AUTHOR'S NOTE: I got the idea for this after listing to Weird Al's new album. One song on it has a bunch of corny pick-up lines. So, yeah, not all of these are mine, but so what?
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Ladies' Man
by Mona Lisa
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Jango Fett couldn't wait to collapse onto his couch and watch T.V. It had been a very long day, and he was very glad that it was over. Jango and his hunting partner, Zam Wesell, had been tracking a bounty who forced the pair to blow up the building he was hiding in before he was caught. Zam was still inside the building when it blew up, but she managed to excape unscathed.
Jango changed from his armor and into a simple tunic and trousers and then he fell onto the couch.
"OW!" The couch shouted, and Jango jumped up the moment he realized that Boba had been curled up on the couch, reading a book, when he sat down.
"Sorry, Boba. Are you alright?"
"Fine, Dad. But, geeze, Dad, how much do you weigh?"
Jango chose to ignore that comment. Boba moved to a chair and Jango again sat down.
"So, Dad, how'd your assignment go?"
"It was fine. We had to blow up the building to get him out and Zam almost got herself killed, but it worked out good."
"How old are you?"
"Almost 40."
"You're getting to old for that job."
Jango raised his eyebrows at the boy. "You just called me old?"
"No. I didn't say you were old. I just said you were too old for bounty
hunting."
Jango leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He immediately opened them again. "I am getting old." he said to himself. "Most guys my age are married and have two children. I'm not married and my only kid is a clone." He shook his head and looked at Boba, who's look suggested that the boy thought his dad had gone insane. "Boba, I'm going to go to the bar."
"Why?"
"Boba, I have to get a girlfriend before I turn 40! That doesn't give me much time."
Boba just shook his head as his father left.
***
Jango, dressed again in his armor, surveyed the room as the barmaid poured his drink. He noticed that many people in the bar had fled when he appeared, and still others were eyeing him with fright.
"Should have left the armor at home." He thought. Jango took off his helmet and placed it on the counter top before taking a sip of his drink.
"Hey." He said to a pretty human girl sitting next to him.
"Hey." She laughed nervously.
"You look nice."
"Uh, thanks."
Jango decided to turn up the charm. "You look hot. I mean, nice hot, you know. You're hot. You must have been born in Hell, you're so hot."
The girl cast him a frightened look, but Jango didn't notice it.
"How would a hot girl like you want to go out with a cool guy like me? I am a pretty cool guy, you know. In fact, let's just skip dating and get married." Jango finished off his glass and motioned for the barmaid to fill it back up. "So, what do you say?"
The girl didn't say anything. She just stared at Jango with her mouth open in terror.
"Well?" Jango asked again. "It could work. You're a hot girl, and I'm a cool guy. You could warm me up, and I could cool you off. You are very beautiful. Your hair is black like a bird's feather, and your eyes are even bluer than the water in my toilet. What's your name?"
The girl whispered something inaudible.
"What was that?"
"You are a freak."
"That's a lovely name. It fits you very well. I'm Jango Fett. Did you know that I am the best bounty hunter in the galaxy?" The girl nodded, and Jango kept talking. "A bounty has never managed to slip through my fingers. I caught one today, you know." Jango grabbed the girl around the waist and pulled her close to him. "Now you are on my bounty list, baby!"
The girl's eyes went very, very wide in terror. For a moment, she just stared at him. Then-
"AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! RAPE!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!"
***
"I guess I'll see you later, then!" Jango called to the girl as the bar's owner threw him out the door. "You know that imaginary gungans couldn't keep me away!" The owner threw his helmet out and then shut the door.
Jango sat down on the steps and shook his head. That had been disastrous. What had he been thinking? Jango hit his head against the wall, forgetting that his helmet was on the ground beside him, not on his head.
"Ow..." He moaned, clutching his head. Tonight he had just done one stupid thing after another.
"Jango?" A soft, female voice said. Jango looked up to see Zam Wesell walking toward him.
"Oh, hey, Zam. What are you doing here?"
Zam sat down next to him. "This is my favorite bar. I normally come here after a hard day at work. But my question for you is what are you doing here? I haven't seen you here before."
"Oh, no reason, really. Just wanted a drink."
"You look upset."
"Well, I got kicked out of the bar."
"Why?"
"It's kind of embarrassing, really."
"You don't have to tell me, then, if it would make you uncomfortable." Zam had learnt not to pester him.
They fell silent for a moment. Jango cast a quick glance at Zam, who gave him a shy smile, but held his gaze.
"I guess I should go, Jango." She said after a moment, getting to her feet.
"Zam?"
"Huh?"
"Instead of going to that bar again tonight, would you like to go eat dinner with me? I mean, by the looks of it, you come to this bar every night. Surely it must get dull? Besides, I could use a little company."
Zam smiled at him. "That would be great."
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I hope you liked it. Please review.
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