DISCLAIMER: Card Captor Sakura does not belong to me but to CLAMP. I
am just merely borrowing it for entertainment purposes.
Dedicated to everyone who sent a review and to my cousins Danny, Jenny and Kheren who have always supported my writing. I love you!
Chapter V Confessions
"Sakura-chan!!!"
Silence
"Sakura-chan, wake up!! You've got a phone call!!" "Who is it??" Sakura said yawning as she wrapped herself beneath the silk sheets "Some Hiiragizawa boy" Touya yelled "I bet he calls because of something you borrowed form him and you haven't given back. He seems pretty concerned" "DAMN!!" Sakura thought "It must be about that thing Syaoran told me"
"Hai!! Kinomoto's on the phone!!" "Say nothing, make no moves or expressions. Pretend I am asking you for help with some school stuff. Okay, now that we have established that. Sakura we need to talk, but not here. You must come to my house today in the afternoon: Before having tea..." Eriol said calmly on the other side of the phone "Yes, I understand" Sakura acted "English. right? And.is Syaoran Li on our team?" "Yes, he is" he whispered "why do you ask what you already know anyway? By the way, Tomoyo-san is in our little team too." "Whh.whh. whaaaTT!" Sakura yelled as Eriol cut the communication "No!! this can't be!! Oh, This sucks!! Why? Why is it that everything has to happen to me??!!"
Sakura walked quickly upstairs and entered her room hiding her internal worry. She ran to the book and took out all the cards. She could remember Kero having taught her how to read things with them. She put them on the little table next to her bed and slowly separated them in three parts. Then she distributed them all over the table shaping a regular diamond. She flipped three cards: the one on the top, the one in the middle and the one on the bottom.
The flowers.the time.and the love
Sakura tried to figure out what those cards could have meant but after a while she figured out that it was useless. "I'm a hell of a good card captor, but I can't do this alone, I'm too inexpert and this could get out of control if I try to do it all by myself" she thought. Besides, she hadn't been able to find the love card since Syaoran's departure and she hadn't make any attempt to find it. She hadn't even looked for it that hard: "What's the point anyway. The card is useless. It can't do anything at all" she had repeated to herself day after day, night after night. Se couldn't help feeling lonely at nights when she used to call him years before.
* * *
Sakura knocked on the door of the giant mansion in front of her. She stared at the locks for a moment. They represented a sun and a moon beautifully sculpted. She hadn't actually looked at them before. Suddenly, the door opened with torturing slowness.
"Master Eriol is waiting for you"
Sakura entered through the doors and a long corridor until she found herself in the middle of a beautifully ornamented hall. The walls were all covered in red velvet and satin curtains obstructed light from hurting her eyes.
"I was afraid you wouldn't come" she heard a calmed male voice "I wasn't going to come, to be honest" she turned around "but there's something we need to talk about. Urgently." "I am sure that we can talk about it while we have tea" Eriol answered without changing his expression "Please, have a seat Sakura-san." "What ever it is that you're gonna say Hiiragizawa, do it now" Syaoran cut coldly while looking at Eriol with annoyance "we don't have time for your stupid little games" "Is there something bothering you Li?" Tomoyo questioned without expecting an answer. She gently rested her right hand upon Syaoran's shoulder and could feel the tension irradiating from him. "I'm fine Daidoubji" he abruptly shook off her hand "I must tell you that, despite of what you may think and have demonstrated so far, I did not call you up for trying to kill each other with hurting comments and looks, but to speak a matter which will require our complete attention. There is a problem with the cards and we are all in danger." "If that is what you were going to tell us, we already knew that!! "Syaoran yelled at him "even the Card Captor and I had discussed it before you realized there were problems in town!! "So desu ka? (Is that so?)" Eriol continued ignoring the perturbed state in which Syaoran was standing "Sit down please and let me finish. As I was telling you before Li interrupted, A ghost from the past is coming after Clow, after us. Does the name ShinJin Ni sound any familiar to any of you?"
