TITLE: No Doubt, Any Time
BY: Nicolle Brandle
DISCLAIMER: The Ronin Warriors/Yoroiden Samurai Troopers belong to Sunrise. The songs and lyrics "Tragic Kingdom," "Spiderwebs," "Just a Girl," and "Sunday Morning" belong to No Doubt. Please do not sue me. I can barely afford student loans and a wedding as it is.
Note to all Dais Fans: I apologize in advance. Well, not really.
I'm Just A Girl
Part Eleven:
I'm exposed and it's no big surprise.
"Now look at what you've gotten us into!" Cale yelled from where he hung, chained to the wall. He tried to kick Anubis, who hung upside down from the ceiling, hands chained behind him.
"It's not my fault," Anubis said, as he tried to get his hands out of the chains. "How was I supposed to know it wasn't Kyra?"
"I'm still trying to figure out what Kyra sees in you," Sekhmet told Cale, from where he was chained to the wall.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Cale asked.
Sekhmet looked at Dais, who was chained to the floor under Anubis. Dais looked up at Anubis.
"Wait a minute," Anubis said, "I am not getting into that damn arguement over the size of my manhood again."
"Why not?" Dais asked. "The way you're hanging now, we can't tell if your excited or not."
"Don't get him started, Dais," Cale said.
"Start what?" Anubis asked, his voice the barest rasp, eyes narrowed to bare slits as he looked at Dais.
"Why can't you just bury the hachet, Anubis?" Cale asked.
"Oh, I'll bury the hachet," Anubis said, "In Dais' head!"
"Guys, there's a snake crawling on me," Sekhmet said.
"So?" Cale asked.
"No...there's a snake crawling on me!"
"What?" Anubis turned his head to see a snake crawling over certain unmentionable parts of Sekhmet's body. "So what's your problem?"
"If he starts--" Cale said.
"Shut up!" Dais yelled.
"Okay, whoever our capture is, would you mind taking the snake off of Sekhmet?" Anubis asked the air.
"But, he enjoys it," the air answered in a sweet feminine voice.
"He may enjoy it, but having to watch it would be cruel and unusual punishment for the rest off us," Anubis said.
"But cruelty is your specialty. Surely you can take what you dish out." The door opened. Mandala walked in.
"What the hell?" Cale said.
"Okay, Mandala, what are you trying to pull?" Dais asked.
"Only the take-over of the Nether Realm."
"No, I mean, why are we naked?"
"My subscription to Playgirl ran out." She looked up. "My, my, Shuten, you are a BIG one, aren't you? And in this position one can't really tell if your excited or not."
Anubis closed his eyes and tried not to scream.
"Why is he hanging upside down?" Dais asked.
"Well, he is the closest you Ma Sho have to a leader. His wisdom of the Ancients can't help you if he's constantly going in and out of conciousness."
"Oh, shit," Anubis said and promptly blacked out.
"Now, what shall I do to the rest of you?" Mandala mused as Sekhmet started breathing heavily.
Part Twelve:
I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite.
Kyra opened her eyes and sat up. She wasn't in her room and this wasn't the castle. She looked down at the bed she was sitting on, it was covered with pink lace. She looked down at herself. She matched the bed.
Kyra screamed.
Anubis came to at the sound of Kyra's scream. "What are you doing to Kyra?!" he demanded of Mandala. Mandala wasn't there, and neither were the others.
"Sorry!" Mandala said, "I told the demons to put Dais in here, not you."
Kyra looked her. "It's pink."
"It's Dais. Don't you think?"
"What are you up to, Mandala?" Kyra asked as she pulled the pink and lace off none to carefully. She threw the dress to the floor.
"I think you, Shuten, and I should have a little fun. Our wonderful Warlord of Cruelty will love this. This is what I have in mind," Mandala said as she helped Kyra into a kimono.
Mandala opened the door and looked up at the semi-concious Anubis. "Oni Ma Sho Sh'ten! Wake up!"
Anubis opened his eyes just enough to see Mandala. "Are you going to let me down now?"
"Yes, actually. I need your help." Mandala pulled a ladder into the room and set it up to reach the chains holding Anubis' feet.
"Help? Why should I help you?"
"Because I think you'll absolutely love my idea. Kyra's helping right now."
"What did you do to her?"
"Actually, one of the demons made a mistake and put her in the wrong room."
"Wrong room?"
Mandala unlocked the lock and Anubis flipped over to land on his feet before he hit the ground. "Cat's always land on their feet," Mandala said. She handed him a kimono.
"This cat has an ogre underneath the pretty fur. Now, what do you mean the wrong room?" Anubis asked as he put on the robe.
"Here. I'll show you," Mandala said and led him out into the hall.
