Reflections of Candlelight
The hot water was just what he needed after a long day in the Calm Lands. Calm Lands. Ha, what an oxymoron. The steam rose off his body in vapors as the warmth of the water relaxed his tense muscles. But flying all the way back to Mi'Hen Highroad seemed a bit extreme just to get a good night rest. But what Yuna wanted, Yuna got and he was for sure not going to argue with that.
His glasses sat on the side table on top of his quickly folded clothes. His Masamune was not far behind. It was set up against the wall, it's bright colors gleaming in the candlelight. "I e y ui...no bo me no...re n mi ri..." His baritone voice broke the silence in the room. The hymn always could calm him down even when his anger seemed to win. Well, at least he had one thing in common with his old buddy, Jecht.
"Room service." A voice said dryly as they knocked. The room was dark and the water concealed his more private areas. And he did not feel like moving.
"Come in." He rested his head on the edge of the bathtub, his feet hanging off the edge of the too short bath. She moved silently except for the sound of her beads hitting her back. It reminded him of his young days when his mother would make him necklaces and other ornaments made of beads. He still had one that he wore on his coat. She carried a fresh set of towels in her hands.
"Here you go." She said as she set them down on top of his clothes. "Is this okay Sir Auron?"
"You didn't have to." He said as he closed his eyes. "...It's very thoughtful of you." He watched as she refolded his clothes "You're not my mother."
"And you're not our Father. Thank Yevon." She said smiling a little as she fluffed his pillows.
"Well, somebody needs to be." He huffed, thinking primarily of Tidus and Rikku. The two youngest guardians, excluding Yuna who was wise beyond her years, could be so peppy and optimistic, even when he could not. He respected and hated that quality they held so dear and near to their hearts. It grated his nerves more often than not.
"Considering that the majority of our parents are dead, I'll concede to your point." She said, her voice suddenly turning colder than a Blizzaga spell. "I'm sorry for being a nuisance, I'll be leaving now."
"No matter how angry you might be, don't ever let a woman leave your room upset." His late father's words echoed in his head as he cleared his throat. "Could you...light that last candle for me?" He asked awkwardly, suddenly aware of his own nakedness.
"Anything else you would like for me to do Sir Auron?" She asked, letting her cold sarcasm flow through his name where awe and respect was before. She grabbed the candle and handed it to him.
"What am I supposed to do with it?" He said, hoping that he didn't sound rude. He somehow knew his hope was futile. She chuckled, a deep sound that echoed in the otherwise quiet room.
"Hold it, and be still unless you want to light something else." She pulled up a chair beside the bath as her dangerously cute Onion Knight sat upright in her lap.
"You couldn't just be simple and use a match could you?" He grumbled, suddenly worried.
"Me? Simple? Never." She said, as a small orange ball formed around the wick. The color reflected in the water beads which stuck to his tanned body. The ball shrunk, until it was but a flame, putting his features in a spotlight. She suddenly found herself staring at the right side of his face, where a massive scar was. His socket, where his right eye had been, was closed forever.
"Staring is very impolite." He said turning his head away from her scrutinizing gaze. And this time he meant for it to sound rude.
"My apologies." She said cooly, leaning back in her chair. He didn't feel so confident any more. He reached for his glasses and didn't find anything there except his neatly refolded clothes.
"Let me." She balanced the silver frames on her pinky until he snatched the glasses from her hands. She scoffed and shook her head. "You mustn't be so grabby, Sir Auron. I would have given them to you."
He grunted. "Before or after you finished staring me down the way you would one of your flan fiends?"
"After, but of course. Isn't that what you want to hear?" She petted her Onion Knight as it softly giggled.
"I think it's time for you to go, Black Mage." He said the title with a bit of awe. He hadn't excelled with the Dark Arts in school, and every time she blasted a flan or element fiend with her magics, it never ceased to amaze him.
"My name is Lulu." She said with a pride that he had often faked. A feeling of indignance swelled within her, but she kept it at bay. She wasn't sure where this was going, but he had piqued her interest. And she would stay for now.