Tomoyo grasped. The words ShinJin Ni did ring bells inside her head. It was someone in her family who had lost that name after getting married. Which meant that there was something wrong going on in her family, something that had surely to do with magic. But there were no magicians in her family. Not her, not her mother, and of course not her father. but there WAS someone now that she actually remembered. Nadesiko was her mother's cousin, which would make Sakura her cousin, at least by blood if not by name. So magic was in her blood after all. Maybe that's why she had felt so close to her cousin all those years, that's why she had always been able to feel her presence whenever she was around just the way Touya used to.
"Something wrong Tomoyo?" Sakura broke the silence of her own thoughts "It seemed to me like you had grasped for a moment" "I'm okay Sakura" the blue-eyed girl replied more calmed "Do you. do you remember your mother? because I have no memories of her on my own." "My mother. I was very young when she past away" a silvered tear rolled by her face "She was a very beautiful woman. I remember she kissing me goodnight, helping Touya with his homework, starring at my dad while he was cooking dinner."
She was crying indeed now. Syaoran's heart felt like something had broken inside. She wanted to hold her so badly, but her reaction after their confrontation the day before had been just too painful. He wouldn't make her pass through that again, not when there was no need. She was way too vulnerable.
"Don't cry" he softly sighed "she wouldn't want you to be sad because of her, she wouldn't want to see you cry, you know?" "She loved flowers." Sakura continued swallowing her tears "especially carnations. That's why she named oniisan and me after names of flowers. Touya: the peach blossom and Sakura: the cherry blossom. She liked every kind of flower but there was one, the lotus flower, which she disliked. I never knew the reason for which she could never stand that flower but she always told us that we should never bring one of those home" "Lotus flowers??!!" Eriol and Tomoyo looked at each other and then back at Sakura as if they had found a missing piece in the puzzle but yet had to find out what the riddle meant. "Ni. lotus flower. ShinJin Ni" Eriol interrupted her "ShinJin Ni means lotus flower heart's spirit. So our innocent Nadesiko DID know something about this. I will need to talk to your brother" he pointed at Sakura "...and to your mother" he pointed at Tomoyo. "What??!!" "Do as I say. You know I would not put you through this if it were not necessary. Tomoyo-dono, shall we go contact them? This two surely need to talk about something."
Tomoyo nodded and followed Eriol quietly outside of the room "I did not mean to do that. I know it must be very painful to her to talk about her mother, but both of us know it was necessary."
Sakura looked back at Syaoran when they were left alone. She knew that something was bothering him but she wouldn't dare asking what was it. Instead she decided to step closer to him. She felt afraid of him in that moment because she hadn't seen him that angry since Eriol had tried to hurt her in their last battle.
"I wouldn't hurt you, you know" was the answer she got to her thoughts "even if I wanted to I would never be able to hurt you. No matter how mad I am at you."
Syaoran stepped closer as he removed a few strands on Sakura's face and softly caressed her cheek with his fingers. It felt good: unknown, but yet good. Sakura shivered and blushed as red as her skin would let her. He gently brushed away the remaining tears under her eyes.
"I don't ever want to see you cry again. Please. It hurts. Promise me that you will never cry again." "I can't promise you that" she turned abruptly her back to him "not especially when you are the main cause of my tears" "Don't you ever dare saying that again" he roughly took her hand and pulled her back to face him, so close "I feel guilty enough for what happened six years ago. I wouldn't bear to hurt you again, to cause you any kind of pain... I..." "STOP!! Please... stop" Sakura cried "I don't want you to fell pity for me!! Maybe you didn't realize it, but I was in love with you too and you left me!! You just left me without thinking how bad I could feel! So don't tell me that you don't want to see me cry because it is your fault that I had run out of tears by thinking that you didn't love me at all!!" "But I. I told you that I. before I left I promised you that I. that my love." "That your love would last forever??!! As I see it, for you an eternal love lasts three months!! You know, I didn't sleep neither did I eat for weeks, I cried myself dry just until there weren't anymore tears to come out, I missed you every single day and I would pray every single morning so you would call me and tell me that you were fine. I missed you every minute since you left in that freaking plane six years ago!!! And you??!! You didn't even send me a damned letter to tell me that you were still alive!!! Why, damned, why!!?? " "BECAUSE I WANTED TO FORGET YOU!!! That's why!! Do you think it wasn't painful to me to wake up every day and realize that I blew my chance to be with you, that my love hadn't been strong enough to keep the both of us together, but specially, to know that I had made YOU cry, that I had made the person I loved the most in my life feel terribly sad?! I couldn't stand it so I tried to forget you. I thought that if I ignored you, maybe I would forget you and stop feeling this way, and luckily, someday you would be able to forget me. Like that, I wouldn't hurt you anymore, and I wouldn't cause you any more tears. BUT I COULDN'T FORGET YOU ALRIGHT??!!!!!!!!! God knows I tried but I just couldn't forget you!! I tried everything: meditating, concentrating in magic, taking extra classes, going out with different girls, I even tried spending more time with Meiling but it was all useless, I still loved you!!. AND I STILL LOVE YOU!!"