Dais woke up to a room full of pretty unicorn pictures and rainbows Lisa Frank would be proud of. Dais lay on a bed of lovely pink satin with lots of adorable frilly lace that he screamed. He scrambled off the bed and looked at the cute little canopy of pink lace that went over it. He looked around the overly pink and cheerful room and spied himself in the vanity mirror.
He was wearing a gorgeous pink satin and frilly lace gown, way to small for his tender parts. His hair had been dyed a happy-perky blonde and was tied up in bouncy pig tails with little pink pon-poms. His black eye-patch had been exchanged for a bright pink silk one. He screamed again and tore off the entire ensemble.
He ran to the closet in search of normal clothing. He opened the closet door and found nothing but Notre Dame green and gold cheerleader outfits, the official ones. He ran to the dresser and opened it to find women's frilly silk and lace underwear and falsies for under the all lace bras.
He ran to the window and opened it with the intent of throwing himself out of it and found metal bars painted a charming shade of pastel yellow blocking his suicide attempt. He screamed again.
Part Thirteen:
So many reasons for me to run and hide.
Sekhmet and Cale came to in a little children's room. They were wearing oversized nightshirts with kittens on the front. Sekhmet immediately tried to eat the kittens...on Cale's shirt.
"Honey!" Mandala called, "Are you up yet?" She opened the door to find Dais trying to bend the bars on the window so he could throw himself out. "Dahlia! What are you trying to do?! I thought you were happy living with me!"
"Mandala! What's going on?!" Dais yelled.
"Oh, Dahlia! I tried to make everything perfect for us! I even had the room made just for you! The way you liked it! Oh! Don't you love me anymore?"
Dais grabbed Mandala by the shoulders and shook her. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!?!?!?!?!?!!?!!!!???!!!!!"
"What's wrong with your voice, Dahlia? Where's your adorable accent?"
"What accent? Like, I don't haaaaavvvveeee an accent!"
"Yes, you do! It's coming back!"
"Like, whatever!"
"This is great!" Kyra laughed, "Now make him put on the pretties!"
"Can do, m'lady," Anubis said.
"Oh, Dahlia! You must get dressed! You can't do the housework naked!"
"Like, no way am I putting on that crap!" He pointed to the closet.
"But, you look so pretty in the cheerleader outfit! And it goes so well with your job!"
"My job?"
"The official cheerleader and pep rally organizer of the Nether Realm! Oh! That reminds me! You have a pep rally this afternoon!"
"Like, I am not putting on--" He stopped short as he suddenly found himself walking toward the dresser and putting on the pretty white lace thong panties, and a white lace bra with the falsies. Not being able to control his own body, Dais found himself moving toward the closet and the peppy(preppy?) Notre Dame cheerleader uniforms small enough to fit Kyra.
"Wait! Dahlia! You must shave your legs and your under arms!"
Dais screamed loud and long as he found himself unable to control his body from moving toward the pretty pastel blue bathroom with the soft orange safety razor.
Anubis and Kyra clinked their wine glasses together.
Dais stood in front of the bathroom mirror. Mandala wasn't letting him out of the bathroom until his legs were perfectly shaved and smooth, the pig tails were back in his hair, the pretty silk eye patch was covering the stitches in his left eye, and he had put on the make-up perfectly.
Dais shuddered and then wished he hadn't. Not only did the lace panties pull tighter, but the razor slipped and he knicked his knee. "Ouch! Like, how do you girls do this?!" he demanded the air.
"Are you ready for inspection?" Mandala called from the bedroom.
"INSPECTION?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
"Yes, inspection. You have to look perfect, you know. You're just a girl and I guess you're some kind of freak, because all the guys sit and stare with their eyes."
"Like, HELP!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Oh! And you still have to make dinner for Sekhmet and Cale, then put them to bed."
"WHAT?! Like, I CAN"T COOK!"
"Are you ready for the inspection yet?" Mandala opened the door. Dais sat on the edge of the pretty porcelian bath tub with nothing on but the dainty white lace lingerie. Mandala put her hands on her hips. "You can't come out until you get it right," she said, then closed and locked the door behind her.
Dais' scream could be heard through out the castle.
"Dinner's served, Kyra my dear," Anubis said as he set the medium rare strip steak on the table. "Would you like some wine with that?"
"Yes, please."
"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!" Mandala yelled, "YOU STILL DON'T HAVE IT RIGHT? DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN!" She slammed the door shut in Dais' face and locked it again. Dais looked in the mirror.
"Like, what am I supposed to do? It's not as if I can, like, put on make-up." An idea suddenly occured to him. "ANUBIS!"
"Your steak is divine, Anubis," Kyra said.
