A Twist Of Fate: Part Six: Confront
''It's obvious, you don't believe in god, or buddha.''
''I don't. I don't need to believe in them, when I can believe in myself.''
''You're something else.''
''You're the keeper of the heart sutra, aren't you? Tell me, why don't you believe in god or buddha?''
''I believe in nothing and no one. I trust nothing and no one. I can't worship someone who's powerless to do anything and can only watch after claiming to have so much power in him. I don't believe that these gods offer me the salvation of my soul. Because the only person who can save me. is myself.''
There is a long pause between them, two brothers - by chance, meeting again - as they looked ahead, the bright sun started to shine, the wind blew gently. And they were quiet for a moment.
''It's looks obvious to me to.''
''What does?''
''You don't need to learn anything from me like An-Mei said. You've learned a whole deal by yourself already.''
''Satori.''
''Ii da ro. Call me 'onisan' if you want. I really don't mind anymore.''
Silence.
The vision fades away. He is in a place surrounded by bright light. He looks before him and he sees again the two brothers, sitting behind desks a few steps away from each other. One of them with long blonde hair and those purple eyes as they looked through documents. The other one had long hair himself, kept in a braid, adjusting his glasses as he looked through the files himself. It looked exactly like him that he was too surprised to react to this vision.
The younger one looked as if he were about to fall asleep.
The older one looked up.
''You're sleepy. Go to sleep, I'll cover for you if the old hag comes.''
''No. I'm fine.''
''You've been working on this for the whole time now, you hadn't gotten any sleep.''
''I told you, I can handle this, I'll be alright.''
''Katte ni shiro. I'm just warning you if you fall asleep now, I'm not about to help you get in the bed, ahou.'' ''I didn't ask you to. Just leave me alone.''
''Why do you have to be so stubborn anyway, it gets annoying, Kairo.''
''Because I. don't want to be treated like a child.''
***
Toki awoke, slowly opening his eyes - seeing the sunlight enter the creaks of his window. It looked as if it were still early. Maybe it wasn't even six o' clock since the sunlight was still faint. He looked up and took a deep breath.
Kairo.
That goddess called me Kairo once.
That other one, the older one.
His eyes.
His face.
Just like Satori's.
No, it couldn't have been.
He shook his head and looked towards the window. He was paused for a moment, his eyes slowly widened as he realized something.
He wasn't alone.
He looked over beside him, Hakkai lay there - a blanket over him as he still slept quietly. He looked around him, the place was a true mess. Clothes and books that were knocked off their tables yesterday were on the floor. He ran a hand through his blonde hair, his heart slightly racing. He hadn't known what had come over him, still wondering why he agreed to let this happen. He shook his head and took a deep breath. It doesn't matter now, it happened and it happened. He wasn't really ashamed of it. He was just worried that it wouldn't be fine with Hakkai.
His thoughts were disturbed as he heard and felt him stirring. He looked beside him and saw him opening his eyes and looking around himself. He slowly sat up and as if on cue, realize that he wasn't alone, either. He looked and saw Toki. He smiled gently and nodded, as if he himself weren't surprised it happened - wasn't ashamed of it.
''Ohayou gozaimasu, Toki-san.'' Hakkai said in a soft whisper.
''Aa. Genki da, Hakkai-san?''
''Eh. I think I've had enough sleep. If I don't get up soon, they'll find no breakfast and they'll start to whine.''
''Sou da na.''
Hakkai started to get up and walked to the cabinet a few steps away from him. He opened it and grabbed one of the extra robes, putting it on, he looked up at him and smiled again. After wards, he started to pick up his clothes on the floor, gathering them as he spoke.
''I hope you're feeling better, Toki-san.''
''Yeah, I am. Thanks.''
''I'm going to go back to my room now and get ready there. I'll call everyone when breakfast is ready.'' He bowed and started to walk to the door.
''Hakkai, wait a minute.''
Hakkai stopped and looked back at him.
''Hai?''
He wanted to say that last night really did mean something to him. Or he wanted to ask so many question, like why wasn't he surprised or ashamed even? The weird part of sleeping together was always during the mornings.
Instead he said.
''Thank you.''
Hakkai smiled and nodded. ''Sometimes, that's all people need.'' And that was all that needed to be said when he started to walk out and close the door.
***
The whole morning, after Hakkai called them for breakfast, Toki couldn't help but notice how more irritable his older brother was. The slightest move could get someone a death threat bullet. Two words from Gojyo and Goku and they'd be shot at. The harisen didn't move today, but it seemed as his gun was busier than usual.
