Lupin entered his quarters and shut the door firmly behind him with a deep sigh. His heart pounded hard as he leaned against the wooden panel for a moment and closed his eyes. Suddenly he smacked his forehead with the heel of his hand and stalked across the room to jerk open the window, and let in some cold night air, dropping his book on the desk as he went by.
"Remus, this has to be the most stupid thing you've ever done!" he told himself loudly. "Damn it!" Appalled and shocked by his behavior he rested his head against the window frame and looked out over the moonlit grounds, seeing absolutely nothing but Evangeline's face.
"What are you on about?" came a sleepy voice from the entrance to the bedroom. Startled Lupin turned around to see Black standing there yawning.
"What are you doing here, Sirius? Don't you ever stay in your own quarters?"
Black snorted. "Down with the house elves? Not if I can help it. I thought you'd be down in the dungeon with Evangeline all night so I could borrow your bed. Why aren't you? What's wrong? She's not worse is she?"
Lupin went over to the desk and slumped down in the chair behind it. "No, she's not worse…not better…but not worse."
Black gave him a concerned look. "Well, something's obviously wrong. What is it? Can I help?"
Totally at a loss, Lupin just sat there and looked up at him for a long moment then he slowly shook his head. "No. I don't think anyone can help me. I've done a monumentally stupid thing, and I don't know what to do about it."
Confused by his friend's uncharacteristic behavior, Black sat down on a chair on the other side of the desk. "Remus, you never do monumentally stupid things. That's my job. Just tell me what the problem is. I'm sure together we can figure out a solution."
Lupin looked him in the eye and said simply, "I've fallen in love with Evangeline Winthrop."
Black just stared at him. "Look if you're referring to what happened in that closet at Clendenning's, I told you not to worry about that. I'd have reacted exactly the same way if I had someone built like Evangeline mashed up against me in a closet. We're male. That's the way it works!"
Lupin shook his head. "No. That's not it. That's when I first became aware that I'd developed feelings for her, but it's much more than that. Damn it, Sirius! I almost made love to her tonight, in Snape's bed!"
Black's jaw dropped. "That would not be smart."
Lupin dropped his head into his hands and groaned. "Like I said, monumentally stupid."
Black leaned back and sighed. "Tell me about it."
Lupin took a deep breath. "She was delirious with fever and thrashing around in the bed. I went in to try to calm her down. She'd thrown the covers back. As I was pulling them up, she opened her eyes and looked at me. She seemed happy to see me. She has beautiful eyes, Sirius. Have you ever noticed?"
Black just nodded, not wanting to interrupt.
"I smiled at her, and she smiled back. I smoothed her hair back from her forehead. It's so soft and silky. I could hardly keep my hands off it. She put her arms around my neck and asked me to kiss her. I couldn't resist." He sighed. "The truth is I didn't want to. One kiss led to another and another. Before I knew it, I was kissing and fondling her breasts. God, she's beautiful! I was in heaven! Then she moaned and called out his name!"
Black nodded in understanding. "Snape."
Lupin laughed bitterly. "Of course, Snape! She thought I was him! That's why she wanted me. Here I am taking advantage of a sick delirious woman, who's mistaken me for her absent lover. I felt like a slug! I couldn't believe I would do that, Sirius! But I swear to you, I was so far gone; if she hadn't called out his name, I would have made love to her right there in his bed…illness or no. I'm pond scum!"
Black chuckled.
Lupin jumped to his feet and paced back to the window. "It's not funny! What am I going to do?"
Black pulled himself together. "I'm sorry, you're right. Well, there are a couple of alternatives."
Lupin sighed. "I'm listening."
Black shrugged. "Snape hasn't shown up yet. Maybe he won't. Maybe he's dead or worse. If you bide your time, she could be yours."
Lupin frowned at Black. "Unlike you, Sirius, I've never sought Severus' death, nor could I wish for it, or be happy about it. I think if anything happened to him, my guilt over my behavior while he was gone, wouldn't allow me to try to take his place with her. Besides, if Severus doesn't come back, I'm afraid Evangeline may not make it. Nothing we do can seem to help her, and she's obviously pining for him. I'm not sure that she'd have the strength to recover without him. I could never mean as much to her as he does."
Black nodded. "Okay. That leaves you only one alternative. Get over her! Don't be alone with her again. She's not going to remember what happened tonight. Put it aside and find a way to forget her. It's your only choice."
Lupin stared out the window. "I know. I just don't know if I can."
Black sighed, got up, and approached Lupin at the window. "You know, I told you to make a play for her way back when you saved her life, Remus. You should have listened to me."
"I know, but I didn't feel this way about her then, and even if I had, it was already too late. She and Severus were already emotionally attached. I think it was probably too late even when we first met her."
Black nodded. "Yeah, I think you're right."
Lupin smiled ironically and shook his head. "You wouldn't believe how hard I tried to get those two together in the first place. I never would have thought I'd regret that. What did Evangeline say after our accident? "No good deed goes unpunished"? Boy, that's the truth."
Black nodded sympathetically, and the two of them stared out into the night, lost in their own thoughts.