***takes place the summer after "Chosen"
S/B fic
Rated PG-13
Summer's End
Summer was almost over. Most of the potentials had gone back to their homes, and Giles had met someone. The two had a flight scheduled to return them to England, Xander was on the road with his new construction job, and Faith had left long ago to avoid being found and returned to prison. Even Willow had established a new life alongside the AI team. Everyone had moved on with their lives, but Buffy still felt misplaced. She knew she didn't belong in LA with Angel no matter how he tried to convince. Yet he knew the reason she stayed had nothing to do with him.
There was no Sunnydale to return to.
She sat on the edge of the bed and remembered once again what had taken place.
She pictured Spike, as she had so many times before, beneath the school, light radiating from him. No matter how many times she relived the moment, it always seemed as real as when it actually happened. His face, his voice, "Better go now lamb."
She dropped her head and closed her eyes tight. All she had left of him was in her mind, and in her heart.
"Buffy…" Angel's voice, along with a knock, came from the other side of her hotel room door.
She walked to the door and opened it.
"I need you to come downstairs." He said to her.
She nodded silently and he led the way. He stopped at the top of the steps and turned towards her.
"Now I want you to take a deep breath."
She looked at him curiously. He grasped her shoulders and turned her slowly toward the steps, never letting go of her. Her eyes scanned the staircase and over to the lobby. Her heart jumped.
"It can't be", she thought as the figure turned and looked up directly into her eyes. His platinum blonde hair, his long black duster-- all just the way she had remembered the last time she saw him. The last time…
She gasped, and it was good Angel was still holding onto her because her knees went weak. After all the fierce fights she had endured, this minute she thought she might collapse.
Angel's voice was suddenly in her ear, "Buffy, are you ok?"
She nodded slowly and slipped out of his grasp to descend the stairs, never taking her eyes from Spike's.
When she reached the bottom they stood facing each other. Angel turned and left them alone.
She locked her eyes on his face, afraid that if she blinked he might disappear. He tilted his head to the side and smiled slightly.
"Spike?" she said with the only breath her body could find.
"It's me luv."
He took her hand and placed it on his face. Her heart pounded at the touch of him. She was still taking in the sight of him when he slid her hand down his face to his chest and stopped it tightly over his heart. His heart. HIS HEART. It was beating. Her eyes widened and tears filled them. She slowly looked up at his face,
"How?", she asked as she fought back tears. She was elated but couldn't find the words to say.
He took her hand and led her to the circular couch. He swept his duster behind him to sit down, and sat her down facing him.
"I know it's a lot to take in pet" he started, "it's ok though, I'm never leaving you again."
He went on, "I'm not sure how long I've been gone…"
"One hundred forty-seven days yesterday, one hundred forty eight today", he straightened recognizing his own words, "but today doesn't count does it?" she said with a slight smile.
He felt as if someone had given him the keys to a kingdom. She had missed him. She had loved him. She did love him.
Buffy didn't know where to start, There were so many questions. "When? where? how?…" she began.
"There's time for that later luv, just let me look at you." He reached up to touch her face and another tear escaped her eye.
"Where's the 'lil bit?" he asked.
"She went to live with dad, she needed to enroll in school for fall, and we agreed LA just wasn't the place for that," she told him.
"Everyone else?" he questioned
"Everyone is pretty much gone, except for Will. Giles leaves tomorrow."
"And you?", he bowed his head slightly.
She paused.
"I….I haven't decided." She said quietly. "I felt like I couldn't go, couldn't go on…"
He took her shoulders firmly in his hands. "Buffy, you have to move on too."
She met his gaze.
"You are back 5 minutes and you are telling me to go?" she asked amazed, "Where the hell…"
"You know what's best for you pet, and so do I." he interrupted "Angel said you haven't moved on because of me, is that true?"
"I couldn't."
"Now you can."
She leaned over and laid her head on his shoulder, and he wrapped his arms around her. He kissed the top of her head, "Buffy…."
"Don't." she whispered.
She stood up and reached for his hand, pulling him to his feet, and led him up the stairs. They walked to her room, neither of them saying a word. She led him in and shut the door behind him. He wanted to touch her, to kiss her, but he didn't want it to be too much for her. Before he could have second thoughts, she was kissing him and unbuckling his jeans. He knew then that she wanted this as much as he did. He slid his duster off, scooped her up and carried her to the bed. She had never forgotten his weight on her, the feel of his body.
He raised himself up on his arms, "I love you Buffy, nothing can change that." He dipped down toward her face to place a gentle kiss on her lips and emotion overtook her. She grasped his blonde hair and pulled him forcefully into the kiss. His hand slid over her breasts and to the bottom of her shirt as he deepened the kiss.