Afternoon. He was no better. In the jeep, no one could make a sound without him being on your case. He seemed angrier at everything and hated everything twice today. But that's not what bothered him the most. It seemed like every word he said was heavy, angry, maybe even bitter. He wasn't even talking if he wasn't yelling or threatening someone. He didn't feel like talking to anyone. Not Hakkai, not him.
Did he know that something happened? Was he angry? Why would he be?
Finally, they arrived at the next town. Goku and Gojyo were only too happy to get away from the clutches of the highly moody monk. They had went straight to dinner and then straight to an inn. Gojyo went out of town again of course, Goku stayed in his room as the others baited him again with food.
That night Sanzo stayed in his room, by the window, smoking and looking out. Even he didn't understand why he was so angry. He knew something had happened between Toki and Hakkai. And usually, he wouldn't give a damn. Why would he? It was none of his business anyway who his younger brother sleeps with. It shouldn't interfere with what he was set out to do.
But a stinging feeling came to him every time he remembered. Was it that he regretted his descision of not telling Hakkai on what he needed to know? And that was.
''Sanzo?'' a voice came from behind the door. ''Sanzo. It's me.''
Sanzo didn't reply, he only looked out - the cigarette in his hand.
''May I come in?''
No reply.
Hakkai opened the door quietly and closed it as he stepped in.
''I thought that you weren't feeling better. So I decided to check on you.''
Sanzo still didn't answer. And at that Hakkai felt even more worried. He pulled up the chair by the side of the room and sat down.
''Sanzo, what's wrong?''
Sanzo puffed out a smoke as he put the cigarette on the ashtray, he didn't look at Hakkai.
''Nothing. Leave me alone. Get out.''
He had to do better than that, Hakkai was immune to his rude behavior.
''You looked a little angrier than usual.'' Hakkai continued. ''Something must be wrong with you.''
''I told you, I'm fine. Now get out.''
''Is it because of what happened last night?''
Sanzo looked up and glanced back at him, still not turning his back.
''I said I was sorry if I bothered you about it. Please, don't think about it anymore. It's not important.''
''It has nothing to do what I had to say to you.''
Hakkai looked up and bowed again. ''Sou desu ne.'' he was about to get up. ''Ja, I'll ---''
''I don't even know why I'm upset. I am an idiot.''
''Sanzo - you -''
Hakkai paused and looked at him for a moment, then looked down slightly.
''Sanzo. Toki and I -''
''I know something happened between you two. Don't think I'm stupid.''
Hakkai nodded and looked ahead.
''Not that you would care anyway. I know you better than you bother yourself with this little thing.'' He smiled sadly before turning to him.
''The stupid part is.''
Hakkai looked up as Sanzo hesitated to continue his sentence. He kept waiting.
''The stupid part is, I am upset.''
''But why?'' Hakkai asked, his emerald green eyes looking at Sanzo. ''I thought you didn't care of such stupid things?''
''I thought so, too. I don't understand why this gets me -''
''So what were you trying to say to me?''
Hakkai started to approach Sanzo, who was still turning back. He stopped as he got two steps away from him. He wasn't saying anything.
''What were you trying to say to me?''
''Nothing. I told you. Now get out.'' ''I don't believe you, not anymore.''
''Get out.''
***
In Toki's room, he himself was sitting by the windowsill, looking out and thinking. He tried shrugging it off, but it kept coming back to him.
He could have been ashamed of it.
He could have avoided my gaze this morning.
But he did the exact opposite.
He was kinder to me today than he ever was.
That smile was even more gentle than I could remember it.
And every time I think of him. I couldn't be happier. Everything just seems to fade away from there.
He sighed and took a deep breath. Looking up.
I should have said something to him.
He stared at his hands and looked behind him as his door was closed. He wanted to tell Hakkai so much more than just a thank you. He'd been feeling this all the time and he didn't know.
He started to get up and walk to the door.
***
''It's nothing. I told you, get out.'' His voice was even angrier now.
''Why are you upset, Sanzo?''
Sanzo looked up. Finally turning to him, his brows meeting.
''I told you, I don't.''
''I don't think you're jealous, are you?'' Hakkai said with a sudden smirk on his face. ''I don't think you are. And why would you be when you've had your share of it, too?''
''What the hell are you?-''
''We've slept together before, Sanzo. A couple of times. why are you so upset. It's nothing you've never had, nothing you've never seen. You said so yourself, it doesn't matter, it never will. It doesn't mean anything to you or neither should it to me.''
