DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, I just make fun of them with Japanese poetry. The "Haiku War" conceit is property of Kant Newton of the Fruitcake Alliance.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm going to be jumping from season to season, but I'll try to let you all know exactly what season I'm in. This one is in Season Seven, dedicated to alllllllof those Potentials.
Also, the "Songs" are given from the perspectives of the characters. If Kennedy's song says she is better than the other potentials, it just means that she THINKS she is better, etc.
I loathed them all equally.
HAIKU THIS, CHAPTER TWO: Potential for what?
PROLOGUE: The Situation
The Potentials sit
Around in a big circle
Playing duck, duck, goose
KENNEDY'S SONG
I am Kennedy
Wealthy with so sharp features
Bow down to me, slime
CHLOE'S SONG
Snivel, snivel, sniff
Why do I look like the girl
From the Lizzie show?
KENNEDY'S SONG 2
Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck
Which of you stupid maggots
Should I pick as goose?
AMANDA'S SONG:
Pick me, pick me please
I have a misshapen head
And screwed Dawn over
DAWN'S SONG:
Not a Potential
I am an expert linguist
For convenience sake
INTERLUDE:
Confused Potentials
Wonder just how Dawn can read
Old Sumerian
KENNEDY'S SONG 3
I will play this game
Even though I am better
Than the rest of you
Lesbian kisses
With willow have assured me
That yes I will live
NAMELESS POTENTIAL SONG
Allow me to look
At Kennedy with wide eyes
I wish I could speak
VI's SONG
I have red hair
So even if I don't speak
I am recognized
INTERLUDE
As Kennedy picks
Rona for the goose, others
Realize they all suck
RONA'S SONG
Um… are you guys sure
That this is a good idea
I don't want to die
MOLLY'S SONG
Listen to my voice
Awful accent, isn't it?
None of us will die
INTERLUDE 2
A plot bunny comes,
writes the word "DIE" in marker
on Molly's forehead
All of the girls then
Do notice a startling trend
About which girls die
All the Potentials
With accents (Eve, Annabelle)
Are destined to die
EPILOGUE
The whining threshold
Is passed for the room, and then
The whole room implodes
TBC… REVIEW… Next up…Buffy whines about being pulled out of heaven, Spike takes off his shirt, and a review of all of the earlier seasons, including naked angel at the beginning of season three.
REVIEW!
Oh, and here's the GOLD STAR for those of you who reviewed in haiku form. YOU ROCK!