A Twist Of Fate: Part Five: A Conversation
A few days had passed. Toki had finally recovered from the wounds given to him by Ming-Ue, the leader of the fox demons that they met up with. They left the town immediately the day after, since Toki refused to slow everyone down and be treated as a child. Much to Goku and Hakkai's concern, he insisted that they go anyway.
It would be exactly seventeen days now that he was with them. He had gotten himself used to the noise, but he would still hit them when needed. It looked like Sanzo appreciated that about him. At least this way, he can take a break. He added up to the noise when he yelled at them and called them idiots, but he also helped out. He helped out Hakkai in the kitchen every morning. They would take frequently now, and this somehow made him happy.
It was sunset when they arrived at the next town. They had found an inn after eating dinner and they immediately separated to do what ever it is they wanted to do. Gojyo was out apparently, it was time to resume his schedule. Goku was in his room and they had successfully keep his mouth shut by giving him a plate of meatbuns to finish the whole night through. Hakkai must have been in town, Toki figured. Checking for youkai attacks maybe. Sanzo, he guessed must have been in his room. There were so many questions he wanted to ask him. But maybe, he wouldn't even answer. No, he probably wouldn't. He would say that it was none of his business. And he was probably right. But still.
''What are you still doing out here?'' a voice suddenly asked.
He turned around and looked up.
''Satori?'' he paused as he looked at the approaching monk, cigarette at hand, looking at him.
''It's late, what are you still doing out here?''
Toki paused for a moment. ''I'm pretty restless tonight.'' He answered immediately. ''I can't stay still and read.'' He looked up at the full- moon. ''I don't know what it is.''
He looked at Sanzo as the monk was silent, looking ahead, smoking his cigarette. He took a deep breath, he didn't want to meddle. But he still wanted to know.
''What happened to you?'' he asked in a soft tone.
''Nanda?''
''What happened to you all this time? While you were gone, from okasama. from me. What happened to you.'' he paused and immediately continued as Sanzo looked at him, one eyebrow raised. ''Not that it's any of my business, I know. but -''
''I drifted away in the temple like I told you. The head monk took me in.''
''Komyo Sanzo-houshi?''
''Aa.''
''What happened to him.''
There was a momentary pause before Sanzo turned to look ahead. His face expression still blank.
''He's dead. Youkai came to the temple and they wanted the Holy Sutra.'' He paused. ''They killed him and took it.''
''You're trying to find it, right? Whoever's responsible for it must be doing this whole resurrection of Gyumao.''
''I know that.''
There was a long silence between them. Toki looked at him and then looked aside again.
You remind me of her.
All the strength she never had went to you, she always said.
Another thing was.
She said it was almost painful to remember your face.
Your eyes.
Reminded her of your father.
Of what she used to have.
Sanzo looked at him.
''Doushita?''
''Nothing.'' Toki said shaking his head. ''I'm sorry for what happened to you.'' He said softly. ''I know how it's like.'' he shakes his head. ''But it's different from everyone's point of view.''
''What did she look like?''
''Eh?''
''An-Mei. What did she look like?''
He paused and looked at him.
''She looked like you.''
Sanzo looked at him.
''But she had more gentleness in her face than anyone else. But you do resemble her a whole lot.'' He paused again. ''That's why sometimes - It's hard to look at you.''
He was surprised of what he said, he quickly tried to recover.
''But it's probably just my stupidity.'' He turned away. Feeling light- headed, as if he were about to stumble back any minute. He tried to stop the tears, if there were any about to come down. He looked ahead and tried to keep his face stern, emotionless.
You remind me of something I don't want to remember.
''Goodnight, Sanzo.'' He said, trying to stop his voice from shaking.
''Oi, Toki.''
''Nanda?''
He didn't dare look at him again. It was extra hard to look at him tonight.
''You're not so bad.'' Sanzo said looking ahead. ''You're useful around here. You keep those two idiots quiet when they need to be. I'll give you credit for that.''
He paused again and glanced back at him as Toki began to speak.
''There are two ways of living. With purpose or without.''
Toki was quiet for a moment.
''But even at the beginning. Even when you knew nothing about yourself, where you came from who what your name really was. You chose to live with purpose when some people might have given up.''
''I'm here now. What difference would it make if I found out or not?''
''I know.'' Toki said as he nodded. ''And with that choice. Okasama was right about you.'' He started to walk off. ''Goodnight.''
Be strong, Satori. Stronger than she ever would have been.
And you did.
You are.