Even Sanzo was surprised at his tone. He seemed like he wasn't even the one talking anymore. As if sudden anger or bitterness was washing over him, making him say these things. Or maybe it was just that he was fed up. Finally fed up of his waiting, of the rudeness.
''Urusai, Hakkai.'' Sanzo said in a warning tone.
''Sanzo, if it pleases you to kill me then do what you must. I wouldn't care. It wouldn't matter, would it?''
Sanzo had finally had enough of it. He grabbed Hakkai by the wrist and pulled him to him, Hakkai was surprised at the strength of his grip and of his motion. He was looking straight into Sanzo's angry, deep violet eyes. He could feel his breath touch his skin.
''If you don't shut up -''
''I told you. If it pleases you to kill me. Then do what you will. Kill me, it won't matter.''
Sanzo pulled him closer, cutting him off as he pressed his lips on his. Hakkai again was surprised at the roughness that he had. He soon responded and he felt Sanzo pulling him closer, this kiss had turned eager, passionate, hungry. Sanzo pulled away for a moment, still gripping his wrist as he leaned in to whisper.
''What the hell else do you think I was trying to tell you, ahou?''
''S-Sanzo.'' He heard his hard breathing, his warm breath against his skin, closer and closer.
Sanzo pulled him again to kiss him, harder this time, not letting go. Hakkai was starting to give in as he wrapped his arms around him. Sanzo holding him tigher and closer.
They heard something slam against the wall.
They both stopped and looked up, Hakkai was too surprised to draw away. They only looked behind them as they saw the door wide open.
And Toki standing outside it.
''T-Toki-san!'' Hakkai said as he moved away from Sanzo and faced him. ''D- Doushite? ---''
Toki was scowling, his blue eyes suddenly turned cold and a straight glare came from it, directed to Sanzo who only scowled back. Both of them staring at each other, glares that could send people running away. Their expressions stern.
''So this is your little secret is it?'' Toki asked as he stepped in.
''This has nothing to do with you.'' Sanzo told him, still keeping his glare. ''Get out.''
''You don't scare me.'' Toki snapped back as he stepped forward again and looked at him. ''Don't think you can send me away with that glare because two can play that game.''
And as they stared at each other. Hakkai's heart began to race. Something was going to go wrong this way. Something terrible and horribly wrong.
~TSUZUKU~
''It's obvious, you don't believe in god, or buddha.''
''I don't. I don't need to believe in them, when I can believe in myself.''
''You're something else.''
''You're the keeper of the heart sutra, aren't you? Tell me, why don't you believe in god or buddha?''
''I believe in nothing and no one. I trust nothing and no one. I can't worship someone who's powerless to do anything and can only watch after claiming to have so much power in him. I don't believe that these gods offer me the salvation of my soul. Because the only person who can save me. is myself.''
There is a long pause between them, two brothers - by chance, meeting again - as they looked ahead, the bright sun started to shine, the wind blew gently. And they were quiet for a moment.
''It's looks obvious to me to.''
''What does?''
''You don't need to learn anything from me like An-Mei said. You've learned a whole deal by yourself already.''
''Satori.''
''Ii da ro. Call me 'onisan' if you want. I really don't mind anymore.''
Silence.
The vision fades away. He is in a place surrounded by bright light. He looks before him and he sees again the two brothers, sitting behind desks a few steps away from each other. One of them with long blonde hair and those purple eyes as they looked through documents. The other one had long hair himself, kept in a braid, adjusting his glasses as he looked through the files himself. It looked exactly like him that he was too surprised to react to this vision.
The younger one looked as if he were about to fall asleep.
The older one looked up.
''You're sleepy. Go to sleep, I'll cover for you if the old hag comes.''
''No. I'm fine.''
''You've been working on this for the whole time now, you hadn't gotten any sleep.''
''I told you, I can handle this, I'll be alright.''
''Katte ni shiro. I'm just warning you if you fall asleep now, I'm not about to help you get in the bed, ahou.'' ''I didn't ask you to. Just leave me alone.''
''Why do you have to be so stubborn anyway, it gets annoying, Kairo.''
''Because I. don't want to be treated like a child.''
***
Toki awoke, slowly opening his eyes - seeing the sunlight enter the creaks of his window. It looked as if it were still early. Maybe it wasn't even six o' clock since the sunlight was still faint. He looked up and took a deep breath.
Kairo.
That goddess called me Kairo once.
That other one, the older one.
His eyes.
His face.
Just like Satori's.
No, it couldn't have been.
He shook his head and looked towards the window. He was paused for a moment, his eyes slowly widened as he realized something.
