Aoi Jade: Sorry for the wait guys.....*sweatdrop* I sprained my ankel and
havent gotten much computer time in.....-_-;;
Starting Over
Chapter 3
"...Cry if you need to...."
For the rest of the night....Yamcha seemed really quiet.....either my words hurt him, or completley touched him...and for some reson....I think it was the latter....
I couldnt help thinking of the look on his face....it was so sweet....and the more I thought about it....the more I starting to think that Bulma was right about what she said......
I layed curled up on my bed, my nose in my favorite book, 'Ashes To Ashes' and my P.O.D. Cd blaring in the background. (Aoi Jade: MWAHAHAHA! ASHES TO ASHES AND P.O.D. ARE THE TWO BEST THINGS IN THE WORLD! MWAHAHA!)
I had just finished reading the last sentence of the 14th chapter when the phone rang. It rang once....twice...and finally I brought myself to pick it up...I had to admit, I wasnt much of a phone person. They infererate me for some reson.
"Hello?"
~Hey Amay.~
I smiled at the sound of Yamcha's voice on the other line.
"Oh, hey Yamcha. What's up?"
~Ah, nothing much. Just wondering what you were up to.....~
I sighed as I placed my book mark in my book. "Actually....I'm bored as hell right now.....damn, even with music blaring its too quiet here...."
~Yeah...I figured that much.~ He laughed, ~Vegeta's still hauled up inside his training cambers?~
I nodded, "Yup, that baka hasnt come out in a while....of course...I supose thats a good thing....I dont want Bulma and her parents coming back to see there house in a pile of rubble."
He laughed again. ~Well, since your not doing anything, wadda ya say we get together and do something....?~
There was a little bit of nerviousness in his voice. I smiled. "Sure." I said, "Have anything in mind?"
~I dont know....maybe we could get a bite to eat and then head over there and watch a few movies.~
"Sounds good to me."
~Okay then....um...I'll be over in about a half hour, okay?~
"Yup. That should give me just enough time to doll myself up." I giggled.
~Ha...okay...see ya soon.~
"Okay..."
~*Click*~
I set the resever down on the cradle and smiled again.....I dont really know why....I just couldnt help it......
~*~
"Kami! Thats the LAST time I go to the mall on a Friday night." I laughed as we walked in the door, "If that jerk walked up to me and tried to talk to me one more time I would of broke his face."
Yamcha laughed as he pulled his coat off, "Is it just me, or is every guy in this town been getting lessons from Maser Roshi?"
My eyes widened slightly, "I hope not!"
I pulled my coat off and threw it over the couch as I sat down. I looked down at my wrists and bit my lip. I normally had wrist bands on when I was sparing....or a long sleeve shirt on to cover the deep scars there...but since it was so hot out that day, I didnt have either on....
I looked up when Yamcha flopped down beside me, looking through a stack of video's we had rented. "Sooooooooo." He said, looking up at me, "What one should we watch first?"
I shrugged, knowing I MUST of had a jumpy look on my face.......I didnt mind Yamcha knowing that I had 'battle scars', he had battle scars too...but...the ones on my wrists....were more...personal....
"Amay?"
I jumped as I heard his voice. "Huh?!" I grunted and looked up at him, "Nani?"
He smiled slightly and looked at me strangley. "Um...you okay? You look....twitchy."
I laughed and shook my head slightly. "I'm fine....just not really....all here at the moment....thats all."
He looked me over and stopped when he saw my hands, which were crossed over eachother, my wrists flat on my lap.
"Your SURE your okay?" He asked, "Your not really acting like yourself...."
I shook my head again, "No....I'm just.....uh...its nothing...." I raised my hand to put my hair behind my ear, (another nervious habit of mine) and then realized my wrists were showing. I flopped my hand back down on my lap and smiled not so convincinly at him. 'Damnit....I'm SUCH a bad actor.........'
