First of all, I don't own these characters except for Kari and Tim the
Stalker. Jhonen owns Nny. And my apologies if he reads this piece of shit
that barely qualifies as a fic. Please don't sick the rabid kiwis and their
lemon friends to eat me in my sleep!! This is very odd for me. Usually I
try to keep my humor as clean as possible. But the idea came to me and I
made the mistake of telling it to a friend, who dared me to post it. So
there.
Untitled
It was the day after Nny's sixteenth birthday and he was going to do what
everyone dreams about doing once they reach that age. No, not what you're
probably thinking. Perverts. Although this story does have something to do
with that in a sick and twisted way. He was at his first driving lesson
with an instructor that was well.less than qualified. On road driving isn't
usually a good idea for someone who doesn't know half of the car's
functions. But aside from that the day was going fine.
"Hi! I'm Kari! And I'll be your driving instructor today!" A pop star clone
with blonde pigtails and monochrome pink clothes greeted Nny with a smile
that was stained with the outlines of where braces had once been. "So let's
drive! I need to go to cheerleading practice. You'll have to drive yourself
back here. And you had better get back here, this is my car."
This isn't what Nny expected his driving instructor to be like, but this
would do. They got into a little gray car with bird seed bags, pom poms and
a prom dress in the back seat. There was something that looked like some
sort of drink in the front cup holder.
"First of all, put on some protection. (can you all see where this is
going?)"
"But there isn't any", he said. The seatbelt was missing, so he assumed the
car was fairly old.
"Fine. Let's just do this." He drove for about five minutes under 20 mph.
He had no clue what he was doing, but it was that or crashing into a tree.
"Could you be any more difficult?! Hurry it up!" He sped up to 60 mph and
the bird seed spilled on Kari's prom dress. "You little bastard! You got
your seed all over my dress!"
Although she should have used the plural form "seeds", Nny just slowed the
car down slightly to 50 mph. "Those were mine? Okay then."
There was a traffic jam up ahead and Kari looked up from her seemingly
ruined prom dress to take a drink from whatever that was. "Pull out! PULL
OUT!!!!"
Nny swerved into the right lane and took an exit off the highway that led
him almost directly to the highschool. "I'm going to kill you if I'm late
for this!!!!" Kari got her stuff out of the car and stormed off into the
gym, getting her pigtail caught in the heavy metal door. Nny couldn't
remember they way back so he just drove to his house. He would bring the
car back when he could remember where it was supposed to go.
*******************************************************************
Later that night a ..thing that is supposedly a boy who looked like a
disturbing cross between Devi and Harry Potter sneaks to the car in Nny's
driveway. He took a pin out of his pocket and put it into the lock of one
of the doors of the car, got in and extracted from below the seat a tape
recorder.
"I almost forgot this! But how could I ever do a stalking raid of Shitney
Spears's house without it?" And so he jumped off into the night with glee.
He returned to his house to listen to the tape so he could hear anything
worth not recording over. Unfortunately, that's not what was on the tape.
The doors to a car shut and a girl said "First of all, put on some
protection."
A voice Tim thought sounded familiar replied "But there isn't any."
Tim laughed nervously, hoping that they were just talking about raincoats
or something. But why would they have to put those on in the car?
"Fine. Let's just do this", the female voice responded. Or maybe not. He
heard the car going over the road, but thought the sound was being produced
by something else. "Could you be any more difficult? Hurry up!" Tim's eyes
widened in disgusted disbelief.
"You little bastard! You spilled your seed all over my dress!!" Tim turned
green and desperately tried to keep from puking.
"They're mine? Okay then.." Too late. He did manage to keep it in a
trashcan though. He heard something being slurped up before the girl yelled
again.
"Pull out! PULL OUT!!!!" A few minutes later she screamed "I'm going to
kill you if I'm late for this!!!" By this time Tim was beyond puking. He
stopped the tape, backed away slowly and then ran out of the room screaming
bloody hell.
THE END
A/N: That sucked, didn't it? Ah well. Review if you liked it for some odd
reason.
