Hey-o, and welcome to my Lil' World of Weirdness!!

I state for the record that I don't own Gundam Wing, or the wonderful characters that will be gracing this story. . . I do however lay claim to Ensign Saratone *again*, and I use him here purely as a replacement for your average Nameless OZ Minion. Hm,usual warnings . . . but it's not like anyone reads this bit up here anyway so . . .

Oh, and timeline . . . uh, yeah, WHAT timeline?! Both the Eypon and Tallgeese is still in service, and Zechs flies both of them regularly . . . okay? I know, I know . . . it doesn't follow cannon . . . but when the HELL have any of my stories ever followed cannon?!

Okay, that's the legal stuff out the way!!

//Thinking//

"Speaking"

*Stress/Emphasis*

~*~

**Gundammit!!**

By Doctor Megalomania

Chapter 13: Speaking in Tongues

Thump-thump-Thump-Thump-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-Thump-Thump-thump-thump.

Treize suddenly yelped as he dropped his coffee into his lap, Zechs glanced up and raised an unimpressed eyebrow, "Let me guess Wing is outside again?" He swivelled in his favourite swivelly chair and was confront by . . . yes, Wing just outside the window. Relena smiled, slightly endeared to the cuteness of the Gundam, "Yes Wing?"

If Wing could smile, he probably would be beaming proudly, as he confidently announced, ". . . Why?"

Relena blinked and smiled with a big frozen smile, "Why what?"

If Wing could frown, he would probably be frowning in confusion.

Thump-thump-Thump-Thump-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-Thump-Thump-thump-thump.

Treize gingerly wiped himself down, "Why, oh, why?"

"That's what Wing was asking . . ." Relena sat down, and sipped at her coffee, "I wonder why?"

Noin yawned, "And it can't wait until morning?" She lifted a microphone and flicked a switch so her voice could be heard around the base, "Yuy and Maxwell, report back to the Control Tower, Wing is asking strange questions." She yawned again and let her head slump to the table with a dull thud. Zechs winced, as Noin let out a muffled, "Ow."

They had all been up, so late at night, and even though Treize was complaining like there was no tomorrow, all had to admit, this first night of observations was very important to them. It was a chance to see how the Gundams were taking to everything.

Tup-tup-tup.

"Trowa?" Quatre murmured and motioned behind his friend. Trowa looked up to find Heavyarms standing outside the window, Wing standing just behind him. Trowa quirked his lips, and walked over. He pulled the window open and leaned out slightly, "Yes, Heavyarms?"

He hadn't talked that much to Heavyarms and so knew that the gold and orange robot would probably be as limited in speaking as he himself was.

"Zero One asked a question . . . was it incorrect?"

Trowa quirked his lips again, a small Trowa smile. "Not really . . . we just don't know what he wants to know."

Heavyarms tilted its head, "I see . . ." The robot straightened, and went to talk to Wing. In the meantime, Heero followed Duo along the corridor, still rewinding what he had said in the canteen. It wasn't possible . . . he rolled his shoulders slightly, he meant, it was possible that he wanted to hear more of what Duo 'wasn't' going to do to him on their next—he snapped out of the thoughts and hurried through the door.

"What's going on?" Duo asked, handing Wufei's tea to him.

The black haired boy nodded his thanks, and indicated out the window, "Wing just came up to the window and asked, 'why?' . . ."

"Why what?"

"We don't know. . ." Wufei raised an amused eyebrow, "That's what we're trying to figure out. . ."

Heavyarms turned, "You asked earlier about why Pilot Zero Two is Pilot Zero One's favourite pilot . . ."

"So?" Treize asked from the back, he refused to get up until he got new jodhpurs on. Heavyarms tilted his head.

"Why?"

"Why did we ask?" Trowa expanded the question, Heavyarms made a motion of understanding, Trowa continued, "Because it seems odd to us that you note this."

Wing tilted its head as Heavyarms looked at it. There was a transfer of data between the two before Wing leant forward again, "Why?"

"Why does it seem odd?" Quatre caught on, he shrugged as he replied, "It just does."

The two Gundams glanced at each other, and Heavyarms made a metallic sounding snort as Wing stood and pointed at Quatre. "Zero Four!!" Wing sounded irritated, and turned so it was still pointing, but now facing Sandrock. "Zero Four, Pilot Zero Four, perplexing this mobile suit maliciously!" Wing dropped his arms, and looked up to holler at the heavens, "Not reasonable!!"

