It was good weather, so the funeral was outside. I sat alone in the back row, not really listening to the Priest or the birds that made an ironically happy tune from their throat, in attempts to create new life. I was really only paying attention to one thing. The sound of Julian Rose's crying. She was six rows in front of me, and surrounded by dozens of other crying mourners, but for some reason, she was the only one I could hear. It was like I could hear every tear hitting the strong green grass as well as I could feel a pin being shoved into my abdomen. I didn't cry at my mother's funeral, well, I didn't weep. I do remember wiping away a few stray tears.
What a thing my life has been. So many twists and turns, so many questionable memories. To think of what I once was, a purple haired sarcastic punk, to what I am now, a single neurosurgeon with a thirteen year old daughter to raise. Time is a cruel dance partner, and she's stepped on my toes more times than I care to remember.
The ceremony is over and Amy's body is lowered under the earth. I can see Delia holding her husbands hand tightly in her's, with her other hand placed protectively on her stomach. Even from this distance I can see tears rolling down Bright's face. Rose is crying with a handkerchief plastered to her face. Colin bites his lower lip so hard it's a deep, dark, red. Everyone gets into a line, and throws a rose onto the coffin before choking down tears and moving on. I glanced down at the white rose laying on the seat next to me.
I look up again and see that everyone has left except for the men filling in Amy's grave, and Julian Rose, who hasn't moved from her seat in the first row. Once the men are finished filling in the grave, and smoothen the dirt with the back of their shovels. I picked up the rose next to me and walked up next to where Julian Rose is sitting. Now the two of us are the only two in the large, barren cemetery. It's completely silent, save the wind blowing through the leaves of the trees and through the ribbons on Amy's flowers. Even the birds are strangely silent. I close my eyes and feel the wind blow against my face. I remember the first time I heard Amy's voice say my name, the first time she told me she loved me, and the feel of her lips on mine. I place my hand of Julian Rose's shoulder.
"Come on, there's nothing for us here any more," I tell her softly. She takes my hand, stands up, and together we walk to the foot of Amy's plot. She throws her red rose onto the smoothened dirt, and wraps her arms around my stomach, crying on my lint free black suit. I squeeze my eyes closed and finally, a single tear falls from each eye and collects at my chin. I place the white rose to my nose, take one last smell to remember Amy by, and throw it on the grave.
I fold the newspaper I'm reading back into its original, space efficient pattern, and hold it in my lap. I close my eyes and rest the back of my head on the top of the airplane headrest. I let out a long sigh and look out of the little, oval shaped window that lets me have a view of the tiny world beneath me, the world pulling me down to it. I turn away from the black world to my daughter, who's asleep in the seat next to me. She snores slightly but I don't mind, as long as she's not having nightmares I'm fine with anything.
I've already gotten her into a good school, the one I went to when I was her age. I had hated it then, but when I look back on it now, it was a pretty decent school. One of the few private schools that doesn't enforce uniforms. I've also had my maid set up a room for her, and fill the refrigerator and cupboards with Julian Rose's favorite foods, according to Colin. Julian Rose has a majority of her clothes with her, but the rest of her things will be arriving in a few days. She won't be going to school for a week, so she'll have time to settle down. The school is aware of, everything, so for the first few weeks they'll understand if Julian Rose doesn't come to school or runs from the classroom in tears. I've also had my secretary inform my appointments not to be surprised if I cancel on short notice. A lot of them are parents, so they understand perfectly. At least, that's how my secretary told me they reacted…
We arrived at my apartment very late, so I showed Julian Rose her room and she fell asleep immediately. I sat at the bar for a few hours, drinking from a glass of bourbon and watching the either really late or really earlier news, depending on your point of view. Since I had been up for awhile, I considered it really late. That's one thing about the whole 'is the glass half empty or half full?' thing. It all depends on whether you're adding to it or taking away.
I rolled out of bed, literally, at about noon the next morning. Jetlag, bourbon, one of them let me sleep. I thank it, whichever one it is. I pulled a bathrobe on, scratched my head, and walked downstairs. I heard Julian Rose's voice, laughter, and I followed it toward the kitchen. What I found surprised me, but, on back thought, it shouldn't have. Julian Rose had her knees on a stool and was leaning on the kitchen counter, a bowl of some cereal in front of her. Her attention was not on the cereal, however, but on the woman leaning against the stove, talking to her, and keeping a smile on her face. The woman saw me.
"Ah, the living dead!" the woman exclaimed. Julian Rose turned and smiled at me.
"Dad, did you really sing Beatles at last year's Christmas party?" Julian Rose asked me, trying not to laugh. I do appreciate the effort.
"Yeah, well, someone got me very drunk," I said walking over to the coffee machine and pouring myself a mug, with a glance at the woman. I turned to the woman who was smiling at me. I turned back to Julian Rose.
"What kind of stuff has Lulu been telling you?" I asked her.
"All kinds of embarrassing stuff," the woman told me. Julian Rose looked at us confused.
"Why do you call her 'Lulu?' "
"Why do I call you that?" I asked her.
"I always assumed it's because you're the devil," she replied. I nodded and turned to Julian Rose, hoping that would be a fair reply for her.
Lulu is actually Lois Shannon; she's my assistant. Actually, she was supposed to be my secretary. It put an ad in the paper, (something no longer done often), and she showed up. She was perfectly qualified for a secretarial position, but she also had a doctorate in neurosurgery. So, I hired her, and instead of calling her my 'secretary,' I call her my 'assistant.' She pretty much does secretary stuff, but she just seems to deserve the assistant title. Besides, sometimes, when I study a case very hard and can't come up with something, she brings in a fresh viewpoint and helps out.
The reason Lulu has a key to my place is because a few years ago I went on a little, binge…. Well, the end result is, Lulu tried to get into my apartment and couldn't, and I almost died. So, she demanded a key from me, in that, forceful, obligatory kind of way. Ever since then, I kind of can't operate without her. Well, I can, in the operation room, but not in real life…. Yeah….