Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. Hm, warnings . . . let's see . . . some potty mouth, naughty thoughts, more potty mouth, and erm . . . oh, yeah, love, love, love between boys, boys, boys!! Got a problem with that? Then go read something else, I am not forcing you to sit there and read, but that doesn't mean you can't try it . . . it's like eating ready salted Pringles with Nutella chocklate spread, ya just don't know how much you'll love it, unless you try!!

Oh, and timeline . . . uh, yeah, WHAT timeline?! Both the Eypon nd Tallgeese is still in service, and Zechs flies both of them regually . . . okay? I know, I know . . . it doesn't follow cannon . . . but when the HELL have any of my stories ever followed cannon?!

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

Chapter 9: And then . . .?

Late . . . really late . . .

"Shhhhh . . .SHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

As a spray of spittle flew from his lips, J pressed his claw against his nose . . . then tried again, drunkenly missing his mouth. He gave up and motioned to the waltzing H and S, "Will you cut that out?! They'll heeeear us!" He shook his head and walked over to G to take another swig of some nameless alcohol. "Allllllll-keeeeeeeyyyyyy-hoooooooolllll!!" He sang happily, cuddling the bottle hard, "Hooooow doooooo I looooooooovvvve thheeeeeee!!" He pressed the clear bottle against his nose, "Let me count the ways . . . one percent, two percent. . . three. . . four percent, five percent. . ."

G snorted, and pulled the bottle out of his claw, and stashed it in his front pocket, mumbling to the clear bottle of precious amber liquid, "Don't worry . . . I love you more!" He made some more adjustments to Deathscythe, "And I love you too Deathscythe . . . don't you worry." He grinned lopsidedly, "I love, love, love, love, love, love, love yoooooou!"

"What!?" J protested, and folded his arms, "you love him more than meeee?!" J began to cry, and spoke to Wing; "The meanie loves your boyfriend more than me! MEEE! MEEEEEEEEEE!! His best friend in the world!"

The Gundams stood there impassively, having been switched off. Once again, the scientists had used Tiptoe mode to smuggle the Gundams off Howard's ship because Howard . . . and as Doctor J said . . . "The big, fat, ugly meanie was mean and fat and big and mostly ugly."

So there.

Anyway, had the Gundams been aware that they were in mortal danger, they would have stopped their mad, and drunk creators from making another terrible mistake and probably would have stomped on the irritating and not to mention completely sloshed scientists . . . unfortunately for them, and for the Gundam pilots, and for the readers . . . they weren't, so they couldn't stop their mad, and drunk creators from making another terrible mistake and they probably couldn't have stomped on the irritating and not to mention completely sloshed scientists . . .

So there.

Master O clung to the mounting cable as it descended, coughing madly. He touched the ground and patted his chest, "Yuck . . ." he called out, "I think I might have swallowed a fly . . ."

"Then you have to . . ." Doktor S swung Instructor H around once more, before the man could continue, he giggled, "Oh Schmidt . . . you're such a romantic . . ." Doktor S grinned as H continued to call back to O, "You have to swallow a spider!"

"What?!" Master O tried to walk in a straight line to the same consol as J and G, "What do you mean I have to swallow a spider!"

"The goddamn song says you have to swallow a goddamn spider!" H suddenly yelled back, "Now go find a goddamned spider and swallow it!" As master O wondered of dejectedly looking for a spider, H called after him again, "And then find a bird . . . you have to find a bird after the spider . . . or it will wiggle inside ya!"

J shook his head, "They're crazy . . . spiders and birds . . . Everyone knows the best way to get rid of a fly is to send Heero after it."

G nodded, and pulled out the floppy disk, "Okay, they are all ready for the new software." He looked up at the unmarked but colour coordinated disks. One was white, another was black, one was green, and the one below it was yellow, the last one was red. It didn't take an IQ larger than one of Relena's groupies . . . wait . . . That might be pushing it a bit . . . it didn't take an IQ larger than a cabbage to figure out which disk was destined for which Gundam.

