Title: Candy, Russian Butts, and Chihuahuas
Author: Meghan_aka_KRAMMIT_THE_FROG
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Answering Java Obsession's Fan fic Halloween challenge. Takes place in season 4. Taylor has had another one of his "brilliant" ideas and is now holding Stars Hollow's 1st Annual Halloween Spooktacular Festival. It's full of all sorts of contests, but the most tempting is the Miss Halloween Spooktacular, whose prize is two tickets to see Cirque du Soleil in Las Vegas. Of course, Lorelai wants those tickets. But, on the night of the festival, Taylor reveals a secret rule which leaves Luke as Lorelai's only hope to win. L/L.
Author's Notes: Um, not much to say. I'm a complete Java Junkie. While reading transcripts, I just skip to Luke and Lorelai parts. I'll try my best to keep it Gilmore like. Chaos will ensure, I guarantee it. Oh, I saw Cirque du Soleil not to long ago. Words can't describe how excellent it was!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. It all belongs to Warner Bros. and the people who created to series. I just use the characters in my sick little mind games. Oh, and Jude Marshall and Pierre belong to me. If you wish to use them, then just ask.
Feedback: Yes please!
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The next day, Lorelai and Rory walked into Luke's while hearing their plan. Rory giggled all the way to the counter. Luke turned to see the two happier than normal. He knew better.
"Okay, you two are up to something; giggles are never good sign. What sick plot have you conceived?" The Gilmores sat down.
"I signed up for the Miss Halloween Spooktacular contest for the Halloween Spooktacular Festival yesterday." Lorelai told him. Luke restrained himself from laughing.
"You're not serious." He said as he began pouring their coffee. Lorelai and Rory looked at each other, pretending to be insulted. She then continued,
"I am quite serious, Java boy. It's worth it. We get to see exotic, Russian butts." At this, Luke nearly dropped his coffee pot. Rory and Lorelai chuckled.
"The winner gets two tickets to see Cirque du Soleil, which happens to have many hot, Russian men with nice butts in it." The young Gilmore explained. Lorelai then said to Luke,
"Don't worry, Backwards-cap Man; your butt will always be our favorite." Luke groaned and replied,
"Drink your coffee."
"Oh, not yet! We haven't told you of our most excellent plan."
"I have no intention of hearing it."
"Ha! You are the server, I am the customer. The customer's always right. So listen up, mister; when we get there, I plan to get real drunk and then perform a lap dance for one of the hot Russian contortionists. If I'm lucky, one thing will lead to another and I will conceive his child, which will help me get free tickets to Cirque du Soleil."
"You're kidding."
"I am not! I so intend to do that!" Lorelai defended.
"So you're gonna try to give me a little brother and/or sister?" Rory asked. Lorelai nodded her head.
"Yup. You'll have a new daddy."
"Will he buy me a pony?"
"No, but maybe he'll teach you how to sit on your own head."
"Cool."
"It's a win-win situation. Except the part when I actually have to give birth."
"Never the fun part."
"But you'll have a pretty daddy." Lorelai said.
"Always a good thing, especially when we don't share the same chromosomes."
"Hey missy, I won't have you stealing my man. You give him a lap dance."
"I can't; he's my daddy."
"That's the kind of thinking I want you to do."
"Thank you, mommy." Rory finished. Luke shook his head as he placed the coffees in front of them and remarked,
"You're both crazy." Rory took a sip from her coffee and continued,
"Jealous that you won't be able to look at my mommy's boobs without it being weird?"
"Jesus, what is it with you two?"
"No boob looking today, I see. Luke, have you been peeking at nudie magazines again?" She asked. Luke sighed and decided to play along.
"If you must know, then yes." Lorelai then responded,
"What, my boobs aren't good enough?"
"I just was looking at my Penthouse magazine which is currently under my hat, I thank you. Why else would I wear it?"
"It's perverts like you, Luke Danes, which make us B sized chicks feel bad."
"Just doing my part."
"Well, you're doing a pretty damn good job. Do you also hide them between your Trekkie magazines?"
"My hardware magazines, to be more précised." He said, turning back to his toaster. Rory then butted in,
"Luke, you can't say all this stuff here. You have to say it while you're between my mother's legs."
"Stop it; I'll throw you out."
"Oh, like you never thought about it."
"Never did until you mentioned it."
"So you admit it?"
"No!" Luke was starting to go scarlet. Lorelai then told Rory,
"Okay, babe, we've messed with Luke's head enough this morning. We'll get him at dinnertime. Luke, I need pancakes!" Luke returned from serving someone else's order.