"Tell me something I don't know. Quick." His voice didn't dare to hide the tiredness and the water wasn't as warm as it had been. He needed to get to bed for another day of training was ahead of him. Not that he needed it.
"That you are an unsent. But I suspect you already knew that." She watched his face for his reaction and wasn't surprised when his face remained completely neutral. He rested his hands on his toned stomach. He seemed completely calm.
"....Have you told anyone?" He finally asked, as she played with her brightly colored companion.
"Why would I? I've known since Guadosalam. It was by some mystical aspect that it came to me." She smiled, a slow smile that reminded him of a child that is hiding a secret.
"Oh, is that so? And what might that be?" He asked, ever so slightly curious. She tapped one purple fingernail to her temple.
"I like to call it common sense." She smiled in triumph as he let himself sink further into the water. He opened his mouth to give her one of his smart aleck retorts, but he kept it shut.
For a long while, no one spoke. The reflection of the candlelight in the quickly cooling bath water enchanted Auron's attention for a while. It was a silence, but not an uncomfortable one. He did respect her. After all, she was like a female version of him. Her sarcasm, that was often directed at a certain blond blitzball player, often made him want to laugh at his expense of course. Instead, he kept his chuckles inside, to save for a more rainy day. He suspected that she wasn't that much different from him, as she usually did keep quiet except for when she needed to be a walking Encyclopedia of Spira for Tidus.
It was Lulu who finally broke the silence. A silence she assumed that was before a storm. "What's it like knowing that you should be in a pleasure filled paradise?" She wondered out loud, not accidently of course. Nothing was ever an accident with her.
"What's it like intruding on someone's personal business?" He said quietly, his deep voice not faltering. "I'm sorry Lulu, but I should get dressed. I think it's time for you to go."
She made no move to get up and he blinked as he realized what silent message she was sending him. He stared at her and she blinked once, but did not stir. "Is there a problem?" She asked smoothly, letting her eyes travel from his broad shoulders to his face.
He pondered his choices and the consequences. On one hand, she had a prior commitment to a certain redheaded blitzball fanatic. And he had never been with a woman. It had never concerned him. Those issues seemed trivial and petty at the most. On the other hand...
"Have you not wondered?" She asked softly, breaking his chain of thought. The Onion Knight stood up and jumped down from her lap scurrying off as fast as its little feet could carry him. Lulu cleared her throat and it suddenly fell inanimate.
He had wondered. More often when he was around Tidus's age, not as often more recently. He didn't know how to answer her. He just knew now wasn't the time to develop close connections with someone. "Are you not aware of my fate?'
"Yes." She answered simply. "Are you ready to get out of that tub?" She asked, handing him a fluffy towel.
"Not yet." He grumbled, still ignoring the inevitable. "Why do you play these games? Are they that entertaining?"
"What games?" She smiled innocently. If she wasn't intrigued then, she was now. Did he think she wanted...him?
"Don't play coy now. It is a waste of time." He said coldly. "Turn away." He commanded, and wondered if she would pay heed. Now, Lulu was not the kind to play games. But she would be lying to herself if she didn't think that watching Sir Auron get riled up wasn't fun. Oh yes, it was. And if it ended in...well, what she assumed it would end in...it couldn't hurt...could it?
She stood up and turned around obediently. Without a polite thank you, Auron stood up and grabbed a towel. He quickly dried off and tied the towel around his waist. He got out of the water and shook his head, sending chilled water droplets everywhere. Some hit Lulu and she turned around, "Really, is that necessary?" She griped, crossing her arms under her endowed chest.
"Are your constant cryptic sayings necessary?" He retorted dryly. She smiled and moved closer to him.
"Are yours?" She questioned, as he grimaced. Damn this woman, he thought. She was just as good at being a smart ass as him. And this annoyed him. About as much as that dress that she wore. Why must it be so revealing? Is there really a point to it? And not to mention it must be uncomfortable as hell. And now, more than ever, he wanted to help her out of that dress. He was just concerned after her comfort, that's all. He had noticed that they were slowly moving closer to each other, but that didn't matter now. It was too late. Things were going to happen as they were going to happen, and he would have to deal with the consequences.