Unfortunately, the Scientists had drunk themselves into a bit of a stupor . . . lowering their IQ below that of a cabbage, and just placing themselves in the same league as one of Relena's groupies . . . let's just say it would a fairly tough call between the two at a Spelling Bee.*

G stretched over, his hands getting closer to the disks, which were perched, rather stupidly, out of his reach. He grumbled and clambered on to a stool. "Do you want me to get those?" J asked, despite the fact he was teetering on the ground, barely able to balance himself.

"I'm fine, I'm fine!" G groused, "I'm not short!"

"I didn't say you were short in the first place . . ." J shot back, wishing the room would hold still for a moment so he could get off, "I just said you weren't exactly of the same statue of . . ." he waved his claw, trying to think, "Of . . . say a pygmy, or a hobbit or a garden gnome . . ."

"WHY YOU---!!!" G tried to whirl round and confront the taller scientist, but alas, he forgot he was standing on a stool. Therefore, while he went crashing down, so did the disks.

G rubbed his head, "I am NOT short! I'm just small boned!" He glared at J and reached over to the disks, "Now which disk goes in what Gundam?"

J shrugged, "I dunno . . ." he looked around, it was exceedingly dark. He looked down as G gasped loudly, "What?"

"I broke our booze!"

"NOOOOOOO!!" J cried out, "Damned OZ, it's their fault, it's alllllll their damned fault!" He growled, and picked up one of the disks, squinting first at it, and then up at Wing . . . well he thought it was Wing, but then it was getting very dark. Doctor J smiled evilly, "I just thought of a wonderful new idea . . ."

The other scientists smirked, and gathered around. J continued to look up, speaking evilly.

"OZ are going to regret that they are such evil people, and therefore making us have to build Gundam, and send five brave boys to earth, and then improving their own defences therefore making use have to constantly improve the Gundams, and therefore making us be here tonight, and subsequently breaking our last bottle of booze. . ." he began to chuckle, "Yes indeed, OZ will rue the day that general came down to our office and broke our last bottle of booze . . ."

The Next Morning . . .

Treize blinked as he came into awareness, "Ah. . ." he rolled over, and stretched, the sunlight was so warm!! He could hear birds tweeting, the laughter of his servants as they prepared his morning bath, and . . . he closed one eye and concentrated, he could hear Lady Une giving her morning dress-down of a lazy butler who had failed to put the right roses on his excellency's desk.

He smiled, "Such a beautiful day . . ."

Getting up, he pulled a fluffy white robe around his torso, and padded bare foot over to the balcony to get a lungful of the nice fresh morning ----

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Thump. Thump. Thump.

"And then it got dark . . ." Doctor J joked from the recording.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

"And then we got bored . . ." Professor G grinned from the recording.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

"And then we decided to start drinking . . ." Doktor S smiled from the recording.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

"And then we'd liven things up . . ." Instructor H huffed happily from the recording.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

"And then . . .Ooooh . . . How to put it?" Master O oooh-ed ominously from the recording. He shrugged, "And then we forgot where we put the Gundams."

Thump. Thump. Thump.

"Duo . . ." Heero murmured absently, "Hitting your head against the wall will not assist the situation . . ."

"Makes –THUMP- me –THUMP- feel –Thump- better . . ." Duo groaned, "Why? Why? Why?!"

"Because, because, because . . ." crowed the recorded version of Professor G, "We were a little drunk . . ." he grinned, "Anyway, this is your mission . . . find the Gundams . . ."

J shrugged, "Also . . . erm, the changes we made didn't *actually* work out that very well so, uh . . . and erm . . . yeah, well . . ."

"You're a prat, and you made another mistake, isn't that right J?" Howard growled, even though it was a recording.

The recorded version of J flipped the finger, and growled, "What is he doing here?! He isn't part of my team!!"

"Since when did this become YOUR team?!" G yelled angrily. As J and G started to argue again, instructor H leant over and explained quickly, "Yeah, well . . . when you find the Gundams again, they might be a little. . . different . . ."