Before I could crack a joke to cover it up, Yamcha lifted my hand and looked at my wrist. I flinched as his thumb slipped over one of them.
"Hm..more battle scars...whats the big deal?" He asked with a slight smile.
I shook my head and bit my lip again. "Well........not....exsactly..."
Yamcha tilted his head and looked at me, a look of worry on his face. "Amay......?"
I could feel it again....that sinking feeling inside of me...the feeling that my past was catching up to me.....the only way to get it out....was to get the feeling out...was to tell someone...or......
I looked down at my wrists and blinked back the need to cry. "Some of these scars........weren't from my brother...." I said in a low tone, "The ones here......I did myself...." I looked up at Yamcha's face, my lips twisted into a bitter smile, "I did this...." I whispered, running my hand over the scars. There were at least a dozen of them.
"But...." Yamcha began a shocked and confused look on his face, "Why....?"
I closed my eyes to stop my eyes from watering. "At the time....I thought....that....cutting myself....that...it was my only escape....the only way to slip intp a world of my own....a world where I couldnt hurt anymore...where I could hide from everything......and at the same time...I could punish myself for being so weak......I really was in a sence, brainwashed." I paused and opened my eyes, "When Raditz found out......I thought that maybe.....just maybe he would think differntly of me.....maybe even think that I was more stronger than he thought I was.....and....after I thought about it...he was right about what he said....he told me...that to try what I had tried...was just an easy way out....that those that die at there own hand, by there own foolishness....were the most weak of there kind..........all I was doing was trying to find the easy way out....
"I had thought....that if he wasnt PROUD of me for doing what I did.....that maybe he would be worried about me......and for once, show me that he cared about me just a little, but....he didnt....." I looked up at Yamcha's shocked face and smiled a humorless smile, "The crazy thing was....is that......I didnt think of Raditz as a brother.......or even a teacher.....I didnt know WHAT to think of him....sure....he showed me a sliver of kindness once in a great while....but afterwards....I always ended up in the same state.....on the floor of the training room, struggling to breath, or in the infermery, fighting to stay awake....even though all I really wanted was to close my eyes and never wake up.........."
I looked at him again....realizing how much I was opening up to him....I hadnt even told GOKU this much....
I looked down and pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around myself. "I'm sorry..." I whispered. a dry smile coming across my face. "I'm not used to people caring about me...." I chuckled lightly, "And when someone DOES actually care....I always end up spilling my entire life story to them....bad habit...I should learn to keep my memories to myself...they only cause more pain and worry to others......I guess I am weak like Raditz said...I mea-"
I stopped my rammbleing when I felt Yamcha's arms wrap around my shoulers. My breath caught in my throat as I looked up at him. I averted my eyes as soon as a tear slipped down my cheek, quickly wipping it away...I wasnt about to show any more weakness to him than I already had.
"Amay...?" Yamcha said in a soft tone, tilting my face up so that our eyes met. "Talk all you want....you've kept it bottled up long enough...........let it out.....cry if you need to.....forget your a saiyajin and forget all the things that you've been taught and CRY. I'm not going to think any less of you if you do.....if anything I'll think more of you.....you cant wear a tearless expression all you life....."
I swallowed and choked back a tiny sob. "Yamcha......" I whispered, my eyes welding with tears. I let out a sob and rested my head on his shoulder, crying.
At that moment......for the first time.....I didnt care about showing my feelings.....I didnt care that Vegeta could walk in and see Yamcha and I like this.....I didnt matter.....and for some reson....I really hoped that he wouldnt let me go...........
~End Chapter 3~
Aoi Jade: *snif* I actually teared up writting this.......
Zane: *hangs her a tissue* Is that angsty enough for you?
Aoi Jade: *nods* *blows nose*
Zane: Okay then.....please review....tell us what you thought....blah blah blah.....
Aoi Jade: *Wacks him over the head with Chichi's frying pan* Dont be so rude you baka, or else they wont wanna read the fic anymore!