He wasn't alone.
He looked over beside him, Hakkai lay there - a blanket over him as he still slept quietly. He looked around him, the place was a true mess. Clothes and books that were knocked off their tables yesterday were on the floor. He ran a hand through his blonde hair, his heart slightly racing. He hadn't known what had come over him, still wondering why he agreed to let this happen. He shook his head and took a deep breath. It doesn't matter now, it happened and it happened. He wasn't really ashamed of it. He was just worried that it wouldn't be fine with Hakkai.
His thoughts were disturbed as he heard and felt him stirring. He looked beside him and saw him opening his eyes and looking around himself. He slowly sat up and as if on cue, realize that he wasn't alone, either. He looked and saw Toki. He smiled gently and nodded, as if he himself weren't surprised it happened - wasn't ashamed of it.
''Ohayou gozaimasu, Toki-san.'' Hakkai said in a soft whisper.
''Aa. Genki da, Hakkai-san?''
''Eh. I think I've had enough sleep. If I don't get up soon, they'll find no breakfast and they'll start to whine.''
''Sou da na.''
Hakkai started to get up and walked to the cabinet a few steps away from him. He opened it and grabbed one of the extra robes, putting it on, he looked up at him and smiled again. After wards, he started to pick up his clothes on the floor, gathering them as he spoke.
''I hope you're feeling better, Toki-san.''
''Yeah, I am. Thanks.''
''I'm going to go back to my room now and get ready there. I'll call everyone when breakfast is ready.'' He bowed and started to walk to the door.
''Hakkai, wait a minute.''
Hakkai stopped and looked back at him.
''Hai?''
He wanted to say that last night really did mean something to him. Or he wanted to ask so many question, like why wasn't he surprised or ashamed even? The weird part of sleeping together was always during the mornings.
Instead he said.
''Thank you.''
Hakkai smiled and nodded. ''Sometimes, that's all people need.'' And that was all that needed to be said when he started to walk out and close the door.
***
The whole morning, after Hakkai called them for breakfast, Toki couldn't help but notice how more irritable his older brother was. The slightest move could get someone a death threat bullet. Two words from Gojyo and Goku and they'd be shot at. The harisen didn't move today, but it seemed as his gun was busier than usual.
Afternoon. He was no better. In the jeep, no one could make a sound without him being on your case. He seemed angrier at everything and hated everything twice today. But that's not what bothered him the most. It seemed like every word he said was heavy, angry, maybe even bitter. He wasn't even talking if he wasn't yelling or threatening someone. He didn't feel like talking to anyone. Not Hakkai, not him.
Did he know that something happened? Was he angry? Why would he be?
Finally, they arrived at the next town. Goku and Gojyo were only too happy to get away from the clutches of the highly moody monk. They had went straight to dinner and then straight to an inn. Gojyo went out of town again of course, Goku stayed in his room as the others baited him again with food.
That night Sanzo stayed in his room, by the window, smoking and looking out. Even he didn't understand why he was so angry. He knew something had happened between Toki and Hakkai. And usually, he wouldn't give a damn. Why would he? It was none of his business anyway who his younger brother sleeps with. It shouldn't interfere with what he was set out to do.
But a stinging feeling came to him every time he remembered. Was it that he regretted his descision of not telling Hakkai on what he needed to know? And that was.
''Sanzo?'' a voice came from behind the door. ''Sanzo. It's me.''
Sanzo didn't reply, he only looked out - the cigarette in his hand.
''May I come in?''
No reply.
Hakkai opened the door quietly and closed it as he stepped in.
''I thought that you weren't feeling better. So I decided to check on you.''
Sanzo still didn't answer. And at that Hakkai felt even more worried. He pulled up the chair by the side of the room and sat down.
''Sanzo, what's wrong?''
Sanzo puffed out a smoke as he put the cigarette on the ashtray, he didn't look at Hakkai.
''Nothing. Leave me alone. Get out.''
He had to do better than that, Hakkai was immune to his rude behavior.
''You looked a little angrier than usual.'' Hakkai continued. ''Something must be wrong with you.''
''I told you, I'm fine. Now get out.''
''Is it because of what happened last night?''
Sanzo looked up and glanced back at him, still not turning his back.
''I said I was sorry if I bothered you about it. Please, don't think about it anymore. It's not important.''
''It has nothing to do what I had to say to you.''
Hakkai looked up and bowed again. ''Sou desu ne.'' he was about to get up. ''Ja, I'll ---''
''I don't even know why I'm upset. I am an idiot.''
