39. Perspective
Pallid sunshine was slanting through the windows when Black opened his eyes, surprised to find that he'd gone back to sleep. Anxiously he got up off his cot and looked around for his roommate, but Lupin wasn't anywhere to be seen. Worried, he walked into the attached classroom, but Lupin wasn't there either.
After last night's sorry mess he felt afraid for his friend. How did things get so screwed up? How could he help to make things right? Was it even possible? Somehow he had to help Remus before Evangeline doomed him by telling Snape what happened. He knew if the Slytherin found out what Remus had done, he'd treat him just like he had Lucius Malfoy, and for far less reason! No. Snape wasn't going to hurt Remus if Black had anything to say about it! No way! Better he should rot in Azkaban forever.
Determined to talk some sense into Evangeline, he dressed quickly, then opened the door and peeked out. No one appeared to be around. So he went out and closed the door behind him. He transformed into his canine self and headed for Evangeline's room. No one was around when he arrived there either, so he transformed easily back into a man and knocked on her door. When she called for him to enter, he twisted the knob and went in; ready to do whatever it might take to help Remus out of this nasty situation.
Evangeline stood by the window, fully dressed, reading a message. Her face was pale and drawn. It looked like she hadn't gotten much, if any, sleep. She nodded somberly to him. "Come in, Sirius. Did you get the camera?"
He shook his head. "I asked Harry. He said he'd tell me this morning."
She nodded stiffly. "If he can't get one, we'll have to buy one. We're only going to get one try at this, and nothing is going to get in the way. A picture would help tremendously. The old saying "seeing is believing" is very true. We need to make Fudge very afraid if this is going to work. The potion is almost ready." She waved the message at him. "And, I now know the details of tonight's meeting. Things are proceeding as planned, it appears. With luck, Severus could be out of Azkaban as soon as tomorrow."
"That would be good, Angel." Or horrible…it really depended on what happened next. He hesitated, trying to decide how best to broach the subject that was claiming all his thoughts. "How are you feeling this morning?"
The tone of his voice must have given away his knowledge of last night, because Evangeline stared at him with comprehension and momentarily closed her eyes. "You know about it too, don't you?" she asked hoarsely.
He nodded wordlessly, unsure just how to approach this. He didn't want to hurt her anymore, but there was no way he was going to let her tell Snape what happened. Remus did not deserve to be put through any more hell than he was already putting himself through.
She shook her head. "How many people did Remus confess this to? Was he that proud of taking advantage of a sick and delirious woman?" She spoke with such bitterness and horror that Black cringed inwardly.
"No, Evangeline. Remus has felt nothing but shame and self-loathing about what happened. I only know about it because I found him right after it happened and forced him to tell me what was upsetting him so much. No one else knows." He hesitated a moment, then added, "No one else needs to know."
She snorted, shook her head, and looked helplessly at him. "I suppose by that you mean I shouldn't tell Severus about it."
Black sighed wearily. "What good would telling him do for anyone?" He let his eyes plead with hers.
Wishing that she could escape from all this, she closed her eyes, sank down at the table, and put her head into her hands. "I don't know," she whispered. "I've thought about nothing else all night. I couldn't sleep. I don't know how I'll be able to face Severus once I get him out of Azkaban. How could he still want me after I betrayed him? And I can't imagine facing Remus, again. How can I ever look him in the eyes and not have those memories rise up to haunt me? How do I get past this, Sirius? It's worse than dealing with what happened with Malfoy. I knew he'd cause me pain! I expected it from him…but never from Remus. Help me here. What do I do?"
Determined to get through to her, he sat down and took her hand in his. "First of all, get over the idea that you betrayed Snape! You didn't. It was a few kisses, nothing more. And you thought you were kissing Snape. Okay? You did nothing wrong. Snape wouldn't blame you. He loves you, and he'll keep on loving you, no matter what. Okay?"
Uncertain, but hoping to be convinced, she just looked at him.
He shook her hand and stared earnestly at her. "Okay?"
She nodded slowly, trying to accept what he told her as the truth…wanting to desperately. "Okay."
Progress. "Good. Then let's move on. If you tell Snape, he'll forgive you, but he'll be angry and hurt, and he'll never forgive Remus. And knowing Snape, we both know what that means, don't we?"
She swallowed and looked down to where her fingertips were drawing nervous patterns on the tabletop. "You think he'd hurt Remus, don't you?"
Black nodded emphatically. "Considering what he did to Lucius Malfoy…yeah, I think he'd severely hurt Remus."
She raised her questioning eyes back to his and shook her head in confusion. "I don't understand. What did Severus do to Lucius Malfoy?"
"Oops! I probably shouldn't have said anything about that."
She frowned at him. "Well, you did, so tell me. What did Severus do to Lucius Malfoy?"
Black gave her an evil smile. "He called it "payback for Evangeline". He sent Malfoy a box of doctored chocolates right before the attack on Gringotts. One bite would render Malfoy permanently impotent. From what I understand, Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle all ate them, and as we all know, Snape is accustomed to his potions working correctly."