As he walked off, Sanzo looked ahead - it looked like the stars were covered by the dark blue sky, blackish clouds forming ahead. It looked like there was going to be rain tonight. He scowled and took out another cigarette as he finished the first stick.
''I'm glad to see you two are finally talking.''
Sanzo looked up as he lit up his cigarette and saw Hakkai smiling at him.
''Hakkai.'' He looked ahead and scowled again. ''Been from town?''
''Eh. I met up with Gojyo. It's best we stay away from his room tonight. It looks like he's having a sleepover.''
''Ch. He can do whatever the hell he wants. I don't care.''
Hakkai laughed softly and stepped up beside him.
''What about that stupid monkey?''
''He's asleep. I checked on him.''
The younger man paused and looked up at him.
''Toki-san seemed upset when he entered his room. Is everything alright?''
''Aa. Give him some time.'' Sanzo answered. ''He needs it.''
There was a long pause between them.
''Sanzo? What was it that you wanted to tell me?'' Hakkai asked softly.
Sanzo didn't reply for a moment.
''It was.'' he paused again and looked ahead. ''Nothing.''
''Eh?''
''There's nothing I want nor need to tell you.'' Sanzo said, his tone cold and piercing. ''Whatever it was. It's probably my stupidity.'' Hakkai's eyes widened slightly, before he smiled sadly and bowed.
''S-Sou desu ka.'' He said in a soft voice. ''I'm sorry for bothering you then.''
''You should get some sleep. We still have a long way to go when morning comes.'' The blonde continue to say, his tone still the same as earlier. Blank, cold.
''Hai.'' Hakkai said softly as he bowed. He didn't believe that there wasn't something there. It didn't feel that way. He looked at Sanzo's face, the same annoyed yet neutral expression he always had. He looked down for a moment and then nodded. ''Oyasumi nasai, Sanzo.''
Sanzo couldn't understand. As Hakkai walked off. He glanced behind him - there was a part of him that wanted to tell, then again there was a part that didn't want him to tell. But it was too late now, wasn't it? But it didn't matter. He said to himself. There was nothing there to consider in the first place. It was never really real. Whatever it was he felt, it was gone.
But there was a sickening feeling inside of him as he felt Hakkai walk further and further. That he just threw something away. Something he should have held on to. He felt like the idiot for a moment, before he shook his head and snapped himself back to reality.
No. There was nothing real.
Nothing there.
*** As Hakkai walked towards his room. There was a heavy feeling that came over him. Was it true that there was nothing? The day before they met Toki? A few nights ago in the inn. Sanzo looked him straight in those eyes and told him that there was something that needed to be said after all this time. But he knew Sanzo and how he could shrug off these things when he wanted to. Whatever was there, whatever it was that he felt. Was it really gone?
It couldn't have been true.
He shook his head and looked on. Once Sanzo makes up his mind, there's no mistake about it. The heavy feeling he had became even heavier as he finally admitted to himself that it was probably gone.
I've kept waiting and waiting for it.
And it never came.
It's nothing new to me.
Forget about it.
It doesn't hurt me. It can't.
Or maybe that's what I want to think.
Maybe, I'll just give up.
He looked over and stopped as he noticed Toki's door was open slightly. He stood before it as it was quiet and nothing but the sound of the wind came. He tried knocking.
''Toki-san? Are you alright in there?''
Toki, who sat by the windowsill looked up. Recognizing the voice, he answered.
''Aa. I'm fine.'' He looked back outside and closed his eyes.
So hard to look at him.
The door opened, but he didn't even bother to look up.
''I hope I'm not disturbing you -''
''No. It's alright.'' Toki cut him off immediately, still not looking up. ''What's wrong?''
''Nothing's wrong. I just thought I'd see how you're doing.'' Hakkai said as he smiled gently and nodded. ''I guess you and Sanzo were talking earlier. I'm glad to see that you're getting along just fine.''
''Are we?''
''Eh? Well. I don't see any bullet holes - So I was guessing.''
Toki smiled slightly at his joke but looked back out.
''It's hard to look at him.'' He spoke.
''Eh? Dou yuu imi desu ka?''
''It's hard to look at my brother. He looks so much like her, that it hurts sometimes - just looking at him.'' he paused. ''Every time I look at him, I remember the things that I choose not to remember. But his eyes are different from hers. Her blue eyes - the same blue eyes I got from her. They were so gentle and when they looked at me, I felt like nothing could go wrong around me. I felt safe around her.''
Hakkai remained quiet as he got up and sat beside Toki, both of them looking out the window.
