Notice: This is not mine, and unfortunately never will be. *sighs* My dad's boss wrote this for his daughter and then my dad asked him to email it to me, and I think it's so good I just have to share it! Enjoy!

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From Tragedy of Hamlet, a Great Dane

To pee or not to pee, that is the question.

Whether 'tis kindlier to the nose to sniff

the stings and roses of a neighbor's garden

or to put paws to a sea of pansies

and by uprooting, end them. To sleep, to sleep

some more, and by said sleep to bid adieu

to itching and the thousand ticks and fleas

that flesh is air to - 'tis a hibernation

devoutly to be sniffed. To sigh, to snort,

to sleep, perchance to dream - and then a belly rub.

For in that sleep of peace what dreams may come,

when we have snuffled of this fecal coil

must give our paws to twitch

the symphony of a dog's life.

For who would bear the hiss and scorn of cats,

the master's wrong, the proud dog's contumely,

the pangs of puppy love, dinner's delay,

the unheated dog house, and the baths

that patience irritates the worthy takes,

when he himself might his toilet make

with a quick scratch? Who would collars bear

and pant and sweat under a heavy coat,

but that the call of something in the yard

the undiscovered country from whose bourn

all travelers return and dazzle the nose

and make us first to savor the smells we have

then to fly to others we know not of?

Thus olfaction does make canines of us all

and thus the native moue of resolution

is prickly opened with tongue on bed of teeth

and follies of go fetch or roll over

our lupine enterprises turn awry

and lose the name of action.

-by Mike Smith