"What kind?" Lorelai thought for a moment and then replied,
"Chocolate chip." Luke gave her the same look he gives her, the one where he questions her sanity.
"You've been coming here since you were twenty two years old. You know I don't have any chocolate chip pancakes. Now order something else, or I will casually pass over you towards another customer." He stated. Lorelai gave a gloomy look. She then retorted,
"Well, you make chocolate chip cookies. Why can't you pour the chocolate chip cookie mix in with the pancake batter?"
"Plain pancakes or blueberry?" Luke said dryly. Lorelai placed her chin on top of the counter and said cheerlessly,
"Plain." Luke then patted her shoulder and commented,
"Good girl." As he left for the pancake mix, Lorelai stuck her tongue out at him. Rory rested her head next to her mother's and said,
"Luke's obviously moody this morning. I'll meet you at the inn?" Lorelai sighed.
"Fine. But gather toilet paper while there. I must seek my revenge."
"I'll do my best."
"Thank ya, doll." Lorelai said as Rory left.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
As Rory walked outside, she caught a glimpse at a tall boy with many piercings, black clothes and coincidentally enough with a green spiked Mohawk. The sides weren't completely shaven off; just very short. He was busy walking his dog. Rory walked up to him and called out,
"Jude, Jude!" The boy, obviously Jude Marshall, stopped walking Pierre to see Rory run up. He gave Rory a polite smile.
"Hey there. You're Rory Gilmore, right?" Jude asked. Rory nodded her head.
"Yeah, that's me. I just wanted to tell you that whatever inconveniences come across you courtesy of Taylor, we'll always be routing for you 'cause you stand for democracy." She explained. Jude raised his heavily pierced eye-brow and replied,
"Democracy? And all this time I thought I stood for anarchy. Or at least, that's what my dad said."
"Well, Taylor's a fascist."
"Really? You would have never guessed from the orange armband with the black swastika on it that's on his arm."
"I called Taylor a fascist, not a Nazi."
"That's what Nazism is; a fascist society."
"I stand corrected."
"Don't be too hard on yourself. I was just insulting Taylor on a whole other level. But I'm surprised that you didn't remember that Nazi plus Fascists equal the same thing. I hear you were a Chilton kid."
"As were you."
"Not some of the happiest memories of my life, but still, it got me into Princeton.
"Oh yeah. Didn't you graduate last year?"
"With honors."
"Impressive."
"You're attending Yale. Now that's impressive."
"I thank you for your compliments, Jude Marshall."
"What are you majoring in?"
"Journalism."
"Yale's a law school."
"Doesn't mean they don't have journalism."
"Point taken. Well, I hope you kick ass in that school."
"I thank you for your enthusiasm. Well, send Pierre there my love."
"Will do. He's a little rebel."
"My mom believes that Pierre is trying to sell her tacos."
"Actually, he does that often. I told my mom once, but she didn't believe me. She then dressed him up like a gay little French man. It was disgusting."
"People with French accents who aren't candlesticks normally are. Well, I must take my leave. I must approach another French person and collect toilet paper."
"Sounds like you got yourself a crazy night ahead of you."
"Nice seeing you, Jude Marshall."
"Nice seeing you too, Rory Gilmore."
"See you later." Rory finished and was walking away when Jude called out,
"Wait! Rory." She turned back to him.
"I got a band, you see. And we're gonna be playing at the stupid Halloween Festival, if Taylor hasn't already kicked us off. And now meeting you, I was wondering if you'd like to hang out with me and the guys."
"You got a band? That's so cool. My friend Lane has a band. I'm unsure of their name, though. What's yours?"
"Suicide for the Sake of Crustaceans."
"Creative and different. You got a CD out?"
"CDs, shirts, bumper stickers, buttons, you name it. Apparently we have a cult following here in the Tri-State area according to Dan, our guitarist."
"I clap for your success. What do you play?"
"Bass. Been playing since the 5th grade."
"Cool. I'll see if my mother can spare me for a half an hour when there. Later." Rory said and waved good-bye. Jude did the same and turned to Pierre. Pierre was now trying to run towards Taylor's unoccupied electric wheelchair. Kirk and Miss Patty were making Taylor walk around with crutches. Jude smirked at his dog and asked him,
"Need to go to the bathroom, Pierre?" He and the chihuahua walked over towards the chair…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Lorelai sat in a state of slump when Luke plopped her pancakes in front of her, causing her to jump from her spot.