"ANUBIS!" they heard Dais scream.
"Would you like more potatoes?" Anubis asked, smiling as he ignored Dais.
Part Fourteen
Take a good look at me,
Just your typical prototype.
"There," Mandala said, "That looks better." Dais started at himself in the mirror and then broke down into tears. He had managed to get the pig tails right and fluffed and curled them. The perky cheerleader uniform had set off his gorgeous blue eyes to perfection. The cutesy green and gold pon-poms tied onto the pig tails matched the ones on his pretty white marching booties. The mild rose blush really highlighted his cheekbones to perfection, and the forest-tone brown eyeshadow accented with dark brown eyeliner really made his eye stand out.
"Like, please," he said in the uncontrollably annoying preppy Valley-Girl accent, "Please get me out of this," he begged.
"But, Dahlia," Mandala said, "Whatever do you mean? You know you still have to clean the castle, take care of Sekhmet and Cale, and do the pep rally later."
"Like, please get me out of these clothes," he whispered between sobs.
"Well, you don't have to beg." Mandala ripped the uniform off of Dais and pulled the pig tails out of his hair. She then threw him onto the bed. "Oh, you look so cute and ravishing like that."
"Like...what....?"
Mandala jumped onto the bed, ripped the lingerie off of him, and proceeded to take him with a ferocity known only to Klingon females.
"Like...(deep breath)...let me...(sigh)...like, be on top," Dais managed.
"But, Dahlia, you're always on the bottom!"
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Do you think we should...?"
"No, Kyra. Let him suffer."
"Hurry up in there! You still have to put Sekhmet and Cale to bed!" Mandala opened the door to the living room, where Dais was vacuuming and dusting at the same time in the peppy cheerleader uniform, with pon-poms in place.
"Like, done," he said.
"You missed a spot."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Part Fifteen:
What I've succumbed to is making me numb.
"SHUTEN!! I, like, KNOW YOU ARE, like, RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS IN SOME WAY SHAPE OR FORM! SO, like, GET ME OUT OF HERE, like, NOW OR I'LL, like, KILL YOU!!!!!!!!"
"Dahlia?" Mandala called, "Have you put Sekhmet and Cale to bed yet?" He looked at the other two Ma Sho who were rolling on the floor barely able to breath they were laughing so hard. He picked both of them up and dumped them in the red sports car shaped bed and pulled the blankets over them as they both passed out from lack of oxygen.
"Dahlia! Quick! We need your help!" Mandala cried. "Queen Beryl is attacking Tokyo again!" She handed Dais a wand.
"What's this for?"
"It's your Sailor Scout Moon Wand! You're Sailor Uranus! Your special power is the Blue Butt Blast!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Oh, come on! You look great in the pretty peppy tiny mini skirt on the uniform! It shows off so much!"
"NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Split or no split?" Anubis asked.
"That's up to your sole discretion," Kyra said.
"Like, LOOK TO THE LEFT. Like, LOOK TO THE RIGHT. STAND UP, SIT DOWN! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" Dais yelled, finally resigning to his fate. He did a high kick, which gave the demon soldiers a gratuituous view of what was under his skirt. He jumped in the air and landed in a split.
As Dais screamed in pain, the crowd of demon soldiers cheered.
"Let him go now," Kyra said.
"Wait! I've got one last thing I want to do to him."
"Dahlia!" Mandala called, "Your date's here!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Part Sixteen:
Lucky me.
Dais woke up to his own room and it's dark dankness. He looked around at the dark, spiderweb filled corners of the room and sighed with relief. He got up and smoothed his familiar brown and yellow kimono. He walked to the door and went up to the familiar kitchen. Anubis and Kyra were seated on the stools next to the island. They both sat calmly, drinking their morning tea.
"Good morning, Dais," Anubis said.
"Good morning, Carrot Top," he answered as he went to the cabinet. "Must have been a dream," he whispered to himself.
Mandala came in the kitchen. "Hey there, lover," she said to Dais.
"I..."
"Last night was unforgettable," she whispered in his ear. She picked up her tea and went into the living room as Cale and Sekhmet came into the kitchen. Cale was wearing his normal kimono, but Sekhmet was wearing a nightshirt with a hole in the front were the picture should be.
"What the...?" he managed to get out.
"Look at this Kyra," Anubis said, "The paper says that moral among the demon soldiers it at an all time high."
"That's good. We'll have to have the volleyball game slash pep rally more often. You know, Dais, that was a great game you played yesterday. You need to work on your serve though."
Dais turned and walked out of the kitchen.
"By the way, kyou looked great in the pig tails!" Anubis called.
Dais stopped dead in his tracks and pulled a lock of his hair white under his nose. It smelled like hair dye.