Title: Candy, Russian Butts, and Chihuahuas
Author: Meghan_aka_KRAMMIT_THE_FROG
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Answering Java Obsession's Fan fic Halloween challenge. Takes place in season 4. Taylor has had another one of his "brilliant" ideas and is now holding Stars Hollow's 1st Annual Halloween Spooktacular Festival. It's full of all sorts of contests, but the most tempting is the Miss Halloween Spooktacular, whose prize is two tickets to see Cirque du Soleil in Las Vegas. Of course, Lorelai wants those tickets. But, on the night of the festival, Taylor reveals a secret rule which leaves Luke as Lorelai's only hope to win. L/L.
Author's Notes: Um, not much to say. I'm a complete Java Junkie. While reading transcripts, I just skip to Luke and Lorelai parts. I'll try my best to keep it Gilmore like. Chaos will ensure, I guarantee it. Oh, I saw Cirque du Soleil not to long ago. Words can't describe how excellent it was!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. It all belongs to Warner Bros. and the people who created to series. I just use the characters in my sick little mind games. Oh, and Jude Marshall and Pierre belong to me. If you wish to use them, then just ask.
Feedback: Yes please!
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"Okay, so I need to do the following on this paper?" Lorelai asked the person in front of her, showing a blue piece of parchment. Taylor sat proudly in his electric wheelchair as he nodded his head. He then added,
"That's it. If you follow all the guidelines, then your chances of winning are pretty high. Oh, and I'll put in a good word for you to the judges if you manage to get Luke to open a coffee stand." Lorelai smiled and briefly looked at Rory.
"I'll see what I can do, Xavier." She replied. Taylor looked confused.
"Who's Xavier?" He inquired. Taylor Doose never read a comic book in his entire life. Rory realized his confusion and then explained,
"Um, X-Men. He was the leader." Taylor sat in silence.
"What are X-Men? Are they some sort of nuclear terrorists? You two know I won't put up with terrorist jokes." He sternly said to them. The Gilmores rolled their eyes. Lorelai smiled and quickly said,
"Bye, Taylor!" She and Rory walked across the street to Luke's as Taylor called out,
"Your jokes are not appreciated, girls!" Rory turned back and then pointed at something behind Taylor.
"Taylor, the…giant…scarecrow!" She shouted and ran up to her mom. Taylor turned his chair to see at least a dozen festival workers trying to hold up a ten foot scarecrow which was about to collapse onto the ground.. He clutched his heart and started zooming forward, shouting on the top of his lungs,
"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT DROPPING THAT SCARECROW! FARMER HUNNINGTON WORKED ON THAT FOR SEVEN (Count them) SEVEN MONTHS AND I WILL NOT LET YOU DESTROY THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FEEL YOUR ARMS ANYMORE!!!"
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Lorelai and Rory quickly sat at a table and observed the activities outside. They bit their lips, trying not to laugh. Luke walked over to their table, as usual, when he caught sight of the scarecrow fiasco.
"What the hell?" He muttered, nearly dropping his pad and pencil. Lorelai and Rory turned to him and smiled.
"Welcome to this week's 'When Taylor Attacks'. On today's show, we will show you the gruesome homicides of over a dozen young men from Stars Hollow. Who's the horrid killer? You guessed it; Taylor Doose." Lorelai said as her eyes returned to the window. Luke gave a heavy sigh.
"So, what'll ya have?" He asked. Rory, who kept looking at her watch, immediately replied,
"Just coffee and a Danish for me, thanks." Luke wrote it down and turned to Lorelai.
"Coffee, my usual Danish-day Danish, and waffles. It's a waffle kinda day." She told him. Luke nodded his head and left. Rory dug through her backpack and pulled out a thick book and began reading. Lorelai glanced at her daughter and sighed.
"What? 'When Taylor Attacks' not catching your attention?" She asked. Rory shook her head, not looking up.
"No, it's just that I was supposed to finish Animal Farm eons ago and never got to it. Now, today we're having a huge discussion about it in my English Literature class; next week we have to write a ten page essay about how George Orwell most likely based it on the Soviet Union! Argh!" She said, her voice full of frustration. Her head hit the book and she gave a long groan. Lorelai began rubbing Rory's back when her cell phone rang. Luke, from behind the counter, shouted,
"Take it outside, Lorelai!" Lorelai stuck her tongue out at him as she walked out. In front of Luke's, she answered her phone,
"Hello?" Then, a familiar voice replied,
"Lorelai? Finally! I've been trying to reach you for over an hour!" It was her mother. Lorelai restrained herself from groaning.
"Hi mom." She didn't expect her to call on Tuesday, mainly because their dinners were on Fridays. Emily Gilmore impatiently responded,
"Where have you been!? I had to call that nice French fellow at the Inn to find your cell phone number." Lorelai sighed.