Sakura felt suddenly drawn into some kind of attraction, a force she couldn't fight, the next thing she knew was that her lips were together with Syaoran's. His lips in her mouth, parting hers, exploring, drawing her into his soul. He lifted his hands to cup her head between them and gently but yet with some desperation in his movement, he pulled her into himself. She tangled her fingers in his hair: His cinnamon hair, which had always driven her crazy. They stood like that for a few more moments and then he broke the kiss tenderly.
Sakura turned around and lifted her hand to her still wet lips. What had that been? It wasn't like she had never thought that she would be kissed for the first time someday, but she never thought it would happen so soon and specially, she hadn't expected to be kissed by him that way after he had left her. But it had felt good. She finally understood why Chiharu and Yamazaki would do it all the time. Her thoughts were interrupted by the warm sensation of Syaoran's hands enfolding her waist and his face resting on her shoulders.
"I would give ten years of my life just to know what you're thinking right now" he whispered softly in her ear. She couldn't do anything but blush.
Syaoran sighed...
"Please forgive me" he said "It's okay, it's just that... I never meant it to be this way, but still..." "Felt good, didn't it?" Syaoran cut her words "I never thought it would ever happen... or at least not with you" "May I ask why?" "Because I thought that when you left in that plane heading to Hong Kong it had been for real" "It was actually, but I just couldn't bear it. It was way too hard." "I am sorry... I thought you wouldn't come back. You made me a promise and your word stood still, I was so stupid for not having believed you" Sakura cried a little bit in relief that she had been wrong all those years "but it still felt good right? even if we had all that pain inside ourselves?" "Hai, it felt good..."
This time, it was Sakura who started the kissing, each kiss more possessive and more intense than the last one. They placed their hands at each other's neck in order to deepen the kiss: they wanted so bad to get inside each other that they merely came out of their own skin and if not, they would try to get to the other one's with such a desperation they didn't know they were capable to suffer.
"It seems as if neither of you needed air" Eriol whispered softly but yet loudly enough for both of the to listen, which was, of course, what he intended "You were spying on us??????!!!!!!!" both Syaoran and Sakura yelled at them "... And I've got it all on tape!!!" Tomoyo squealed happily
End of chapter 5
Author's notes: Well, I know the last part was a little stupid, but I had to release all the tension (and there was way too much caffeine running through my veins). Anyway, the plot is getting complicated and we will soon discover who that ShinJin Ni was, but I'm sure that some of you know where I'm going already (Willie-chan is very happy to have such smart readers ^^), nevertheless, this fic will not be as predictable as you may think (hehehehe). Don't forget to send me your reviews and tell me what you think. Comments are, as always, welcome too at willie_chan_himura@yahoo.com.mx
By the way, I WILL update "Tears and Blood", it is just that during the forty days before Easter I promised myself I would keep myself from doing something that I enjoyed maybe just too much (guess what was it? WRITING FICS), so my apologies for everyone who has been patiently waiting for another chapter, I promise it will come soon.
Special regards for Miss Linay, who recently updated Broken Pieces. I've just read your latest chapter and it is wonderful (just as pretty much everything you've written so far). PLEASE continue working on this marvelous piece, you are a very gifted writer and I admire you deeply.