''His eyes are different. He looks so cold, brutal. And All these things are true about him. I don't exactly hate him for it. If he wants to be that way. And I'm not expecting him to be as kind as okasama ever was.'' He shook his head. ''But when I see him. I get mad, most of them time, I end up angrier than I ever was in my entire life.''
''Doushite?''
''Because my mother had so much strength and she never realized it!'' his tone surprised himself. Soft and yet stern, angrier at the moment. ''She had so much in her. That she never once recognized because she always thought she was this weak, underserving person. But if she had only later in her life realize that she did have something in her that I saw. That my father and Satori's father saw in her. But she never once acknowledged it because of what happened to Satori. Because of what happened to Li-Wei.''
Hakkai looked at him, his expression softening.
''I realized this and I do more and more every time I see Satori.'' He paused. ''Before she let him go. Before she died and left me. She both told us to be strong. Stronger than she ever will be, those were her exact words.'' He shook his head. ''Satori's lived up to that expectation. I see him and how he deals with things. Without even knowing, he's made her proud and happy to see him like this.''
''Toki-san -''
''The way I acted just a few days ago. The way I said I didn't want to be treated like a child. I've never felt so defensless and useless until that day I met up with that bitch Ming-Ue who killed them all.'' He looked up. ''When I couldn't defeat her. I heard everyone's voice saying of how much of a useless coward I am. I had my chance and I missed it, again.''
The wind blew through the window. Toki closed his eyes and took a deep breath. ''That purpose that I've been talking about. Am I ever going to fullfill that purpose I've been talking about all this time. Convincing myself that I was strong enough. That's a joke.''
''Toki-san. Do you know why your mother wanted you to leave her there?''
Toki looked up at Hakkai.
''Because she knew that you had the strength to go on with your life. She believed that you can do so much more because of the strength you have inside of you.'' He looked at him and smiled gently. ''If you weren't as strong as she believed to be - you wouldn't have even made it out of the town when the youkai attacked you. You wouldn't have made it this far. You would have died already.''
Toki continued to listen as Hakkai looked ahead, they hard faint sounds of thunder.
''Besides, your brother. If he knew you were weak, he would have told you by now that you're a burden to us. He wouldn't have complimented you on how useful you are around here.'' He smiled. ''He believes just as much as An- Mei-san believed.''
He looked at Toki and smiled.
''You're stronger than you think, Toki-san. And I think you have the potential to be stronger than you are now. If you'd only stop guarding yourself too much. You don't have to convince yourself that you're strong enough for anything if you already know that you are.''
There was silence between them when Hakkai smiled again and nodded.
''She does not think you're a coward. She's proud of you.''
He looked back at him and smiled back slightly. That smile made him feel better somehow. Was he right? It made a lot of sense he thought. He had made it this far. And maybe that's what An-Mei wanted to see. He felt the heavy feeling go away and yet become heavier at the same time. He shook his head, trying to calm him nerves and he nodded.
''Thank you. I'm sorry if -''
''No need to apologize at all, Toki-san.'' Hakkai said as he shook his head. ''I'm just glad I could make you feel better.''
And without warning, Toki glanced at Hakkai again. A certain warm feeling washed over him and he looked up, seeing Hakkai smile at him again. It seemed to kind to be directed to him, to be for him. But he liked it. His heart started to race, he shook his head as her tried to shrug it off. But he looked at Hakkai again who was looking out ahead.
''Hakkai.'' He called in a gentle and yet stern voice.
Hakkai looked up at him. ''Hai?''
He was surprised as Toki leaned in forward, his lips pressed upon his. Hakkai's green eyes shut tight immediately. As he realized that he had just kissed him. He was uneasy at first, uncomfortable and somehow he felt guilty for this happening, but as the images in his head of the blonde monk started to appear, he heard his words again.
There's nothing I want or need to tell you.
Whatever it was, it's probably my stupidity.
And with that he started to respond to it. Letting Toki pull him closer and deepen the kiss, as it started to rain outside.
And outside the room, the door was slightly left open, there was a crack in the doorway making it enough to see even a little of what was going on. His dark violet eyes saw what was happening and he felt stupid for just standing there watching it happen. He didn't understand. It angered him, frustrated him. But why? He chose to let go of it. He scowled and looked away as soon as he could. He walked away, his footsteps quicker than usual. He didn't want to see anymore, he felt outraged. And he still didn't know why. As he reached his room, he stepped inside and closed the door shut.
And the rain outside became stronger.