The blue and white Gundam stomped off, leaving Heavyarms shaking his head. Sandrock rumbled up to the window, and sank to the ground with an expectant hiss of hydraulics. There was a data transfer between the two, before Sandrock glanced between the sulking Wing and Quatre, the Gundam shrugged, "You confused him again."

"It's the language barrier," Quatre sighed, "Is there any way you can download your speech patterns to the others?"

Sandrock stilled for a moment, before replying quietly, "It will take approximately twelve hours of down time."

His pilot nodded, "That's acceptable, we'll still be here . . ."

Sandrock and Heavyarms stood, and ambled back to their fellow mobile suits. Wing bobbed around excitably and Deathscythe stood staring stonily, as they all listened to Sandrock. Nataku nodded, and glanced at Heavyarms, before looking at Wing. The Gundam continued to bob up and down, before turning back to the control tower. The pilots, OZ personal and whoever the hell just happened to be there gazed at Wing as the Gundam knelt down again, and peered in. the dull green of his eyes lit the room eerily, before the Gundam spoke, "Pilot One Three."

Silence.

"Pilot One Three?"

Everyone gawked at the Gundam as it repeated the same designation, Duo looked around, "Who's number thirteen?"

Wing shook its head, and glanced at the displays. It nodded, and quickly the screens buzzed into life again.

"Sir?" Treize held up a hand as an ensign turned to report to him.

"No, let me guess . . . Wing is tapping into our controls?"

"Yes sir." Treize shook his head slowly, as a recorded image suddenly filled every screen in the control tower. Duo's recorded face peered out. The pilot looked very annoyed as he suddenly yelled out, "Hey OZ Jerk!"

Duo chuckled and glanced over at Wing, "That really doesn't narrow it down, Wingster!" Une and Noin glared at the pilot as Wing replaced the image with a recording of a very harried looking Quatre glancing up at display with an OZ flag on it. The blonde frowned and remarked rudely, "Scumbag."

Eyes widened as the recorded blonde shook his head, and growled. Duo snickered, "As true as it is Wing, that doesn't do it either!"

Wing tilted its head upward for a moment, and then glanced back at its comrades. It seemed to get an idea and swung its head around, the screens blipped again, and this time Wufei appeared on the screens. Looking very red in the face, the video-Wufei spat angrily, "TREIZE!!"

"Oh ho . . ." Duo nodded, "That OZ jerk scumbag . . ."

Une growled threateningly, as Treize smoothly glanced at Wing. "Yes?"

The Gundam's voice filtered in cheeringly, "past request significance of documentation regarding Pilot Zero One, cross-referenced under Significance of Pilot Zero Two in working relationship." The Winged Gundam tilted its head cutely, "Search results located."

The screens cleared, and then crackled and buzzed with Wing's expert hacking, and came to life displaying a frozen splitscreen recording. On one side there was a picture of Duo in his cockpit, and the other displayed an in-cockpit camera angle of Heero. The date was from sometime very early. . . when they had only just met. Quatre turned to the window, and nodded, "Ready!"

The conversation was from half way in, Duo was ranting as soon as the recording began.

"HEEEEERRROOOOOO!!! I know you're there . . . I can see your Gundam . . . Right. Outside. My. Window!"

Heero closed one eye and grimaced on his side, Duo didn't appear to notice.

"I understand you might have a death wish, but I don't! How could you do that to me?! Do you realise you've taken years off my life that stunt?! First you jump out of a building without a parachute, and then this?! Are you insane?! Sheesh, my heart took a pounding and here you are mister cool guy, mister I can set my leg without painkillers, mister I'm made out of gundanium!! What are you doing?!"

"Omae o korosu." Heero growled, glaring at the braided one intensely.

"Onna o Kisu . . . Ommi oh korasue . . . om-may-what?! Look, it doesn't matter, also as you keep pulling stunts like that, you do realise that one day you will kill me, right?!" Duo growled, "Well, this mission sucked. . . I'm going to go get some rest, hopefully rest my poor frightened heart after the shock you put it through. Good night!"

The splitscreen went out on Duo's side, only to be replaced by another angle of Heero. The boy raised his head, stared at the blank screen in front of him for a fraction of a second and looked down again.

"What?" Zechs muttered intrigued by the footage, "What does this show us?"

Duo appeared again, visibly shaken, and snapped, "Good night!"

Once again the screen blanked and once again Heero raised his head and dipped it again.

"We still don't see it. . ." Trowa murmured, "What are you showing us?"

The footage was cut again, this time showing only the split second when Heero looked up. This time it paused with Heero staring up, it was the tiny fraction of a second again. Most stared at the picture blankly before Relena squeaked with shock, "He's smiling!!"