And with that . . .

J leant forward again, "Howard . . . I realise everyone is entitled to be stupid once in their lives but you, my man . . ." he smirked as he reached forward, "You are abusing that privilege . . ."

. . . the screen went blank.

"Well . . . what are they doing?!"

Lt. Saratone blinked and stared at his monitor before turning to report to his commander, "Erm . . . they're just . . . uh, standing there, sir . . ."

"Standing there?" Zechs folded his arms and shook his head, "Are you sure they haven't made any movement since they appeared?"

"Erm . . . if it helps, sir . . . we erm . . . checked . . . and all of them have dew all over them . . ."

"Dew?"

"Yes, sir. Dew."

Zechs blinked slowly and turned to face the officer fully, "Dew."

"Yes, sir. Dew, sir."

"Riiiiiiight. . ." Zechs turned away slowly, and squinted out the window. The five massive Gundams were parked right in the middle of the New Barley base airstrip. His Excellency, Treize-sama had almost had a heart attack, as he was the first one to really notice this fact. Zechs squinted, exactly *how* five massive Gundams had gone unnoticed through out the night was still a mystery. He sighed, "And the pilots haven't issued any demands?"

"Erm. . ." Saratone shrugged slightly, "No."

Zechs' pale lips pursed, as he nodded again, "Dew."

"If they done anything to Deathscythe . . ." Duo threatened again, "Why, I'll . . ." he shook his fist, and growled, "Damnit! Things were just fine . . . why did they need to mess with the natural order of things?!"

Quatre sighed and massaged his temples, "I don't know, Duo . . . I just don't know!" The normally calm and collected boy looked a little ragged. They had spent the last three hours looking for their Gundams, and still to no avail . . . even Heero was having a little trouble. The scraggily haired pilot sat back, and flexed his fingers. He glared at the screen. Nothing. Heero sighed, he hated failing at missions, it always left him with this irritating ringing in his ears . . . from Duo's laughter.

"I cannot find them." He admitted softly, "I just . . ." he glanced back at his friends, "Wing's signature is just . . ."

Wufei felt his heart sink as he watched the perfect soldier struggle to find the right words . . . the Gundams were gone.

"Dew."

"Yes, Treize, the Gundams appear to be covered in dew."

"And absolutely no one noticed before this morning, that these five Gundams were just standing right *there* in the middle of the airstrip?"

Zechs closed his eyes, "Doesn't say much about my crack team of pilots, does it?"

"What were they doing?" Noin folded her arms and sat on the windowsill, staring out. She smirked and glanced back at Zechs, as he sat back in his chair, "Did they just fly around the Gundams . . . or just forget that these are our most dangerous enemy?"

Zechs placed a gloved hand over his eyes, "God . . . my head hurts . . ."

"So it should!" Lady Une snapped, "These . . ." she trailed off and glanced out the window with distain, "*Gundams* are a real menace . . ." she turned to Treize who was sipping at some tea, "Sir!" She snapped in a softer tone she reserved only for His Excellency, "Allow me to take some of our mobile suits and destroy the Gundams . . . we can then try to analyse them!"

Treize nodded, "That would seem like a good idea . . ." he opened his eyes as he felt a little bit of tension creep up in the air, Noin and Zechs moved forward, Zechs by leaning forward in his chair, and Noin by leaving her post by the window. They came in closer, "It would seem like a very good idea, we would be able to improve our systems . . . the Tallgeese and the Eypon together."

Treize nodded at his Lady's suggestions, "Good. . . good . . ." he turned to look out his window, "Finally . . ." he murmured, his eyes closed as he took in this momentous time, "Finally, we will control . . ." he opened his sky blue eyes to take in the future---

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Marvin sighed as he stared at the empty hold, only a few days ago the Gundams had been standing right there . . . he looked down at a small bolt – actually it was the size of his fist – and groaned aloud, "This is Little Death's little bolt . . ." he picked up another nut, "And this is Little Death's little nut . . ." he whimpered openly as he spotted another small piece of the massive Gundam, "And this is Little Death's little flake of burnt paint work . . ."