He was no longer a vampire, she was no longer the only slayer. They made love, for the first time, as just a woman and a man.
*****************************************************
They lay in each other's arms, content. His body half propped up against the headboard, her head on his bare chest, she listened. She listened to the most wonderful sounds she had ever heard--- his breathing, his heartbeat. He made tiny circles on her shoulder and took deep breaths, remembering the scent of her.
"You know," she began "Angel told me."
He crooked his head to look down at her; she remained staring at his rising and falling chest.
"Told you what pet?" he inquired.
She propped herself up and looked into his eyes. "He explained why you answered me the way you did."
He looked puzzled. She went on. "When I told you that I loved you, below the basement, right before you…." She couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence, so she skipped ahead. "When you said "no you don't, but thanks for saying it".
He leaned his head back onto the headboard.
"That stuck with me for a long time. I kept asking myself why you didn't believe me, when I had realized that I did love you with all my heart, and at that crucial moment, you said that to me." Her eyes met his. "It all came crashing down on me after we arrived here, and Angel knew something else was going on other than what happened."
He looked at her, deep into her eyes. He could see the hurt and it destroyed him to know he had left her with that.
"So, I finally broke down and told Angel what happened the moments before….you know."
He nodded.
"He explained something to me that I hadn't been able to see myself." She paused "You knew I couldn't let another love die. You put doubt in my mind so I would leave. You knew I had to, and I couldn't live with it all happening again."
His eyes closed and tears ran down his face.
"You knew I chose you that night before we went into the hellmouth didn't you?"
He nodded, not opening his eyes.
"You know I love you." She said, almost questioning him. Again he nodded, opening his eyes this time to look at her.
"Then why did you tell me I have to go 30 seconds after you came back?"
He shifted out of their comfortable space and started, "Angel didn't just talk to you."
She straightened, wondering what was next. He threw the covers back and slid to the edge of the bed, swung his feet around and stood to walk across the room.
"He said you had been here all summer, he said you were the only one not moving on." He turned and looked at her. "He told me about the 'cookie dough."
She suddenly realized what she had been avoiding all summer, not just moving on, but finding where she needed to move on to. What she had always wanted was the freedom to find herself. After Sunnydale became a big vacant crater, she could do that. Now that she wasn't the only slayer, the world wasn't on her shoulders; she was free to be Buffy, not 'Slayer'.
He realized she was lost in a sea of thought and he slid his pants on and walked back over to the bed to sit beside her. He took her chin gently and made her look at him.
"Listen, I will be here…right here. Angel and I had a big talk and I'm gonna hang around here for a while. He needs the extra help, and I don't have anywhere to be just this minute."
"Yes but…" she tried to talk herself out of it.
"Buffy---" he said, "go. Go be Buffy for a while."
He waited for a response.
"I'm not going anywhere." He told her.
She knew in her heart he was right. Cookie dough.
"You know,' he went on, "me and him never agreed on much, but we do agree on one thing." He caught her glance, "you."
She knew she would be leaving the two men she loved most, and leaving them together no less. Now that couldn't have good repercussions she thought. But then again, maybe it would, they did have her in common.
****************************************
She descended the stairs, bags in hand.
Giles was waiting for her.
"I told Ally we would pick her up on the way." He told her, "We'll drop you at the bus station before we go to the airport."
Spike was close behind her on the steps, and Angel emerged from the office.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" Giles asked her.
She nodded as she placed her bag on the floor.
Angel approached her and wished her luck. "You know if you need anything…"
"I know" she replied. He looked at the floor, then at her once again. She reached out and hugged him and he gave into the embrace immediately, then returned to the office.
Giles picked up her bags, "I'll be in the car." He said to her, carrying her bags out.
She turned and looked at Spike. His newly beating heart swelled.
"Buffy---"
"Spike" she stopped him. "I'll be back, I promise."
His grin grew across his face.
"I know." He said to her.
She closed the space between them and he slid his arms around her waist. "This isn't 'goodbye,'" he told her.
"I know." She said.
He bent to kiss her, and then backed away.
He slid his duster off his arms and put it around her.
"Just until you get back, luv, k?"
She smiled and fought back tears.
"k." and with that she turned and walked across the lobby, stopping at the door to look back at him once more. With a smile she walked out of the hotel, his duster floating in the breeze behind her.
Angel walked back out of the office and looked at the door, then at Spike.
"She'll be back" Angel said.
"I know." Spike replied.
They both stood in the empty lobby, which seemed much emptier now.
The End