Hello All!. . .I got this idea about two nights ago when I had been up for 38 hours. I was thinking of Vietnam and how some of the veterans got post traumatic stress disorder from all the horrible things they went through and well I thought of Squall and, if you don't know what PTSD is, it is a mental disorder that can cause a person to become violent, hallucinate, flashback, etc. Any ways got off subject thought it would be interesting if Squall might display some of those traits. Well any who its just an idea, that I'm not sure will really go anywhere but it sounded fun to write! So please enjoy, read, and review. . .won't you? : )

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 8, though I really wish I could because that would just be too much fun ;P

Restless Spirits

Squall sighed and closed his eyes. 'This meeting is going nowhere,' he protested silently as he readjusted himself in the chair. Headmaster Cid had been prattling on now for about an hour and a half and somehow he had managed to say the exact same thing over and over again. 'how many times does he have to say Seed needs to be prepared at all times. We know from past experience that things can happen at any…and so on. Blah blah blah,'Squall thought bitterly.

'How long is the old man going to keep going? Fuck!' Squall opened his eyes and with his left hand braced his head on his fist. 'Gods I hate this. It's the same old shit. Everyday was the same since Ultimecia's demise, and today in particular it is warring on my nerves.' Squall frowned and quickly took hold of his anger, pushing it down so he could keep himself calm.

Cid coughed and brought Squall back to reality. He stared coldly at the headmaster. 'Fuck,' he thought now royally annoyed, 'He must've noticed me wondering.' He quickly straightened up and put his hand in his lap. 'God this is so damn boring!' Again he found his mind succumbing to the onslaught of boredom, when he heard Cid state, "That's all for now. You may be dismissed."

Squall rose stiffly from the chair and eyed the clock that now read 13:00. The meeting had begun at 10:30 am and he could not help but feel that he had wasted three and a half hours of his life. 'Fuck why do adults have to talk so long?' Squall started to make his way out of the room when suddenly he felt a hand tap his shoulder.

Slowly Squall turned his head and sighed. "What?" he asked his voice cold and emotionless even to his ears. He watched as Cid's eyes grew wide with concern but was then quickly replaced with a fake warmth as a smile crept across the old man's lips. "I need those IC-1A forms by tomorrow morning and also. . ."

'Fuck,' Squall hissed silently. He paused and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly waiting for the headmaster to finish. Then he opened his eyes and smugly said, "The IC-1A forms are already on your desk, as are the new transcripts on Garden, along with all Seed exam performance results, inspector results and instructor reports."

Cid stared blankly at him a moment then smiled. "That's wonderful! I'll get to work on 'em immediately. So you know what that means right. . .?" Cid said happily as he patted Squall's back roughly.

Squall clenched his teeth to keep from yelling at the man. Then he closed his eyes. Cid stopped and waited for his reply but when he received none he merely continued, "That means that you can have the rest of the day off!"

"But I. . ." Squall began but was quickly cut off by Cid. "No buts! Go on relax, enjoy yourself," Cid smiled Squall shrugged off the old man's hand and slowly made his way out of the conference room. "Whatever. . ." Then Squall left.

'Stupid fucking old. . .' he stopped his train of thought and sighed. He turned down into the next hallway shaking his head. A small group of female students stopped talking immediately after they noticed him. He glared at them as he saw that they were staring at him then quickly looked away. He could feel their eyes on him and he hated it.

He was nearly to the elevator when the girls started up again. "Wasn't that Squall?" one asked sheepishly. "ya," another one proclaimed, "that's him. He's the one that led that troupe of Seeds who defeated the Sorceress."

"Really?" the shy girl asked cutting off the other. "Uh-huh," another piped in, "and he's dreamy to! Too bad he doesn't talk much. I'd love to have a few words with him." The girls giggled and Squall felt as though he would vomit.

Everyone had been hanging on him lately. Either following him like love sick puppies, fanatics are gabbing as the glimpsed him. They all adored him and he hated it. Every single bit of it. The elevator bell sounded and Squall gave a sigh of relief as he entered it. He would be glad when he was alone in his dorm room.

~*~*~*~

Squall shut the door, latching all the locks to prevent anyone from just walking in. Quickly he undid the Seed jacket and tossed it carelessly to the couch. Then he peeled off the white T-shirt and threw it into the hamper. He felt the cool air on his bare chest and shivered. He sat on the couch and took a deep and let it out slowly. He could feel a headache coming on.

"Fuck," he moaned and undid his boots. He peeled them off and then the socks. Now free of most the annoying, scratchy and uncomfortable clothes Squall headed to his bedroom. He forgot he had opened his window earlier and smiled as he felt a faint breeze tickle his skin. He flopped onto the bed and sighed.

