Disclaimer: I do not own iSpirited Away/i. It belongs to Hayao
Miyazake, Studio Ghibli, and Disney. I am not making moeny off of this fic.
So there.
Notes: Kaonashi=No Face
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"Your Mother is dead."
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Chihiro sits in the hospital, staring straight ahead. Doctors shuffle past, talking to one another in low voices. The red vinyl of her seat is cracked, digging painfully into her thigh. She slowly drops her eyes from the wall down to her shoes, her dirty, absolutely ruinous house shoes, shoes that carried her all the way here to the hospital from the woods.
A nurse spots her, and walks over to her, kneeling in front of her. "Can I help you, sweetheart?" she asks, balancing on the balls of her feet. She is young and pretty, her hair cut choppy and layered, with a kind face. Pinned to her wihte dress is a name tag that reads "Shimizu."
Chihiro looks up into her the nurse's somber eyes. "Can you tell me how she died?" she says, her voice monotonous and listless.
"Are you the Ogino girl?"
Chihiro nods, only moving her head ever so slightly.
"I'm so sorry for you, I--"
"Please just tell me how she died," Chihiro says, looking at the nurse, but not really seeing her.
Nurse Shimizu sighs, looking at the floor. "Well, it--she, she was driving home from her office in Mitsumo, and her...her car went off over one of the hills between here and there. The crash...it....it broke her neck. She was a DOA, there was nothing--"
Chihiro nods, stopping Shimizu. She stares at the crisp whiteness of the nurse's collar, and suddenly her vision blurs. She closes her eyes, and hot tears drop onto her cheeks from her eyes as her face seems to tighten. She buries her face in her hands, sobbing. Shimizu wraps her arms around Chihiro's slender shoulders, pulling her to her shoulder. Chihiro shudders as the sobs rack her body, and Nurse Shimizu strokes her back, trying her best to soothe her.
Chihiro pulls away, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands, her face red and swollen, her eyes bright. "It's just...we got in a fight this morning, she left angry, she didn't even say good-bye." Chihiro's voice breaks as she begins to cry again. "And now she'll never--"she sniffs, looking away, trying to get a hold of herself. She looks back at Nurse Shimizu. "Is my father here?"
"He's on his way. I talked to him on the phone, he said he might be a while, but that he would come here to get you."
Chihro nods. "He works at the university in Hachizuma. It's about an hour away from here, so he should be here soon, I guess."
"Shimizu!" A doctor peers around the corner into the lounge, looking franctic and brandishing a clip board. "We need you in the ER, pronto!"
Shimizu rises, nodding to the doctor, and then turns back to Chihiro, her hands folded in front of her. "Are you sure you'll be all right waiting here for him?"
Chihiro nods, looking down at the floor. Shimizu scurries off in the direction that the doctor departed in.
Chihiro is left in the lounge, on the scratchy vinyl seat, alone with her thoughts.
*"You make me sick, how ungrateful you are, Chihiro! We moved away from the city, started a new life out here, just so that you could have a less stressful environment to go to high school in. I uprooted my entire life for you and your father. I work hard at the shop so that you can go to a good university. And this is how you repay me? Eighty-nine's are not compensation for all my effort. You're ungrateful, that's all you are Chihiro. Ungrateful!"*
Chihiro closes her eyes, trying to stop the memories from coming, but they are relentless.
*"Ungrateful? Ungrateful, Mother? Don't give me that. We moved out here in the first place so that /iyoui would be lessed stressed, not me. You're so selfish. All I do is try to make you happy. All you do is try to make you happy. So why aren't you happy, Mother?!"*
The events of the morning play themselves like a film on the blackness of Chihiro's eyelids. She sees her mother close her eyes, taking a deep, angry breath through her nose. She sees her storm out, slamming the sliding glass door so hard that it nearly shatters. She sees her coming back into the kitchen, swiping her keys off the counter, and then making a second, less emphatic exit. Her mother getting into the car, buclking her seat belt, and then driving out of the driveway and down their street in a huff.
She sees her mother in the car again, her neck broken, her eyes open, looking over to the side. Hey blue pupils slide to center and focus, looking straight at Chihiro.
