Ascending the long winding staircase to the room she shared with Arshes, Dark Schneider struggled to balance eight shoeboxes at once. It wasn't long, however, before she was shoved up against the support pillar and the shoes knocked and scattered down the stairs, as the broad form of Ninja Master Gara attempted to pass her on the way down.
"Use the servant's corridors, wench," he grunted on his way.
"You great ham-handed gorilla, you're going to pick those up before you go another step!" Schneider snapped, and Gara paused to look back over his shoulder.
"What did you say?"
"Have your ears finally gone the way of your brain, Gara? Pick up those shoes!" she repeated, and he turned toward her with slowly rising ire.
"I don't know who you think you're talking to, little wench," he began in his soft-and-dangerous voice, "but I--"
"You're pretty full of yourself, for an ape-man," she sneered almost reflexively, and his face began to darken with rage. Before he could take hold of her, however, she turned aside and took advantage of the lack of a handrail by simply shoving Gara sideways off the staircase. Taken by surprise, he caught himself on the stairs by his fingertips, but just barely. He blinked in astonishment up at Dark Schneider.
"You little--" Gara began, but then his eyes widened further with sudden recognition. "You--you're--D--" and he burst out laughing without finishing the thought.
"What are you laughing at? Surely you're not laughing at me," Schneider harped, treading heavily on the fingers of one vulnerable hand.
"Ow hahahaha of course not," Gara chortled. "Hahahahow the hell did you wind up as a woman?"
"It's an experiment. Now get up here and pick up my shoes and stop laughing," she snarled, stomping on his fingers again.
"Okay, okay, quit stepping on me and give me a hand up!" Gara bargained breathlessly.
"Oh, I couldn't do that, Gara," Schneider smiled with a sudden disturbing sweetness, "That would be unladylike."
Arshes' bedroom had a spectacular balcony view of the palace courtyard, and it was this that caught Dark Schneider's attention, when at last the shoe delivery was completed.
"Looks like your feet stayed the same size," Gara remarked in the background, sorting over the pile of shoes he'd dumped on the bed.
"What's that supposed to mean!?" Schneider challenged, and threw a sandal at him. Gara chuckled. "Quit indulging your foot fetish and come take a look at this."
"Who's got a foot fetish, now?" Gara muttered, eyebrow askew, but he came over to the window. "What are you looking at?"
"The castle guards down there," Schneider began, tapping the glass at the formation of recruits undergoing drills below. "You see the puny one, with glasses on?"
"Oh, is that your new boyfriend? Don't waste any time, do you?" Gara ribbed.
"Don't make me blow up this lovely room just to punish your insolent ass," Schneider warned. "I want you to find out his name, where he's from, how long he's been with the guard, stuff like that. There's something fishy about him, and I don't like it."
"You think he's a spy?"
"Could be. It's possible he's more than that. Look, he's no slouch at the hand-to-hand combat," Schneider observed.
"I see. . . . I'll put my men on it. I'll have your information for you tonight," Gara promised.
"We'll meet in your quarters, at midnight--no, an hour later," she decided. "Don't disappoint me."
Dark Schneider's secound encounter took place rather sooner than expected. She was taking a different route from the bedroom--the one that led to the dining hall--when the sound of voices on the landing below cued her to duck into the shadow just beyond the corner.
"Patrol, my ass!" she heard Kai Harn say. "You're sneaking off for a little tryst with somebody, aren't you now?"
"Ma'am, the castle interior is part of the regular rounds; you can ask the captain of the guard if you don't believe me--!" a slightly nervous youth answered.
It's that guard, Schneider realized, and risked a peek around the corner. Arshes Nei's general had effectively pinned him to the wall.
"Captain of the guard, hah!" Kai Harn laughed. "What business has he got, hiring boys like you? You're much too pretty to be a castle guard. Why don't you sign on with me, instead? I know exactly where to station you. . . ."
She couldn't see the leer, but Dark Schneider could hear it.
"Thank you, ma'am, but I'd rather finish my training with the castle guard--"
"Oh, training! I can get you training--special training--right . . . now. . . ."
Schneider was done listening. She sauntered out of the shadow to the head of the staircase, and leaned casually on the bannister.
"Now, either your standards are slipping, or your libido's expanded beyond the bounds of good taste, Kai Harn," she commented loudly, and the general recoiled sharply.
"What the hell business is it of yours!?" she demanded. "Who are you?"
"Lady Rushe!" the young guardsman exclaimed.
"I didn't know you had the day off, general," Schneider continued, descending the stairs. "Surely you wouldn't be propositioning castle staff while you're both on duty-?"
"I'd like to know who you think you are, little tart," Kai Harn growled, turning to face her. She was even taller than the guard. "So they'll know what to put on your tombstone!"
Dark Schneider chuckled.
"I think," she began, more quietly because she was now on the same landing, "you're likely to get more trouble than you give, if you ever screw with me or mine, understand?"
Kai Harn struck her backhand, sharply. The young guard immediately tried to execute some kind of armlock on the Amazon, but she shrugged him off and smacked him back against the wall. It took just as much time as Schneider needed to get the general between herself and the staircase.
"Damned!" she shouted, and the spellblast blew Kai Harn down the full flight of stairs. Her landing was poor, but her recovery swift.
"You--little bitch!" she sputtered, rather rattled.
"That's right," Schneider answered. "There's more where that came from, you big butch dyke," she bluffed, and performed a flourish with her arms. Blue static crackled around her impressively.
Kai Harn made a small 'gleep' noise, and departed downstairs with all speed.
"Wow, I didn't think you could do that indoors," the guard said. "Thank you, Lady Rushe!"
"Well, it was just a very little one. You, what's your name?" Schneider remembered to ask.
"Oh, I'm Ren; Rudo Fi Ren," the youth smiled, and jumped when she laughed.
"Well, I'm onto you, Ren," Schneider smirked. "Don't think I don't know what you're up to."
". . . Up to?" he echoed, apparently baffled.
"It's as plain as the glasses on your face," she added.
"I'm afraid I don't follow you, Lady Rushe--"
"Fine, play dumb as long as you like; it just makes things easier for me," Dark Schneider said. "But you'll make a piss-poor guardsman if you can't even hold your own against Kai Harn."
"There isn't a man in the castle who can hold his own against her!" Ren countered, then paused for a moment. "Except maybe Dark Schneider, but I haven't seen him since I got here," he mused. "You don't suppose--"
"Aren't you supposed to be on patrol?" Schneider nearly snapped, irritated over the threshhold. The young guard gasped and saluted reflexively.
"Yes ma'am, I'm on my way! --And, thanks again!" he called gratefully, already halfway up the stairs.