted to change things, but were willing to submit. Relena was still petitioning for a politer Wing, but every time she set foot inside of the Gundams to talk to the pilots, something nearby would go wrong . . . she'd gone to Quatre's Sandrock, and the poor Gundam had had an overload in his system and was accidentally zapping people with electricity. Trowa's Heavyarms was locked up; it's door systems having jammed completely. She hadn't bothered with Duo's Gundam since he was the source of the problem.

"Oooh . . ." Doctor J narrowed his eyes, and smirked, "You know . . . I used to wonder why people like you were in existence . . . and then I realised, it was so people like me could get a good laugh!"

Relena sighed, she had to keep Heero away from Duo . . . Put quite simply, Heero was too naïve, too pure, too unknowing of the way of the world to risk having Duo, with all his street wise-ness, influence him. He definitely needed Relena to help him, and become not only the perfect solider, but the perfect gentleman . . . she smiled to herself, and one day, the perfect husband.

"You know, J . . . when people are saying you've got great brains . . ." Howard flicked his dying cigar away and lit another, "They are actually just thinking, *DAMN*!! You are *SO* ugly!! . . ."

Heero in the meantime, while noting that J was being uncommonly emotional about Howard's behaviour, thought about his Gundam. Wing still wouldn't tell him what was up, but Deathscythe was dropping little hints. It was his relationship with Relena that set him at odds with his Gundam; Deathscythe had suggested that perhaps Wing would be more comfortable if Heero had taken a different lover. When Heero . . . in his typically cold and tactless way . . . had repeated this to Wing, Wing had retorted rather angrily . . .

"You've made your bed. Now sleep in it!"

Heero blinked at the old phrase, "Why are you being so difficult?"

"I am not. I just dislike the fact you seem preoccupied with this topic . . . it is not good practice for a pilot to be concentrated on a single non-essential . . ."

"A good soldier should be able to have good relations with his teammates, now you are---"

"Don't talk to me about good relations, the way you treat Duo—" Wing bit off the comment, "You have Relena. I do not approve of this, but I have no control over you . . . leave this alone now."

Heero sighed, Relena and Duo were the main points of the problem. Wing didn't approve of one, and the other he seemed unwillingly protective of. Heero sighed again, as he watched the Scientists and Howard argue.

"Urgh!!" Doctor J threw up his hands, "Looking at you . . . I know why some people are blind . . . Spare them the horror Howard, go top yourself!"

"Oh, go do what you do what you did as a child!" Howard held up a hand dismissively, "Fly a kite, go fishing . . . hunt a dinosaur!!"

"WHY YOU!!!" J lunged forward, just as Master O stepped in and grabbed the old man.

"--Are so right! Come on J, I know you can say it!!" Howard flicked J the finger, before storming off. "Howard was right, and I am a stupid arsehole! Come on. . . be a good little scientist and say it. . ."

J struggled again Master O, "Never!! Urg!" He made a face, and yelled after the man, "How many times do I need to flush before you go away?!"

Howard stopped before the door to the command tower, and glared back, "If you say one more word J . . . just one more . . . I'm gonna get my umbrella, stick it in your pants AND OPEN IT!!"

J growled as the door opened and shut swiftly leaving Howard with the last word, Duo cracked and fell to one knee laughing helplessly, Relena had gone pale, Trowa threw his head back and laughed, Wufei's eyes cross as he tried HARD not to imagine it, Quatre lifted a hand politely and covered his small chuckle, Pargan lifted amused eyebrows, the four remaining Scientists sighed and worked on calming J down again . . . and deep within the bowels of the ship, five Gundams laughed their heads off!

Later . . . When everyone was nice and happy again . . .

Doctor J glared at Howard across the briefing table. "Anyway . . . we've got an even better idea for the Gundams . . . we're going to upgrade them again."

Trowa sighed, and folded his arms, muttering so only the pilots could hear, "So what? Now it will be Ultra Heavyarms Custom Kai Super-Duper Remix Pure?"

The scientists ignored him, and continued, O leant forward, "We've attained some newer, and better techniques and we want to test them out on the Gundams as soon as possible."

"Will it hurt?" Duo asked quietly, he blushed slightly, but as hard and mean as he tried to pretend he was, he didn't like the idea of his buddy getting hurt. G smiled slightly, "No . . . they aren't programmed to feel pain . . . although . . ." The mushroom headed man trailed off and stroked his moustache thoughtfully, "Hmmmm. . ."

The silence was so heavy; Wufei imagined he could hear a fly repeated hitting the window.