Chihiro opens her own eyes, and Nurse Shimizu is kneeling in front of her.
"Are you all right?" Shimizu asks. "I think you fell asleep."
Chihiro shakes her head, as if to clear it. "Yeah. I'm fine."
"Your father is here." Shimizu's voice is dark and anxious. "I'll take you to him."
Chihiro rises from the chair for the first time in two and a half hours, and her legs ache with cramps. She ignores the dull ache and follows Shimizu out of the lounge and into the main part of the hospital. They are walking down the central hall, where Chihiro expected to find her father waiting for her, but he's not standing in the reception area. They take a left and beging to walk down the ER hallway.
"Where is my father?" Chihiro asks.
Shimizu is quiet as she opens a door on their right. On it is labeled "Ogino Akio." "He's...he's right in here."
Chihiro walks slowly into the room. Inside is a myriad of small , quiet noises. A ventillator goes up and down. A heart monitor beeps slowly and stedily. The room is dark, the curtains drawn, but Chihiro can see the large figure on the bed. The door clicks shut behind her.
"Daddy?"Chihiro shuffles in her house shoes closer to the hospital bed. A lamp on the bedside table casts wan light on her father's face, causing the wrinkles and creases to be greater and more emphasized than usual. He looks at his daughter, a sadness in his eyes such as she has never seen before.
"My little...Chihiro." Her father's voice is strained and sad, full of grief and weariness. "I am....so sorry."
Chihiro edges a little closer to the bed. "What...what happened?"
Her father sighs, a large, hopeless sound. "I shouldn't have driven. I was so upset...your mother and I hadn't been getting along very well, as you knew, but...I still wanted to work it out. I...I loved Yuuko so much." A tear slid from her father's lax eye, the saddest sight Chihiro had ever seen.
"I really....I can't live without her, Chihiro."
Chihiro looks up, looking at her father.
"I was driving along the road to here from Hachizuma and...I just let go of the wheel, I...I don't know...I just let go..."
Chihiro looks around at the equipment her father is hooked up to, the equipment that is keeping him alive. "You can't live without her? So you...this was your fault? You crashing?"
Her father nods, ever so slowly and sadly.
Chihiro nods as well, fast, darting movement of her head. "I see. You couldn't live without her." She clenches her hands into fists, so hard at the nails bite into her tender skin, and hot liquid pools in her palms. "Did you ever even think about me?!" she screams. "Did I ever even cross your mind?! My mother died today, you bastard! And so you decide to leave me without anything, an orphan?!" Chihiro's face screws up, and she sobs. She lifts her hands to her face, and as soon as they touch her skin, she knows that she will now have blood on her cheeks. She cries and cries into her hands, standing perfectly straight and still in the middle of the room, the salt water washing in and over her tiny, deep wounds in her palms.
"Chihiro."
Chihiro sniffles, looking up through her fingers at her father.
"I know that what I did was selfish. I know that I wasn't thinking. But you must be courageous, my little Chihiro. You must be strong. Do not let your paretns mistakes haunt you like spirits for the rest of your life." He settles, his head seeming to sink further into the pillow. "And now, brave one, I have one final favor to ask of you."
Chihiro pulls her hands away from her face, which is streaked with tears and blood. "What is that?"
"Walk out of this room now and continue your life. Do not watch me die. Walk out of here and don't look back."
Chihiro turns. She places one foot in front of the other, and she walks out of the room, her eyes wide and her mouth open, as if she is under a spell.
*"Don't look back."*
Her events of her adventure, the adventure lost to her memories and claimed by her dreams, come flooding back to her in a rush with those words. Kohaku, releasing her hand slowly, as if he doesn't want her to go. Zeniba, smiling fondly at her. Kaonashi, bobbing his head at her. Rin, eating her grilled lizard, temping the Aogaeru, the frog foremen. Yu- baaba's baby, Bou, the little flitting bird the Yu-bird harpie became, and the bouncing heads, Kashira. All of it comes flooding back to her.
