Emotion - Chapter 7
A/N Thanks all you guys for all the great reviews! So I guess I'll continue since I've already written out a lot of the chapters :-P So here goes, hope you all like it! (Especially the extra little twist I wrote in here :-D)
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Abby, you feeling any better?"
Susan had just walked into the room.
"Um, a little. I'm a lot warmer now."
"Good, that's good. . . Uh, Abby?"
She now looked really uncomfortable, which was so unlike Susan's usual self.
"Yeah?"
"Um, well, the detective. . . . The detective wants us to, um, do a rape exam. I'm sorry."
Oh man, not again. I hate these things so much. I remember having to get one when my neighbor had attacked me. . . .
"Great."
That's all I managed to spit out. One word to describe how truly 'great' I felt.
"Okay, I'm gunna go get the kit, I'll be right back. . . ."
She started for the door.
". . . .But I'm sure you have nothing to worry about."
"Susan, wait."
I needed to talk to her. I was. . . I was actually scared. She looked at me with that concerned look in her eyes.
"Susan, I'm scared. I don't remember much. What if - What if. . . . "
I felt that familiar sting in my eyes. 'Don't cry, Abby, not in front of Susan. You're not weak.'
"Abby."
She started to come over to my bed.
"Abby, it'll be okay, you're going to be okay."
She sat down on my bed and hugged me. And to my surprise, it helped. It was that awesome feeling of being loved.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Okay, are you ready?"
I had finally gained composure after twenty minutes of crying in Susan's arms. She was such a wonderful friend. I wished so much to be able to hold John and for him to tell me that it would be alright, but they had told him to leave me alone with Susan.
"Yeah, just get it over with."
I couldn't believe this! I was actually scared! He couldn't have raped me! But then, I don't remember much. . . could he have maybe drugged me up, and then done it without my knowing it? Well, we were about to find out.
"Oh, oh my God." Susan had whispered.
Oh no. . . . This couldn't - it couldn't be happening.
"S - Susan?"
"There is uh. . . There is some bruising. . ."
"No, oh God. Is it. . .Are you sure. . . It couldn't be anything else?"
'No! I couldn't have! Maybe I could have stopped it, maybe it was my fault!' I was starting to cry now.
"I'm going to use the woods lamp now to. . . to make sure."
She turned off the light, and turned on the lamp. God, I had seen this done so many times before, but they had all been my patients. . . Never in a million years did I think this could ever happen to me. Susan was still looking when I saw her eyes start to well up.
"Umhmm"
She cleared her throat, and tried to wipe away a few tears that had fallen across her face.
"Abby, there is some semen present. God, I am so sorry!"
Right in that moment, I just broke into pieces. I didn't care if Susan thought I was weak. I was weak. I had let a schizophrenic murderer rape me! So I just cried there in Susan's arms until I realized that the one person I really needed was John. My John.
"Susan - Could you go - get Carter for me?"
I had managed to say in between sobs.
"Of course I will. If there's anything, anything at all I can do, you tell me, okay?"
"Thank you Susan. You're such a good friend."
Five minutes later, Susan had gotten John for me. He knew nothing about the rape exam. He didn't even know that I had gotten one.
"Hey John."
My face must have been just horrible from all my crying, because the way that he looked at me. . . . I can't even explain it.
"Abby."
He came over to me and gave me the best hug I'd ever received. It was amazing how he could just say my name, and instantly I would feel a sense of relief, and of joy. He held onto me like if he ever let go, he'd lose me forever.
"John, I - I need to tell you something."
I felt the tears start to come again.
"What is it? You know you can tell me anything."
The concern in his eyes was just too much to bear. Why did he care so much? What had I ever done to deserve his love? Would he possibly think less of me if I told him the whole story? N- no, of. . . of course not. For whatever reason, he loves me, and that is all I need to know.
"They. . . . Susan did a rape exam on me by request of the detectives. . ."
I looked deep into his eyes now.
Love
Concern
Guilt
Pain. . . .
It was all there. He knew. I didn't even have to tell him, he already knew.
"It - Oh John!"
I exploded with emotion right there. Fear, anger, frustration, sadness. . .
I cried for hours there with John holding me right there in his comforting arms, crying right along with me.
"How - how could I let this happen?! I can't even remember anything!"
And I didn't want to. I just wanted it to all go away without ever having to remember anything.
"Oh, Abby! It's not your fault! Don't even think that way, okay? I should have protected you; gotten you sooner. I'll - I'll never let you get hurt again. I love you too much. I'm so sorry Abby! I just - I can't. . . . . . "
He couldn't finish. He was crying too much. I could see the pain in his eyes so clearly now. He was in pain because I had been hurt. He was hurt just because he loves me. Loves ME. . . . I grabbed onto his hand and held it tight.
"Never let go John, please."
I whispered to him as we held each other and cried our hearts out.