~TSUZUKU~
A few days had passed. Toki had finally recovered from the wounds given to him by Ming-Ue, the leader of the fox demons that they met up with. They left the town immediately the day after, since Toki refused to slow everyone down and be treated as a child. Much to Goku and Hakkai's concern, he insisted that they go anyway.
It would be exactly seventeen days now that he was with them. He had gotten himself used to the noise, but he would still hit them when needed. It looked like Sanzo appreciated that about him. At least this way, he can take a break. He added up to the noise when he yelled at them and called them idiots, but he also helped out. He helped out Hakkai in the kitchen every morning. They would take frequently now, and this somehow made him happy.
It was sunset when they arrived at the next town. They had found an inn after eating dinner and they immediately separated to do what ever it is they wanted to do. Gojyo was out apparently, it was time to resume his schedule. Goku was in his room and they had successfully keep his mouth shut by giving him a plate of meatbuns to finish the whole night through. Hakkai must have been in town, Toki figured. Checking for youkai attacks maybe. Sanzo, he guessed must have been in his room. There were so many questions he wanted to ask him. But maybe, he wouldn't even answer. No, he probably wouldn't. He would say that it was none of his business. And he was probably right. But still.
''What are you still doing out here?'' a voice suddenly asked.
He turned around and looked up.
''Satori?'' he paused as he looked at the approaching monk, cigarette at hand, looking at him.
''It's late, what are you still doing out here?''
Toki paused for a moment. ''I'm pretty restless tonight.'' He answered immediately. ''I can't stay still and read.'' He looked up at the full- moon. ''I don't know what it is.''
He looked at Sanzo as the monk was silent, looking ahead, smoking his cigarette. He took a deep breath, he didn't want to meddle. But he still wanted to know.
''What happened to you?'' he asked in a soft tone.
''Nanda?''
''What happened to you all this time? While you were gone, from okasama. from me. What happened to you.'' he paused and immediately continued as Sanzo looked at him, one eyebrow raised. ''Not that it's any of my business, I know. but -''
''I drifted away in the temple like I told you. The head monk took me in.''
''Komyo Sanzo-houshi?''
''Aa.''
''What happened to him.''
There was a momentary pause before Sanzo turned to look ahead. His face expression still blank.
''He's dead. Youkai came to the temple and they wanted the Holy Sutra.'' He paused. ''They killed him and took it.''
''You're trying to find it, right? Whoever's responsible for it must be doing this whole resurrection of Gyumao.''
''I know that.''
There was a long silence between them. Toki looked at him and then looked aside again.
You remind me of her.
All the strength she never had went to you, she always said.
Another thing was.
She said it was almost painful to remember your face.
Your eyes.
Reminded her of your father.
Of what she used to have.
Sanzo looked at him.
''Doushita?''
''Nothing.'' Toki said shaking his head. ''I'm sorry for what happened to you.'' He said softly. ''I know how it's like.'' he shakes his head. ''But it's different from everyone's point of view.''
''What did she look like?''
''Eh?''
''An-Mei. What did she look like?''
He paused and looked at him.
''She looked like you.''
Sanzo looked at him.
''But she had more gentleness in her face than anyone else. But you do resemble her a whole lot.'' He paused again. ''That's why sometimes - It's hard to look at you.''
He was surprised of what he said, he quickly tried to recover.
''But it's probably just my stupidity.'' He turned away. Feeling light- headed, as if he were about to stumble back any minute. He tried to stop the tears, if there were any about to come down. He looked ahead and tried to keep his face stern, emotionless.
You remind me of something I don't want to remember.
''Goodnight, Sanzo.'' He said, trying to stop his voice from shaking.
''Oi, Toki.''
''Nanda?''
He didn't dare look at him again. It was extra hard to look at him tonight.
''You're not so bad.'' Sanzo said looking ahead. ''You're useful around here. You keep those two idiots quiet when they need to be. I'll give you credit for that.''
He paused again and glanced back at him as Toki began to speak.
''There are two ways of living. With purpose or without.''
Toki was quiet for a moment.
''But even at the beginning. Even when you knew nothing about yourself, where you came from who what your name really was. You chose to live with purpose when some people might have given up.''
''I'm here now. What difference would it make if I found out or not?''
''I know.'' Toki said as he nodded. ''And with that choice. Okasama was right about you.'' He started to walk off. ''Goodnight.''
Be strong, Satori. Stronger than she ever would have been.
And you did.
You are.