"Well, mom, Rory and I were doing this new fangled thing called 'sleeping'. Apparently, it's good for you, so we decided to try it out."
"Could you be serious for one minute?"
"I can't be serious at this time of the morning, mom."
"Well, try. Anyways, your father and I, as you know, are going to be going on month long trip to Europe and we were wondering if you and Rory would like to visit us while we're in Venice."
"You couldn't have asked us this question this Friday?"
"I could, but then you would have already prepared a reason not to go, so I decided to catch you off guard."
"Clever plan, mom."
"Is Rory doing well at the university? If she's having trouble, then I wouldn't dream of bothering her while she's in an educational slump."
"She's doing fine, mom. It's just that she's still getting used to college life."
"Oh, well, then I wouldn't expect it to be too much trouble if you two came up during a weekend."
"I'll see what we can do, mom."
"See, you were patient and non-witty with me, for once. Why can't you be like that more often?"
"Well, I haven't had my coffee yet, so that must have something to do with it."
"Ugh, Lord, you have the same coffee obsession as your father."
"Dad's got a coffee obsession, too?"
"Absolutely! I first refused to date your father because of his 'coffee breath'."
"I so can't imagine dad with 'coffee breath'."
"Well, he does. You don't have to wake up to it every morning."
"Mom, as much as I would love to stand and chat with you, Rory's got a class in an hour and a half and I need to get to the Inn. And on top of all of that, I would really, really like to have breakfast today." Lorelai pleaded. She heard her mother scoff.
"You're at Luke's diner, again?" Emily was in disbelief by the fact of how much time Lorelai and Rory spend there. Lorelai looked into the diner window to see Luke placing their food down.
"Okay, nice talkin' with ya. Gotta go; Bye!" She said quickly and hung up the phone. Lorelai ran into the diner while Emily stared at the receiver for a moment and eventually placed it back in its original place.
Lorelai plopped in her seat next to Rory, who only took a sip of her coffee before returning to Animal Farm. Her eyes flew across the pages. The elder Gilmore placed her hand on her daughter's book.
"Okay, Rory, this is so not like you to be behind in English Literature. What's wrong?" Lorelai asked. Rory moved her mother's hand from the page and reassured,
"It's nothing, mom. Absolutely nothing." Lorelai gave her "the look". Rory sighed and looked at her,
"There was this assignment in Russian History class a couple of weeks ago…" She began, which Lorelai quipped back,
"Uh huh…"
"We had to write an article about Rasputin …"
"Ya huh…"
"And I happened to focus quite a lot of attention on the supposed 'holy man' and…sort of…forgot to read George Orwell's classic novel."
"Oh, Rory." Lorelai said sympathetically. Rory rested her head on her mom's shoulder. College life was taking its toll on Rory, which made Lorelai more determined to win the Miss Halloween Spooktacular contest. A week from Yale and Stars Hollow would do them both some good. Lorelai sighed.
"We need more coffee." She finally said. Rory moved her head towards her.
"We haven't finished our original coffees." She told her mother as she turned her attention to Animal Farm. Lorelai rolled her eyes over to Luke.
"Luke will never know."
"He just delivered them."
"Fine, if you wanna play that way. Drink! We need more coffee, child!" Lorelai nearly shouted. Rory raised her eyebrows as she saw her mother chug down her cup of java.
"Okay, now believe me when I say I love coffee, but that…that was gross." She said, disgusted. Lorelai reached for Rory's cup, only to be slapped away. The elder Gilmore raised her cup in the air and shouted,
"LUKE!" Lorelai bit her lower lip. After a minute, she whined,
"Luke…" A gruff voice then hollered,
"I'm coming, Lorelai." Luke walked to their table, his coffee pot in hand. As he was about to pour, Rory blurted out,
"She chugged her last coffee in under a minute." Lorelai twisted her head to her daughter.
"I wasted fifteen hours of my life pushing out Rosemary's Baby." Luke arched his brow and questioned,
"Are you actually suggesting that Rory is Rosemary's Baby? Lorelai and Rory turned to Luke.
"Ya-huh. Got her horns and hooves removed when she was three." Lorelai said, trying Luke's patience and sanity. Luke glanced out the window when a shot of fear flashed on his face. Rory waved her hand in front of him and stated,
"Luke? Hello… Don't you wanna hear my mom claim that I have a tail that was never removed?" Giving up, the Gilmores turned around to see a woman, about Lorelai's age, walking around outside. Luke backed away quickly and shouted,
"Ceaser, cover for me!" He nearly ran to the stairs, Lorelai tagging behind. She grabbed his flannel shirt and turned him around.
"Luke, what's wrong?" She asked, concerned. Luke looked around her, grabbed Lorelai, and dragged her to the back room. He took in a couple of seep breaths and looked at his feet.