She runs out of the front doors of the hospital, Nurse Shimizu calling after her, and doesn't even hear it as her father's heart monitor drops to one, monotonous tone.
.
.
"Your Mother is dead."
.
.
Chihiro sits in the hospital, staring straight ahead. Doctors shuffle past, talking to one another in low voices. The red vinyl of her seat is cracked, digging painfully into her thigh. She slowly drops her eyes from the wall down to her shoes, her dirty, absolutely ruinous house shoes, shoes that carried her all the way here to the hospital from the woods.
A nurse spots her, and walks over to her, kneeling in front of her. "Can I help you, sweetheart?" she asks, balancing on the balls of her feet. She is young and pretty, her hair cut choppy and layered, with a kind face. Pinned to her wihte dress is a name tag that reads "Shimizu."
Chihiro looks up into her the nurse's somber eyes. "Can you tell me how she died?" she says, her voice monotonous and listless.
"Are you the Ogino girl?"
Chihiro nods, only moving her head ever so slightly.
"I'm so sorry for you, I--"
"Please just tell me how she died," Chihiro says, looking at the nurse, but not really seeing her.
Nurse Shimizu sighs, looking at the floor. "Well, it--she, she was driving home from her office in Mitsumo, and her...her car went off over one of the hills between here and there. The crash...it....it broke her neck. She was a DOA, there was nothing--"
Chihiro nods, stopping Shimizu. She stares at the crisp whiteness of the nurse's collar, and suddenly her vision blurs. She closes her eyes, and hot tears drop onto her cheeks from her eyes as her face seems to tighten. She buries her face in her hands, sobbing. Shimizu wraps her arms around Chihiro's slender shoulders, pulling her to her shoulder. Chihiro shudders as the sobs rack her body, and Nurse Shimizu strokes her back, trying her best to soothe her.
Chihiro pulls away, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands, her face red and swollen, her eyes bright. "It's just...we got in a fight this morning, she left angry, she didn't even say good-bye." Chihiro's voice breaks as she begins to cry again. "And now she'll never--"she sniffs, looking away, trying to get a hold of herself. She looks back at Nurse Shimizu. "Is my father here?"
"He's on his way. I talked to him on the phone, he said he might be a while, but that he would come here to get you."
Chihro nods. "He works at the university in Hachizuma. It's about an hour away from here, so he should be here soon, I guess."
"Shimizu!" A doctor peers around the corner into the lounge, looking franctic and brandishing a clip board. "We need you in the ER, pronto!"
Shimizu rises, nodding to the doctor, and then turns back to Chihiro, her hands folded in front of her. "Are you sure you'll be all right waiting here for him?"
Chihiro nods, looking down at the floor. Shimizu scurries off in the direction that the doctor departed in.
Chihiro is left in the lounge, on the scratchy vinyl seat, alone with her thoughts.
*"You make me sick, how ungrateful you are, Chihiro! We moved away from the city, started a new life out here, just so that you could have a less stressful environment to go to high school in. I uprooted my entire life for you and your father. I work hard at the shop so that you can go to a good university. And this is how you repay me? Eighty-nine's are not compensation for all my effort. You're ungrateful, that's all you are Chihiro. Ungrateful!"*
Chihiro closes her eyes, trying to stop the memories from coming, but they are relentless.
*"Ungrateful? Ungrateful, Mother? Don't give me that. We moved out here in the first place so that /iyoui would be lessed stressed, not me. You're so selfish. All I do is try to make you happy. All you do is try to make you happy. So why aren't you happy, Mother?!"*
The events of the morning play themselves like a film on the blackness of Chihiro's eyelids. She sees her mother close her eyes, taking a deep, angry breath through her nose. She sees her storm out, slamming the sliding glass door so hard that it nearly shatters. She sees her coming back into the kitchen, swiping her keys off the counter, and then making a second, less emphatic exit. Her mother getting into the car, buclking her seat belt, and then driving out of the driveway and down their street in a huff.
She sees her mother in the car again, her neck broken, her eyes open, looking over to the side. Hey blue pupils slide to center and focus, looking straight at Chihiro.