As he walked off, Sanzo looked ahead - it looked like the stars were covered by the dark blue sky, blackish clouds forming ahead. It looked like there was going to be rain tonight. He scowled and took out another cigarette as he finished the first stick.
''I'm glad to see you two are finally talking.''
Sanzo looked up as he lit up his cigarette and saw Hakkai smiling at him.
''Hakkai.'' He looked ahead and scowled again. ''Been from town?''
''Eh. I met up with Gojyo. It's best we stay away from his room tonight. It looks like he's having a sleepover.''
''Ch. He can do whatever the hell he wants. I don't care.''
Hakkai laughed softly and stepped up beside him.
''What about that stupid monkey?''
''He's asleep. I checked on him.''
The younger man paused and looked up at him.
''Toki-san seemed upset when he entered his room. Is everything alright?''
''Aa. Give him some time.'' Sanzo answered. ''He needs it.''
There was a long pause between them.
''Sanzo? What was it that you wanted to tell me?'' Hakkai asked softly.
Sanzo didn't reply for a moment.
''It was.'' he paused again and looked ahead. ''Nothing.''
''Eh?''
''There's nothing I want nor need to tell you.'' Sanzo said, his tone cold and piercing. ''Whatever it was. It's probably my stupidity.'' Hakkai's eyes widened slightly, before he smiled sadly and bowed.
''S-Sou desu ka.'' He said in a soft voice. ''I'm sorry for bothering you then.''
''You should get some sleep. We still have a long way to go when morning comes.'' The blonde continue to say, his tone still the same as earlier. Blank, cold.
''Hai.'' Hakkai said softly as he bowed. He didn't believe that there wasn't something there. It didn't feel that way. He looked at Sanzo's face, the same annoyed yet neutral expression he always had. He looked down for a moment and then nodded. ''Oyasumi nasai, Sanzo.''
Sanzo couldn't understand. As Hakkai walked off. He glanced behind him - there was a part of him that wanted to tell, then again there was a part that didn't want him to tell. But it was too late now, wasn't it? But it didn't matter. He said to himself. There was nothing there to consider in the first place. It was never really real. Whatever it was he felt, it was gone.
But there was a sickening feeling inside of him as he felt Hakkai walk further and further. That he just threw something away. Something he should have held on to. He felt like the idiot for a moment, before he shook his head and snapped himself back to reality.
No. There was nothing real.
Nothing there.
*** As Hakkai walked towards his room. There was a heavy feeling that came over him. Was it true that there was nothing? The day before they met Toki? A few nights ago in the inn. Sanzo looked him straight in those eyes and told him that there was something that needed to be said after all this time. But he knew Sanzo and how he could shrug off these things when he wanted to. Whatever was there, whatever it was that he felt. Was it really gone?
It couldn't have been true.
He shook his head and looked on. Once Sanzo makes up his mind, there's no mistake about it. The heavy feeling he had became even heavier as he finally admitted to himself that it was probably gone.
I've kept waiting and waiting for it.
And it never came.
It's nothing new to me.
Forget about it.
It doesn't hurt me. It can't.
Or maybe that's what I want to think.
Maybe, I'll just give up.
He looked over and stopped as he noticed Toki's door was open slightly. He stood before it as it was quiet and nothing but the sound of the wind came. He tried knocking.
''Toki-san? Are you alright in there?''
Toki, who sat by the windowsill looked up. Recognizing the voice, he answered.
''Aa. I'm fine.'' He looked back outside and closed his eyes.
So hard to look at him.
The door opened, but he didn't even bother to look up.
''I hope I'm not disturbing you -''
''No. It's alright.'' Toki cut him off immediately, still not looking up. ''What's wrong?''
''Nothing's wrong. I just thought I'd see how you're doing.'' Hakkai said as he smiled gently and nodded. ''I guess you and Sanzo were talking earlier. I'm glad to see that you're getting along just fine.''
''Are we?''
''Eh? Well. I don't see any bullet holes - So I was guessing.''
Toki smiled slightly at his joke but looked back out.
''It's hard to look at him.'' He spoke.
''Eh? Dou yuu imi desu ka?''
''It's hard to look at my brother. He looks so much like her, that it hurts sometimes - just looking at him.'' he paused. ''Every time I look at him, I remember the things that I choose not to remember. But his eyes are different from hers. Her blue eyes - the same blue eyes I got from her. They were so gentle and when they looked at me, I felt like nothing could go wrong around me. I felt safe around her.''
Hakkai remained quiet as he got up and sat beside Toki, both of them looking out the window.