Stunned at this evidence of Severus' ruthlessness on her behalf, she whispered, "My god."
He nodded in understanding. "Yeah, it took me awhile to be able to wrap my mind around that one, too, but in a way, it's poetic justice. Malfoy is slime, and hurting women was a hobby with him. I can't waste any energy feeling sorry for Malfoy and you shouldn't either, but I don't want anything like that happening to Remus for one moment of weakness."
She shivered at the thought and shook her head. "No, neither do I. What Remus did was a terrible betrayal of my trust, but he didn't mean to hurt me. I think he may have hurt himself more, actually."
Black felt intense relief. "Yeah…I think there's little doubt of that. So, you won't tell Snape about this?"
Evangeline raised horrified eyes to his. "No. You're right. It would just bring more pain to everyone. He never needs to find out about this."
Black smiled and kissed her hand. "Thank you, Evangeline. You won't regret this."
Her expression hardened again. "This doesn't mean that I can just pretend this never happened, though. It's going to take some time for me to be able to rebuild the trust I've always had for Remus."
"I understand." Black nodded. "I think you should talk to Remus again though, now that you've gotten some perspective on this. You two need to clear the air because this evening will be much easier with his help."
Trying to focus on what was truly important, she nodded. "You're right. We need his help, and he and I should talk again. Do you know where he is at the moment?"
Black shook his head. "No. He was gone when I got up this morning. He could have been at breakfast, but somehow I doubt it. He's probably pacing around the grounds or up on the Astronomy tower."
Evangeline smiled a trifle sadly. "That does seem to be the place to go when you're troubled. I'll try there first. Why don't we meet here after lunch and plan our strategy for tonight."
Feeling so much better, Black grinned encouragingly at her. "Sounds good to me. I'll go talk to Harry about the camera, and then I'll see you later. Good luck with Remus."
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Evangeline pushed open the door to the roof of the Astronomy tower and saw Remus Lupin leaning against the parapet just where Snape had been standing after he'd found out about Fudge's plan to blame him for the attack on Gringotts.
She sighed and stepped out onto the tower. "Great minds think alike, Remus, or at least, brood alike."
Surprised he spun around to face her. "Evangeline! What do you mean?"
She walked over and stood next to him, looking out over the landscape without really seeing it. "After Severus found out that Fudge planned to blame this current mess on him, he came up here to brood about it. I found him standing in the very same spot, in the very same attitude, as I just found you."
Lupin nodded in understanding. "Oh. I see."
Feeling more uncomfortable than she ever had in Remus' company, she smiled sadly at him. "We need to talk, Remus. Clear the air a bit."
Steeling himself for bad news, he stared out toward the horizon and nodded stiffly. "Okay. You first."
She stared at her friend and hated this new awkwardness between them. With a sad sigh, she spoke quietly, "I'm not going to tell Severus about what happened between us. Is that what you've been wondering about?"
He closed his eyes in relief. "Among other things. That was probably number one, though. What made you come to that decision?"
"I had a talk with Sirius. He helped me put things in perspective. What you did to me was a betrayal of my trust, Remus. It's going to take some time to rebuild that, but I see no reason to hurt Severus, or to hurt you even more, by telling him about it."
Feeling very grateful, he nodded and looked down at the ground. "Thank you. That's extremely generous of you."
She sighed heavily and leaned against the cold stone. "I know you didn't mean to hurt me, Remus. I'm trying very hard to understand."
With a pleading look in his eyes, he turned to her. "Evangeline, I don't even really understand what happened myself. I've had these strong feelings for you, and I was trying to put them aside, get over them, then…in that brief instance…when you seemed to want me, my mind just stopped working and my emotions kicked in. I reacted purely on instinct! I'm so sorry." He looked down. "It was unforgivable, I know."
Suddenly she found herself blinking back tears. "Oh, Remus…I think actually, I do understand. That's exactly what happened to me, when I saw the Dark Mark on Severus' arm. My mind shut down, and I reacted purely on instinct, as well. I, too, felt that my transgression was unforgivable, but Severus did forgive me. So, can I do any less?"
Evangeline paused and stared at him with compassion. "I do forgive you for what happened, but it'll take some time to rebuild our level of trust. I'm willing to try, though. Are you?"
Lupin released the breath he didn't even realize he'd been holding. His relief was so great, he felt weak in the knees. Perhaps they'd all survive this after all. "Yes, absolutely. It's more than I deserve."
She put out her hand, and he clasped it in his. "Thank you, Evangeline."
Still feeling a bit awkward, she nodded. "Right. We're not going to talk about this anymore, okay?"
More than willing to bury this unfortunate situation forever, he nodded solemnly in return. "You have my word."
She smiled. "Good. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm hungry. Let's go see if we can have an early lunch, shall we?"
With a lighter heart, he grinned. "Now that you mention it, I am a little hungry myself."
So they left the Astronomy tower together and headed down to the Great Hall.