Zane: *rubs head* Where did you get that thing anyway........?
Starting Over
Chapter 3
"...Cry if you need to...."
For the rest of the night....Yamcha seemed really quiet.....either my words hurt him, or completley touched him...and for some reson....I think it was the latter....
I couldnt help thinking of the look on his face....it was so sweet....and the more I thought about it....the more I starting to think that Bulma was right about what she said......
I layed curled up on my bed, my nose in my favorite book, 'Ashes To Ashes' and my P.O.D. Cd blaring in the background. (Aoi Jade: MWAHAHAHA! ASHES TO ASHES AND P.O.D. ARE THE TWO BEST THINGS IN THE WORLD! MWAHAHA!)
I had just finished reading the last sentence of the 14th chapter when the phone rang. It rang once....twice...and finally I brought myself to pick it up...I had to admit, I wasnt much of a phone person. They infererate me for some reson.
"Hello?"
~Hey Amay.~
I smiled at the sound of Yamcha's voice on the other line.
"Oh, hey Yamcha. What's up?"
~Ah, nothing much. Just wondering what you were up to.....~
I sighed as I placed my book mark in my book. "Actually....I'm bored as hell right now.....damn, even with music blaring its too quiet here...."
~Yeah...I figured that much.~ He laughed, ~Vegeta's still hauled up inside his training cambers?~
I nodded, "Yup, that baka hasnt come out in a while....of course...I supose thats a good thing....I dont want Bulma and her parents coming back to see there house in a pile of rubble."
He laughed again. ~Well, since your not doing anything, wadda ya say we get together and do something....?~
There was a little bit of nerviousness in his voice. I smiled. "Sure." I said, "Have anything in mind?"
~I dont know....maybe we could get a bite to eat and then head over there and watch a few movies.~
"Sounds good to me."
~Okay then....um...I'll be over in about a half hour, okay?~
"Yup. That should give me just enough time to doll myself up." I giggled.
~Ha...okay...see ya soon.~
"Okay..."
~*Click*~
I set the resever down on the cradle and smiled again.....I dont really know why....I just couldnt help it......
~*~
"Kami! Thats the LAST time I go to the mall on a Friday night." I laughed as we walked in the door, "If that jerk walked up to me and tried to talk to me one more time I would of broke his face."
Yamcha laughed as he pulled his coat off, "Is it just me, or is every guy in this town been getting lessons from Maser Roshi?"
My eyes widened slightly, "I hope not!"
I pulled my coat off and threw it over the couch as I sat down. I looked down at my wrists and bit my lip. I normally had wrist bands on when I was sparing....or a long sleeve shirt on to cover the deep scars there...but since it was so hot out that day, I didnt have either on....
I looked up when Yamcha flopped down beside me, looking through a stack of video's we had rented. "Sooooooooo." He said, looking up at me, "What one should we watch first?"
I shrugged, knowing I MUST of had a jumpy look on my face.......I didnt mind Yamcha knowing that I had 'battle scars', he had battle scars too...but...the ones on my wrists....were more...personal....
"Amay?"
I jumped as I heard his voice. "Huh?!" I grunted and looked up at him, "Nani?"
He smiled slightly and looked at me strangley. "Um...you okay? You look....twitchy."
I laughed and shook my head slightly. "I'm fine....just not really....all here at the moment....thats all."
He looked me over and stopped when he saw my hands, which were crossed over eachother, my wrists flat on my lap.
"Your SURE your okay?" He asked, "Your not really acting like yourself...."
I shook my head again, "No....I'm just.....uh...its nothing...." I raised my hand to put my hair behind my ear, (another nervious habit of mine) and then realized my wrists were showing. I flopped my hand back down on my lap and smiled not so convincinly at him. 'Damnit....I'm SUCH a bad actor.........'
Before I could crack a joke to cover it up, Yamcha lifted my hand and looked at my wrist. I flinched as his thumb slipped over one of them.
