Title: Candy, Russian Butts, and Chihuahuas
Author: Meghan_aka_KRAMMIT_THE_FROG
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Answering Java Obsession's Fan fic Halloween challenge. Takes place in season 4. Taylor has had another one of his "brilliant" ideas and is now holding Stars Hollow's 1st Annual Halloween Spooktacular Festival. It's full of all sorts of contests, but the most tempting is the Miss Halloween Spooktacular, whose prize is two tickets to see Cirque du Soleil in Las Vegas. Of course, Lorelai wants those tickets. But, on the night of the festival, Taylor reveals a secret rule which leaves Luke as Lorelai's only hope to win. L/L.
Author's Notes: Um, not much to say. I'm a complete Java Junkie. While reading transcripts, I just skip to Luke and Lorelai parts. I'll try my best to keep it Gilmore like. Chaos will ensure, I guarantee it. Oh, I saw Cirque du Soleil not to long ago. Words can't describe how excellent it was!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. It all belongs to Warner Bros. and the people who created to series. I just use the characters in my sick little mind games. Oh, and Jude Marshall and Pierre belong to me. If you wish to use them, then just ask.
Feedback: Yes please!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Rory ran out of her house to her car. It was a graduation present from her grandparents, who were also paying for her college education. Her first class started at 9:00 AM and she didn't want to be late. As she opened the door, she heard a voice call out,
"Hello, Miss Gilmore." She turned her head and smiled. There Jude stood, Pierre in his arms. He walked up the driveway.
"As much as I would like to chat with you, my political history class starts in about an hour." Rory explained. Jude began stroking Pierre.
"Taylor hasn't kicked us off the Festival yet."
"Really. Hmm. He must be desperate."
"Either that or our fans found his address and are threatening his life."
"Maybe we'll get lucky and find ourselves a Travis Burkle."
"I don't know; Stars Hollow lacks crazy, Vietnam vets." Jude commented.
"Hey, maybe Kirk will go crazy from living with his mom and attempt it."
"Yeah, except for one thing; Kirk doesn't have a set."
"Set of what-oh, I get it. Eww." Rory uttered, as she soon understood the reply.
"Obviously you don't talk about a guy's manhood that often."
"No, me and my mom are butt-people."
"Glad you're nothing abnormal."
"My self-esteem is soaring now."
"I'm happy to contribute."
"I gotta go."
"When ya gotta go, ya gotta go."
"You know, the police officer in The Godfather said that before he got shot in the head." Rory told him.
"Better watch my ass, then."
"I suggest it."
"See you around, then. And watch out for Sonny Corleone." Jude said, returning to The Godfather references.
"Sonny's dead."
"Or so we think."
"Good-bye, Jude." Rory said impatiently. She couldn't help but smile a little before she stepped into her car. Jude stepped to the side to so Rory could pull out her car. As she did, her smile widened and so did his. Before Rory drove away, Jude cried out,
"Hey, Rory!" She looked out her window.
"My cousin Sissy is coming back tomorrow." He said slyly. A confused look came over Rory's face. She then questioned him,
"What does that have to do with anything?" Jude chuckled to himself as he moved closer to her car.
"Sissy was Luke's old High School sweetheart before Rachel came around." He explained. Rory motioned him to continue.
"She still loves him. And if you happen to notice, Luke wants to bone your mom. He loves her, everyone knows it. And when Luke is in love with someone else, Sissy's pissed. Just don't tell Luke this; it takes all the fun out of life." Jude finished. Rory couldn't say anything. She took in a deep breath.
"Thanks for telling me, Jude. And I promise not to tell." She said politely. Rory then sped off. Jude sighed.
"You like her, Pierre?" He asked his chihuahua. Pierre gave a whimper. Jude continued to look in the direction of Rory's car.
"All in good time, Pierre. She's formed a grudge against guys like us because of that asshole, Jess. I'd give her a few more weeks." He continued. Jude then walked in the opposite direction. What he and Rory didn't know was that Lorelai had witnessed the whole thing, though she never heard a word.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Lorelai walked into Luke's with a sullen expression on her face. She sat herself at the counter and waited for Luke to come. When he did, Lorelai whined,
"Luke, I need coffee." Luke sighed. He grabbed the coffee pot and said,
"It's decaf." Lorelai's jaw dropped in disgust. She then started complaining,
"How could you do such a thing to me, Luke?"
"Easy. I took the decaf pot and poured it into your cup."
"Your dollness is gone; vanished."
"And so's your chance at regular coffee."
"Damn't! Why must you spoil my dreams?"
"You dream about coffee?"
"Shut up, Butch. What do you dream about?" She asked him. Luke went silent. In truth, he dreamed about her practically every night. But he wasn't gonna say it out loud. All Luke said was,
"None of your damn business." Lorelai picked up her cup, tasted a little, and immediately cringed.
"Somebody's muy grouchy this morning." She said, braving another sip. Luke sighed, grabbed her cup, and poured it in the sink. He took the regular coffee pot and poured it into her cup.