"I thought you said they could talk . . ." Doktor S frowned, "I know they could communicate with text . . . but you said they could talk . . ."

"They can . . . it's just . . ." Quatre trailed off, he could feel apprehension from the Gundams, "They feel a little threatened. . ."

Relena walked forward, and held open her arms, "You have nothing to fear . . ." she called up in that 'I'm sweet, kind and gentle, I'm Relena Peacecraft' manner of hers. They Gundams shifted slightly, Heavyarms' gun arm swung slightly, ShenLong shifted from one foot to the other, and Wing looked away. "Please . . ." she motioned to the scientists, "Let them help you . . ."

"These units are Gundam. Gundam require no assistance other than that of other Gundam." Wing was cold, emotionless, and clipped in his reply. "These units are Gundam!"

"They are only going to correct the mistake . . ."

The five Gundams moved their heads, and stared at her for a moment, before the four other Gundams looked up at Wing. The massive Gundam turned and motioned the others together. Wing glanced at Relena quickly, and tipped his head, "We will consider your statement."

"Incredible . . ." Instructor H breathed, "They can move by themselves . . ."

The Five Gundams conversed quickly, leaving the small band of people completely in the dark about what they were talking about.

Half an hour later . . .

Relena pinched the bridge of her nose, //This is worse that trying to negotiate with Romefellor . . .// She looked up, the five Gundams were still hunched into their little conference. She turned to look around, their five scientists, and Howard were sat on the deck looking over some of the blueprints they had brought to implement, the five pilots were leaning or sitting on various pieces of machinery, just staring up at their Gundams, and Pargen was standing just behind her with a tray of drinks, "Thank you Pargan . . ." Relena murmured as she picked up a glass of orange juice.

"Isn't there any way we could listen in on their conversation?" Trowa muttered, as he watched his Gundam gesture rather violently, "It looks like they are having an argument . . ."

Doctor J got to his feet and padded over to a computer station, "Of course . . ." he growled as if Trowa had insulted him, "Of course there is!!" He tapped a few controls and the Gundams voices started to filter through the speakers.

"And then . . ." Heavyarms chuckled, "The Duck goes, my name is Puddles, keep your feckin' hands to yourself!!"

"BWHA HA HA HA!!" Deathscythe chortled, "Puddles!! Oh! I get it!! That's gross T-man, where'd you get it?!"

"Hang on . . . I don't get it . . ." Sandrock admitted, "What does it mean?"

Nataku snorted, "It's better you don't . . ." he started to chuckle, and whined patronisingly, "Wouldn't want to corrupt poor widdle Quatre's mind now, would we?"

"No, no, that's not what I meant. . . I meant. . ." Sandrock murmured in deep concentration, "For the ducks to actually achieve that position, wouldn't one of them have to be upside-down?"

There was a moment of silence, before Nataku murmured, "You're thinking about these things too much, Winner . . ."

Deathscythe snorted, "I knew Quatre was more of a perverted sex kitten than he pretended!!"

Heavyarms chuckled, and cried, "WOOHOO!! Oh, yeah baby, briiiiing it on!!"

"Anyway . . ." Wing chuckled, "who's got the Sevens?"

"How many times I gotta tell ya, Heee-man?" Deathscythe demanded, "We're playing a Gundam's game, Poker! He snorted, try Wuffers . . . he's always got the Sevens . . ."

"No, I haven't!" Nataku denied hotly, "And STOP CALLING ME WUFFERS!!!"

"Wu-kins?"

"No!"

"Wu-doop-di-doo?"

"No!!"

"Wu-man?" Deathscythe sang in a sing-song voice, as Nataku got more and more irritated. The other three could be heard in the background chuckling with various amounts of humour, as ShenLong roared, "NO!"

"Wu-doo?"

"NO!!"

"Wu-wu?" Deathscythe chortled, "I'm trying To Woo you, Wu-wu!!"

"*NO*!!"

"Wufei?"

"NOOOOO!!" Nataku roared angrily, then chocked with surprise, "W-wait . . ." He growled as Deathscythe laughed loudly, "DAMNIT MAXWELL!!!"

Relena gasped, "Th-they aren't even talking about it?!" She growled and stormed over to the microphone, "Gundams!!"

"Erp . . ." Wing deadpanned, evidently the Gundams weren't aware they were being listened to, "Her Royal highness is howling. . ."

The others chuckled quietly, as Deathscythe inquired, "Should we answer yet?"

"Nah . . ." Sandrock sighed, "I'm too comfortable as I am . . . let's leave her to simmer for a while . . ."