"Hm..more battle scars...whats the big deal?" He asked with a slight smile.
I shook my head and bit my lip again. "Well........not....exsactly..."
Yamcha tilted his head and looked at me, a look of worry on his face. "Amay......?"
I could feel it again....that sinking feeling inside of me...the feeling that my past was catching up to me.....the only way to get it out....was to get the feeling out...was to tell someone...or......
I looked down at my wrists and blinked back the need to cry. "Some of these scars........weren't from my brother...." I said in a low tone, "The ones here......I did myself...." I looked up at Yamcha's face, my lips twisted into a bitter smile, "I did this...." I whispered, running my hand over the scars. There were at least a dozen of them.
"But...." Yamcha began a shocked and confused look on his face, "Why....?"
I closed my eyes to stop my eyes from watering. "At the time....I thought....that....cutting myself....that...it was my only escape....the only way to slip intp a world of my own....a world where I couldnt hurt anymore...where I could hide from everything......and at the same time...I could punish myself for being so weak......I really was in a sence, brainwashed." I paused and opened my eyes, "When Raditz found out......I thought that maybe.....just maybe he would think differntly of me.....maybe even think that I was more stronger than he thought I was.....and....after I thought about it...he was right about what he said....he told me...that to try what I had tried...was just an easy way out....that those that die at there own hand, by there own foolishness....were the most weak of there kind..........all I was doing was trying to find the easy way out....
"I had thought....that if he wasnt PROUD of me for doing what I did.....that maybe he would be worried about me......and for once, show me that he cared about me just a little, but....he didnt....." I looked up at Yamcha's shocked face and smiled a humorless smile, "The crazy thing was....is that......I didnt think of Raditz as a brother.......or even a teacher.....I didnt know WHAT to think of him....sure....he showed me a sliver of kindness once in a great while....but afterwards....I always ended up in the same state.....on the floor of the training room, struggling to breath, or in the infermery, fighting to stay awake....even though all I really wanted was to close my eyes and never wake up.........."
I looked at him again....realizing how much I was opening up to him....I hadnt even told GOKU this much....
I looked down and pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around myself. "I'm sorry..." I whispered. a dry smile coming across my face. "I'm not used to people caring about me...." I chuckled lightly, "And when someone DOES actually care....I always end up spilling my entire life story to them....bad habit...I should learn to keep my memories to myself...they only cause more pain and worry to others......I guess I am weak like Raditz said...I mea-"
I stopped my rammbleing when I felt Yamcha's arms wrap around my shoulers. My breath caught in my throat as I looked up at him. I averted my eyes as soon as a tear slipped down my cheek, quickly wipping it away...I wasnt about to show any more weakness to him than I already had.
"Amay...?" Yamcha said in a soft tone, tilting my face up so that our eyes met. "Talk all you want....you've kept it bottled up long enough...........let it out.....cry if you need to.....forget your a saiyajin and forget all the things that you've been taught and CRY. I'm not going to think any less of you if you do.....if anything I'll think more of you.....you cant wear a tearless expression all you life....."
I swallowed and choked back a tiny sob. "Yamcha......" I whispered, my eyes welding with tears. I let out a sob and rested my head on his shoulder, crying.
At that moment......for the first time.....I didnt care about showing my feelings.....I didnt care that Vegeta could walk in and see Yamcha and I like this.....I didnt matter.....and for some reson....I really hoped that he wouldnt let me go...........
~End Chapter 3~
Aoi Jade: *snif* I actually teared up writting this.......
Zane: *hangs her a tissue* Is that angsty enough for you?
Aoi Jade: *nods* *blows nose*
Zane: Okay then.....please review....tell us what you thought....blah blah blah.....
Aoi Jade: *Wacks him over the head with Chichi's frying pan* Dont be so rude you baka, or else they wont wanna read the fic anymore!
Zane: *rubs head* Where did you get that thing anyway........?