Chihiro opens her own eyes, and Nurse Shimizu is kneeling in front of her.
"Are you all right?" Shimizu asks. "I think you fell asleep."
Chihiro shakes her head, as if to clear it. "Yeah. I'm fine."
"Your father is here." Shimizu's voice is dark and anxious. "I'll take you to him."
Chihiro rises from the chair for the first time in two and a half hours, and her legs ache with cramps. She ignores the dull ache and follows Shimizu out of the lounge and into the main part of the hospital. They are walking down the central hall, where Chihiro expected to find her father waiting for her, but he's not standing in the reception area. They take a left and beging to walk down the ER hallway.
"Where is my father?" Chihiro asks.
Shimizu is quiet as she opens a door on their right. On it is labeled "Ogino Akio." "He's...he's right in here."
Chihiro walks slowly into the room. Inside is a myriad of small , quiet noises. A ventillator goes up and down. A heart monitor beeps slowly and stedily. The room is dark, the curtains drawn, but Chihiro can see the large figure on the bed. The door clicks shut behind her.
"Daddy?"Chihiro shuffles in her house shoes closer to the hospital bed. A lamp on the bedside table casts wan light on her father's face, causing the wrinkles and creases to be greater and more emphasized than usual. He looks at his daughter, a sadness in his eyes such as she has never seen before.
"My little...Chihiro." Her father's voice is strained and sad, full of grief and weariness. "I am....so sorry."
Chihiro edges a little closer to the bed. "What...what happened?"
Her father sighs, a large, hopeless sound. "I shouldn't have driven. I was so upset...your mother and I hadn't been getting along very well, as you knew, but...I still wanted to work it out. I...I loved Yuuko so much." A tear slid from her father's lax eye, the saddest sight Chihiro had ever seen.
"I really....I can't live without her, Chihiro."
Chihiro looks up, looking at her father.
"I was driving along the road to here from Hachizuma and...I just let go of the wheel, I...I don't know...I just let go..."
Chihiro looks around at the equipment her father is hooked up to, the equipment that is keeping him alive. "You can't live without her? So you...this was your fault? You crashing?"
Her father nods, ever so slowly and sadly.
Chihiro nods as well, fast, darting movement of her head. "I see. You couldn't live without her." She clenches her hands into fists, so hard at the nails bite into her tender skin, and hot liquid pools in her palms. "Did you ever even think about me?!" she screams. "Did I ever even cross your mind?! My mother died today, you bastard! And so you decide to leave me without anything, an orphan?!" Chihiro's face screws up, and she sobs. She lifts her hands to her face, and as soon as they touch her skin, she knows that she will now have blood on her cheeks. She cries and cries into her hands, standing perfectly straight and still in the middle of the room, the salt water washing in and over her tiny, deep wounds in her palms.
"Chihiro."
Chihiro sniffles, looking up through her fingers at her father.
"I know that what I did was selfish. I know that I wasn't thinking. But you must be courageous, my little Chihiro. You must be strong. Do not let your paretns mistakes haunt you like spirits for the rest of your life." He settles, his head seeming to sink further into the pillow. "And now, brave one, I have one final favor to ask of you."
Chihiro pulls her hands away from her face, which is streaked with tears and blood. "What is that?"
"Walk out of this room now and continue your life. Do not watch me die. Walk out of here and don't look back."
Chihiro turns. She places one foot in front of the other, and she walks out of the room, her eyes wide and her mouth open, as if she is under a spell.
*"Don't look back."*
Her events of her adventure, the adventure lost to her memories and claimed by her dreams, come flooding back to her in a rush with those words. Kohaku, releasing her hand slowly, as if he doesn't want her to go. Zeniba, smiling fondly at her. Kaonashi, bobbing his head at her. Rin, eating her grilled lizard, temping the Aogaeru, the frog foremen. Yu- baaba's baby, Bou, the little flitting bird the Yu-bird harpie became, and the bouncing heads, Kashira. All of it comes flooding back to her.
She runs out of the front doors of the hospital, Nurse Shimizu calling after her, and doesn't even hear it as her father's heart monitor drops to one, monotonous tone.