"He's your damn coffee." Luke said, sitting it in front of her. Lorelai smiled sweetly and told him,
"Your dollness has returned." They looked each other in the eye for a moment. Just then, Taylor barged in, or at least, in his electric wheelchair he did. Luke groaned.
"What do you want, Taylor?" Taylor motored himself up to the counter. He gave a fake smile.
"You know, Luke, the 1st Annual Stars Hollow Halloween Spooktacular Festival is this Saturday, and it would mean the world to its citizens if you-"
"No, Taylor." Luke said immediately. Taylor was taken back.
"B-but you haven't even heard my proposal!"
"I don't care. I want you out of my diner. Now."
"Can't you at least open a coffee stand there?"
"Taylor, no!" Luke shouted at him. Lorelai looked out the window. She then commented,
"Hey Taylor, is that Pierre that's doing all those naughty things to those cats? Sweet Jesus, God is really letting him do that!?" A horrified look appeared on Taylor's face. He turned his wheelchair around and sped to the door, shouting,
"Jude Marshall, you keep that hell hound away from those black cats! They're purebreds!" One of the customers opened the door for Taylor as he glided out. Luke turned to Lorelai.
"Thanks." He said appreciably. She smiled at him and replied,
"No big. I like deceiving Taylor." Luke gave a smirk and said,
"Drink your coffee."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
An hour later, Lorelai walked into the kitchen of the Dragonfly Inn to see Sookie dictating the other cooks. Instead of cooking, they were hanging up decorations. Sookie saw Lorelai and said,
"Hey, Lor! What do you think? I want it to look super festive." Lorelai observed a hanging ghost near her. As she reached out her hand, the ghost started shaking and making noises (A/N- Have you ever seen those things? I hate them so much!!!). She let a horrified scream as she quickly backed away from it. Sookie rushed to her side.
"Oh, honey, are you okay?" She asked sympathetically. Lorelai gave a cold glance at the ghost as it turned off.
"That ghost was brought forth by the devil, Sookie. We must take it down." She said seriously. Just then, Michel walked in, papers in hand, when he saw the ghost. It immediately turned on and sent Michel flying out the door, his papers going in all directions! Sookie looked at Lorelai, giving off an expression which said 'Can we please keep it up?'. Lorelai looked Sookie in the eyes.
"No, Sookie. If it were any other object, I would say, 'Hells yes!'. But not with that." She told her longtime friend. Sookie looked sadly at her and somberly called to one of the workers,
"Take it down." From the back, they heard a door open. In walked Jackson, a crate of vegetables in his hands. He smiled at his wife and Lorelai.
"Good morning, ladies. How goes the Inn?" He kindly asked. A wide smile went across Sookie's face as she walked over and embraced Jackson after he placed the crate on the counter. They gave a little kiss and turned to Sookie's belly. Jackson rubbed it a bit and the soon-to-be parents turned to Lorelai. She smiled as she slowly walked over to them.
"Only a couple more months to go. How ya holding' up, Jackson?" She asked him. Jackson sighed.
"I remember when Edmund was no bigger than my fist. At least Sookie chops up my vegetables when I'm gone. But to do it on the porch where our child will play? That's just sick. I will avenge Edmund's untimely going, mark my words." He said very sternly. Sookie sighed through her teeth. Lorelai decided to change the subject;
"Halloween's this Saturday. You dressin' up?" A relieved look appeared on both Sookie and Jackson's faces. Jackson replied,
"Yes, we are. I already have my costume." Sookie looked at her husband questionably and inquired,
"You got your costume without me?" Jackson groaned.
"I thought you had yours already! You're the same thing every year!"
"But we always buy them together!"
"Well…buy one with Lorelai and Rory."
"I can't believe you broke our tradition, Jackson."
"Oh, come on, Sookie!" Jackson shouted. He threw his hands in the air as he walked out of the kitchen. A depressed look came over Sookie. Lorelai stuck her tongue into her cheek and gave Sookie a little hug.
"This Thursday we'll go shopping. How's that sound, hon?" She asked her friend. Sookie cheerlessly nodded her head.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Rory drove her car into her driveway at 6:00 PM. As the car door opened, she dragged herself out. Another exhausting day at Yale University, Rory thought. If I can barely do it, then how the hell did George W. Bush?, she continued thinking. Rory popped out the cassette from her radio and stuck it in with her books. She tape recorded all her classes so that she could listen to them while riding home. Rory was walking to the door of her house when someone called out,
"Gee, Miss Gilmore, don't cha know the saying, 'All work and no play makes an ex-Chilton a Chilton again'?" She turned around to see Jude standing there, clad in leather. Pierre was sniffing at the ground near Jude's feet. Rory sighed.
"Don't you have a home, Jude?" She asked. He smirked at her.
"If I keep pissing off Taylor, my mom will kick me out of the basement." Jude replied. Rory walked up to him, smiling a bit.
"I wouldn't expect a Princeton guy such as yourself to still live in his parents' basement." She told him.
"It's temporary. Once I save up enough, I'm gonna rent an apartment in Greenwich Village."
"Ah. That where your people come from."
"Anyone who has their natural hair color in the Village should immediately leave."
"Greenwich Village's Golden Rule."