"Remember last year when we went to my old high school and you started accusing me of having a girlfriend named Sissy?" Luke reminded Lorelai, looking dead set into her bright blue eyes. Lorelai started laughing, managing to say,
"Good Lord, I remember! The shorts!" Luke grumbled at the last part. Lorelai's laughter died down, as she suddenly realized,
"Oh God, Luke, don't tell me…"
"Sissy McDormand. We went out my freshman through my mid-junior year. Stalked me mid-junior year through mid-senior year." Luke stated seriously. This only made Lorelai laugh harder. She was laughing so hard that she sat on the ground. Lorelai finally started taking in deep breaths.
"Why'd she stop stalking you?" She asked, holding back her laughter. Luke sat beside Lorelai and explained,
"Finally got a restraining order against her, which makes the situation even more uncomfortable. And Sissy…not the kind of girl you wanna piss off. I mean, she makes Glen Close in Fatal Attraction look like Carol Brady!" Both of them went silent. At last, Lorelai offered,
"Ya know…Rory and I can cover for you. We like being waitresses." Luke turned to her.
"You're not serious."
"Hey, we did it before. Besides, we came up with new names. And I can make it seem like I'm sleeping with you so Sissy-"
"Please don't finish that statement."
"So can we?" Lorelai begged. Luke continued to look into her eyes. And then, Lorelai finished him off with that killer, Gilmore smile. The grumpy diner owner sighed.
"I guess…she won't be here long, so…" He began when Lorelai threw her arms around him.
"Thank you, Luke!" She said happily. When the embrace ended, both the single mother and burger-flipper looked at each other longley. Both inched their way closer to each other when they froze at the sound of jingling. Lorelai motioned to get up while telling Luke,
"Well, run! Get upstairs before it's too late!" Luke nodded his head and shot up. Lorelai got up and pushed him towards the steps. Luke rushed up them and slammed his apartment door shut. Lorelai peaked her head out, only to see that it was just Kirk. She ran out of the backroom and towards Rory.
"Hey, guess what, Trixie?" She asked her daughter. Rory continued reading and drinking her coffee.
"I have not idea, Bambi." Was all she said. Lorelai grabbed the book from Rory and replied sing-songly,
"We get to play wait-ress!" A smile went across the younger Gilmore's face. She leaped up and the mother-daughter team grabbed some aprons and tied it around their wastes. They sat in the counter and smiled giddily. Just then, the woman, or "Butch's Sissy" as Lorelai would say, walked in. She looked around the diner, her smile fading as she ran her fingers through her dirty blonde curls. Sissy turned to The Gilmores and asked,
"Um, is Luke Danes here?" Lorelai hopped off the counter and replied,
"Still sleeping, I'm afraid." A disappointed look went on Sissy's face.
"Sleeping? He never sleeps any later than 5:45 AM! I would know!" She said, worried. Lorelai placed her hands on her hips and retorted,
"Caught somethin' last week. Sorry." Sissy looked at Lorelai coldly. She did not like the fact that this beautiful woman knew so much about Luke.
"Well, tell him Sissy stopped by, uh…"
"Bambi."
"Your name's Bambi?"
"Your name's Sissy."
"Point taken. I gotta go. And don't worry; Luke knows me."
"Funny, never mentioned you before." The two stood each other down. Sissy then turned around and walked out the door. Lorelai smiled in triumph. Rory then tapped her shoulder. Her mother turned around and replied,
"Hey, babe! You saw how your mom kicked ass, right?" Rory smiled slyly. Lorelai's smile vanished.
"What?" She asked.
"You're jealous." Rory said deviously. Lorelai scoffed.
"Of what!?"
"Of the fact that Luke went out with a girl named Sissy." She retorted. Lorelai grabbed a pad and pencil and went to take a customer's order. Rory followed.
"Everyone knows it." Rory told Lorelai. Her mother gave a heavy sigh and went to the front of the diner. She cleared her throat and asked the whole room,
"Okay, who here thinks I'm jealous?" Every hand in the room shot up. Lorelai gave them all an icy look.
"Keep eating…all of you!" She said, returning to take orders, ignoring the look of I told you so that was firmly placed on Rory's face.
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A/N- Finally got that chapter done. I would like to thank everyone who gave me nice reviews. And now, I would like to damn a not very nice person (*cough* JAY *cough*) right to hell. I'd like to see that asshole write a Gilmore Girls fan fic himself since he was so dissatisfied with mine (and a few other peoples, which I have recently found out).
I had to add some Java Junkie-ness in. I was reading over some of my other chapters and noticed how much it LACKED. But, all-in-all, I quite happy about how this chapter was played out.
Oh, and if anyone cares, June 1st marks the beginning of the count down to my b-day! YAY! Okay, I'm spent. Gotta work on the next chapter to my Jay and Silent Bob story. See ya all when I put our chapter 5.