Seats were scrapped back as all surged forward with disbelief. There on every screen in the room Heero Yuy stared back, a fond light in his eye, and the tiniest of smiles quirking the corner of one side of his mouth. Even Heero's mouth fell open, well, his lips parted but that was enough.

Wing bobbed from side to side, "Search Results number from Zero, Zero through to Two One. Continue with documentation?"

Duo looked down for a moment, and then stretched, "I dunno about everyone else but . . . I'm really tired . . ." The boy hooked his arms behind his head, and ambled over to the window, "Hey Wingster . . ." he leant out, and yelled up, "Go get some rest, kay, kid?"

Wing tilted its head.

Duo grinned widely, and glanced over at his own Gundam. The dark Gundam ambled over, and leant over. "Down time required."

"Just what I was telling the Wingster," He grinned up at Wing and waved, "G'night Kid."

"I run . . ."

Everyone looked up as Wing played a clip of Duo. The Videoed Pilot looked out cheerfully as he spoke.

". . . and I hide . . ."

Only Wing and Deathscythe saw as Duo's grin steadily faded, "I'm not lying . . ." he whispered, but no-one heard.

"But I never lie!" The violet eyes of the pilot sparkled, even through the grainy image, "Duo. Shinigami Duo Maxwell!"

Duo's grin returned as he turned back to his friend, and yawned widely. He turned away from the window, and began to walk out the room, "Good night every one!!"

"Pilot Zero Two. Return."

Heero glanced up as his Gundam tapped the windows, "Pilot Zero Two." He looked back at the door, Duo was gone and he wasn't going to come back. He sighed and shook his head, as Deathscythe picked Wing up by the back of his head, and proceeded to walk back to the others. The group of people were left to mull over what they had seen as Sandrock's voice barked icily, "ZERO TWO!! RELEASE ZERO ONE!!"

Treize sat up in his bed, and yawned.

He got up and walked to his window, and blinked. Ranks of Aries and Leos were bent over at the mid section undisturbed or kicked. His base looked intact and running as normal. He raised a suspicious eyebrow and glanced over to where the Gundams had been the night before.

They weren't there.

He blinked, and glanced over at his uniform. The trousers were gleaming white. He glanced at his desk. A cup of coffee steamed away happily. He spun suddenly and looked out the window. No Wing with its face pressed against the building. Treize let out a sigh, "Thank god it was all just a dream. . ."

He whistled cheerfully as he pulled on his boxer briefs, then his gleaming white jodhpurs, tucked in his shirt, and pulled on his jacket. He clipped his cape thingy into place, and lifted his porcelain cup of coffee. Grinned, he savoured the smell of the crushed beans and the fragrance of the hot liquid. "Mmm . . ." he closed his eyes and paced slowly to the window, to watch his brilliant military. "I love the smell of coffee early in the morning . . ."

His sky blue eyes opened slowly.

The gel green eyes of Deathscythe stared back . . . albeit upside down. The massive Gundam was on the roof, hanging upside down and peering in.

Treize blinked . . .

. . . Deathscythe would have blinked . . . if a Gundam could have . . . but he didn't so  instead he chose to yell . . .

"I SENSE YOUR ENVY OF MY NECK!!"

"YEEEEEEARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

Outside, Ensign Saratone winced as first the Gundam and then his commanding officer's voice pierced the silence.

He glanced down at the note in his hand, the one warning His Excellency that the Gundams were on the roof, and not the tarmac, and crumpled it. He sighed and walked back to his station.

"There is no justice."

Treize walked stiffly into the control room. He sat down gingerly next to a rather tired looking Zechs. The Lightning Baron nodded slowly, "There has never been any justice . . ."

"But that's not the point; I'm a nice guy." Treize pointed to Zechs, "You're a nice guy; we're both really nice guys, why is this happening to us?" He pointed out the window, where the five Gundams were now stationed. Heavyarms, and Nataku were carrying Wing, who still appeared to be asleep, "We are just two nice guys who happen to want to take over the world. . . what the hell have we done to warrant this kind of treatment?!!"

Zechs shook his head, "I hear you. . ." he sighed, "Just no room left in this world for two megalomaniac visionaries. . ."

"There is no justice."

"There has never been any justice. . ." Wufei sighed as he slipped into his seat, opposite the two OZ commanding officer, "If there was we would have never had to take up the fight against you . . ."