The engineer continued to wander about the empty hold, as Wufei and Trowa stared at him. Wufei growled quietly, "You want to shoot him . . . or do I get the honour of putting the Baka onna weakling out of his misery first?"

Marvin held up a fallen screwdriver and wailed, "Awww! This is the little screwdriver I used in Little Death's little cockpit!!"

Trowa raised an eyebrow, "If I was an manga character . . ." he tilted his head slightly, "I believe my response would be . . . Dot. Dot. Dot." 

Gundam Zero One tilted it's massive head as it stared into the room . . . at the strange little man who screamed and spilt it's liquid container all over it's own lap.

Treize quickly collected himself, and turned slowly, "Zechs . . ."

"Sir."

"The Gundam moved, Zechs . . ."

"Yes, sir." Zechs seemed a little stunned. He nodded slowly, his bright blue eyes never coming off the massive gel green eye peering in the window. "It did at that, sir."

"And yet, Zechs . . ." Treize paused, and motioned his hand gracefully his desktop communicator, "No one saw fit to inform us."

"It appears that way, sir."

"Remind me again . . ." Treize closed his eyes, "Our policy on taking on blind people in an equal opportunities politically correct movement in order to gain favour with the minority hasn't yet extended to putting blind people in look out positions has it?" He sighed, "Because if it has," he lifted a finger and pointed at the Gundam behind him, "I think I can tell you why these massive, hard to camouflage Gundams keep seemingly able to sneak up upon us."

----------------------------

And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!

[hits gong]

DrM: [bowing down in front of readers] Gomen nasai . . . I apologise for that completely short last chapter . . . it was crappy and short . . . therefore, here is another chapter, to sustain you for another night until I've written more. . .

Wing: [raises eyebrow] you weakling, are you telling me you . . .?

DrM: [rubs elbow] . . . felt so guilty the entire day so I wrote another chapter . . .? [nods head with shame]

Wing: you weakling . . . you call yourself a suspense writer . . .

DrM: let's just say . . . if I was J.K . . . none of the HP readers woulda had to wait for the fifth book . . . man, when I feel guilty, Brian – the muse – goes into hyper drive . . . so hopefully this chapter will make up for the last chapter . . .

Wing: [reads chapter] why . . . this is just made up of stuff that happened to you today . . . [shakes head] You bad evil overlord . . . why do the scientists sound like your drunk housemates?! Why do they have the same conversation you had with the paranoid one?! And that WHOLE last paragraph is something you and Bluegoo argued about a few months back . . . what the--?!

DrM: [defensive] it's not unusual for me to write about my personal experiences . . . stuff like this . . . well, the conversations at least, do happen with me and people . . . [sniffs and tosses head] just be glad I haven't yet STOOPED, or indeed GIVEN INTO THE TEMPTATION of adding a character called Doctor M.

Wing: Dear sweet mother of Canadian moose . . . NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

DrM: [giggles and picks up hot chocolate]

Wufei: [suddenly popping out of nowhere] HOW IN THE HELL YOU STEAL FIVE GUNDAM MOBILE SUITS WITHOUT ANYONE SEEING YOU . . . AGAIN?! [ignores DrM's yelps of pain, turns to readers] WHY IN THE HELL HAVEN'T YOU REVIEWED YET?! CAN YOU TELL ME HOW IN THE HELL YOU STEAL FIVE GUNDAM MOBILE SUITS WITHOUT ANYONE SEEING YOU . . . AGAIN?! [walks off again] INJUSTICE!! NO-BODY IS REVIEWING FAST ENOUGH!! REVIEW NOW, OR FEEL THE WRATH OF NATAKU!!

DrM: [mopping up hot chocolate] I'll wrath you, Wufei . . . just you wait and see . . . the days of you making me spill hot stuff on myself are coming to a close . . . [starts to laugh evilly. Stops suddenly and grins at readers] so, what are you waiting for? Please review . . . Trowa.