"This'll make you wider than the counter. Enjoy." He said dully and returned the coffee machine. Lorelai observed her food when she gasped loudly. She barely said,
"Luke, you made me the pancakes!" Luke had mixed the chocolate chip mix with the pancake batter and made her the chocolate chip pancakes. Lorelai's hands were still on top of her mouth. Luke sighed.
"Well, you made such a big deal about them, so I decided to shut you up and made you them." He explained. Lorelai jumped up and hugged him. After a moment, Lorelai sat back down and grabbed her knife and fork.
"Luke, you're too good to me! This Christmas, expect a new hat and a stack of nudie magazines." She said as she pulled out her cell phone. Luke caught sight of it and immediately demanded,
"Hey, hey! No cell phones. I just made you your damn pancakes; the least you could do is follow the rules!" As Lorelai dialed she inquired,
"Do you want your diner to be toilet papered?" Luke was a bit taken back.
"No, of course not."
"Well, I must call off the rest of the troops that were doing the t.p.-ing." She explained. Luke had a blank expression on his face.
"You were gonna toilet paper my diner because I wasn't gonna serve you chocolate chip pancakes?" He questioned. Lorelai brought the cell phone to her ear and an expression of remorse appeared.
"Well, I wanted chocolate chip pancakes really badly." Was all she said before Rory answered.
"Hello?"
"Hey, babe."
"Mom?"
"No, this is the frat boy from the other night. Have you seen my pants?"
"What's up mom?"
"Toilet papering is off."
"Really? Darn, and I had just found the cottony soft ones, too."
"Luke made me the pancakes."
"He did? Save me some!"
"I'll try, but I can't guarantee anything. [Took a bite of them] It's just like I dreamed they would taste!"
"You dream about eating pancakes?"
"Shut up. You dream about Taylor wearing tight, leather pants.
"It was just that once! Anyways, you're the one who dreamed that you and Luke were gonna have twins."
"Okay, another word about that and the whip comes out."
"Well, see you at the inn. Bye mom."
"Bye, Rory."
"Oh, and can you get me the number of that frat boy? I think his pants are in the back of my car."
"For your sake, they better not be." The two then hung up. Lorelai immediately returned to her eating. Luke just shook his head. Never had he seen anyone with an appetite like hers, except for Rory. These days, Rory was becoming more and more like her mother, which in some ways was NOT a good thing.
"She gets more like you everyday." He commented. Lorelai took a sip of her coffee.
"Mysterious and sexy?" She asked.
"No; Hungry and annoying." Luke responded. In actual truth, Lorelai was quite right. It was no secret that Luke liked Lorelai. And between Rory and Sookie, it was no surprise that Lorelai liked him back. But, alas, stubbornness has kept them apart and it drove all of Stars Hollow's citizens out of their minds.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Lorelai had finished half of her pancakes when she dropped her fork and knife. She gave a long groan. Luke walked from behind the counter with plates in his hands when he noticed her groaning.
"See? That's another reason why I wasn't gonna serve you them." He commented. Lorelai glanced at him and stuck out her tongue at him.
"I saw that." Luke said as he placed the orders on the customer's table. Lorelai stuck her tongue back in and turned back to her pancakes. She felt nauseous. Too many pancakes, Lorelai thought miserably. Luke walked back behind the counter.
"You don't look to good." He told her, concern in his voice. Lorelai groaned. She then replied,
"I feel huge."
"How huge?"
"Anna Nicole Smith huge."
"That's pretty damn huge." He commented. Lorelai's head hit the counter. Luke sighed.
"That's it. No more chocolate chip pancakes for you." Lorelai's head popped up, her mouth had dropped as far as it would go.
"You can't do that to me, Luke Danes. Has the term 'The customer is always right' ever reached your ears?" She retorted. Luke reached for the rest of the pancakes, only to be smacked away by Lorelai.
"Rory wants some. Just wrap it up." She clarified. Luke sighed and took the pancakes back to be wrapped up. Lorelai smiled at him and commented,
"You're a doll." Luke turned to her, gave a little smirk, and continued to his destination. It had been five months since Jess left, and Luke had now finally regained his patience with the Gilmores again. Jess never called him, and Luke never bothered to call him since he knew were his was; living with Jimmy. Luke and Jimmy never were friends, and to call them would not only be fruitless, but would make Luke aggravated and grumpier than normal. Truth be told, it was usually Lorelai's daily visits that brought him happiness, despite what it seems.
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