Summary: Darla's thoughts during Lullaby. Before she, you know, goes poof.
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Ashes to Ashes"We can't make up for any of it -- you know that, don't you?"
"I know."
She wonders if Angel really understands. He likes to put on the hero front, try to forget what he's done.
She knows it's pointless, that Angel will never be able to earn redemption for all of the things he's done.
But, now, she understands why he keeps on trying.
Suddenly, she realizes who she's leaving her son with: a vampire who, as a human, hated his father, as a newly-turned vampire, murdered his father, along with the rest of his family, and now, as the only vampire with a soul, has even more father and family issues as a result of the guilt.
Somehow, she doesn't think that the rest of Angel's little group will be much better at being parents.
At least they'll be better than she would be.
Is it supposed to be ironic that she's lying flat on her back, like she used to back in her whoring days?
If she hadn't slept around, she wouldn't have developed the syphilis, which, in turn, led to the Master taking pity on her and turning her.
She's a textbook example of the consequences of not having safe sex, because of the syphilis and the baby.
She honestly didn't think that there was a snowball's chance in hell that she would get pregnant.
Life's funny like that.
Sort of like the fact that she's died three times already and is about to make it time four.
She wonders if they'll try to resurrect her again.
If they don't, it won't really matter.
If they do, then maybe she'll get to see her son.
She really hopes Angel doesn't give him some dorky name.
"This child -- it's the one good thing we ever did together."
And, now, she wants to tell him. Tell him she's sorry that she turned him, sorry that he has his soul, sorry that he had to watch her die twice and is now about to watch time three.
Sorry that he didn't dust her right after Drusilla turned her.
She wants to tell him that she does love him.
In her own way.
Instead, she picks up the wood that had poked into her side and given her the initial idea.
"You make sure to tell him that."
Dust to Dust