"Or indeed there wouldn't be any envy in the world . . ." Marvin, who'd accompanied Howard. The young engineer, held up a finger and started to talk, despite the fact it was becoming increasingly clear, with the exception of Ensign Saratone (who listened with rapt attention and even started to take notes) absolutely no one else was listening or indeed even interested in the engineer's opinion. He carried on regardless, "If there was justice, the ever man would be nice and equal, but then that would be very boring, but everything would be fair and equal, and no one would be envy of possession or other people's bodies . . . stuff like that I mean absolutely no one would turn around and say 'I envy you . . . this world your about to step into', like Captain Picard did in Star Trek VIII: First Contact did . . . it would be more like, 'I don't envy you because we are fair and equal', do you know what I mean?!" No one answered, so he took that as a resounding 'yes' and continued, "I mean . . . take the Gundams for instance. . . they have envy of our bodies, but they translate this into suspicious almost paranoid feelings . . ."

Heero glanced up at the five-way split screen the Gundams had provided, about their statuses. It resembled a life support machine, and showed the five power levels of each Gundam. It was install sometime late the other night, and was actually very helpful because it lit up the corresponding screen as each Gundam spoke. Heero nodded as he noted his Gundam wasn't entirely as asleep as he appeared to be, more like Wing was processing information while down timing. Relena sighed and pressed her hand against her cheek, "And look at him. . . he's so cute!" She pouted slightly as she added, "Even if he had Maxwell's personality . . ."

As she spoke, Wing's dimmed lights brightened, and the *energetic* Gundam awoke. It turned in a full circle noting the three of the others were still fast asleep. The Gundams 'slept' when they weren't in use, or when they were apparently keeping Wing in check.

Wing swivelled his head around as if he had never seen the base before in his life. Treize buried his face in his hands, "I bet he'll do it all over again . . . as if his memory has been wiped completely . . ."

Wing stomped over to the control tower, and knelt down quickly, positioning himself so he could see easily into the control tower. "Sir?" Ensign Saratone called out, taking a moment to look up from his notes of Marvin's lecture on Envy and it's various evils, "The Gundam's—"

"Hacking into our systems?"

"Yes, sir. . . he's downloading some information and printing it!" There was the noise of ripping, and the ensign ran over with a long roll of paper. Treize glanced at it blankly, "This means . . . absolutely nothing to me. . ." he handed to Zechs, "You?"

Zechs shook his head and passed it to Heero, "what does your Gundam want?"

Heero took the paper, and began to read it, padding toward the window at the same time. He slid open the window and sat on the sill, reading and occasionally glancing at his Gundam. Duo fidgeted as Heero continued to read, "What's going on?"

Shrugs were about when Heero started to nod. "Hn." He grunted, "Very good." He nodded, "I'm . . ."

And then it happened.

Heero Yuy looked up from the report, and stared fondly at his Gundam. Wing's head tilted adorably, as Heero smiled broadly at him.

". . . I'm very impressed, Zero One. . . well done. . ."

Wing stared at him blankly before a communication channel flew open. . . and then closed . . . and then opened again . . . and closed . . . and . . .

"What?" Heero tilted his head, a gentle smile lighting his normally solemn features, he half shrugged as he gazed from the paper to his Gundam again, "you've done a good job . . . and frankly . . ." he glanced at his Gundam, "you're my Gundam, I should hardly expect less from you . . ."

. . .and opened and closed and opened, and then closed completely. Wing jumped to his feet and tilted his head back. "Pilot . . ."

Heero blinked as Wing's voice, hushed and hesitant, filled the room.

"Pilot Zero One. Status. . . received . . ."

Heero watched his Gundam, then nodded, "I understand." He smiled again, "thank you."

Wing stood and stumbled back slightly, before bobbing a bow, and flying back to the others. He waved up at Deathscythe as the massive black and gold Gundam landed and was dragged over to the other by a very excited Wing. Relena staggered forward, and pouted at her boyfriend, "you never smile for me like that!"

Heero blinked, his normal expression sliding back into place as he held up the roll of paper, "you've never given me sixty-three thousand, eight hundred and forty seven ways of blowing up a single OZ base before."

Une ran forward and grabbed the paper, and growled, "you're telling me that innocent Gundam act was all—"

"A recognisance mission?!" Duo exclaimed, he stood and slammed his hands on the table, "all this time, your Gundam's been playing like a kid, it's been gathering information?!"

Heero nodded, "pretty much so."

The OZ officers growled, as the Gundam pilots clapped. "Now that's very impressive!!" Duo crowed, he walked over to the window to see Wing babbling to his fellow Gundams about the achievement. "Makes me think though. . ."

"God, no." Wufei chucked in good-naturedly.

