Chapter 5: Cluck-A-Chicken
Len sat, working on the elf's application for work at the nearest fast food place: Cluck-A-Chicken. She looked back over the application to make sure she had everything.
Name: Lief Eilf Age: 19 Parents / Legal Guardians: deceased Residence: 11A Cobblestone Creek Education: Full education through high school in Costa Rica Qualifications: Really good eyes and ears, polite, also see above question.
The rest was just blather. She told him his new name and had him sign at the bottom. She sighed.
"Here goes nothing."
~*~
Legolas cocked an eyebrow.
"Remind me again why I'm doing this." He stood standing in a giant chicken suit, complete with a large picket sign that proudly stated: "Come to Cluck- A-Chicken, where our chickens are honored to be your lunch! Limited time only- One chicken for the price of Two!"
"Because you need money and you need to get out of the house. And I will hurt you if you stay and ask me even one more question about my 'alge- whatty'. I've told you- it's ALGEOM!"
"Whatever it is, I'll be happy to leave it alone," he shuddered. "It scares me."
She snorted. "Wimp."
6 hrs later.
Among the passerb- CUSTOMERS, Legolas corrected himself, Len came down the sidewalk, bags of camo-ed paraphernalia in tow. She looked up at the wilting chicken before her.
"You alright?"
"Yes, and I'm perfectly content with my current employment situation." He said, voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Good. Glad to hear it!" she clapped him on his feathered back and went on her way. Legolas glared at her quickly disappearing figure.
~*~
The door slammed open. Len calmly turned the page of her book from her perch on the mantle. Legolas stormed in.
"Tell me right now, how do I get OUT of this job?! .and this suit." He said through clenched teeth.
"Hey, if you quit after one day, it'll go on your resume and you won't be able to get another job." She said without looking up from her book. He was silenced. "AND, if you don't get another job, we won't be able to pay the rent and the extra food, you'll be thrown out onto the street, and then you'll never find your way back to Middle Earth. And as for the suit, come here." He did so. "Turn around. see? There's a zipper! Hold on, I'll get it. I don't think you can reach around the costume with your wings." she paused as she tugged at the zipper. "Ummm. Hold on." She stuck a foot against his back and yanked again at the zipper, and succeeded- in pulling the zipper tab off. "Uh oh."
"Uh oh? What uh oh?! What did you do?!"
"Ummm. be right with 'ya!" she said, running to the kitchen and coming back with a pair of scissors so large that the blade was as long as her forearm. "You might want to be moving to the front of the chicken suit right about now."
He shifted in the costume. "Why?"
She jammed one of the scissors blades into the fabric and began cutting. "That's why."
Legolas gulped and was quiet. Within a few minutes, she had gotten a rather large hole (about half of the suit) gone. She blinked at the still attached chicken head.
"Okay, you're gonna want to keep your head in the middle of the costume, alright?" Beneath the plastic google eyes, the elf's eyes widened in alarm. Soon he heard a chopping sound. When Len finally yanked off the suit to unearth the normally (and not feathered) clothed elf, she gaped at him.
"Len? .Len? What's wrong?"
She closed her mouth with an audible click and silently held up a mirror. The elf's blonde hair was choppy and looked like it had been hacked at by a chainsaw.
"I thought you were going to go the middle of the chicken head!"
"I DID."
"Oh. oops?" He glared at her, and she ran into her room and locked the door. "DON'T HURT ME!"
Legolas sighed and fingered the ragged ends of his blonde locks. He flopped onto the sofa with another sigh and flipped on the tv to keep his mind off his now very un-elflike hair. The tv turned on to an infomercial.
-Everyone needs a PillaFluffa 3000!-
Legolas's eyes widened. "Are. are you talking to me?"
-I mean YOU! You need to call right now to get your free kit of pillow cleaning supplies with your purchase!-
"I need to call. right now?"
-You must call soon or this special deal's gone!-
"Oh. alright." he said, still scared. He got up and knocked on Len's door. She didn't open it.
"Len? Len, the man on the tv was talking to me. he wants me to buy a PillaFluffa 3000." he trailed off.
"Just change the stinkin' channel! It's a scam!" she opened the door, then stared, eyes wide. "Ummm. Legolas?"
"What?" She led him to the mirror. His hair was exactly the same length it had been before, with no sign that it had ever been cut. He looked at his reflection for a moment wordlessly. "I guess that's why elves don't cut their hair."