Dedicated to everyone who sent a review and to my cousins Danny, Jenny and Kheren who have always supported my writing. I love you!
Chapter V Confessions
"Sakura-chan!!!"
Silence
"Sakura-chan, wake up!! You've got a phone call!!" "Who is it??" Sakura said yawning as she wrapped herself beneath the silk sheets "Some Hiiragizawa boy" Touya yelled "I bet he calls because of something you borrowed form him and you haven't given back. He seems pretty concerned" "DAMN!!" Sakura thought "It must be about that thing Syaoran told me"
"Hai!! Kinomoto's on the phone!!" "Say nothing, make no moves or expressions. Pretend I am asking you for help with some school stuff. Okay, now that we have established that. Sakura we need to talk, but not here. You must come to my house today in the afternoon: Before having tea..." Eriol said calmly on the other side of the phone "Yes, I understand" Sakura acted "English. right? And.is Syaoran Li on our team?" "Yes, he is" he whispered "why do you ask what you already know anyway? By the way, Tomoyo-san is in our little team too." "Whh.whh. whaaaTT!" Sakura yelled as Eriol cut the communication "No!! this can't be!! Oh, This sucks!! Why? Why is it that everything has to happen to me??!!"
Sakura walked quickly upstairs and entered her room hiding her internal worry. She ran to the book and took out all the cards. She could remember Kero having taught her how to read things with them. She put them on the little table next to her bed and slowly separated them in three parts. Then she distributed them all over the table shaping a regular diamond. She flipped three cards: the one on the top, the one in the middle and the one on the bottom.
The flowers.the time.and the love
Sakura tried to figure out what those cards could have meant but after a while she figured out that it was useless. "I'm a hell of a good card captor, but I can't do this alone, I'm too inexpert and this could get out of control if I try to do it all by myself" she thought. Besides, she hadn't been able to find the love card since Syaoran's departure and she hadn't make any attempt to find it. She hadn't even looked for it that hard: "What's the point anyway. The card is useless. It can't do anything at all" she had repeated to herself day after day, night after night. Se couldn't help feeling lonely at nights when she used to call him years before.
* * *
Sakura knocked on the door of the giant mansion in front of her. She stared at the locks for a moment. They represented a sun and a moon beautifully sculpted. She hadn't actually looked at them before. Suddenly, the door opened with torturing slowness.
"Master Eriol is waiting for you"
Sakura entered through the doors and a long corridor until she found herself in the middle of a beautifully ornamented hall. The walls were all covered in red velvet and satin curtains obstructed light from hurting her eyes.
"I was afraid you wouldn't come" she heard a calmed male voice "I wasn't going to come, to be honest" she turned around "but there's something we need to talk about. Urgently." "I am sure that we can talk about it while we have tea" Eriol answered without changing his expression "Please, have a seat Sakura-san." "What ever it is that you're gonna say Hiiragizawa, do it now" Syaoran cut coldly while looking at Eriol with annoyance "we don't have time for your stupid little games" "Is there something bothering you Li?" Tomoyo questioned without expecting an answer. She gently rested her right hand upon Syaoran's shoulder and could feel the tension irradiating from him. "I'm fine Daidoubji" he abruptly shook off her hand "I must tell you that, despite of what you may think and have demonstrated so far, I did not call you up for trying to kill each other with hurting comments and looks, but to speak a matter which will require our complete attention. There is a problem with the cards and we are all in danger." "If that is what you were going to tell us, we already knew that!! "Syaoran yelled at him "even the Card Captor and I had discussed it before you realized there were problems in town!! "So desu ka? (Is that so?)" Eriol continued ignoring the perturbed state in which Syaoran was standing "Sit down please and let me finish. As I was telling you before Li interrupted, A ghost from the past is coming after Clow, after us. Does the name ShinJin Ni sound any familiar to any of you?"