"That's the spirit, Miss Rory." Jude said in his sarcastic manner. Rory kneeled down and began stroking Pierre. Although chihuahuas were normally nasty, he didn't even nip at her. Jude looked longingly at Rory.
"Before Taylor was bit by Pierre, he called me Good Charlotte." He said aloud, directed towards Rory. Rory looked up at him and restrained herself from laughing out loud.
"You're kidding." She said, trying to convince herself that. Jude's facial expression stayed the same.
"I so am not. His exact words were 'Ya know, Jude, with that monstrous hair and women's jewelry hanging from your face, you seem like those fellows on the MTV. What's their names? Good Charlotte! That's it. You're one of the Good Charlotte fellows.' You can't take an insult such as that without seeking revenge."
"Agreed."
"Why couldn't he just call me a Blink 182 fellow or a Green Day kid? At least they stay true to their roots. But it had to be Good Charlotte. They're a disgrace to music!"
"If it makes you feel any better, over the summer, someone called my friend Lane an Avril Lavigne gal."
"Ouch." Jude said while cringing.
"She would have killed him had she not been wearing leather boots."
"So close, yet so far."
"The understatement of the year." Rory replied as she stood up. She fixed her book bag and looked Jude in the eye. Jude himself couldn't resist the sapphire eyed Gilmore. He cleared his throat.
"There's a punk show tonight in Hartford. Was just about to go until I ran into you." Rory nodded her head.
"Well, Jude, I'm sorry I stopped you." She apologized. Jude quickly shook his head and reassured,
"No, no; I'm glad I ran into you. Actually, I was wondering if you'd like to come with me. And Pierre. I can't leave him alone with my mother anymore." Rory sighed and looked at her watch. It was 6:05 PM and she was starving.
"Sure," She began, "As long as we stop at Luke's for a burger or something." Jude shrugged her shoulders.
"Fine by me, Miss Rory. But allow me to drive." He cracked, showing Rory her keys right before her eyes. She scoffed at him, shocked by the fact that Jude pick pocketed her. Jude smiled.
"Wouldn't want any Yankees gettin' you, ma'am, now would you?" He questioned in a Southern accent. Rory rolled her eyes and laughed aloud. She retorted in her own Southern tone,
"Oh, those damn Yankees! I hope Ashley can stop them. Oh, Ashley, with your golden blonde hair and pretty boy looks, how could those awful Yankees not be afraid of ya?" Out of nowhere, Jude began laughing with her. Rory never had these kind of conversations with Dean or Jess. Only with her mother did Rory talk like this. But strangely, she felt comfortable talking with him, no matter what the topic was.
They hopped in Rory's car and as Jude started it up, Rory asked him,
"So, who is exactly playing?" Jude handed her a flyer as he revved the engine. She read it over. The bands were Waiting for Sunset and Spying on Meghan (A/N- These are actual punk bands here in my town. They kick so much ass). He then commented,
"They from a little town in upper New Jersey (A/N- Haha! That's where I be at!). Kinda like this place, only skankier since the old town locals have no teeth. But anyways, their still in their early high school years, but good." Jude rummaged around the dashboard and grabbed something.
"Hey! Put those back!" Rory told him sternly. Jude held up a round CD holder and flipped through them.
"The Dirty Dancing Soundtrack?" He questioned her. Rory began blushing and remarked,
"I like that movie." Jude began laughing.
"Taken a fancy to Patrick Swayze?" He teased. Rory punched him in the arm.
"No, but my mom has. I can never look at shirtless guys in black pants the same way again." Jude placed the CDs back on the dashboard and pulled out of the driveway. Pierre, who was bustling in Jude's lap, hopped over to Rory's. She chuckled at this as she slid her fingers over Pierre's short, silky russet fur. His little tongue began licking her hand.
"Ah, that tickles!" Rory yelped. Jude turned and smiled at her.
"You also have the Top Gun Soundtrack." He said, his eyes returning to the road. Rory narrowed her eyes and stuck out her tongue. Jude continued,
"Top Gun was bad. At least Dirty Dancing had Jennifer Grey." Rory grabbed her CDs and stuck them under her arm. Jude smirked and muttered,
"Take my breath away…" Through her giggles, Rory shouted,
"Stop!"
"Watching every motion in my foolish lover's game…"
"Shut up, that's a good song!"
"On this endless ocean finally lovers know no shame…"
"Mister Marshall, I'm warning you." She sternly said to him. Jude was laughing hard. God, she's beautiful when she's angry, he thought lovingly about her.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A/N- Not a lot of Luke and Lorelai action, but just you wait. I had to develop Jude a bit more so he doesn't seem like Jess. And if I feel he does, I will try my hardest to change that.
Oh, and also, a lot of you thought the Lorelai and Rory teasing speeches were a bit over the top. I apologize for that; understand that when I write these, I'm drinking an ungodly amount of Pepsi and eating a shit load of candy. I tend to get a bit hyper. But I promise to tone down butt comments. Just don't expect them to disappear; the word "butts" is in the title, for Pete's sake!
I would like to thank all who reviewed my story. You all make it worth while! Okay, I'm spent.