The Outcast.
By J.K.Cornah
In the Void of Iluvatar before the making of Arda, the Valar came into being. This story mainly concerns Melkor, Manwë, Oromë and Ulmo. The Valar have just finished one of their singing sections and are having a rest.
Manwë: Ah! That t'was a beautiful song, was it not?
Oromë: Yea! T'was so! Eru has out done himself hasn't he, Melkor? Melkor?
Melkor: Hum! Er. yes, yes. Now I'm in the middle of something really important!
Ulmo: Oh really? What?
Melkor: I am designing the greatest song of all! It will be legendary! All will love it!
Manwë: You're trying to fix the TV again, aren't you?
Melkor: I need it! I'm missing my favourite soap opera! And Mike is about to announce that he killed John!
Oromë: Melkor, you're the only one who watches that crap! Why can't you spend the time doing something useful! Like.something.
Melkor: You know, it's that attitude that will get you nowhere in life!
Ulmo: Besides I'm not even sure how we can have a TV! It's not been invented yet!
Manwë: Quiet, Ulmo! It's a surreal thing made up by the writer!
{Oromë vanishes}
Melkor: What the Hell? Where's he gone?
Manwë: I wouldn't worry about it. He attracts more continuity errors than you attract flies, Melkor!
Melkor: Hey! That was supposed to be a secret!
{Oromë reappears dressed as an exotic dancer}
Ulmo: Where the b****y Hell have you been?
Oromë: I don't know! But I like these clothes!
{enter Ilúvatar}
Ilúvatar: Right you lot! That was a good session today! Your singing is getting better! Now I just need to. Oromë why are you dressed like a pillock? Oromë: Sorry sir. I will find something else to wear.
Ilúvatar: Well good! Now, to business. Until now you have all been singing solo, but now I say to you that you must sing together!
Melkor: Together? But I am so great on my own!
Ulmo: Yea! We all have different styles and. erm, shoes!
Ilúvatar: What do shoes have to do with it?
Ulmo: Erm.Many things. I just do not know any reasons, but I am sure there are some!
Ilúvatar: .Quite. Any way, do any of you others object to this new plan?
Others: No, we're OK with it.
Ilúvatar: Good. We start tomorrow at dawn!
{Exit Ilúvatar}
Oromë: Oh no! I've got to practise tennis tomorrow! Damn!
Manwë: Come now, Oromë. Why don't you want to become a singer like the others?
Oromë: Well, because I don't! And I've seen you all miming in front of the mirror with a tennis racket as a guitar. Well I want to win Wimbledon! So I'm going to practise my backhand volley with this base guitar!
{Exit Oromë}
Melkor: Wait a second! How do we know when its dawn? This is the F**kin void! Day and night are one! . I am so confused! Moreover, this new singing idea, I do not like it! I would rather write my own songs. I will make a new style! I will call it rap!
Cue dramatic music}
(To be continued!)
By J.K.Cornah
In the Void of Iluvatar before the making of Arda, the Valar came into being. This story mainly concerns Melkor, Manwë, Oromë and Ulmo. The Valar have just finished one of their singing sections and are having a rest.
Manwë: Ah! That t'was a beautiful song, was it not?
Oromë: Yea! T'was so! Eru has out done himself hasn't he, Melkor? Melkor?
Melkor: Hum! Er. yes, yes. Now I'm in the middle of something really important!
Ulmo: Oh really? What?
Melkor: I am designing the greatest song of all! It will be legendary! All will love it!
Manwë: You're trying to fix the TV again, aren't you?
Melkor: I need it! I'm missing my favourite soap opera! And Mike is about to announce that he killed John!
Oromë: Melkor, you're the only one who watches that crap! Why can't you spend the time doing something useful! Like.something.
Melkor: You know, it's that attitude that will get you nowhere in life!
Ulmo: Besides I'm not even sure how we can have a TV! It's not been invented yet!
Manwë: Quiet, Ulmo! It's a surreal thing made up by the writer!
{Oromë vanishes}
Melkor: What the Hell? Where's he gone?
Manwë: I wouldn't worry about it. He attracts more continuity errors than you attract flies, Melkor!
Melkor: Hey! That was supposed to be a secret!
{Oromë reappears dressed as an exotic dancer}
Ulmo: Where the b****y Hell have you been?
Oromë: I don't know! But I like these clothes!
{enter Ilúvatar}
Ilúvatar: Right you lot! That was a good session today! Your singing is getting better! Now I just need to. Oromë why are you dressed like a pillock? Oromë: Sorry sir. I will find something else to wear.
Ilúvatar: Well good! Now, to business. Until now you have all been singing solo, but now I say to you that you must sing together!
Melkor: Together? But I am so great on my own!
Ulmo: Yea! We all have different styles and. erm, shoes!
Ilúvatar: What do shoes have to do with it?
Ulmo: Erm.Many things. I just do not know any reasons, but I am sure there are some!
Ilúvatar: .Quite. Any way, do any of you others object to this new plan?
Others: No, we're OK with it.
Ilúvatar: Good. We start tomorrow at dawn!
{Exit Ilúvatar}
Oromë: Oh no! I've got to practise tennis tomorrow! Damn!
Manwë: Come now, Oromë. Why don't you want to become a singer like the others?
Oromë: Well, because I don't! And I've seen you all miming in front of the mirror with a tennis racket as a guitar. Well I want to win Wimbledon! So I'm going to practise my backhand volley with this base guitar!
{Exit Oromë}
Melkor: Wait a second! How do we know when its dawn? This is the F**kin void! Day and night are one! . I am so confused! Moreover, this new singing idea, I do not like it! I would rather write my own songs. I will make a new style! I will call it rap!
Cue dramatic music}
(To be continued!)