Tomoyo grasped. The words ShinJin Ni did ring bells inside her head. It was someone in her family who had lost that name after getting married. Which meant that there was something wrong going on in her family, something that had surely to do with magic. But there were no magicians in her family. Not her, not her mother, and of course not her father. but there WAS someone now that she actually remembered. Nadesiko was her mother's cousin, which would make Sakura her cousin, at least by blood if not by name. So magic was in her blood after all. Maybe that's why she had felt so close to her cousin all those years, that's why she had always been able to feel her presence whenever she was around just the way Touya used to.
"Something wrong Tomoyo?" Sakura broke the silence of her own thoughts "It seemed to me like you had grasped for a moment" "I'm okay Sakura" the blue-eyed girl replied more calmed "Do you. do you remember your mother? because I have no memories of her on my own." "My mother. I was very young when she past away" a silvered tear rolled by her face "She was a very beautiful woman. I remember she kissing me goodnight, helping Touya with his homework, starring at my dad while he was cooking dinner."
She was crying indeed now. Syaoran's heart felt like something had broken inside. She wanted to hold her so badly, but her reaction after their confrontation the day before had been just too painful. He wouldn't make her pass through that again, not when there was no need. She was way too vulnerable.
"Don't cry" he softly sighed "she wouldn't want you to be sad because of her, she wouldn't want to see you cry, you know?" "She loved flowers." Sakura continued swallowing her tears "especially carnations. That's why she named oniisan and me after names of flowers. Touya: the peach blossom and Sakura: the cherry blossom. She liked every kind of flower but there was one, the lotus flower, which she disliked. I never knew the reason for which she could never stand that flower but she always told us that we should never bring one of those home" "Lotus flowers??!!" Eriol and Tomoyo looked at each other and then back at Sakura as if they had found a missing piece in the puzzle but yet had to find out what the riddle meant. "Ni. lotus flower. ShinJin Ni" Eriol interrupted her "ShinJin Ni means lotus flower heart's spirit. So our innocent Nadesiko DID know something about this. I will need to talk to your brother" he pointed at Sakura "...and to your mother" he pointed at Tomoyo. "What??!!" "Do as I say. You know I would not put you through this if it were not necessary. Tomoyo-dono, shall we go contact them? This two surely need to talk about something."
Tomoyo nodded and followed Eriol quietly outside of the room "I did not mean to do that. I know it must be very painful to her to talk about her mother, but both of us know it was necessary."
Sakura looked back at Syaoran when they were left alone. She knew that something was bothering him but she wouldn't dare asking what was it. Instead she decided to step closer to him. She felt afraid of him in that moment because she hadn't seen him that angry since Eriol had tried to hurt her in their last battle.
"I wouldn't hurt you, you know" was the answer she got to her thoughts "even if I wanted to I would never be able to hurt you. No matter how mad I am at you."
Syaoran stepped closer as he removed a few strands on Sakura's face and softly caressed her cheek with his fingers. It felt good: unknown, but yet good. Sakura shivered and blushed as red as her skin would let her. He gently brushed away the remaining tears under her eyes.
"I don't ever want to see you cry again. Please. It hurts. Promise me that you will never cry again." "I can't promise you that" she turned abruptly her back to him "not especially when you are the main cause of my tears" "Don't you ever dare saying that again" he roughly took her hand and pulled her back to face him, so close "I feel guilty enough for what happened six years ago. I wouldn't bear to hurt you again, to cause you any kind of pain... I..." "STOP!! Please... stop" Sakura cried "I don't want you to fell pity for me!! Maybe you didn't realize it, but I was in love with you too and you left me!! You just left me without thinking how bad I could feel! So don't tell me that you don't want to see me cry because it is your fault that I had run out of tears by thinking that you didn't love me at all!!" "But I. I told you that I. before I left I promised you that I. that my love." "That your love would last forever??!! As I see it, for you an eternal love lasts three months!! You know, I didn't sleep neither did I eat for weeks, I cried myself dry just until there weren't anymore tears to come out, I missed you every single day and I would pray every single morning so you would call me and tell me that you were fine. I missed you every minute since you left in that freaking plane six years ago!!! And you??!! You didn't even send me a damned letter to tell me that you were still alive!!! Why, damned, why!!?? " "BECAUSE I WANTED TO FORGET YOU!!! That's why!! Do you think it wasn't painful to me to wake up every day and realize that I blew my chance to be with you, that my love hadn't been strong enough to keep the both of us together, but specially, to know that I had made YOU cry, that I had made the person I loved the most in my life feel terribly sad?! I couldn't stand it so I tried to forget you. I thought that if I ignored you, maybe I would forget you and stop feeling this way, and luckily, someday you would be able to forget me. Like that, I wouldn't hurt you anymore, and I wouldn't cause you any more tears. BUT I COULDN'T FORGET YOU ALRIGHT??!!!!!!!!! God knows I tried but I just couldn't forget you!! I tried everything: meditating, concentrating in magic, taking extra classes, going out with different girls, I even tried spending more time with Meiling but it was all useless, I still loved you!!. AND I STILL LOVE YOU!!"
