Chapter 4

Willow sat back in stunned silence. For some reason … she didn't want to be back with Oz. And she wasn't entirely sure why, only that it was somehow the truth, a truth she hadn't even been fully aware of until this very moment. Willow ran a hand through her auburn hair, wondering what it was that had made her awaken to that fact. Something inside her had just … told her. And that meant some part of her knew - had a good, solid, rational reason, because it wasn't at all what she had expected.

Had she simply assumed she'd have the 'happily ever after' ending with the first guy she'd ever had a real romantic relationship with? Well, okay, she had to admit that was kind of a long shot, but she had definitely supposed they would have 'happily for quite some time,' at least. And now she only had to figure out what had made her say no. When she had been over at Buffy's, she hadn't known at all why she'd so much as hesitated, and now…? This was much more than hesitation.

She doesn't want Oz back. She doesn't want Oz back. These words seemed to be on repeat in Tara's head. She didn't dare hope that the redhead's feelings for her were anything more than friendship, not yet, even though there were moments, moments like the one that had just happened, when their eyes met and they just … connected, in a very deep way. Willow herself had admitted to feeling a connection between them, once, and since they'd done the spell on Saturday, it felt that much stronger.

Not just because of the magic, either, though with Willow's innate grasp of the power and Tara's practiced control over it, the spell's effects had been astoundingly perfect. Yes, it was more than just that – she recalled for the thousandth time the feel of Willow's small, delicate hand in her own, the easy banter between them as well as the long discussions, the comfort that each girl took in the other's presence, and the trust they had built. Tara had easily recognized an incredibly strong attraction to the smaller girl, from the very first time she'd lay eyes on her in the Espresso Pump that day. Already she belonged to Willow, heart and soul. If only the object of her affections would realize it.

The girls sat side by side on the couch, speechless, for long minutes, each lost in their own thoughts. "So you should, you should call him," Tara began, finally breaking the silence. "I mean, he probably would want to know that you've decided. He should know," she corrected herself.

Willow nodded. "Yeah, he does. I'm just not thinking it's a phone type thing, though. And I'm still kinda…" she grimaced and held her heads out, watching them shake before closing them into fists and pulling them back towards her body. "It's not what I expected I would decide. It's kinda scary, you know, coming out of the blue like that? I thought … I thought I'd want to be with him forever. And it isn't that I don't care about him. I really do, but I just … I don't want to be his girlfriend. And he deserves someone who does, with all their heart."

"What about what you deserve?" the pale witch asked in a small voice, almost inaudible over the soft hum of the fish tank's air pump. But the look she gave Willow spoke clearly of unconditional support, complete trust, and yes, love. "I know you're worried about Oz, but he isn't the only person involved in this. I can tell that you're unsure of a lot of things right now, so any time you want to talk or whatever, I'm here. And I'll always be here. I'll listen any time you need to talk, and I'll help you sort through this." A hint of a smile crossed her face. "I know there's a lot in life that can't be promised, but I promise, Willow, you'll always have me."

And somehow, those words, the absolute honesty behind them, reassured Willow a great deal. While that was quite a statement to make on a Hellmouth, she didn't doubt that Tara meant every word she said.

~~

Smooth, warm skin against her own. Willow sighed and pressed closer to the warmth, letting it gradually penetrate into her, the cold that had surrounded her fleeing to some place far from here. A gentle hand brushed copper strands back, then trailed down, softly brushing against her ear in just the right spot and then slowly tracing along her jaw line. Willow's eyes remained shut and she sighed quietly, almost a purr. Another equally gentle hand and warm arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her even closer. The hand around her waist slowly moved up her spine, trailing those delicate and somehow familiar fingertips, then back down again in a circuit.

Then the softest lips gently contacted her skin, first on her forehead, then her cheek. Willow purr-sighed again and snuggled tightly against the warm, silky skin of the person who held her. The sweetest, most tender kiss of her entire life was then placed on her lips. Once she got her breath back, Willow's eyes finally opened to meet the most stunningly beautiful blue gaze in the known world. Delicate pale brows arched in silent query. Willow finally managed to respond, "Tara?"

Tara nodded slowly, her lips curving into her trademark half smile. Willow was still cradled in that pleasantly warm embrace, and had no thoughts of leaving it, or Tara. She simply smiled in reply and wrapped her own arms around Tara's body, taking a moment to appreciate the blonde's silken skin and generous curves, quite the opposite of anything she'd ever experienced. She had held Tara before, but never had it been anything like this. The pair somehow floated in midair, surrounded by golden warmth and feelings of peace, acceptance, and hope.

And that was when Willow woke up, alone in her bedroom and feeling more empty than she ever had when Oz hadn't been speaking to her. Unaware she was even doing so, she rolled to look at the pillow on her right side, the pillow Tara had used when she'd stayed over, and sighed longingly. She then reached out and pulled the pillow in, resting her head on it, unnoticing of the tears blurring her vision. She couldn't escape the feeling that her dream had been significant, but couldn't remember much of anything except for the feelings. What was she missing? And why did it hurt so much to wake up and find herself alone?