Len sat, working on the elf's application for work at the nearest fast food place: Cluck-A-Chicken. She looked back over the application to make sure she had everything.
Name: Lief Eilf Age: 19 Parents / Legal Guardians: deceased Residence: 11A Cobblestone Creek Education: Full education through high school in Costa Rica Qualifications: Really good eyes and ears, polite, also see above question.
The rest was just blather. She told him his new name and had him sign at the bottom. She sighed.
"Here goes nothing."
~*~
Legolas cocked an eyebrow.
"Remind me again why I'm doing this." He stood standing in a giant chicken suit, complete with a large picket sign that proudly stated: "Come to Cluck- A-Chicken, where our chickens are honored to be your lunch! Limited time only- One chicken for the price of Two!"
"Because you need money and you need to get out of the house. And I will hurt you if you stay and ask me even one more question about my 'alge- whatty'. I've told you- it's ALGEOM!"
"Whatever it is, I'll be happy to leave it alone," he shuddered. "It scares me."
She snorted. "Wimp."
6 hrs later.
Among the passerb- CUSTOMERS, Legolas corrected himself, Len came down the sidewalk, bags of camo-ed paraphernalia in tow. She looked up at the wilting chicken before her.
"You alright?"
"Yes, and I'm perfectly content with my current employment situation." He said, voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Good. Glad to hear it!" she clapped him on his feathered back and went on her way. Legolas glared at her quickly disappearing figure.
~*~
The door slammed open. Len calmly turned the page of her book from her perch on the mantle. Legolas stormed in.
"Tell me right now, how do I get OUT of this job?! .and this suit." He said through clenched teeth.
"Hey, if you quit after one day, it'll go on your resume and you won't be able to get another job." She said without looking up from her book. He was silenced. "AND, if you don't get another job, we won't be able to pay the rent and the extra food, you'll be thrown out onto the street, and then you'll never find your way back to Middle Earth. And as for the suit, come here." He did so. "Turn around. see? There's a zipper! Hold on, I'll get it. I don't think you can reach around the costume with your wings." she paused as she tugged at the zipper. "Ummm. Hold on." She stuck a foot against his back and yanked again at the zipper, and succeeded- in pulling the zipper tab off. "Uh oh."
"Uh oh? What uh oh?! What did you do?!"
"Ummm. be right with 'ya!" she said, running to the kitchen and coming back with a pair of scissors so large that the blade was as long as her forearm. "You might want to be moving to the front of the chicken suit right about now."
He shifted in the costume. "Why?"
She jammed one of the scissors blades into the fabric and began cutting. "That's why."
Legolas gulped and was quiet. Within a few minutes, she had gotten a rather large hole (about half of the suit) gone. She blinked at the still attached chicken head.
"Okay, you're gonna want to keep your head in the middle of the costume, alright?" Beneath the plastic google eyes, the elf's eyes widened in alarm. Soon he heard a chopping sound. When Len finally yanked off the suit to unearth the normally (and not feathered) clothed elf, she gaped at him.
"Len? .Len? What's wrong?"
She closed her mouth with an audible click and silently held up a mirror. The elf's blonde hair was choppy and looked like it had been hacked at by a chainsaw.
"I thought you were going to go the middle of the chicken head!"
"I DID."
"Oh. oops?" He glared at her, and she ran into her room and locked the door. "DON'T HURT ME!"
Legolas sighed and fingered the ragged ends of his blonde locks. He flopped onto the sofa with another sigh and flipped on the tv to keep his mind off his now very un-elflike hair. The tv turned on to an infomercial.
-Everyone needs a PillaFluffa 3000!-
Legolas's eyes widened. "Are. are you talking to me?"
-I mean YOU! You need to call right now to get your free kit of pillow cleaning supplies with your purchase!-
"I need to call. right now?"
-You must call soon or this special deal's gone!-
"Oh. alright." he said, still scared. He got up and knocked on Len's door. She didn't open it.
"Len? Len, the man on the tv was talking to me. he wants me to buy a PillaFluffa 3000." he trailed off.
"Just change the stinkin' channel! It's a scam!" she opened the door, then stared, eyes wide. "Ummm. Legolas?"
"What?" She led him to the mirror. His hair was exactly the same length it had been before, with no sign that it had ever been cut. He looked at his reflection for a moment wordlessly. "I guess that's why elves don't cut their hair."