Squall closed his eyes. He felt the sun beam down upon his bare chest warming him with its afternoon glow. A gentle breeze blew in through the window bringing with it the smell of fresh cut grass and flowers from the fields outside of Garden.

It had been four months since the Sorceress Wars ended. 'Four long dull, boring months,' Squall thought bitterly as he opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling.

Squall sighed closing his eyes once more. He was still "Commander" of the garden. Everyday was the same thing though. Get up, go through his daily routine in the Garden, which anymore consisted mostly of walking around, checking to make sure things were in order, getting reports, sending orders, training and all the other bullshit that came with being a leader of Seed and Garden.

"I never asked for any of this," he said as traced circles on the floor.

He had become restless and craved to be alone even more then before. However, the Garden along with Zell, Selphie, Quistus and all the others simply wouldn't allow it. Squall hated the attention. He felt so damned awkward and weak.

Squall ran his hand through his hair and gritted his teeth in frustration. He simply had nothing left to fight for in life. There was no challenge, no rival, nothing. All there was now was a questionable future with nothing he could see to looking forward to. Then there was his past which was full of hardship, pain and regret and that was something he'd rather forget but found that it always managed to snake its way into his mind, in one form or another.

"Damn," he hissed as boredom and sulking became nauseous. He sat up and took in a deep breath of air, then slowly released it. He was anxious and bored and he had always found that to be a dangerous combination. It was kind of like letting Zell drink three energy drinks, scarf down a load of sugary bi-products then sticking him in a small confined space. All it meant for Squall was a lot of trouble, a headache and likely an ulcer before he turned thirty.

He had to do something, he had to get alone and away from everyone and let out some of his aggressions. He decided that the Training Center would be the perfect place to accomplish this such goal. With this he rose from his bed and walked over to the closet, grabbing a black T-shirt he put it on and quickly and reached down for his boots.

'Today I'm gonna let some steam off and Gods help anyone who bugs me,' he thought as he strapped the last boot buckle into place. He grabbed his gunblade and headed out of the dorm room. It was mid-afternoon and class was still in session, which meant that most of the Garden would be quiet. Squall allowed himself a rare smile as he made his way to the Training Center.

Squall had decided to only junction two of his GF's. The two he could relate to the most, Diablos and Bahamut. Diablos was the great master of darkness and chaos. One of the most dreaded and least popular of all GF's. However Squall felt that the GF was severely misunderstood. For after besting him in battle Diablos vowed to aid them in their battle against the Sorceress Ultemicia. And then the GF had stayed with him even after the ordeal was over. 'He's so misread, hated and feared for no real reason that I have ever been able to find,' Squall thought as he looked to the sky.

Then there was Bahamut. King of dragons, Lord of destruction, highest power to that of Eden. A noble beast like god with a strong sense of pride, self and never showed fear to its enemy. Something Squall had strived for in life to be like, but felt that he could never reach. Now however in the eyes of others he was just like that, just like Bahamut and this knowledge sickened him.

"How can they trust me so, when I don't even think I trust or believe in myself?" he mumbled as he made his way to the elevator. Squall hit the elevator button and a bell sounded. The doors slid open. Squall entered the elevator and hit the 1F button. The doors closed and the elevator hummed as it made its way down to the first floor.

'I hate this place,' Squall thought as the elevator finally made it to its destination opening its doors to the main floor of the Garden. Garden was no longer something he looked forward to. Not only had it sent him into battle, made him take full responsibility for his Seed group during their missions and then later the whole Garden, to which he did not want and had protested against, but had in the process gotten him tortured, had almost sacrificed him for the Sorceress, betrayed him, and had hidden all their information, motives and actions until they could no longer be hidden from him. Garden in its way had become a traitoress organization and he no longer felt the trust or will to even be associated with it.

Granted Seed had taught him a great deal. Mostly about discipline, fighting, the truth of war, magic, leadership skills and all things military based, but he couldn't help but feel that they also stole something from him. Was it his youth, his innocence? He couldn't tell anymore because in all truth if he ever had such a time in his entire life, the GF's that the Garden and Seed had given to him had nearly all but destroyed any such memories. Taking with them any proof he had ever really been a child or innocent in his mind's eye.

The others had told him and enlightened him of a bit of his past, but he never was like them. One of the gang. He was an outsider. Always looking in but always out side the ring, always alone. Always waiting when no one was watching to find a corner to sob silently into until he would fall asleep only to awaken alone from empty dreams.

