Salt 3
This time Elizabeth didn't need him to prompt her. After all, this time he wasn't forcing her to go to someone else but rather waiting quietly for her to come to him, to come home. Finally, she could just go to him. The games were over.
Before, it had always felt like she was proving herself to him, like he was always watching and like she was always keeping him at a distance so that he could have a better view. Now, she didn't want that distance, she wanted them to be close, so close that they could whisper to each other or not speak at all. Just like in surgery where they sometimes did their best work in silence, anticipating each other's moves, knowing each other's strengths and weaknesses. Maybe she wouldn't have to say anything. Maybe he would just know how she felt. Maybe the simple gesture of offering herself to him, abandoning her own pride and her own fear would be enough to make up for all of the mistakes..
As she pushed the door of the of his room open, she noticed that it was dark. Closed curtains and no lights except the one or two monitors. His faced was turned away from the door, and she thought that he must be sleeping..
**
Despite his efforts to blink it away, the image of Elizabeth with Edward Dorsett would not leave his mind. He didn't want to believe it, but it was all too true. It was confirmed by the hallway gossip but also by the sheer logic of it. Dorsett was a handsome, capable surgeon, who worked closely with her. They had probably had some tough case - a child, a young father, a terrified senior - that had brought them close and reminded Elizabeth of how much she needed someone to talk to, to be with. She must have been so lonely for so long, thought Robert. And when the tears welled up in his eyes, he was not even crying for himself but rather for her, for her solitude and suffering, for those aches which he had not been able to ease. When he heard his door open, he turned his head away, helpless and unable to hide his feelings. He just hoped that the nurse would assume he was sleeping and go away.
**
The one chair in the room was on the far side of the bed. She tiptoed around to get to it. Before she sat down, she glanced at his face, thinking that she wouldn't mind just sitting for a while, watching him sleep. But his eyes were open and glittering with tears and instead of sitting in the chair, Elizabeth moved immediately to the bed, sitting down gently beside him.
« Oh Robert, » she murmured, « I know it's hard, but it will get easier and. » she trailed off. Stroking his cheek with her hand, she felt tears on his face and suddenly lost her voice. She wanted to lean in and kiss him, take his pain away, but he had pulled back from her touch, albeit belatedly. His voice came stronger than she had expected when he spoke, looking at her unwaveringly, « You should go, Elizabeth. » And when she started to object, he shook his head and said in measured tones, weighing each syllable, « I don't want you here. »
She felt like she had had all of the air vacuumed out of her lungs. She almost gasped. What had he said? Did he mean that ? It was pretty clear, but.. His eyes were closed. He was shutting her out. It had taken so much for her to come to his room, to .. Well, she hadn't said or done anything yet. Nothing she couldn't take back. Her words and gestures thus far hadn't revealed her feelings. She could just get up and go and he'd never know that he'd almost had her.
So she stood up slowly, turned and left.
This time Elizabeth didn't need him to prompt her. After all, this time he wasn't forcing her to go to someone else but rather waiting quietly for her to come to him, to come home. Finally, she could just go to him. The games were over.
Before, it had always felt like she was proving herself to him, like he was always watching and like she was always keeping him at a distance so that he could have a better view. Now, she didn't want that distance, she wanted them to be close, so close that they could whisper to each other or not speak at all. Just like in surgery where they sometimes did their best work in silence, anticipating each other's moves, knowing each other's strengths and weaknesses. Maybe she wouldn't have to say anything. Maybe he would just know how she felt. Maybe the simple gesture of offering herself to him, abandoning her own pride and her own fear would be enough to make up for all of the mistakes..
As she pushed the door of the of his room open, she noticed that it was dark. Closed curtains and no lights except the one or two monitors. His faced was turned away from the door, and she thought that he must be sleeping..
**
Despite his efforts to blink it away, the image of Elizabeth with Edward Dorsett would not leave his mind. He didn't want to believe it, but it was all too true. It was confirmed by the hallway gossip but also by the sheer logic of it. Dorsett was a handsome, capable surgeon, who worked closely with her. They had probably had some tough case - a child, a young father, a terrified senior - that had brought them close and reminded Elizabeth of how much she needed someone to talk to, to be with. She must have been so lonely for so long, thought Robert. And when the tears welled up in his eyes, he was not even crying for himself but rather for her, for her solitude and suffering, for those aches which he had not been able to ease. When he heard his door open, he turned his head away, helpless and unable to hide his feelings. He just hoped that the nurse would assume he was sleeping and go away.
**
The one chair in the room was on the far side of the bed. She tiptoed around to get to it. Before she sat down, she glanced at his face, thinking that she wouldn't mind just sitting for a while, watching him sleep. But his eyes were open and glittering with tears and instead of sitting in the chair, Elizabeth moved immediately to the bed, sitting down gently beside him.
« Oh Robert, » she murmured, « I know it's hard, but it will get easier and. » she trailed off. Stroking his cheek with her hand, she felt tears on his face and suddenly lost her voice. She wanted to lean in and kiss him, take his pain away, but he had pulled back from her touch, albeit belatedly. His voice came stronger than she had expected when he spoke, looking at her unwaveringly, « You should go, Elizabeth. » And when she started to object, he shook his head and said in measured tones, weighing each syllable, « I don't want you here. »
She felt like she had had all of the air vacuumed out of her lungs. She almost gasped. What had he said? Did he mean that ? It was pretty clear, but.. His eyes were closed. He was shutting her out. It had taken so much for her to come to his room, to .. Well, she hadn't said or done anything yet. Nothing she couldn't take back. Her words and gestures thus far hadn't revealed her feelings. She could just get up and go and he'd never know that he'd almost had her.
So she stood up slowly, turned and left.