Sakura felt suddenly drawn into some kind of attraction, a force she couldn't fight, the next thing she knew was that her lips were together with Syaoran's. His lips in her mouth, parting hers, exploring, drawing her into his soul. He lifted his hands to cup her head between them and gently but yet with some desperation in his movement, he pulled her into himself. She tangled her fingers in his hair: His cinnamon hair, which had always driven her crazy. They stood like that for a few more moments and then he broke the kiss tenderly.
Sakura turned around and lifted her hand to her still wet lips. What had that been? It wasn't like she had never thought that she would be kissed for the first time someday, but she never thought it would happen so soon and specially, she hadn't expected to be kissed by him that way after he had left her. But it had felt good. She finally understood why Chiharu and Yamazaki would do it all the time. Her thoughts were interrupted by the warm sensation of Syaoran's hands enfolding her waist and his face resting on her shoulders.
"I would give ten years of my life just to know what you're thinking right now" he whispered softly in her ear. She couldn't do anything but blush.
Syaoran sighed...
"Please forgive me" he said "It's okay, it's just that... I never meant it to be this way, but still..." "Felt good, didn't it?" Syaoran cut her words "I never thought it would ever happen... or at least not with you" "May I ask why?" "Because I thought that when you left in that plane heading to Hong Kong it had been for real" "It was actually, but I just couldn't bear it. It was way too hard." "I am sorry... I thought you wouldn't come back. You made me a promise and your word stood still, I was so stupid for not having believed you" Sakura cried a little bit in relief that she had been wrong all those years "but it still felt good right? even if we had all that pain inside ourselves?" "Hai, it felt good..."
This time, it was Sakura who started the kissing, each kiss more possessive and more intense than the last one. They placed their hands at each other's neck in order to deepen the kiss: they wanted so bad to get inside each other that they merely came out of their own skin and if not, they would try to get to the other one's with such a desperation they didn't know they were capable to suffer.
"It seems as if neither of you needed air" Eriol whispered softly but yet loudly enough for both of the to listen, which was, of course, what he intended "You were spying on us??????!!!!!!!" both Syaoran and Sakura yelled at them "... And I've got it all on tape!!!" Tomoyo squealed happily
End of chapter 5
Author's notes: Well, I know the last part was a little stupid, but I had to release all the tension (and there was way too much caffeine running through my veins). Anyway, the plot is getting complicated and we will soon discover who that ShinJin Ni was, but I'm sure that some of you know where I'm going already (Willie-chan is very happy to have such smart readers ^^), nevertheless, this fic will not be as predictable as you may think (hehehehe). Don't forget to send me your reviews and tell me what you think. Comments are, as always, welcome too at willie_chan_himura@yahoo.com.mx
By the way, I WILL update "Tears and Blood", it is just that during the forty days before Easter I promised myself I would keep myself from doing something that I enjoyed maybe just too much (guess what was it? WRITING FICS), so my apologies for everyone who has been patiently waiting for another chapter, I promise it will come soon.
Special regards for Miss Linay, who recently updated Broken Pieces. I've just read your latest chapter and it is wonderful (just as pretty much everything you've written so far). PLEASE continue working on this marvelous piece, you are a very gifted writer and I admire you deeply.