"Lulu..." He said, placing a hand on her left arm. This was it. He was going to let somebody in. This was scarier than battling Yunalesca. Lulu looked up at him, wishing he'd take his damn glasses off so she can search his eyes for truth. This was getting serious, and now she wasn't so sure if she should partake is such activities with a fellow guardian.
"I think I should call it a night Sir Auron. Sleep well." She kissed him on the cheek, as if leaving her calling card. Her faithful companion jumped into her arms as she let herself out. She closed the door behind her as he sat down on his bed. He was so sure that....
"...That what? That she wanted you?" He had been fooled, and now he was angry. He did not take kindly to being seduced or fooled in any way, shape, or form. Especially a form as beautiful as hers. That'll teach him to believe that anybody could love him. Ahh well, love was a fickle thing anyway. They could make passionate love tonight, and then she could be laughing
it up with Wakka tomorrow. Not his idea of fun. He didn't need jealousy clouding his mind. He needed to focus on the pilgrimage and he had been. Until now. He laid down and fell asleep, vowing to re-devote himself to Yuna.
* * *
Lulu finished undoing the last of her braids. Her hair came down in long, chocolate waves. What had happened back there? Oh dear, now there was going to be this awkward feeling between the two. She didn't need that. He didn't need that. Hell, the group didn't need that. She had just gotten out of the bath herself, after attending to every one of the guardians, Auron last of course.
And now she found herself wondering the infamous question, "What if?" She said softly, looking at herself in the mirror. Her breasts were full and perky, her face was without its usual mask of makeup. She ran a finger down her face, and let travel down her neck. She found herself imagining that it was his finger that was making the soft circles around her collarbone that gave her goose bumps that raced up her spine.. She flushed, feeling guilty at having those feelings. She rested her face in her palms and thought defiantly...what was so wrong in having those feelings? She was a guardian, but by Yevon she was a woman too. Just like Auron was THE guardian. But he was also a man...a man who would have...Lulu shook her head. She must not dwell on these things. She let her mind wander however, and it danced around in the places of her mind that haven't been explored in the last year or so. Images of a soft bed. With her and..."Oh stop this foolishness right now! Just go talk to him." She said, standing up and tying her dark black robe. She did not notice that it was transparent, nor did she care. She walked out into the hall quiet as a mouse and headed towards his room.
* * *
"This must be a dream." Auron said huskily as Lulu walked into his ornate room. The stars in Bevelle shone as brightly as they did in Zanarkand. They party had ended hours before, celebrating Auron's 35th birthday. Braska and Jecht had thrown him an "Over the Hill" birthday in jest. Rikku and Tidus had been no shows, bless their hearts. But, here he was, with the most exotic looking woman walking towards him. And, Wakka...where was he?
Clad only in a lilac colored robe, she undid the elegant bun, letting the brown curls fall to her shoulders. He couldn't help but sigh as she slowly untied the robe, letting it fall to the lush carpet...
"Sir Auron, are you asleep?" She hated those Captain Obvious kind of questions, but she didn't know how else to address him at this present moment. How different he looked, when he wasn't awake. No frown, no creased brow...he was at peace for the moment. She wondered how long that would last. She slowly closed the door behind her so she so would not awake the others. She did not notice when her ever so loyal Onion Knight snuck in. She sat on the side of the bed he was closest to and said, "Sir Auron...please wake-" As fast as a mongoose, he sat up straight, his eye looking around. He did not notice that he had accidently pushed Lulu off the bed.
"Who's there?" He asked wearily, finally looking down. "You..." He said, disgusted as he put on his sunglasses. "What do you want?"
She was angry now. First he pushed her off the bed, and yes that was an accident, but now he was being an ass. And she did not take kindly to asses. "How dare you push me off the-"
"You sneak into my room in the middle of the night and expect me to be okay with that?" He asked dryly, crossing his arms.
