As Elizabeth opened her locker to get out her lab coat, she heard someone
enter the lounge. To her relief, it was just Gunn who greeted her with a
rather terse « Good morning. » Moments after, Kayson entered, grabbed some
coffee from the pot and greeted the others, asking brightly, « So how's our
star patient ? »
When Elizabeth didn't answer, Gunn stepped in, « Seems fine. Strangely quiet, though. » Kayson nodded. « I'm no psychiatrist, but that sounds a lot like the first stages of denial. » « Hey, » Gunn objected, « If I even thought about a psych consult, I could kiss my new parking space good- bye. » He paused « Well, actually, there's not much he can do about it anymore, so I might just give psych a call. »
Elizabeth had turned back to her locker, but she was listening intently to the conversation. When she turned around again, Kayson asked, « A second opinion on the matter Dr Corday ? » « I'll just defer to the operating surgeon, » she replied, not looking either man in the eye, not wanting to admit that despite her early arrival she had not yet looked in on Robert.
Fleeing the over-crowded lounge, Elizabeth took a file folder to the cafeteria, hoping to avoid Gunn, Kayson and Dorsett. She found a solitary corner and sat down, noticing the uncommon quiet of the room. When she looked up, 3 nurses were staring at her but then quickly turned back to their conversation. Elizabeth looked down at herself : her top wasn't on backwards, her coat wasn't on inside out, but they certainly had looked her up and down. She shrugged it off and started reading the chart in preparation for her next procedure.
When she had finised making her notes, Elizabeth stretched her back and looked at her watch, about to get up when she stopped to listen to familiar voices coming from the cafeteria line just behind her table. « It was just time, » said Shirley, « It's been a year.» « I know, » Jacy answered, « But him ? » Elizabeth blanched. « Already ? » she thought. « How could the nurses know about her and Dorsett ? » As horrified as she was she knew she just had to ignore it. Gossip was inevitable but thankfully not enduring here. Soon she would be replaced by the next storied conquest. She just had to make it through the next few days.
**
Robert looked over at the drawn curtain, wondering when someone would come in and reopen it. For a former chief of staff, he was receiving minimal attention. A quick visit from Gunn and two nurses. And she had never once come. He remembered Shirley being there and the other doctors, but Elizabeth had been nowhere in sight when he had succombed to the anaesthesia. She was probabaly working a trauma, he thought. And after, she'd let him rest, and after she'd had to go home to Ella, and after she had a complicated procedure to do. He retraced her schedule in his mind, finding an excuse for every free moment when she could have stopped by but hadn't. It's only been 24 hours he reminded himself. But she knew that he needed her. « The one faced I missed seeing in recovery, » he had told her when she had first returned from England after the accident. She knew, he thought, and she's not here.
**
Without counting, Elizabeth knew that she'd walked by his door at least 10 times that day. She was even more aware since everyone else seemed to be giving it a wide berth, not wanting to disturb or embarrass him with their attentions or perhps not wanting to incur his wrath, although according to Gunn he had been unusually calm since the surgery. Each time she thought about going in to see him, to talk, she froze. What would she say ? How could she face him ? What if he knew ? What would he say to her ?
As she sank into a chair in the lounge to think about what she was doing, why she was avoiding him, she slowly realized that she was less afraid of dealing with Robert's physical and even his psychological condition than with all of the unspoken emotions they shared. Well, not totally unspoken she admitted to herself. Granted, he had been heavily drugged, but he had told her so sweetly, so gently, so sincerely that he loved her. And she had immediately thrown herself at another man. She felt sick with guilt. He had been so vulnerable and so honest with her and not just then but that last time in his office when he had literally reached out and she had literally pulled away from him. She had rejected him and betrayed him and now she was abandoning him.
Suddenly her mind flashed to a scene from the same place but from a different time, when she had felt almost this torn, when she had decided that she had to abandon Mark, to cut her losses and look out for herself. Robert had gently but firmly pushed her back to her husband. He had spoken so quietly in so few words, but he had known exactly which words to use to change her mind, to open her eyes, to make her see what she had to do. Despite her tears, he hadn't tried to comfort her. He just listened and then spoke. And it was as if his voice had been coming from inside of her to speak directly to her soul, to remind her to do the one right thing, the one true thing. Robert's belief that she could do no wrong allowed her to believe in herself, in her strength at a moment when she had been tired of being strong.
**
Despite his resolution not to think about her anymore, he couldn't stop following her in his thoughts, imagining her day. Leaving the hospital, taking a deep breath of cool, night air and smiling and shaking her head at the spring that would not start. Looking out of the window of the train on her way home. Taking Ella in her arms at the front door of her house and hugging her so hard. Putting her little girl to bed with a gentle kiss and maybe a lullaby. Putting herself to bed in a moonlit room. And then, without warning, the image surged up in his mind, behind his tightly closed eyelids, of her in bed with Dorsett, laughing in the other man's arms.