"Never."
A/N Thanks all you guys for all the great reviews! So I guess I'll continue since I've already written out a lot of the chapters :-P So here goes, hope you all like it! (Especially the extra little twist I wrote in here :-D)
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Abby, you feeling any better?"
Susan had just walked into the room.
"Um, a little. I'm a lot warmer now."
"Good, that's good. . . Uh, Abby?"
She now looked really uncomfortable, which was so unlike Susan's usual self.
"Yeah?"
"Um, well, the detective. . . . The detective wants us to, um, do a rape exam. I'm sorry."
Oh man, not again. I hate these things so much. I remember having to get one when my neighbor had attacked me. . . .
"Great."
That's all I managed to spit out. One word to describe how truly 'great' I felt.
"Okay, I'm gunna go get the kit, I'll be right back. . . ."
She started for the door.
". . . .But I'm sure you have nothing to worry about."
"Susan, wait."
I needed to talk to her. I was. . . I was actually scared. She looked at me with that concerned look in her eyes.
"Susan, I'm scared. I don't remember much. What if - What if. . . . "
I felt that familiar sting in my eyes. 'Don't cry, Abby, not in front of Susan. You're not weak.'
"Abby."
She started to come over to my bed.
"Abby, it'll be okay, you're going to be okay."
She sat down on my bed and hugged me. And to my surprise, it helped. It was that awesome feeling of being loved.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Okay, are you ready?"
I had finally gained composure after twenty minutes of crying in Susan's arms. She was such a wonderful friend. I wished so much to be able to hold John and for him to tell me that it would be alright, but they had told him to leave me alone with Susan.
"Yeah, just get it over with."
I couldn't believe this! I was actually scared! He couldn't have raped me! But then, I don't remember much. . . could he have maybe drugged me up, and then done it without my knowing it? Well, we were about to find out.
"Oh, oh my God." Susan had whispered.
Oh no. . . . This couldn't - it couldn't be happening.
"S - Susan?"
"There is uh. . . There is some bruising. . ."
"No, oh God. Is it. . .Are you sure. . . It couldn't be anything else?"
'No! I couldn't have! Maybe I could have stopped it, maybe it was my fault!' I was starting to cry now.
"I'm going to use the woods lamp now to. . . to make sure."
She turned off the light, and turned on the lamp. God, I had seen this done so many times before, but they had all been my patients. . . Never in a million years did I think this could ever happen to me. Susan was still looking when I saw her eyes start to well up.
"Umhmm"
She cleared her throat, and tried to wipe away a few tears that had fallen across her face.
"Abby, there is some semen present. God, I am so sorry!"
Right in that moment, I just broke into pieces. I didn't care if Susan thought I was weak. I was weak. I had let a schizophrenic murderer rape me! So I just cried there in Susan's arms until I realized that the one person I really needed was John. My John.
"Susan - Could you go - get Carter for me?"
I had managed to say in between sobs.
"Of course I will. If there's anything, anything at all I can do, you tell me, okay?"
"Thank you Susan. You're such a good friend."
Five minutes later, Susan had gotten John for me. He knew nothing about the rape exam. He didn't even know that I had gotten one.
"Hey John."
My face must have been just horrible from all my crying, because the way that he looked at me. . . . I can't even explain it.
"Abby."
He came over to me and gave me the best hug I'd ever received. It was amazing how he could just say my name, and instantly I would feel a sense of relief, and of joy. He held onto me like if he ever let go, he'd lose me forever.
"John, I - I need to tell you something."
I felt the tears start to come again.
"What is it? You know you can tell me anything."
The concern in his eyes was just too much to bear. Why did he care so much? What had I ever done to deserve his love? Would he possibly think less of me if I told him the whole story? N- no, of. . . of course not. For whatever reason, he loves me, and that is all I need to know.
"They. . . . Susan did a rape exam on me by request of the detectives. . ."
I looked deep into his eyes now.
Love
Concern
Guilt
Pain. . . .
It was all there. He knew. I didn't even have to tell him, he already knew.
"It - Oh John!"
I exploded with emotion right there. Fear, anger, frustration, sadness. . .
I cried for hours there with John holding me right there in his comforting arms, crying right along with me.
"How - how could I let this happen?! I can't even remember anything!"
And I didn't want to. I just wanted it to all go away without ever having to remember anything.
"Oh, Abby! It's not your fault! Don't even think that way, okay? I should have protected you; gotten you sooner. I'll - I'll never let you get hurt again. I love you too much. I'm so sorry Abby! I just - I can't. . . . . . "
He couldn't finish. He was crying too much. I could see the pain in his eyes so clearly now. He was in pain because I had been hurt. He was hurt just because he loves me. Loves ME. . . . I grabbed onto his hand and held it tight.
"Never let go John, please."
I whispered to him as we held each other and cried our hearts out.
"Never."