"I came to talk to you about earlier." She said, standing up. "I don't think I handled the situation very well." She watched as he threw on his red kimono like coat. She assumed he didn't like to be bare chested in front of her.
He took a swig of his sake and cleared his throat as he sat down in the chair beside the comfortable bed. He did want to hear that she too wanted to..."Go on." He said softly, sipping a bit of sake every couple of minutes.
"We are both guardians of a wonderful girl." She started, not really sure where she was going with this. He nodded.
"Yes." He spread his legs out, in his usual style of sitting. This distracted an already frazzled Lulu, but she continued, "But we are both...adults."
"Does this have a point?" He asked sarcastically, secretly hoping it did. He noticed that she wasn't wearing any make up...and how absolutely beautiful she looked. Lulu stared at her hands.
"I know what's going to happen...when we finally do defeat Sin. You will be sent to the Farplane and...who knows what will happen to the rest of us. I don't want my last memory of you to be a bad one. Do you understand?"
He understood better than she thought he did. He wish he could just say something suave and romantic, but he'd just end up as a blundering fool...like last time. So all he said was, "Yes."
"I respect you and I assume you respect me. As a guardian I know that-" Lulu looked up to see him standing over her, he seemed even taller now. She didn't like this, so she stood up to meet his veiled eyes.
"Shut up." He said, setting his sake down on the bedside table. She gasped. How dare he?
"If you think that you can tell me to-" But the kiss that silenced her took away any vile thought she had against him at the moment. For all she could feel was his hand under her chin and her heart. She picked open his coat and threw it on the chair. She gasped as he kissed so softly on her neck, that if it wasn't for his warm breath on her skin, she wouldn't even notice the kisses.
All worries about Yuna, the pilgrimage, the final aeon...it disappeared as he lost his hands in her hair. She smelled of cloves and spices and other exotic things he had only heard about. Their hands fumbled around in the darkness as he sucked on her lower lip gently.
Lulu felt like a woman, a normal woman who was about to..what was she about to do? She couldn't remember. She didn't know what was going on, except she could now feel a cool gust hitting her lower back. What was she wearing that would allow a cool gust hit her back?
Oh, right nothing. Auron's breath seemed to stop as he realized this. "I-" He started huskily as Lulu hushed him with one manicured finger to his swollen lips.
"Don't." She continued to kiss him as she allowed her hands to explore parts of his body she had only...that cold gust again. Where was it coming from? This room had no windows. "Auron...do you feel that?"
"I feel everything and anything right now. Don't ask me to differ enate between the.." He mumbled, as their bodies pressed together. Lulu turned around and gasped. Her Onion Knight bowed as another Blizzard hit them. She glared at it and it fell inanimate once again. She turned back around and looked up at him.
"He..wants me to stop." She said, knowing that her friend rarely acted on its own, and this worried her. "He doesn't think it's a very good idea." Doubts suddenly overcame her and she backed up, worried.
Auron groaned. Did he have the worst luck of any male in Spira or what? Now the doll had it against him too. "Don't worry about it." He said, grabbing his Masamune as he went toward the adamant doll.
The doll suddenly awoke and ran to Lulu. "Auron! Are you crazy?!" She gasped as it ran up to Auron defiantly and poked him with his sword. Auron chuckled. Decapitating the doll, as fun as it sounded, would neither help the situation nor please Lulu.
"Hey you! He's not so bad, so you don't have to worry about me getting hurt." She realized what she said as soon as she said it.
Because as soon as Sin was defeated, he would be no more. He looked down at the doll and said, "I see." Lulu cleared her throat and the Onion Knight fell to the ground, still.
"Auron..." Lulu said, now noticing that she was nude. She grabbed her robe and slipped it on. "We..let our emotions get the best of us. It isn't like us."