''His eyes are different. He looks so cold, brutal. And All these things are true about him. I don't exactly hate him for it. If he wants to be that way. And I'm not expecting him to be as kind as okasama ever was.'' He shook his head. ''But when I see him. I get mad, most of them time, I end up angrier than I ever was in my entire life.''
''Doushite?''
''Because my mother had so much strength and she never realized it!'' his tone surprised himself. Soft and yet stern, angrier at the moment. ''She had so much in her. That she never once recognized because she always thought she was this weak, underserving person. But if she had only later in her life realize that she did have something in her that I saw. That my father and Satori's father saw in her. But she never once acknowledged it because of what happened to Satori. Because of what happened to Li-Wei.''
Hakkai looked at him, his expression softening.
''I realized this and I do more and more every time I see Satori.'' He paused. ''Before she let him go. Before she died and left me. She both told us to be strong. Stronger than she ever will be, those were her exact words.'' He shook his head. ''Satori's lived up to that expectation. I see him and how he deals with things. Without even knowing, he's made her proud and happy to see him like this.''
''Toki-san -''
''The way I acted just a few days ago. The way I said I didn't want to be treated like a child. I've never felt so defensless and useless until that day I met up with that bitch Ming-Ue who killed them all.'' He looked up. ''When I couldn't defeat her. I heard everyone's voice saying of how much of a useless coward I am. I had my chance and I missed it, again.''
The wind blew through the window. Toki closed his eyes and took a deep breath. ''That purpose that I've been talking about. Am I ever going to fullfill that purpose I've been talking about all this time. Convincing myself that I was strong enough. That's a joke.''
''Toki-san. Do you know why your mother wanted you to leave her there?''
Toki looked up at Hakkai.
''Because she knew that you had the strength to go on with your life. She believed that you can do so much more because of the strength you have inside of you.'' He looked at him and smiled gently. ''If you weren't as strong as she believed to be - you wouldn't have even made it out of the town when the youkai attacked you. You wouldn't have made it this far. You would have died already.''
Toki continued to listen as Hakkai looked ahead, they hard faint sounds of thunder.
''Besides, your brother. If he knew you were weak, he would have told you by now that you're a burden to us. He wouldn't have complimented you on how useful you are around here.'' He smiled. ''He believes just as much as An- Mei-san believed.''
He looked at Toki and smiled.
''You're stronger than you think, Toki-san. And I think you have the potential to be stronger than you are now. If you'd only stop guarding yourself too much. You don't have to convince yourself that you're strong enough for anything if you already know that you are.''
There was silence between them when Hakkai smiled again and nodded.
''She does not think you're a coward. She's proud of you.''
He looked back at him and smiled back slightly. That smile made him feel better somehow. Was he right? It made a lot of sense he thought. He had made it this far. And maybe that's what An-Mei wanted to see. He felt the heavy feeling go away and yet become heavier at the same time. He shook his head, trying to calm him nerves and he nodded.
''Thank you. I'm sorry if -''
''No need to apologize at all, Toki-san.'' Hakkai said as he shook his head. ''I'm just glad I could make you feel better.''
And without warning, Toki glanced at Hakkai again. A certain warm feeling washed over him and he looked up, seeing Hakkai smile at him again. It seemed to kind to be directed to him, to be for him. But he liked it. His heart started to race, he shook his head as her tried to shrug it off. But he looked at Hakkai again who was looking out ahead.
''Hakkai.'' He called in a gentle and yet stern voice.
Hakkai looked up at him. ''Hai?''
He was surprised as Toki leaned in forward, his lips pressed upon his. Hakkai's green eyes shut tight immediately. As he realized that he had just kissed him. He was uneasy at first, uncomfortable and somehow he felt guilty for this happening, but as the images in his head of the blonde monk started to appear, he heard his words again.
There's nothing I want or need to tell you.
Whatever it was, it's probably my stupidity.
And with that he started to respond to it. Letting Toki pull him closer and deepen the kiss, as it started to rain outside.
And outside the room, the door was slightly left open, there was a crack in the doorway making it enough to see even a little of what was going on. His dark violet eyes saw what was happening and he felt stupid for just standing there watching it happen. He didn't understand. It angered him, frustrated him. But why? He chose to let go of it. He scowled and looked away as soon as he could. He walked away, his footsteps quicker than usual. He didn't want to see anymore, he felt outraged. And he still didn't know why. As he reached his room, he stepped inside and closed the door shut.
And the rain outside became stronger.
~TSUZUKU~