Duo ignored him and continued, "if Wing was distracting us maybe?"

"Preventing us from seeing the true version of his mission, so he could gather information in peace. . ." Trowa murmured, he folded his arms and nodded, "you're right. . . are they really as naïve as we thought?"

The next few days saw the Gundams slowly learning to speak.

Sandrock had copied and downloaded all his speech patterns to the others, and they were slowly learning to adapt it to their new personalities. Duo sat in Wing one rainy afternoon. The two were becoming close, and work was being done on Deathscythe. Wing hummed quietly in the background, something sweet and religious.

"I didn't think you were religious. . ." Duo glanced up from his clipboard, he sighed. "I haven't heard this song in years . . ."

"Hmm. It's a beautiful aria, I can understand why you like it . . . I like it lots."

"You like it a lot." Duo corrected, "ya gotta talk in proper grammar around Heero . . . you know that . . ."

"Yeah, but you with I, I can. . . chill right?"

Duo chuckled, "sure . . ."

"Pilot Zero Two . . . may I . . ." Wing paused as if searching for the right words. "May I intrude on a personal question?"

"Huh?"

"I mean . . . may I ask upon you privacy?"

Duo shook his head, "I don't get it . . . are you wanting to ask a personal question or do you wanna apologise for intruding on my privacy?"

"The first one . . . may I ask a difficult question . . .?" Wing paused again, "I am curious. . . but will understand if answering is a difficult concept. . ."

"Ask away . . . I'll decide if I answer or not. . ." he waved his hand absently, "shoot."

". . . At what?"

Duo blinked and looked up at the innocent question, before dissolving into chuckles.

"Do you remember a time when you fell in love?"

Sandrock hummed quietly, before deigning to answer. "What do you mean, Quatre?"

"Do you remember a time when you felt an emotion for another one of the Gundams?" Quatre didn't look up from his screwdriver, even though he was dying to look up at the monitors, and look at his Gundam. Sandrock retained the ability to project his image as a digital picture. Quatre had discovered recently that Sandrock was copying this software and working on installing it in the others. He'd also discovered that while he and Trowa were beginning to explore their new relationship, his Gundam had been robbed of his love for Heavyarms.

For a brief moment, it occurred to Quatre that with Trowa's personality, Sandrock could be reflecting Trowa's true feelings. . . hence the delicate questioning he embarked on today.

"An emotion . . .?" Sandrock's voice sounded lost. "Love? Perhaps . . ."

Quatre swallowed, "do you want to talk about it?"

"There is no way he could ever . . . I do remember . . . it is so faint, like it was another engine overhaul ago . . ." Quatre looked up, his Gundam had folded his arms, and was leant to one side as if in pain. His eyes were closed, as he spoke faintly. "I felt . . ." the pilot couldn't help but feel the sadness overwhelm his Gundam. Sandrock's features turned as if pained. "Warmth . . . security . . ."

Quatre reached up to the panel and stroked his fingers lightly over the light crystals. "Sandrock . . ."

"What . . ." Sandrock's eyes slowly opened, "what happened to us? . . . we are missing a piece of our memories . . ."

He felt his shoulders slump, as he nodded. Quatre sighed, "you don't seem to remember before you came here . . . when the scientist made their first set of changes to you . . ."

----------------------------

And Now It's Time to LEAVE IT TO DOCTOR MEGALOMANIA!!!

DrM: [holds up 'v'] Yo minna-chan!! Gomen, Gomen for taking so dang long, but to be honest the last few weeks have been hard . . . I've moved back with my parents for the hols, and so had to get a partime job at the local hardware store . . . Wickes . . . the birthplace of Grace. . .

Grace Megalomania: [pops up again] Thank you for calling Wickes, I'm Grace, how can I help you today?

DrM: [eyetwitch]

Grace: [fake-concern] Oh . . . your bathroom fittings didn't arrive?

DrM: [growls]

Grace: [sympathetic]  if you don't mind holding the line for a moment, I'll try and track them down for you . . .

DrM: [waits until Grace as wondered off, before picking up phone] Hi, please don't think we understand . . . we do . . . we just don't care . . . go get a life, Do-it-Yourself-loving SCUM!! [turnas back to readers] What? I hate stupid people . . . well, QOVAD, I hope I answered your challenge good enough . . . bring 'em on! I can take a challenge or two!!

Wing: [rolls eyes] do you even remember that you're supposed to remind them to review? [sighs] please review as DrM has entered into a state of mind where she fails to realise that she's supposed to beg for your recognition. . . Gundammit, please recognise her. . . please!! Make her stop the madness!!