Auron felt a very bitter taste in his mouth. He couldn't just say, okay, fine have a nice night. No, he had but a taste and he wanted more. Much more. And if he was about to go to the Farplane, well so be it. But he was damn sure going to enjoy what time he had left here. Lulu tied her robe and headed for his door.
"I'm sorry Auron. For everything." She said softly and opened the door, which Auron closed.
"No. You know that...I won't be here much longer. I don't want to spend the rest of my time here in Spira wondering what if we had...don't leave me here with only my imagination." He finished, whispering in her ear and she felt all resolve slip away as quietly as the solitary tear that ran down her porcelain cheek. So much life, wasted by Sin. For what?
She suddenly felt sad and excited all at the same time and it was then that she wondered what would happen if Wakka knew what she was doing right now. In spite of that, she allowed herself to be picked up and carried to his bed, her robe once again on the floor. She gasped as she realized that something was in her that hadn't been in her before. A fierce indignance of some sort. Her nails dug into his back as they had the whole of each other. Their lips could barely meet as a hot pleasure filled them up as full as a newly bought sake.
So, this is what the Farplane will be like. Auron pondered thoughtfully as he lowered his head and kissed his waking dream. He had been dead for a long time and as he took her to new heights of feeling, he knew that this was as 'alive' as he was going to get. Random thoughts of times he had found himself automatically standing near Lulu, or when they rode together on the Al Bhed machina to the Macalania Temple...it all seemed so long ago.
Lulu gasped as she realized that she was indeed breaking Yevon tradition. But as her body meshed with his and her legs wrapped around his waist, she knew that it didn't matter. Where did a religion who contradicted itself have a place in Spira? It didn't, and somehow she knew that the very fact of this was what made Auron so cold and cynical. She remembered Tidus suggesting that her and Wakka should become an item. She had been shocked and his reply was, "Why not? You guys get along great!" When Lulu had answered, "It takes a lot more than getting along, a lot more." Tidus had been confused. But Lulu was not. And now she knew that the passion..the pure lust and respect...that is what one needed to form a relationship. He would be gone after the fall of Sin, however, and sadness overcame her. She had to bite her lip from crying out loud as she did not want to ruin the moment. Her hands were raised above her head as kisses rained down her neck and collarbone. His ponytail that had always been hidden had come down and she ran her fingers through the once jet black hair.
The infamous Onion Knight watched quietly as one pale hand ran down the guardian's tanned back. It felt bad because it knew what was going to happen to the man its mistress had fallen for. It didn't want its mistress to cry when the time came. There was nothing it could do
now, however. It would tend to its mistress as soon as she was finished with the famous warrior. Until then, it would wait patiently.
Lulu's mind raced. What was happening? Was it supposed to feel this good? She heard it was supposed to hurt. What did Rikku know about grown up things anyway? She probably heard her Al Bhed friends talking about it. She was beginning to see multicolored dots and stars and she knew that this out of body experience was coming to an end. She didn't know how she felt about this man, but she knew it was a mixture of lust and...love? No, she didn't love him...love was more of a brother and sister type thing. And he definitely wasn't her brother. She thought, in between shallow breaths as he sucked on her neck.
You shouldn't have allowed yourself to engage in such trivial matters, his mind chided. He shook his head as her legs started to tremble. His lower stomach was infested with butterflies and a growing heat that was ready to come to a head. Are you listening fool? It will only complicate things! What did it matter? He would be gone from this world soon, anyway. Fine, you deal with the consequences on your own time. He was scared. He was ready. And Yevon prepare.
The room suddenly seem to implode on itself. All rational thought was lost as she arched her back, opening her mouth to release some of the intense pleasure. He covered her mouth with his own in fear of waking anybody. His body shuddered as hers relaxed and even with one good eye he could tell that the room was spinning around. He kissed her as trembles still shook her body. "Thank you." He said, and he knew this sounded awkward, but he was so grateful. She was able to show him what it felt to be alive again. How can you repay that? He untangled their bodies and laid down beside her. How convenient of you to engage in your primal lusts days before you... As if to mirror his thoughts, Lulu laid her head down on his chest.