Even when Rinoa had opened her heart to him, he was never able to really show it in return. 'There was simply no way,' he thought. He could never have truly loved her. He could never open his heart, soul or whatever it was that everybody wanted from him because he simply didn't have it. Sure he could act the part if he had to, but then so could every Tom, Dick and Harry. He truly hated where he was now and what his life had come to. Nothing.

His task was done. Seed was to save the world from the Sorceress and he along with the others had done that task. But now, now he was simply a Seed drone with a name.

He made his way into the training area. There were only two people and luckily for Squall they were to engrossed in kissing and feeling each other up to notice him. Squall's stomach churned at the display and he turned his head casting his eyes to the ground.

"Rent a fucking room," he muttered under his breath as he entered into the first battle room. 'Gods I hate that, I hope a Grat knocks 'em out and beats them.' Squall shook his head and sighed. 'I shouldn't judge, but this is not a make-out area.' He let the thought drop there.

He walked around for nearly twenty minutes and nothing had come and attacked him. Squall sighed and muttered to himself, "Whatever. . .this isn't my fucking day." He turned to make his way out of the Training Center, his hopes for a fight or two now lost. However when he turned he found himself staring into a pair of yellow, angry eyes that were glaring coldly at him.

The monster was hidden deep in the tall brush and let out a low rumbly hiss. Then it rose and stepped out into the open. 'A T-Rexaur,' Squall thought as the creature cleared itself from the over growth. It let out a roar then stared down at Squall.

Squall took his gun blade into his hands and stood ready for the battle. The creature did not hesitate to make the first move. It ran towards him and snapped its jaw forward. Squall dodged the creature and rewarded its attempted bite with a bite from his gun blade, straight over the monster's muzzle.

The T-Rexuar cried out, pulling its head back. Now was Squall's chance. He waited until the creature had backed away from him and then closed his eyes. He concentrated on the T-Rexaur's energy. He knew the creature kept a natural storage of dark or blind magic. With his mind he probed for the magic energy and he was rewarded for his efforts.

It loomed around the creature in vast quantities, in his mind he could see the dark, looming fog like magic. He reached out to it, tapped into it. He opened himself to it and at his command it gathered and came to him. Squall opened his eyes and he smiled, the dark magic was now his and he released it onto the T-Rexaur.

He watched as the energy shot out at the creature then disappeared from his eyes. The monster roared and Squall watched as its pupils fogged to an opalescent white, then the color in the T-Rexaur's eye faded. The creature was now blind.

The Monster let out a roar and charged forward. Then stopped just in front of Squall. The creature hissed and turned suddenly, hitting Squall with its tail.

Before he could react the tail had struck him and had slammed him to the ground. The wind was completely knocked out of his lungs, his head was whirling and he lay there gasping for air.

The T-Rexaur turned, then sniffed the air. It hissed once more then quickly it jerked its head back then slammed it forwards. Squall was ready this time and as the head came down he rolled to the left narrowly dodging it then as the creatures head was still down Squall swung the gunblade into the creatures neck cutting deep into the T-Rexaur's throat. Then Squall quickly rose from the ground and scanned the area. There to his right were two huge boulders. He had an idea.

He ran quickly, dodging another bite attack from the monster and took shelter behind the large stones. Squall was gasping for air, his head and heart pulsed and he could feel blood trickling down his forehead. "Damn!" he hissed.

He had to lure the T-Rexaur to the boulders. Squall stood and yelled as loud as he could to the creature, "Hey you, over here!" The monster turned then charged towards Squall. Then the creature lowered its head, but instead of hitting him the creature at full speed hit head first into one of the boulders.

A large chunk of rock broke off as the T-Rexaur's head struck the giant rock. The creature fell to the ground and thrashed about. Blood poured from its great gaping mouth as it cried out. Quickly Squall rushed towards the monster and struck at the core of its head, sending the gunblade deep into its skull.

The monster screamed and thrust its head, sending Squall and the gun blade into the rock. Squall couldn't scream, he would have but the air had been crushed out of his lungs and all he could do now was cough and watch as a spray of blood came from his mouth. He felt pain all over his body as the creatures head pulled away letting his body fall to the ground. Squall looked to his hand where he held on tightly to the gunblade.

Squall watched as the T-Rexaur slowly hefted itself from the ground then stepped towards him. The creature's face was no more then three feet away from his own and Squall could smell the monster's foul breath as it let out a low, gurgled hiss. Then the creature, slacked suddenly and fell to the ground.

"Serves. . ." he coughed and watched as small drops of blood landed on the gunblade and his hand, ". . .Serves you right you bastard," he whispered then the world went black.

Well that's it for now. Hope you enjoyed and I know there will be a least two more chapters. Promise cross my heart and hope to di. . .uhmm no I just promise! Till next Time. . .Tootles.