Stalker. Jhonen owns Nny. And my apologies if he reads this piece of shit
that barely qualifies as a fic. Please don't sick the rabid kiwis and their
lemon friends to eat me in my sleep!! This is very odd for me. Usually I
try to keep my humor as clean as possible. But the idea came to me and I
made the mistake of telling it to a friend, who dared me to post it. So
there.
Untitled
It was the day after Nny's sixteenth birthday and he was going to do what
everyone dreams about doing once they reach that age. No, not what you're
probably thinking. Perverts. Although this story does have something to do
with that in a sick and twisted way. He was at his first driving lesson
with an instructor that was well.less than qualified. On road driving isn't
usually a good idea for someone who doesn't know half of the car's
functions. But aside from that the day was going fine.
"Hi! I'm Kari! And I'll be your driving instructor today!" A pop star clone
with blonde pigtails and monochrome pink clothes greeted Nny with a smile
that was stained with the outlines of where braces had once been. "So let's
drive! I need to go to cheerleading practice. You'll have to drive yourself
back here. And you had better get back here, this is my car."
This isn't what Nny expected his driving instructor to be like, but this
would do. They got into a little gray car with bird seed bags, pom poms and
a prom dress in the back seat. There was something that looked like some
sort of drink in the front cup holder.
"First of all, put on some protection. (can you all see where this is
going?)"
"But there isn't any", he said. The seatbelt was missing, so he assumed the
car was fairly old.
"Fine. Let's just do this." He drove for about five minutes under 20 mph.
He had no clue what he was doing, but it was that or crashing into a tree.
"Could you be any more difficult?! Hurry it up!" He sped up to 60 mph and
the bird seed spilled on Kari's prom dress. "You little bastard! You got
your seed all over my dress!"
Although she should have used the plural form "seeds", Nny just slowed the
car down slightly to 50 mph. "Those were mine? Okay then."
There was a traffic jam up ahead and Kari looked up from her seemingly
ruined prom dress to take a drink from whatever that was. "Pull out! PULL
OUT!!!!"
Nny swerved into the right lane and took an exit off the highway that led
him almost directly to the highschool. "I'm going to kill you if I'm late
for this!!!!" Kari got her stuff out of the car and stormed off into the
gym, getting her pigtail caught in the heavy metal door. Nny couldn't
remember they way back so he just drove to his house. He would bring the
car back when he could remember where it was supposed to go.
*******************************************************************
Later that night a ..thing that is supposedly a boy who looked like a
disturbing cross between Devi and Harry Potter sneaks to the car in Nny's
driveway. He took a pin out of his pocket and put it into the lock of one
of the doors of the car, got in and extracted from below the seat a tape
recorder.
"I almost forgot this! But how could I ever do a stalking raid of Shitney
Spears's house without it?" And so he jumped off into the night with glee.
He returned to his house to listen to the tape so he could hear anything
worth not recording over. Unfortunately, that's not what was on the tape.
The doors to a car shut and a girl said "First of all, put on some
protection."
A voice Tim thought sounded familiar replied "But there isn't any."
Tim laughed nervously, hoping that they were just talking about raincoats
or something. But why would they have to put those on in the car?
"Fine. Let's just do this", the female voice responded. Or maybe not. He
heard the car going over the road, but thought the sound was being produced
by something else. "Could you be any more difficult? Hurry up!" Tim's eyes
widened in disgusted disbelief.
"You little bastard! You spilled your seed all over my dress!!" Tim turned
green and desperately tried to keep from puking.
"They're mine? Okay then.." Too late. He did manage to keep it in a
trashcan though. He heard something being slurped up before the girl yelled
again.
"Pull out! PULL OUT!!!!" A few minutes later she screamed "I'm going to
kill you if I'm late for this!!!" By this time Tim was beyond puking. He
stopped the tape, backed away slowly and then ran out of the room screaming
bloody hell.
THE END
A/N: That sucked, didn't it? Ah well. Review if you liked it for some odd
reason.