I will not

Indeed, she came promptly at eight. She was surprised to see me already up sitting in a chair in front of the window, giving me the appearance being a shadow. Horror flashed across her face when she saw my red, sleep-deprived eyes.

I expected a long, boring talk about the benefits of sleep and how I had to go to bed. Instead, she just shook her head saying, "Please go to sleep form now on, S.E."

I flinched as she left the room. After she had spoken to me, I had felt just the littlest bit of respect, of trust forming for her.

NO! I will not keep making the same mistakes! I WILL be distant! I WILL be wild! I WILL not obey! I WILL NOT LOVE!