Deathscythe chuckled again, "You're only saying that 'cause you got Heavyarms snuggling up to ya!"

"In the words of my faithful pilot, upon visiting Trowa once at the circus . . ." Sandrock snorted, "The world needs less war, and more shirtless Trowa!!"

The five chuckled again, as Heavyarms protested, "What about me?!"

There was another happy sigh from Sandrock, "And definitely more outer-casing-less Heavyarms . . ."

Down below, Quatre put a hand over his eyes and blushed heavily, while Trowa dipped his head, the lump of hair falling over and perfectly concealing the blush on his face. Relena frowned deeply, "We would like an answer, Gundams!!"

"We would like an answer, Gundams!!" Nataku mimicked, "Sheesh . . . for Queen of the World she sure demands a lot . . . Save me, Gundams! Save the World, Gundams!! Help my brother, Gundams!! Stop my brother, Gundams!!"

"Heeeeeeeerooooooooooooo!!!" Chimed Sandrock, Heavyarms, Nataku and Deathscythe, "COMMMMMMMEEEEE AND KILLLLL MEEEEE!!!!!"

As Nataku, Heavyarms and Sandrock burst into laughter, Deathscythe muttered to Wing, "Oh . . . lighten up, Heero . . . it was a joke!"

Wing sighed, "Yeah, I know . . . but it's not funny all the time . . ." he sighed again, and lowered his voice as the others chattered animatedly, "Duo?"

"Hm?" Deathscythe hummed back, "What-o?"

"Did you tell Heero about . . .?" The Gundam trailed off, and paused.

"About what-o?"

"Why I don't like Relena?"

"No." Deathscythe's voice lost it's charming sing-song lilt, "I might be many things, but I never lie . . . I gave you my word."

Silence descended on the humans below as Wing sighed once more, and spoke a reply so warmly it was almost impossible to imagine his voice was Heero's, Relena made a small choking noise, Heero's deep blue eyes widened, Duo's mouth fell open. Quatre's blush receded, his embarrassment forgotten; Trowa glanced at Quatre, before looking up at Wing with shock. Wufei blinked rapidly with surprise, the five scientists clucked and tutted, and Howard nodded, thinking, //And the plot thickens . . .// he glanced at Doctor J, //and DAMN!! You are SO ugly!!//

Wing's soft reply echoed off the walls.

". . . and that's why I love you, Duo . . ."

----------------------------

And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!

DrM: [happy sigh] Awwwww. . . And they called it Gundam Luuuuurvvveeee!!

Wing: [trigger twitch] All that film studies course work went to you head today, didn't it?

DrM: [deadly serious] You try studying Gosford Park, The English Patient AND Pretty Woman without some sorta mushy after effect . . . that and . . . [growls and holds up fist] I HATE GOSFORD PARK. . . [growls and mumbles darkly] bloody Kristen Scott Thomas . . . she's in everything . . . I watch a advert on tv, and there she is . . . she in Gosford BLOODY Park AND the English BLOODY Patient . . . and I hate both of those films . . . [breaths heavily] ARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Wing: [takes a few steps back] you're not going into Zero mode, are you?

DrM: [strangely calm] of course not, Trowa? What would I do that, Trowa?

Wing: well for starters, you're calling me 'Trowa' when I'm blatantly not. . .

DrM: [getting agitated] I don't care what you say, Trowa . . . just stay away from me, Trowa . . . I'm gonna destroy everything in this crazy universe . . . Tro-*WA* . . . so you better tell the others to stay away from me, Trowa . . . or I'll kill them too . . . Trowa.

Wing: [backs away slowly] uh. . . oh . . . [glances at readers nervously] Uh, now would a good time to review and run for the freakin' hills!!! She's gonna pull a Quatre!!!

Trowa: [runs in with hot chocolate fondue] I bring the Holy Hot Chocolate Fun-due . . . to appease the mighty author . . . DrM, I bring Holy Hot Chocolate Fun-due WITH the Sacred Sugared Strawberries . . . and I'm sure the readers are reviewing as we speak.

DrM: [growls loudly, and raises twin buster rifle at video copy of Gosford Park, and DVD copy of The English Patient] WHAT DID I JUST SAY?! I SAID STAY AWAY FROM MEEEEEE!!! {Blows hated films to smithereens . . . then instantly calms down and sits down with Trowa and chocolate fun-due] Mmmmm . . . melted chocolate and strawberries, and readers reviewing . . . DrM's favourite pacifiers . . .