"Auron...what just happened?" She knew, of course she knew, but she wanted to hear it from his own mouth. He put on his sunglasses and let out a deep breath.
"I'm sorry. You were right...this wasn't like me. I hope you don't think I'm some..crazed sex fiend." He cleared his throat and offered her a drink. "I hope you feel special, I don't just let anyone take a sip of my sake."
"What are you sorry for?" She asked, taking a swig of the sake. It burned her throat going down, but she'll be damned if she was going to let Auron see her bothered by it. She cleared her throat and admired his body. For a man dead ten years, he looked pretty damn good.
"I shouldn't have let myself do this. My apologies." He cleared his throat, hoping to stifle the guilty feelings inside.
"You have done nothing to apologize for." She said quietly, and she had a feeling that no matter what she said, he wouldn't change his mind. He shook his head and stood up, stretching.
"I think otherwise, Lulu. We are guardians, not immature teenagers on a vacation!" He cursed himself for raising his voice as he threw on his coat.
"Are you calling me immature?" She asked calmly, although her garnet colored eyes flared. She watched as he pulled his hair back into its usual ponytail.
"Did I say that?" He retorted coldly. She sat up in bed and pulled the sheet around her naked body. Anger coursed through her veins. She had given something so precious to this man, and here he was, acting like it was a bad thing. That it was a crime.
"You don't have to say anything. I'm leaving." She said as she stood up. She had hoped that they could cuddle like lovers until the morn, but she now knew that it wasn't going to happen. She put on her robe and tied it.
There could not be any hard feelings between the two. They had to travel together for a while longer and he did not need any distrust. "Lulu!" He said and she stopped, but did not face him.
"What?" She asked cooly, as her Onion Knight stood in front of her. It knew she was already hurt, more than she'd care to admit. It readied itself for anything.
"I'm sorry. Please excuse me. I don't usually think before I speak." He admitted grudgingly as she turned around.
"Nor do you think before you act. Which can be a bad thing, but that wasn't the case here." She said, moving closer to him.
He wanted to believe her. What about Wakka? He was constantly following her around like a lost puppy. "I'm no fool. What about Wakka? Do you not see the way he looks at you?" He asked curiously.
"I care about Wakka the same way I care for Tidus. Is that clear enough for you?" She sat down on the edge of the bed.
"I see. He is in love with you." He scratched his chin thoughtfully. "I did not foresee us..doing what we did." Lulu chuckled.
"I've known about you since I was but a little girl. About how you were the greatest guardian that ever lived. Anybody that was somebody knew who you were. When I met you, I was in awe of your power. When I saw you...I was in awe of how handsome you were." She slowly smiled.
Suddenly glad that he was in the dark, he flushed, sending heat waves all over his body. "Do you truly think so?" He asked, feeling like a dumb blitzball player. But he wanted to hear her say it again, what's so wrong with that?
"Indeed." She crossed her legs at her ankle and nodded. "You're very attractive and I took note of that. Does this surprise you?"
Not a lot of things shocked him, but this was an exception. "Yes, it does. I don't consider myself handsome or suave." He smiled, something that was an odd occurrence for him.
"I didn't say you were suave." She smiled as he frowned. He sat down beside her and sighed.
"We should get some rest." He said, lying down. "Maybe you should sleep in your own room. I wouldn't want Wakka getting the wrong impression." He thought that last part out loud.
She stood up and said, "Very well. Get some rest Sir Auron." She headed for the door and quietly opened it. He followed her and gently grabbed her wrist.
"Thank you." He said, kissing her forehead. "Go rest, we'll...I'll need you at your full strength tomorrow." She smiled and nodded as she closed the door behind her. A knock on his door startled him and he opened it hoping it was her.
"You didn't tell me how beautiful I was." She said, feigning anger. He cleared his throat.
"Well, I guess I'm just going to have to show you. You people never believe me anyway." He said, pulling her into the darkness. He sighed as they found the bed. A guardian's work is never done.