When Elizabeth didn't answer, Gunn stepped in, « Seems fine. Strangely quiet, though. » Kayson nodded. « I'm no psychiatrist, but that sounds a lot like the first stages of denial. » « Hey, » Gunn objected, « If I even thought about a psych consult, I could kiss my new parking space good- bye. » He paused « Well, actually, there's not much he can do about it anymore, so I might just give psych a call. »
Elizabeth had turned back to her locker, but she was listening intently to the conversation. When she turned around again, Kayson asked, « A second opinion on the matter Dr Corday ? » « I'll just defer to the operating surgeon, » she replied, not looking either man in the eye, not wanting to admit that despite her early arrival she had not yet looked in on Robert.
Fleeing the over-crowded lounge, Elizabeth took a file folder to the cafeteria, hoping to avoid Gunn, Kayson and Dorsett. She found a solitary corner and sat down, noticing the uncommon quiet of the room. When she looked up, 3 nurses were staring at her but then quickly turned back to their conversation. Elizabeth looked down at herself : her top wasn't on backwards, her coat wasn't on inside out, but they certainly had looked her up and down. She shrugged it off and started reading the chart in preparation for her next procedure.
When she had finised making her notes, Elizabeth stretched her back and looked at her watch, about to get up when she stopped to listen to familiar voices coming from the cafeteria line just behind her table. « It was just time, » said Shirley, « It's been a year.» « I know, » Jacy answered, « But him ? » Elizabeth blanched. « Already ? » she thought. « How could the nurses know about her and Dorsett ? » As horrified as she was she knew she just had to ignore it. Gossip was inevitable but thankfully not enduring here. Soon she would be replaced by the next storied conquest. She just had to make it through the next few days.
**
Robert looked over at the drawn curtain, wondering when someone would come in and reopen it. For a former chief of staff, he was receiving minimal attention. A quick visit from Gunn and two nurses. And she had never once come. He remembered Shirley being there and the other doctors, but Elizabeth had been nowhere in sight when he had succombed to the anaesthesia. She was probabaly working a trauma, he thought. And after, she'd let him rest, and after she'd had to go home to Ella, and after she had a complicated procedure to do. He retraced her schedule in his mind, finding an excuse for every free moment when she could have stopped by but hadn't. It's only been 24 hours he reminded himself. But she knew that he needed her. « The one faced I missed seeing in recovery, » he had told her when she had first returned from England after the accident. She knew, he thought, and she's not here.
**
Without counting, Elizabeth knew that she'd walked by his door at least 10 times that day. She was even more aware since everyone else seemed to be giving it a wide berth, not wanting to disturb or embarrass him with their attentions or perhps not wanting to incur his wrath, although according to Gunn he had been unusually calm since the surgery. Each time she thought about going in to see him, to talk, she froze. What would she say ? How could she face him ? What if he knew ? What would he say to her ?
As she sank into a chair in the lounge to think about what she was doing, why she was avoiding him, she slowly realized that she was less afraid of dealing with Robert's physical and even his psychological condition than with all of the unspoken emotions they shared. Well, not totally unspoken she admitted to herself. Granted, he had been heavily drugged, but he had told her so sweetly, so gently, so sincerely that he loved her. And she had immediately thrown herself at another man. She felt sick with guilt. He had been so vulnerable and so honest with her and not just then but that last time in his office when he had literally reached out and she had literally pulled away from him. She had rejected him and betrayed him and now she was abandoning him.
Suddenly her mind flashed to a scene from the same place but from a different time, when she had felt almost this torn, when she had decided that she had to abandon Mark, to cut her losses and look out for herself. Robert had gently but firmly pushed her back to her husband. He had spoken so quietly in so few words, but he had known exactly which words to use to change her mind, to open her eyes, to make her see what she had to do. Despite her tears, he hadn't tried to comfort her. He just listened and then spoke. And it was as if his voice had been coming from inside of her to speak directly to her soul, to remind her to do the one right thing, the one true thing. Robert's belief that she could do no wrong allowed her to believe in herself, in her strength at a moment when she had been tired of being strong.
**
Despite his resolution not to think about her anymore, he couldn't stop following her in his thoughts, imagining her day. Leaving the hospital, taking a deep breath of cool, night air and smiling and shaking her head at the spring that would not start. Looking out of the window of the train on her way home. Taking Ella in her arms at the front door of her house and hugging her so hard. Putting her little girl to bed with a gentle kiss and maybe a lullaby. Putting herself to bed in a moonlit room. And then, without warning, the image surged up in his mind, behind his tightly closed eyelids, of her in bed with Dorsett, laughing in the other man's arms.