''Sanzo - you -''
Hakkai paused and looked at him for a moment, then looked down slightly.
''Sanzo. Toki and I -''
''I know something happened between you two. Don't think I'm stupid.''
Hakkai nodded and looked ahead.
''Not that you would care anyway. I know you better than you bother yourself with this little thing.'' He smiled sadly before turning to him.
''The stupid part is.''
Hakkai looked up as Sanzo hesitated to continue his sentence. He kept waiting.
''The stupid part is, I am upset.''
''But why?'' Hakkai asked, his emerald green eyes looking at Sanzo. ''I thought you didn't care of such stupid things?''
''I thought so, too. I don't understand why this gets me -''
''So what were you trying to say to me?''
Hakkai started to approach Sanzo, who was still turning back. He stopped as he got two steps away from him. He wasn't saying anything.
''What were you trying to say to me?''
''Nothing. I told you. Now get out.'' ''I don't believe you, not anymore.''
''Get out.''
***
In Toki's room, he himself was sitting by the windowsill, looking out and thinking. He tried shrugging it off, but it kept coming back to him.
He could have been ashamed of it.
He could have avoided my gaze this morning.
But he did the exact opposite.
He was kinder to me today than he ever was.
That smile was even more gentle than I could remember it.
And every time I think of him. I couldn't be happier. Everything just seems to fade away from there.
He sighed and took a deep breath. Looking up.
I should have said something to him.
He stared at his hands and looked behind him as his door was closed. He wanted to tell Hakkai so much more than just a thank you. He'd been feeling this all the time and he didn't know.
He started to get up and walk to the door.
***
''It's nothing. I told you, get out.'' His voice was even angrier now.
''Why are you upset, Sanzo?''
Sanzo looked up. Finally turning to him, his brows meeting.
''I told you, I don't.''
''I don't think you're jealous, are you?'' Hakkai said with a sudden smirk on his face. ''I don't think you are. And why would you be when you've had your share of it, too?''
''What the hell are you?-''
''We've slept together before, Sanzo. A couple of times. why are you so upset. It's nothing you've never had, nothing you've never seen. You said so yourself, it doesn't matter, it never will. It doesn't mean anything to you or neither should it to me.''
Even Sanzo was surprised at his tone. He seemed like he wasn't even the one talking anymore. As if sudden anger or bitterness was washing over him, making him say these things. Or maybe it was just that he was fed up. Finally fed up of his waiting, of the rudeness.
''Urusai, Hakkai.'' Sanzo said in a warning tone.
''Sanzo, if it pleases you to kill me then do what you must. I wouldn't care. It wouldn't matter, would it?''
Sanzo had finally had enough of it. He grabbed Hakkai by the wrist and pulled him to him, Hakkai was surprised at the strength of his grip and of his motion. He was looking straight into Sanzo's angry, deep violet eyes. He could feel his breath touch his skin.
''If you don't shut up -''
''I told you. If it pleases you to kill me. Then do what you will. Kill me, it won't matter.''
Sanzo pulled him closer, cutting him off as he pressed his lips on his. Hakkai again was surprised at the roughness that he had. He soon responded and he felt Sanzo pulling him closer, this kiss had turned eager, passionate, hungry. Sanzo pulled away for a moment, still gripping his wrist as he leaned in to whisper.
''What the hell else do you think I was trying to tell you, ahou?''
''S-Sanzo.'' He heard his hard breathing, his warm breath against his skin, closer and closer.
Sanzo pulled him again to kiss him, harder this time, not letting go. Hakkai was starting to give in as he wrapped his arms around him. Sanzo holding him tigher and closer.
They heard something slam against the wall.
They both stopped and looked up, Hakkai was too surprised to draw away. They only looked behind them as they saw the door wide open.
And Toki standing outside it.
''T-Toki-san!'' Hakkai said as he moved away from Sanzo and faced him. ''D- Doushite? ---''
Toki was scowling, his blue eyes suddenly turned cold and a straight glare came from it, directed to Sanzo who only scowled back. Both of them staring at each other, glares that could send people running away. Their expressions stern.
''So this is your little secret is it?'' Toki asked as he stepped in.
''This has nothing to do with you.'' Sanzo told him, still keeping his glare. ''Get out.''
''You don't scare me.'' Toki snapped back as he stepped forward again and looked at him. ''Don't think you can send me away with that glare because two can play that game.''
And as they stared at each other. Hakkai's heart began to race. Something was going to go wrong this way. Something terrible and horribly wrong.
~TSUZUKU~